Shooting the French

“I do trust you Khaat, I love you, but I don’t trust Vincent. I don’t know what life you’re watching but you aren’t the type for keeping away from life or death situations. You like to be in the thick of it and you never seem to be able to get yourself out of it unscathed which we have proof of. I would just feel at ease if it was Jen there. At least that in the event that Majere’s so called promise of your safety being assured is broken, Jen can look after herself. I’m sure nothing too terrible will happen while she’s there. I know she’s not happy about it but nothing short of a few bribes will get her to do it. We can go to France and stay with Chris and David. I’m sure David will love some company and you can be Chris’ only model.” He paused and shook his head, chuckling slightly before speaking again. “Come on baby, just... run with me on this one. Besides, no one will notice I’m gone except Lizzie but Gibbs can take over for a while no doubt. Eli is a fair cook as well so he can always lend a hand. Just... please do this, Khaat.”

---meanwhile---

“I’m not doing this.” Jen hissed as Chris quickly began to sketch up some articles of clothing. “How am I supposed to act pregnant anyway? Do I just waddle around or something? Pregnant people waddle don’t they?”
“Why are you worrying?” Pete asked, running a hand through David’s dark hair. Somehow the tattoo artist had moved so he was lying asleep on the booth seats with his head in Pete’s lap. “You’ll pull this off.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about. It’s the clothes, the hair... the fact that she’s actually taller than me. I’ll fall over my feet and I’ll make mistakes and-”
“I thought you weren’t worried about that.” He laughed earning a scowl from her.
“The worse thing is that she’s completely unarmed half of the time.” Jen groaned and sat down next to Pierre. He wrapped an arm around her waist and hugged her.
“I’ll be okay. If Majere asks about Rob just tell him the truth.”
“That I’m really his sister in disguise?” Jen asked bitterly.

“No. You tell him that you’re both so very in love.”Chris said simply. “Even though he’s still a little bit do I don’t I in his mind, he does.”
“What?” Jen asked wryly.
“Isn’t it obvious? Look, it doesn’t matter. I have Khaat’s.... well your clothing more or less done. I’ll send my notes to Helen and she’ll get them all made. How’s that?”
“I can’t pull this off. Even if I do, do it perfectly he’ll be able to tell the difference.”
“No he won’t, Jen.” Chris said with an air of superiority. “If he does Obliviate him but I’ll see to it that he won’t. If he does it’s your fault, not mine.”
“Ass.” Jen muttered under her breath.

"I do NOT want you mucking up my friendship with Vincent," She told him fiercely, poking him gently in the chest, "You got that? I don't know how to explain this to him as it is when this is over if she gets caught. I've never lied to him. Ever. Just like I've never lied to you. You'd better not do anything to hurt him, or Robert Andrew Dent, I swear..." Her voice trailed off. She sighed in utter frustration. "You'd better get Jen to do this right if she's going to do this. I do NOT want this mucked up. " She knew she was not ever going to win on this. Ever. She actually had looked forward to someone paying attention to her for awhile. And then she caught herself in her thoughts. God, she really was turning into Narcissa. It made her even more angry--now at herself as well. "If I agree to keep my mouth shut on this for now, you do owe me, Rob. Really big time. I refuse to be a Malfoy for anybody. Not even you." She grabbed her father's suit jacket lapel to pull him down to be face to face with her so she could bore an angry stare into his eyes.

"And as for you! I expect you to know me better than this! You'd better make the best damned polyjuice you've ever made in your life. Don't you dare make a mess of my life," she hissed at him, furious.

She let go of him and went over to the counter. To hell with the wossy peppermint tea. She poured herself a large mug of French Roast. She needed her coffee to steady her nerves.

Robert looked at Rob, "I think that went rather well, don't you?"

Rob smirked. “As well as it could have possibly gone.” He laughed. He melted down into his dog form and shook himself, feeling the bones click into place. He trotted towards the booth, only to feel himself get plucked up off of the floor and pulled into a hug. Rob sighed and bit Chris’s arm, causing him to yelp and drop him to the floor. Rob landed on his feet and jumped into the booth. He settled himself down, putting his head on his paws, and watched Chris fret over Jen some more. He looked over at Pete and noted a change in him. He wasn’t sure what exactly but he couldn’t deny that he liked it.

