Shooting the French

Rob snorted but tried to cover it up with a fake sneeze. He was glad he didn’t have and healing ability because he didn’t want to end up a stuffy old healer. He’d sooner provoke Voldemort or a particularly angry Death Eater than end up helping people who didn’t deserve a nick of time. He’d probably actually be mauled by David if he ended up like that. David hated healers which was why he and Jen bickered so. But she hated Healers too so at least they had something to bond over. David’s problem was that she was a certified healer and Rob just got aggravated by the fact that she had all of these degrees and such but she was a mercenary. Sure, he was too at one point but he wasn’t nearly as intelligent as his sister.

“Ah yes, the French Races.” Rob echoed. “A place where people get drunk, get shot and have as much sex as humanly possible. It’s probably why the incubi and succubi aren’t allowed there.” He smirked and drank some more of his drink. “But then, why are the vampires allowed to attend such events if all they do is feed? Definitely not as interesting as the sex-addicts.”

He didn’t understand Robert. He was more badly-behaved around women and he generally, as long as they were attractive, didn’t care who they were. Whatever. Rob thought. He reached over and took an orange segment from Jen’s piece of fruit. He popped it in his mouth and washed it down with some of his drink. He pushed himself off of the fridge and walked back over to the table. He put the can down and reached down to look through the bag. He pulled out one of the spare belts and threaded it through the loops in his jeans and spotted a pair of leather trousers. He smirked, remembering Christophe’s obsession with leather and wondered if the kinky bastard was still a lover of fluffy handcuffs as well. It drove David insane, especially when he discovered the latex suits that Rob and Chris had smuggled into the apartment.

Jen raised an eyebrow at Robert. She doubted highly that the stuff healer before her was some sort of daredevil in the past. She didn’t know if the races were the blood bath that they had been when Rob had gone. He was a shot and a half that boy, he never seemed to miss them and even Jen had trouble hitting them when they were going at one-hundred-plus miles per hour. He was insane and even she was impressed at times. Hopefully shooting some annoying Frenchman and getting laid on her part would at least make him a bit happier. If seeing Pierre didn’t then she was giving up on everything.

“Sounds like you had a boring time then.” She remarked blandly. “The Races are much more fun now.” She grinned at her brother and shook her head. “As much fun as it would be with the incubi and succubi I prefer shooting at the vamps.” She shrugged and glared at her brother when he stole a bit of her orange. She took the last bit of skin off and took a few segments out. “Perhaps you should come with us then – seeing as you’re y’know, old and shit. You might as well get corrupted by the French while you still can. Isn’t that right Robbie? Pierre has got you wrapped around his finger hasn’t he?”

She saw her brother flinch and stiffen slightly but Jen managed to ignore it. Clearly that was a sore spot with him but she knew better than to say anything. She was just wondering whether Rob would want to get a few more tattoos while in Paris. He had quite a few now and Jen even wondered if she’d get one. Rob loved the ink to say the least and the French cigarettes .... well, the two of them would smoke them until their lungs exploded. Pierre would disapprove but he’d go and get a tattoo or two with Rob. He loved them just as much. David and Christophe would indulge in Jen. She couldn’t wait to see those two.

"I had considered dropping around there. A couple of my more mischievious friends will be there. If I go, we'll probably destroy something or another. We usually do. And you really can't go to the races unless you're willing to kill at least a few people. I wouldn't mind going along if it doesn't bother either of you, though I seriously doubt either of you could keep up with me anyway. Didn't they teach you in your healing courses, Jen, that wizards age slower and therefore dont slow down as quickly? Besides, brave as you both are, I doubt either of you would have the stomachs to go and do what we do. But that's your choice. So long as I come home with lots of cases of really good wine, and having done a little mayhem, I'm good."

Actually, Robert was not objecting to either Dent going into some of the deep places of the French wizarding underground, and he doubted Jen was squeemish about much of anything. Rob, he figured, was tougher than he let on. But Rob didn't generally want Robert around, so Robert did not plan of making a nuisance of himself if he did go. He knew how to keep his distance--as he clearly saw his daughter doing. Keeping her distance from Rob. He felt her confusion miles away, and he chose to leave it alone. Besides that, Robert always kept his anger deeply buried, and the french races were a good place where he could unleash all that violence and become as bloodthirsty as he liked. A side he never showed except to his very best mates. And he didn't plan on showing that to these "children" either. If he did, they would never trust him again.

What a load of bull Rob thought, snickering to himself. Yes sure, Robert was a particularly talented wizard but he wasn’t as great as he liked to pretend. Voldemort could reduce him to dust in seconds and Rob wouldn’t have necessarily minded that. He didn’t care if the guy wanted to come or not as long as he stayed out of his way. Jen, no doubt, would be irritated by the man. She hated being challenged and Rob did to but he rarely let some of the more self-destructive emotions come to the surface of his person. He wanted take the guy down a few notches but knew it was useless doing so. If nature got its way then hopefully Dragon Pox would end the reign of arrogance. Well, not arrogance just irritation.

He attached a few of the knives and guns to the belt but wasn’t going to put them everywhere like Jen seemed to do. She just enjoyed people unarming her when she was being seduced. She relished in it for some unfathomable reason. It was like an attempt at taking clothes off with just your mouth, incredibly interesting but disastrous if things went...well, wrong.

