Sand and Snow

Steven sat reading after his walk around the perimiter of the rancth he wondered what Cassidy was doing up stairs he'd hoped she would have calmbed down by now but he giessed not Cara chansed a rabbit on the lawn and he cuckled seeing the pups try and f ollow behind her making yipping noises and pouncing on each in play he smiled seeing a black wolf watching from the edge of forest knowing he was their father he watched it walk over and nuzzel Cara the pups hid behind her back paw but on the female of the litter walked up to him and sniffed yipping as she realized first it was there father .

Cassidy smiled "you think " she said and smiled "I will I'll ask him right now " she said and stood as she did she hugged both of them "thank you , ow did I brake a rule hugging the minister?" she asked looking worried at them both.

"You didn't break any rules," Khaat said. "This isn't our workplace. Its our home. And even if it werent', I don't know that I"ve ever seen any rules or bylaws that say the Minister is prohibited from giving or receiving hugs. Relax.

"But the banana bread did sound good. I haven't had that since I was a kid. Mom used to make that a lot in the summer, but we just stopped making it for some reason...." Khaat said.

"That was because you and Brian kept eating the bananas," Robert laughed. "Your mother started making apple bread. We had a lot more apples than we did bananas, if you recall. I agree, Cassidy. Banana bread hasn't seen our house since Khaat and Brian were about 10."

Cassidy stood thinking did she had the recipe for the banana and wall nut loaf in her mind some where and she smiled she did " then I'll make it "no eating my banana's "she said looking at Khaat with a smile . Quickly she headed down to the kitchen where she found Angus.

"Mind if I cooked ?" she said but looked sheepish at him "erm could you help I haven't cooked before but know a recipe for banana walnut loaf i want to make" her eyes looked around the kitchen at all the equipment and she sighed "looks like I got a lot to learn" she said and moved to wash her hands in the sink .

" Ingredients, 100g softened butter , plus a little extra for greasing, 140g caster sugar, 1 beaten egg, 225g plain flour, 2 tsp baking powder, 4 very ripe bananas, 85g chopped walnuts and 50ml milk" she said to her self as she dried her hands "I remember recipes but never learned how to cook my self.

"Suit yourself," Angus said. "You'll find everything you need in the pantry." He pointed to the large walk in pantry. "Baking pans are in the lower cabinet right next to the oven. Bowls are in the center cabinet, and whisks and spoons and whatnot are in the drawer right beneath the bowls. If you can't find something just ask. I'm working on putting on some braised short ribs with a red wine sauce to slow cook for dinner tonight. The butcher had some excellent short ribs. They're so lean that by the time they cook there won't be one ounce of fat on them. That's the way Khaat and Brian like their meat. They like it extremely lean. And I'll pan roast some root vegetables to go with the short ribs.

"I haven't got a bloody clue about lunch yet," he confessed. "My energy has gone into dinner since it needs to cook so many hours. I'm thinking I might just send to Lizzie for some Asian Chicken salads. What do you think? I'll have her substitute fresh baby spinach for the lettuce. It'll be good extra nutrition for Khaat and the rest of us."

Cassidy looked around clueless to where he was mentioning she opened one cupboard and smiled she had found the baking pans but as she pulled one out the all came out and clattered to the floor one hit her ankle and she cursed looking at Angus her cheeks flushed "sorry " she knelt down and picked them all back up putting them back in the cupboard the one she wanted she placed on the counter over her.

With every in the cupboard she looked at the ingredients and sighed for a moment she stood completely lost but at at Angus she became determined.

"I can do this " she said softly to her self " ok, Heat oven to 180C/160C fan/gas 4. Grease a 2lb loaf tin with some butter and line the base with baking parchment, then grease . In a large bowl, mix together the butter, sugar and egg, then slowly mix in flour and baking powder. Peel, then mash the bananas. Now mix everything together, including the nuts. Pour mixture into the tin and bake for 1 hr, or until a skewer comes out clean. Allow the cake to cool on a wire rack before removing from the loaf tin. Serve in thick slices topped with vanilla ice cream and drizzled with a little Easy chocolate sauce" she followed all the instructions she remembered

"Cassidy," Angus sighed, pausing to refill his coffee mug. "Can I ask you something?" He just naturally refilled her cup as common courtesy. "Why are you so hard on yourself? You're anxious about everything. You don't have to prove anything to anybody. Nothing. Just be yourself. Did you just listen to yourself? I know how to make things from scratch, but I sure as heck don't remember them like they were written in a recipe book. Level with me. What is it about the Lupins that you don't think you can measure up to? Why do they intimidate you so much just by being themselves? Tell me the truth."