“Okay Dorothy,” Chris said, taking a notepad out of the back pocket of his jeans. “Just tell me what sort of stuff you like to wear and then tell Jen how to act around Majere. We don’t want her to melt into a star struck teenager because she’s sooner slit her throat. So just run with it. Teach her how to walk and talk for the moment. She sort of sashays and although it is very sexy you don’t so we’re going to work from that. Rob you look so cute!” Chris walked over and scratched the Labrador between its ears, earning a glare from the dog.

“What one was first?” Jen asked wearily.
“Walk.” Pete spoke up as he continued to run his fingers through David’s mop of hair.

"Just don't sashay," Khaat said simply. "I can't do this unless I have a purpose. It'll feel staged. I'll be right back." She gave herself purpose. She went into the kitchen and had Lizzie make a platter of really good cheeseburgers for everyone, with a massive platter of loaded fries on the side, done up American style. After all, Americans did make the best burgers. In the meantime, she grabbed an apple out of the walk in fridge and walked back out. She was noticing her own walk was more smooth than Jen's. There was no sashay to it.

"Natural fabrics--always," she told Chris. "Preferably silk. Jewel tones, white, and black primarily. Heels. I love heels...."

"You're pregnant. I'm going to toast those damned heels, I swear," Robert said, finding that a sore spot between them. "Flats. Not heels, Chris. Elegant flats. Her heels are always very dainty styled, barely there, Jimmy Choo sorts of styles. That's her favorite shoemaker. That's why we're arguing. There is not enough structure around some of Choo's high heels to support a pregnant woman, no matter how graceful she might be.

"Jeans only on weekends or days off. Tan suede boots when the weather is cold. With jeans and a plain white cotton shirt, always well pressed, sleeves rolled up to 3/4. thin brown leather belt. I have a tan suede bomber's jacket that I wear when its a cold weekend. Jen, I always carry two wands. Mine and Remus's. Remus's is always tucked in my boot. Always. It's a little harder to disguise when the clothes arent as layers. Vincent knows that. Or at least he should, if he remembers correctly. I'll have to loan you Archangel. He knows I would never go to Hogwarts without him. "

"Chris--clothes need to be straight lines, not ostentatious. Tailored blouses--never ruffles--never ever. Muggle makeup, not glams. Nightwear at home is usually spaghetti strap silk gowns with matching robes. Jewelry is always, always yellow gold because of the necklace I wear. Usually just gold hoop earrings, unless its a dressy event. Oh, and the ankle bracelet Rob gave me at our wedding. Simple and elegant. That's basically it. What questions do you have?"

Jen sighed; she couldn’t believe she’d been hoodwinked into doing this. She was just worried that Vincent would find out in an instant. She didn’t want to embarrass herself in front of him. She didn’t know how she’d gotten involved, she was just sat there tinkering with a bomb and then in an instant she learns she has to pretend to be her sister-in-law who seemed to have no sense of style. Her whole wardrobe just seemed expensive and boring. There was no panache. Jimmy Choo’s were fine but the flats they did were awful. She didn’t know how she was going to survive if it was suede, flats and no extreme colours. She was playing a pregnant woman with no sense of style who on top of everything was gaining more of a stomach every day. Jen knew now why she never wanted to get pregnant.

She almost felt like bursting into tears and running to the mansion. She knew that Charlotte would come after Rob in a heartbeat and drag him back home by his ear but it wasn’t the mature way of dealing with it. She’d have to say goodbye to knives, guns and just rely on two wands that wouldn’t even work well for her. She’d have to see where she could hide her knives. She doubted, providing that Majere kept his word, that she’d ever need them. Jen sighed once more as Chris began to conjure random articles of clothing into the restaurant. She sighed as he whipped out his wand and began to take Khaat’s measurements by twirling it around her head.

