Rebel Without a Cause

"But are we not alike in the sense that we are both fighting for our freedom?" She asked. "You may not physically fight but you do with your words and actions." She shrugged. She had always been taught growing up at her father's knee as minister that it was always a good thing to have someone who might not be perceived as a good person to have your back. She had wondered if that was why they allowed Godric to do the things he had done.

"Those who have been in my inner circle haven't quite been..." she paused for a minute and put her finger to her lip. "What's the word...clean? Is that the correct use? Sorry it's been awhile since I've spoken English and you know it isn't my native language."

She never lost eye contact with him. Almost as if she was challenged to a staring contest . A very dangerous one at that.

Felix stared her down as she spoke. Slowly nodding he slowly moved to the wall and leaned against it, seemingly without the strength to keep standing upright, he let himself slide to the ground, bringing his knees to his chest he wrapped his arms around them for a moment. "Yeah.. it can be used like that... So what you're saying is.. you'd like to have a friend who's got the know-how of the inner workings of the bad people in Britain?" He asked with a small smile.

"Sadly I'm not the best at that anymore... I've lost touch with a lot of old friends. I used to be friends with Death Eaters.. I used to be accepted as a Death Eater.. I've even got the mark to prove it." He said, pulling up his sleeve to reveal the Dark Mark on his forearm, before letting it fall back down again. "I feel it burn when they have meetings, but they have forgotten I exist, don't bother to track me down anymore." He said with a small smile.

"I've lost touch with others though.. not even sure about people anymore..." He sighed and looked up at her sadly, before shaking his head. "I'm not use to you..."

Christy sat down cross legged beside him. "That's not what I want from you." She replied sighing. She could tell he was an emotional wreck. She took in a deep breath and sighed. He was proving to be very difficult. It had been a while since she had dealt with anyone this...this..broken. Her father had always told her that the broken made th Le best followers. Look at how well it worked for Voldemort.

"I need someone around who I can trust." She said looking at him as she put a hand on his shoulder. "Nothing more and as you and I have shared our respective histories...at least pieces of them I feel like you are someone I can trust." Her words flowed out of her mouth with sincerity but even she didn't know if she fully meant them. He would actually have to earn her trust. Knowing he could have killed or tortured her at any moment this evening and didn't had earned major points in her view.

"There are too many people good or bad that are out for one thing. You're evil because you've been hurt. I'm here because I like you have been hurt on some level. Understand?"

Felix stared at her as she sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He watched her, waiting for her to jump up and yell 'Gotcha' and let a bunch of aurors sweep in and cart him off to Azkaban. Instead he was greeted with a sincere tone and a soft voice, a voice that said she wanted to trust him. He couldn't trust her, never in a million years, but if she wanted to trust him, she could.

"I have no reason to betray your trust, it would bring nothing in for me on my end, and you seem decent enough of a person that I don't think you're going to turn me in.." He said eventually, looking away from her again and watching the same group of drunks who had passed them earlier stumble across the road, laughing and yelling and cat-calling anyone who was even relatively near them.

"Have you ever killed someone?" he asked after a moment of silence, slowly turning his view towards her. "Like, cold-blooded killed them? Just... without any reason to? I think that's the one thing I haven't done.. is killed without reason. The people I've killed were either after me, or I had a reason.. that's my best defense... it's a pretty shitty defense.. but it's what I've got." He wrapped his arms around his head and rested his forehead on his knees, curling himself into a ball as though he were trying to hide from the world.

Christy had to think about it. She had tortured the people her then fiance had kidnapped because of what they were. It had been almost as if she had been under a spell to see that those beings were the most evil things on the face of the planet and needed to be erased...but killed? "No." she answered. "Quite honestly, when I was in that cult I was the only one who wasn't urged to kill. Cold blooded torture on the other hand..." she broke off. It wasn't something that she was terribly fond of remembering.

"Godric wanted me to retain that innocence." she went on to say. There was something about you that changed when you murdered, for vengeance or otherwise. You were never quite the same afterwards. "He said that was the only thing he required to protect me from was myself and the harm I could do if I was allowed. And you know what...I believed him? Of all people I believed the snake in sheep's clothing." She laughed a little at this.

She had really felt like the fool, "I'm going to go out on a limb and say you don't trust me...Do you?" she asked curiously. "Its alright if you don't. I don't completely trust you either despite you saying you won't betray it."