Cassidy stopped wiping down the counter as she heard him talk and turned to face him , her mouth opened to talk but nothing came out . She took a deep breath before she actually managed to talk remembering what Khaat said to be herself "because I see in them what I never had in my life , My father was a drunk and my mother didn't care about me I see them and ....I guess it scares me to realize what a shit life I had " she turned around again .

"And somehow you believe that life as Lupin is ideal?" he frowned. "I really figured you'd have gotten your eyes full of what it was like behind all the legend with all the time you've spent with Khaat. It isn't all that. You might have had a shit childhood, but that doesn't mean you need to have a shit life. You really don't have a bloody clue, do you?

"Look, you want to know about Robert? Robert is a kind, gentle man who has had to learn to act--to pretend to be a powerful, hard sonofab**** in order to protect himself and his family. He also has a temper. And the two people he cares more about than his own life are his wife and his daughter. And, yes, he would kill to protect them, and he has. And he'll do so again if he has to--without hesitation.

"Kate? She is a strong woman. Artistic, a homemaker, an animal lover. A woman with a huge heart. And she can be an amazing defender if she needs to be. She can handle a wand and do whatever it takes. They both feel massive amounts of guilt that they were not closer to Khaat when she was a child. They allowed Remus to parent her to the exlusion of anyone else in her life, so much so that when Remus died, Khaat's grief damned near killed her. She survived by the skin of her teeth. Khaat was 16 before she and her parents really got to know each other even though they lived in the same bloody house. From the time she was 8 til the time she was 16, the only two people that, really, she spent much of any time with were Brian and Remus. After that, she had to rebuild her life from the ground floor up.

"Less than a year ago, her husband left her on the night she almost died delivering her child. He couldn't man up, and he walked out and left Khaat and their baby destitute. Brian kept her alive that night and helped her rebuild her life from the ground up--again.

"And you know what? She takes one hell of a lot of crap because everything she does is measured by the bigger than life legacy that Remus left behind. That was not anything he ever wanted for her. Not ever. But its just the way things are. I'd advise you to stop locking yourself into that mindset that you're all alone and start to get used to having a family. Otherwise you're going to short yourself of being able to enjoy being with some really great people who know what its like to go through a lot of crap and survive. You just might find that its worth the risk."

Cassidy stood with her arms folded listening as she had turned to listen to him " Don't you think I know all that , I helped save her from barker when we first met, and I'm not that out of social circles that I don't hear what has gone on and going on " she stepped forward to face him "and for r information its not being part of a family that scares me .o.." she bent down to check the loaf even though it didn't kneed it. " its losing them that does " she hung her head seeing the loaf nicely cooking. She felt something inside her change she could not stop herself crying she wiped it away

"Well, obviously," he said, returning her icy tone. "Lose the sarcasm, Cassidy. I don't need it, and I don't like it. I'm not your enemy. But you're so afraid of losing them that you won't even let yourself give yourself or them a fair chance. And just so you know, Roert has more patience for someone trying to make up their minds if they want to be part of the Lupin family than Khaat does. Sometimes he's easier to work for than she is. Its just the way it is."

He flicked his wand at the large stoneware bowl of root vegetables on the counter. "Clean and peel!" he commanded them. A knife began working a breakneck speed to get the vegetables clean. He got out a large roasting pan, some olive oil, some sea salt and some fresh herbs. He began to chop the fresh herbs himself, by hand.

"You know what? You and Khaat are going to bump heads real soon here. You're afraid of losing a family you haven't even bonded to completely yet. And she's afraid that judging by how fragile you've been the last couple of days, you're going to go the way all the other women who have worked for her have gone. And it frightens her and makes her feel responsible for your safety, rather than trusting that you are tough enough to handle it. She's feeling more like she needs to guard you--not the other way around. Is that what you want?"