“Alrighty, so we need to work with checkers and stripes. Keep the colours simple.” Jen was confused, she didn’t know who he was talking to until she saw the quick quotes quill. “Gold jewellery, we’ll stay away from the suede for now. We’ll change the hoops to studs and mix and match a little there. You’ll try something new; let’s pretend Rob is playing the doting husband. Keep the colours earthy, scratch the other one. Tailor all of the non-ruffled blouses and call in Sarah to mix up some cosmetics. We want it fairly natural, bring out the eyes and accentuate the lips some more. We need to draw attention away from the bump so fabrics that make the stomach still look flat. I’m thinking purples, blacks, yellows a little bit of brown thrown in, in places. Jen won’t be happy about the gold so we’ll get nice designs, animals, patterns and such. Star of David....” Chris frowned for a few moments before grinning. “We’ll tattoo it onto you Jen but maybe not in Khaat-mode. I’m thinking a charm bracelet perhaps handmade, stick one on there. Let’s keep to religions. Can we take the necklace off? Replace it with something else or some white gold just to keep her sated? Wait, maybe not. Already changing the earrings. Unless we keep the hoops.” He began to talk to the quill some more and Jen shook her head, once again wondering how she got in the mess she was in.

"The necklace is enchanted. It won't come off unless I'm beheaded," Khaat said. "It has to stay. I can't even take it off. Its permanent. That's why all the jewelry is gold. The only reason. If you can successfully match other shades of gold, like white and rose gold, I'm good with it. "

Lizzie brought out two massive platters stacked high with food. One held American classic bacon cheeseburgers with all the trimmings, and the other held fries, loaded with cheese. She put them on the table at the booth.

"No burgers for the dog," Khaat glared at the labrador. "If he wants a burger, he can be human enough to join us. No fries either They give dogs gas. Chris, would it be easier if you saw what I actually do have? You can come look in my closet if you like. "

She walked over to her father again. "This is never going to work, and you know it," she hissed in a whisper at him. "She doesn't even want to do this, and we both know that's half the battle of the whole thing. How much are you paying her to do this? Honestly?"

"Khaat," he reprimanded sternly, "She'll be fine. "

"The 'bump' is my daughter," she hissed back, objecting to feeling like they were dissing Abbey. And as a mother, she wasn't liable to put up with that.

"Remember, Vincent is a very powerful auror and a very powerful leglimens. Don't give yourself away to that," she told Jen. "He's a quick study in people, and with him first impressions are everything. He has a brilliant, strategic mind, and most of the time he doesn't have a lot of warmth towards anybody. It's just his way. He doesn't have any use for anything muggle whatsoever. He can be very ruthless when he's pushed to it. Do not ever make the mistake of underestimating him. And right now, he perceives he is vulnerable. He needs allies there, and he would expect me to side with him if push came to shove. And depending upon who we were up against, he might be right. What he seems to like about me is, first, I have never, ever lied to him. Second, I think he likes the verbal sparring we sometimes do. He does seem to respect that. And he will notice the slightest change in my normal appearance. He notices everything.'

She thought a moment. "You'll have to learn to drink French Roast coffee. Black, no cream, no sugar. Lots of it. You can dodge some of it because of Abbey, but don't ever choose tea over french roast when offered. Turn down just really bad coffee--period. You love walking and running, but running is becoming a bit more difficult now. Stress makes you have no appetite and makes you an insomniac. Both. You'll have to learn about Remus, unfortunately, and what made me love him. You'll have to be a devoted niece, daughter, and wife, and too much of a workaholic. You'll have to know that Rob and I have not been getting along, but that you're devoted no matter how angry you get at him." She glared at the dog. He was curled up in the booth, and she was the one who had been threatened with a bomb and made to do surgery on Emof.

"Khaat likes any sort of exercising," Robert said. "She likes to stay in shape. She is a loving mother to all those kids in her house, and she loves animals. If you really want to be Khaat, you need to think, walk, and carry yourself like a princess. She just has always been very sophisticated."

She looked at Chris, "Do you want to see what I do have and what my favorite pieces are? The ones he would know?"

“Oh sounds fun. Kind of dangerous almost.” Chris grinned as he started taking things down on a spare sheet of paper. “So we’re working with gold, keep with gold because women are creatures of habit and men notice.” The quick quotes quill took that bit down. He bounced over to the rack and began to sort through a few things, picking out dresses and shirts with no ruffles much to his chagrin. The quick quotes quill continued to scratch across the page, taking notes on what it thought as well but it paused when Khaat spoke about Vincent being supposedly powerful. Chris saw a dark look pass over Jen’s face and he noted Rob change back into his mother form. He pushed Jen down into the booth before she could open her mouth and put a burger in her hands, ignoring the face she made. He picked up a few chips and popped them in his mouth with a frown on his face.