"Killing is strange.." He said slowly, staring at the fingernails on his right hand. "Torture... you hear them scream, and they are even more alive then before.. They are in pain.. their nerves are on fire.. you feel the heat coming off of them in anger and sadness and pain." He said slowly, his voice lowering and his face darkening. "But killing.." He stopped for a moment and ran his hand over his leg, all the way down to his toes where there were holes in his shoes.

"They stop moving... completely, if you're lucky you see the light drain out of their eyes... it's a strange thing, you'd think it's not so literal, but something disappears when someone dies.." He said shaking his head. "Their breathing stops, and it's not immediately after the breathing stops, no.. it takes a little bit.. their heart has stopped, but they still cling, and then slowly.. they just stop.. They are gone, and the look is something you never forget."

He finally looked over to her, frowning. "Don't ever kill anyone.. this Godric guy was right.. you should never lose that innocence.. it's the worst feeling, and it changes you, it corrupts you. It makes you someone like me.. who eventually is broken so badly they cannot even accept a helping hand without waiting for the knife in the other."

She knew what he was talking about. The spirit leaving the body. She had the pleasure of watching that happen with her father. The joy of her mother walking in as the werewolf was leaving. She had known immediately and hurried home and managed to get there in time to watch his spirit leave his body. Tears rolled down her face quietly as she remembered. She was soft-hearted from it. Then again...growing up she was quite literally daddy's little princess who got everything she ever wanted within reason.

She looked over at him wiping the tears from her eyes, "Godric was my cousin." she went on to say. She didn't know why she was revealing these things to him, "He was more like my twin than anything else. He and I were pretty sure we shared the same father. He was never faithful to my mother."

"He told me the greatest gift he could ever give me was by showing me what someone who was truly evil was and keeping as much of my innocent as possible. Guess he didn't to too good of a job huh?"

"You cannot witness evil and stay innocent.." He said after a moment of silence, bringing his hand back up his leg to rest on his knee, letting his head fall back against the wall behind him. "My father was a drunk who enjoyed killing muggles for fun... when he didn't have a muggle to take his anger out on, he took it out on me and my mother... My younger sister was the only one spared from his wrath, and that's because we made sure she was far away when he got into his moods."

Felix didn't know why he was talking, in fact he felt like something horrible was being pulled out of him. Like grey smoke, that hung around in his lungs was finally being allowed to escape his body. "He was the careful type.. the type who only hit in places no one saw... the last time he was around, he didn't.. it was like he knew he would be caught.. gave me this." Felix looked towards her and touched his eyes, where a small scar crossed over it, barely noticeable, but still there.

"My eye was slightly lazy for most of my life until I fixed it with magic a few years back. Got tired of looking like a dumbass with no intellect.." He smirked and let his hand fall back down to his knees, looking back up at the sky. "He taught me that no matter how cruel life is.. there are people you must hate, and people you must protect.." Felix winced slightly as a weird stabbing pain ran across his chest, but he ignored it.

"He also taught me not to trust family.."

She watched him curiously as he spoke. She took in a deep breath and let it out. She knew she had been keeping in things that she shouldn't and as it was obvious, Felix was as well. She nodded silently as he spoke.

"He never said I would stay completely innocent." she replied. "He just wanted to make sure I didn't lose that innocence in my soul. Said that only one of us needed to be that evil." Her hand nervously went to his face.

"That doesn't look like it felt too great." she said barely touching the scar. Had she not have been shown the scar she would have never seen it. She could hear more of the drunks going bar hopping shouting lewd obscenities towards them.

She noticed him wince at some sort of pain. "Are you alright?" she asked genuinely concerned. "If you want we can continue our conversation somewhere other than on the ground."

Felix half swatted her hand away when she asked if he was alright. "I'm fine.. just.. random pains, felt them for two years, it'll go away in a bit." He said and suddenly pushed himself off the ground. "You wouldn't happen to know a place I could get food.. I've not eaten in a couple days..." He said, suddenly trying to appear normal as he held out a hand to help her up.

He winced slightly again as the pain cut through his torso and down to his legs, making his knees weak momentarily before he stood up again, smiling at her. "I could really go for a sandwich or something... we could er.. continue our conversation if you'd like.. just could really use something inside of me... Hyde ran off somewhere, not sure where he went, he can get his own food normally so I don't worry about him too much, he comes back.. he's the last thing I've got in this wretched world."

Felix seemed to be speaking more to himself then to her, but quite suddenly he turned his gaze back to her with a smile. "Come on then, I might drop dead soon if I'm not careful."