Sand and Snow

Cassidy looked at him listening to his words she realized he was right she'd gone soft "she doesn't have to worry about my safety, I am not soft and won't crack like Ronata did " she wasn't being sarcastic nor was she angry in fact she found herself relaxing a little "as for the head butt thing..." she rubbed the back of her head "we already did , don't worry I apologised it was my fault. " she watched the veg prep them selves but just stood smiling "she told me I needed to make friends before anything else would find me , I think i need to pull myself together first"

"She might be right," Angus said. "I certainly wouldn't get all worried about not finding the love of your life for as short as you've been here, if that's whats on your mind. And nobody here sees you as less of a woman if you're not on the arm of a man. Actually, most of us here just don't have room for it in our lives. You do realize, don't you, that Khaat and Brian were purely platonic until the end of the summer? It never even entered their minds. I surely have never had time or the energy for love or romance. Neither has Khaat's godfather, Michael Tremaine, and I'd trust Michael with my life. It does not make you less of anything without a romantic partner. And it doesnt' mean there is anythign wrong with you. Cassidy, what would happen if you just let yourself enjoy your life? When you start to feel like you are complete and whole as an individual, then you'll be feeling like you are more ready and able to be more efffective as a partner to someone else."

Cassidy sat down at the table still looking at him "I didn't know that, I thought they had always been in love that way " she said then she smelt the loaf "ow the loaf " she said and dove to the oven and took it out it was darker than brown "ah ..well I'm guessing its a little over done " she smiled as she placed it down tipping it or trying but it would not budge . She stepped back and looked at him , taking a dull knife she ran it around the inside of the loaf tin and it popped out .

"Yeess!" she said grinning to him "that's the first thing I''ve cooked " she took a deep breath and faced him again this time leaning on the counter "so what your telling me is just be happy as me " she said "and just enjoy life

"Exactly," He said. "You miss a lot of the great things in life that are right in front of you while you're standing back wishing it could be more or different. My family taught me that the true joy in life is not in the big things--like the muggle's tendencies to buy big things like big cars and things. And, believe me, they're a lot more reliable on material things than we are. Its in the little tiny things that you really love--like for me, its that first cup of coffee in the morning, taking my fishing pole out on my boat and spending a sunny afternoon fishing, a lunch in a sidewalk cafe in my hometown in Tuscany with a newspaper and an icy cold beer. Its in the little pleasures that I do have, not in being disappointed in what I dont' have," he said.

Cassidy smiled hearing the things he liked and nodded " you mean like the taste of a fine wine at lunch or the smell of a loaf of bread that's freshly baked or sitting reading a good book in front of an open fire. " she chuckled and sat back in her chair realizing she had all she needed right where she was "or Like having friends who are wiling to listen. " she couldn't help but cut a slice of the loaf spreading butter over it she smiled "not bad " her mind was changed she would not look at what she didn't have but at what she did.

She looked at where his food was cooking and chuckled as she watched the food prep was done her stomach growled loudly even with the slice of loaf her hands immediately covering it "sorry I didn't eat much at dinner and the smell is making me hungry " she said then she saw her self in the oven door her hair up and plated " its time for me to change Angus" she said seeing her black pants and top " back to the real me "

"That's all anybody wants of you," Angus said. He cut himself a piece of the banana bread and tasted it, with a sip of his coffee. "You did a good job on this. Its good. You ought to help me in the kitchen more often. So tell me. What is the real Cassidy like anyway? Besides romance, what is it you really want out of life?

"I can tell you what I want at least for the moment. I want that sense of having purpose to my life. Real substance and value. My family lives in Tuscany, but Brian is a good employer. He's a first rate trainer and hebilitation man. And he's an even better friend. Right now, I'm just enjoying my life. And it doesn't hurt that Robert and Brian are generous employers.

"Personally, I like the house and the estate, I like the job, I love Khaat and her family--her beautiful babies and even those crazy cats that run after the babies. I like it all. I just want to enjoy it. But what is it that you want?"

Cassidy smiled as he complimented her cooking when he said she could help him more she beamed . she listened when he asked what she was really like she lent back on the counter and thought "huh, nobodies ever asked me that before." she said smiling to him. " I guess friends and a family , an apartment with two cats or maybe dogs, depends, I'd take them for walks ,but no hunting I don't like that , I'd paint on the balcony in the summer and in winter in front of an open fire ." she said "my place would be filed with delicious smells from cooking in the kitchen, and the walls would have book cases with lots of books " she looked at the small piece she had left in her hand and popped it into her mouth as she poured a glass of milk and drank .

"So, do it," He shrugged. "There are some really cute garden cottages in Hogsmeade. Khaat has one there, but Michael's renting it right now. Sounds like that might be more what you want than an apartment. If you get a couple dogs, they need room to run. And besides, there is something therapeutic about working with the soil, planting flowers, pulling out the weeds, all of that. Rent a place for awhile, or buy one of your own. Then you can fix it up as you like. Make it your own. Everyone needs someplace to call home. I have a little place in the fishing village in Tuscany where Khaat and Brian have their villa. I don't need much. But it has a center ccurtyard that I like to spend time in. That's what feels like home to me. But for right now, I'm needed here, and Brian has more than enough room for me to stay here with him and Khaat. And besides, I'm basically on duty around the clock anyway. Doesn't make sense for me to have another place. I need to be here." He looked down and saw Mo pawing at the freezer door.

"You mooch," he laughed. "Mo loves ice cubes." He opened the freezer door and got out a handful of ice cubes and put them in a little dish for the huge orange tabby and put the dish on the floor for him. "He mooches ice from me all the time. He's so weird." he laughed.

Cassidy nodded and smiled she liked the sound of the cottage in Hogsmead "yeah I haven't really had the opportunity to look, I got a lot of flyers but haven't seen anything " she accioed them into her hand "see some are ok, others na " she placed then on the counter and sighed "this one is in the right place with a good garden but says need renovating , I'll put that as a possible, but when would I get time to work on it I'm here all the time" Cassidy watched the cat scratch the fright door and chuckled "but cute " she said and stroked the cats head .

"You work a shift here. That's all. You and Steven work 8 hours a day. The rest of the time is yours. You have more off time than you're taking advantage of. There's nothing preventing you from going and looking for a place of your own. Do it. When you're not on duty, its up to Brian and me to handle for now. Well, and Robert and Kate will help, I'm sure. They step in when we need them. They always have.

" We did have a second shift when Jess and Jack worked, but, well, you know. Theyve not been up to that in awhile, and I'm not so sure that Khaat will allow Jess to ever work for her again. That would truly take some talking. As I said, she feels like Jess wasn't able to deal with being around her. Khaat won't risk damaging Jess again by being around her. I think she will always consider Jess her friend, but she clearly wants to stay away from her because of the harm she believes that it causes Jess just to be in the same airspace Khaat's in. Sad. They were best friends. I hate to see it disintegrate like that, but I just don't know if it can be repaired. Khaat's a true Gryffindor. She'll sacrifice herself for the sake of those she loves. And that's just what she's doing. She's setting Jess free of her. She believes she's too dangerous for anyone to be around her for very long.

"She doesn't talk about it, but I know her too well. I don't know if she'll ever really get done with her guilt enough to let Jess back into her life. I don't truly know what that would take. Stay strong around her Cassidy. Be yourself, but if you can't handle it, she'll pull away from you too. I think that's exactly what happened between the two of you yesterday. I think she didn't think you were up to it, and she didn't want to see you go the way of Ronata or Jess either one."