Chris sighed and shook his head before turning back to the rail, letting the quill note down everything that Jen probably refused to listen to after the Leglimens crack. Chris knew that neither sibling was going to point out their obvious distaste for that comment; they knew how far they could push Khaat. He wondered idly if Jen was able to pull off a hormonal woman but he doubted that Khaat had any real violent mood swings. Chris took a wild guess and decided that Jen would have probably had the worse mood swings of all time. She was temperamental as it was and he’d never seen such a small person have such attitude. It was part of her charm though. Among other things. “Of course he’ll notice everything.” Chris heard Rob say scathingly. “He’s besotted with you.”
Chris heard Pete laugh. “Don’t use words you don’t know the meaning of, Rob.” He chided.

“You drink tar!” Chris heard Jen exclaim as he found a nice summer dress for his friend to wear. “You drink tar! The next thing you’ll be telling me is that I have to keep off of alcohol because of my so called imaginary child and I cannot smoke for the same damn reason. Rob I swear I will castrate you and stick your balls down your throat so you choke on them!”
Chris turned back around and shook his head at Jen. He picked up a chip and chucked it into his mouth. “Let’s not ruin everyone else’s fun, Jenifer. I’m sure Khaat quite likes them and any gay man who’s not blind and is sneaky enough to catch Rob in the shower will agree with her.”
“Pervert.” Rob muttered.

“This is going to take a lot of work.” Pete said from where he was sat. “Jen’s only source of exercise is when she hunts down vampires in the Far East and you last did that ... when, baby girl?”
“A couple of years ago but that’s enough for anyone to get healthy from. Look, I’m going to give this a go and if I fail then Rob is going to get a hell of a beating.”
“Naked, tied to a chair like in James Bond?” Chris asked eagerly. “You know the whole ‘Now the whole world’s gonna know you died scratching my balls.’”
“I am here you know.” Rob said, picking up a burger.
“Okay, so .... necklace that won’t come off unless beheading which although interesting would be a problem, don’t let Vincent know you’re really an incredibly sexy four foot nothing pixie that’ll do anything to get a bit of cash and something a little bit better, when you lie be specific, drink lots of tar, go running on occasion, don’t get stressed, sleep a little, know Remus inside out, kiss ass perfect daughter style and last but not least pretend you want to shag Rob sideways, upside down and everywhere and anywhere. My favourite would be on a round-a-bout.”
“Nice.” Jen shuddered. “Okay, I can do everything except the last one because that’s borderline incest for a number of reasons. Besides, things are awkward between them. It still is. Which means I can get away with not wanting to shag him sideways, upside down and everywhere and anywhere was well as on a sodding round-a-bout!”

"I do drink tar, and I like it, " Khaat replied calmly, refilling her cup. "It calms my nerves. The sign of a true coffee afficianado."

"You're a damned caffeine addict," Robert clarified bluntly. "Call it like it is, Khaat."

"You're right. And, by the way, I do like firewhiskey, but I can't drink more than a tiny sip of it on very rare occassions without harming Abbey. And I dont' like smoking. Never have. Stinky habit, actually. Besides, you're in a school. You won't be allowed there. Its all about setting a good example for the kiddies, you know. You can get by with walking instead of running, but I do always walk between 3 and 5 miles a day when I get a chance to walk, when I'm not pregnant. That's been cut to 1-3 miles now.. I doubt you can keep up with that on a daily basis, or you'll stove up and give yourself away. If you do, make sure you have really excellent sneakers.

"Oh, and for the record, if anybody is going to tie up Rob naked and beat him, it'll be me," she said. She took her bag and drew out both wands. She walked over and handed Jen one of them. "This one is mine. Pretty barebones, I know. I've been meaning to get a more stylish one. This one,..." she drew out a decidely more decorative, masculine wand, "is Remus's. I would never, ever let anything happen to his. I could replace mine. But I can't replace his. I'll try to find you a couple of duplicates.

"You'll have to borrow Archangel's duplicate of my necklace. We can enlarge it magically, but we need to make it so that you cannot take it off yourself. Remus had them both made by Nicolas Flamel before I was born. The stones are sister stones he created, and they are magical. The only one that ever had the power to remove my necklace was Remus. That's why I'm stuck with it now. The stone protects from werewolves. Remus never wanted to accidently change in front of me and harm me. When I was born, he figured he would never father a child, and I would be the closest thing to a daughter he would ever have. He planned most of his life around caring for me. He put the necklace on me within just a few minutes of my birth, and its been there ever since. We need to enchant the duplicate so you can't remove it. Otherwise, it won't be authentic. We will reverse it the moment you're out. I promise. We can't risk any chance that it could be blown on some little detail like that.

"And, as I said, Vincent notices everything. You might want to brush up on your healing skills. I know you won't be working as a healer, but you never know when you mght be called upon to heal someone. Jen--take this one piece of advice as seriously as a heart attack. If he finds out you are not me, he WILL kill you, with as much ruthlessness as he has, and that is a very ugly side of Vincent. That's a guarantee. You are very good at what you do. I'm not saying you're not. But he is decidedly more powerful than you are. Daddy is the only one that I know of who is has an even chance of matching him. Do not ever, ever underestimate that. To do that would be a fatal mistake. You'll be on your own and extremely outnumbered. He's filled the castle with death eaters. He has promised they will not harm me and that they would protect me. However, if he ever finds out you are not me, you are a dead woman." She did know that Jen was very, very good. She trusted in that. But she did want Jen to not underestimate that Vincent would outpower her. Out and out.

She wasn't surprised when her father yanked out several hairs from her head, and then she watched her father apparate out, presumable to formulate the polyjuice potion. Not many people knew he always kept the base for it on hand because it took so damned long to make. She knew he would tweek it now to what he wanted. "Let's see you not be Jen," Khaat told her. "Let's see you walk without sashaying for starters. Rob, can I trust you to help her get the walk right while I let Chris rifle through my closet and my drawers?" She looked at Rob, hoping to hell he knew what he was doing. "And you better have a very good reason for me to give him for explaining why I didn't run to him right now and rat you all out to him. Because he knows damned well I would. I would never do this to him, never allow it. My just keeping my mouth shut isn't ever going to be good enough. You come up with a reason I'm not able to tell him the truth. And then be prepared. He will come for you. All of you--with a vengence. You have no idea what you're stirring up here."

She knew Vincent liked to eliminate his enemies, and if he thought they were out to hunt him or hurt him, he would strike back, and hard. They were sticking their necks out unnecessarily, as far as she was concerned. She didn't like any of it. She hated it--far more than Jen hated it. "Let's go, Chris," she sighed heavily.

Jen shuddered. She wasn’t happy at all. She couldn’t smoke and she had to sip sodding Firewhisky. Goodbye wine. She saw Rob wince at the smoking comment. She smirked a little though. She could have said the same thing to that lodging artist she had. He was just as bad. Jen refused to comment though. She didn’t care. She’d have to pull this off somehow but how she didn’t know. She had to do all of these stupid things just to act like a Lupin that had somehow mussled her way into their family. Jen was past even questioning it anymore. It wasn’t as if she cared, it was Rob’s choice but she didn’t exactly want to be his wife in every shape or form for however long while he and his friends entertained her in France. “Yeah okay, got it.” Jen said tiredly. She was slightly insulted by Khaat questioning her abilities to heal but she didn’t comment on it; something that her brother seemed to notice. “We’ve got it covered, Khaat.” Pete said, transfiguring a napkin into a pillow to lay David’s head on.

He got up and ignored Jen’s glares. He draped an arm across her shoulders and grinned at Khaat. “Rob and I will go over why a heart attack is serious and inform her why Vincent will kill her if he finds out. Won’t he Jenny-wenny?” Pete pinched her cheek and she slapped his hand away, muttering something about Death Eaters. He rolled his eyes and looked at Chris who was busily taking notes and getting things down. Pete could tell that she wasn’t worried about facing Vincent on the outside but the knots in her shoulders told him different. She’d probably come out of it alive with a few bruises but he wouldn’t kill her. There wasn’t a chance in hell he’d get close enough to kill her. She could probably fend him off in some way or another but most of it would be survival tactics, jumping onto high structures and into trees. He knew nine-times out of ten when she wasn’t dominating the battle she’d go for keeping herself alive over the offense.

Pete pushed her and she walked forward in quite a normal manner, nothing special to it and it bored her. She yawned and walked over the table to steal Rob’s wine. He pouted and she sat down near David’s feet. She drank some more of the wine and gestured wildly with her hands. “Yes because the almighty Death Eater will try to kill little old me. Go, away with you. Let Chris complain about the fact that you spend far too much on clothes that shouldn’t be bought in the first place. The burning of expensive items begins. I am not doing this Rob. No way. Watch me walk out that door... off I go, the cloak billowing out behind me. Now....bye.” She waved with a drunken smile on her face and Rob bit back a laugh. He walked over to Pete and dropped his head onto the man’s shoulder. Everything was going exactly how they’d all thought.

“She’s pissed.” Pete said bluntly. Rob let out a bark of laughter and looked at Jen who was now looking through the clothes, scoffing after every dress or pair of jeans. “Absolutely out of her f*ucking tree.”
“I feel so sorry for the man she marries.” Rob snickered. “She’s drunk, disorderly and carrying two guns and four--- no six, knives.”
“I bet Charlotte’s in on it as well.”
“Bloody hope not. Wake Dave up, I want a new tattoo.” Rob said, pointing to the sleeping man.
“Why?” Pete asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Why not? I have the skin room.” He laughed.
“I might join you on that.” Pete said, walking over to wake the sleeping tattoo artist.

Khaat was tired of Jen's arrogance. She knew Jen was capable, but arrogance where Vincent was concerned would only get Jen killled. Well, she had warned her, hadn't she? And Rob still hadn't given her, really, good enough reason why she should go along with this in the first place. She resolved to quit talking to them at this point. Personally, she didn't like Rob's tatoos all that much, but he did, so she had never said anything. She wasn't excited having a walking tatoo for a partner. It wasn't that the art wasn't good. It was. But his tats masked his otherwise handsome and muscular physique. And she had really liked his skin just as it had been--a virtual showplace for his well toned form. Bare, clean skin was more exciting to her than tattoos.

She went over and refilled her cup again. She sat down at an empty booth not far from the coffee pot and sighed heavily. She kicked off the stupid shoes again, and curled up in the booth alone. Her feet hurt, and they were swelling. That just was perfect, she sighed heavily. This day had basically stunk. She didn't want Jen portraying her anymore than Jen wanted to do it. And she would not lie, ever, to Vincent. She didn't know how Rob intended on keeping her from just apparating home and blowing her whole little act. But it made perfect sense to her to do so. Let Rob and his crazy friends deal with whatever Vincent decided to dish out--and that included her father, who was just as bad as the rest of them right now. She was so angry she didn't know what to do with herself. She was feeling completely used.

Her father apparated back, with his large leather tote, Archangel on his shoulder. He went to Jen and handed her a large glass vial of indigo blue potion. And a smaller flask of it. "This should keep you." He handed her Archangel's necklace in his hand, enlarged to match Khaat's. And, he also had a wand in his hand. "This is Remus's first wand. I will loan it to you, but ideally, I'd like it back. It is identical to the wand Remus was using at the time of his death that Khaat carries now in almost every way. It should still serve you. Ollivander owes me a favor or four. I'll get him to either duplicate Khaat's wand, or I'll get her a new one, and you can take hers."

Archangel flew over to Khaat's shoulder. He nuzzled her gently, sensing her mood. She pet him softly, glad for his presence always. It would never work unless Archangel knew to respond to Jen the same way he responded to her. Rob was out of his bloody mind, and no one seemed to realize it.

She watched her father hand over quite a lot of stuff to Jen and then saw him make his way over to where she sat alone with Archangel. "You're still angry," he said. "You're right. I am," she said. "And I'm tired. This will never work unless she loses her arrogance, and she doesnt know how to do that."

"Relax. She'll get it. Give her a bit. Learning how to be another person takes time."

"Being sober would have helped her there," Khaat said.

"You are tired. You're being very critical tonight. That isn't generally like you. You want me to take you home?"

"No. I still remember the address. I might just go back to St. Mungos. I'm not much help here. And the more she drinks, the less we'll accomplish."