He reached for his coat and took his mobile from it, with a few taps he was calling Pierre and Rob stepped outside to speak with him. Rob took his cigarette’s out of his jeans and lit up. He took a drag and closed his eyes momentarily before they snapped open at the sound of Pierre’s voice.
“Why the hell haven’t you called me! I’ve been waiting for something -- anything -- for how long? AGES! Now you call? You’re a twat!”
“I love you too.” Rob mumbled with the cigarette between his lips as he put the stuff away in his pockets again.
“Yeah well, you better.” Pierre’s voice came again and Rob took the cigarette from his mouth. “Need a bed for the night?”
“You know it. Well, two actually unless Chris and David are going to share with Jen.” Rob said, running a hand through his hair.
“Are you stupid, of course they will?! Unless you want to share with them, of course. I’ll have Jenny.” Rob could hear the smirk in his voice.
“The hell you will, I always stay with you.” He smiled a little to himself and put his cigarette back in his mouth. He went to say something else but Pierre cut him off.
“Y-you don’t mind Melissa do you? I mean, we’re married so she’ll be living with me but she’ll go if you want...” He trailed off and Rob didn’t quite know what to say. Jen wasn’t lying it seemed. Pierre really did get married.
“N-no.” He closed his eyes and sighed. “Not at all. She’s your wife Pierre. Don’t get rid of her because of me. I’ll sleep on Chris’ sofa.”
“Rob? Listen to me, it’s not like that I’m just-”
“Just what? Look, make sure my bike is at the races, Jen and I are coming to stay for the next few days. Please tell Chris not to buy anything for the occasion okay?”

Rob hung up before Pierre had a chance to reply and tucked his phone into his pocket. He slipped down the wall onto the floor and sighed. He flicked his cigarette away and ran a hand through his hair. He had a few answers for Pierre. He knew the guy; Pierre would hound him for ages until he properly spoke to him. No, he didn’t like Melissa and yes he wanted rid of her but it wasn’t fair on his friend. Rob was always coming and going up until that year and it hurt Pierre every time he did. It wasn’t fair. He wasn’t fair.

Jen watched her brother walk out of the door and she sighed, knowing he was going for a cigarette. She wanted one too and would have lit up in the kitchen but no doubt Lizzie would have thrown something at her. All the same, Jen took a cigarette from the packet in her pocket and tucked it behind her ear. She put a few more segments in her mouth and listened to what Robert had to say. She was more worried about her brother though. She just hoped that he’d at least call Pierre and she hoped that idiotic Frenchman would have at least some sense to apologize to her brother. Both of them were at fault but... bah. Jen shook her head. She was being stupid. Both men were incredibly possessive and incredibly possessive of each other. Pierre’s friendship meant the world to Rob, just as much as Reg’s did to him back when they were kids. Perhaps Rob relied too much on Pierre as an emotional outlet though. He treated Pierre like shit and that was it. She hoped Christophe would beat him with something when they arrived.

“Come,” she smiled at Robert. “It’ll be fun.” Well, fun for me. she thought as her mutinous mind turned to Christophe and David.

Ah, there was Rob again. He was forever at the forefront of her own mind when he wasn’t even her problem anymore. She just wanted to see him happy. His heart and mind was always so fleeting, he never knew what he wanted to do. Jen suspected that he distanced himself from those around him – from those he loved – because he believed that it was all fleeting. She knew that he didn’t believe that there was happiness out there for him but that was his own self destruction. He probably believed that it was safer to forget than be a part of it all. She knew that if he didn’t get a move on and actually treat Khaat like a wife instead as some plaything then he’d lose his daughter and his wife. Sure, Jen didn’t get on with Khaat too well but she didn’t want to see her sister-in-law hurt. She didn’t care, if the twat wanted to be a twat then he could go and live with Christophe and David and be molested on a daily basis by Chris. Gibbs and her... they’d look after Khaat. Rob was a tosser who didn’t deserve any of the love people gave him. Not hers, not Khaat’s, not Abbey’s, not Chris’ obsessive love, not David’s and not Pierre’s- especially not Pierre’s.

"'Should be, yes," Robert grinned. Robert went over and opened the floor and shouted to Katherine, "Kate, throw my duffel through, would you?" A moment later, a very well travelled duffel seemed to toss itself through the floo at him. There was a howler that flew through with it. It flew open with a snap and shouted at him, "Robert, if you come home maimed like you did the last time, I am not patching you up! You WILL come home in one piece and without anyone chasing you. Do you understand me!" It shredded itself with a vengence and tossed itself into the fire. "Yes, Kate," he laughed. He looked back at Jen, "Well, she knows I made a change of plans now, anyway." He laughed out loud, truly amused by his wife's sense of humor, and looked at Lizzie who looked at this man who exuded so much power and who had a wife who wasn't impressed with a moment of it, so much so that she thought nothing of sending him a howler, even at his age.

Rob watched as the ash burned away and his cigarette stopped burning. He sighed and lit up another one. It had obviously been raining. The cobbles he was sitting on were wet and the gutters were full of the dirty water. Rob was just waiting for it to overflow and drench him. Hopefully France would be warm. If not he’d have to ask David for a hand because there was no way in hell he’d be dried off by Chris without some sort of lewd remark. David was just as bad but he wasn’t as feminine as Chris so it wasn’t as weird. Okay, it was still really wrong but Rob was used to it. It was only Chris that still caught him off guard after such a long time. Rob felt his phone vibrating and he took it out. Speak of the devil. Chris was calling him. Rob sighed and pushed it up. He put the phone to his ear and waited for Chris to speak.

“Robert Andrew Dent you twat! What did you say to Pierre? He’s in pieces, well not in pieces because it would mean Melissa would have to get a new hubby or two but he’s not happy. Guess what I bought yesterday? It’s soooo cool!! My old handcuffs broke? You know the pink fluffy ones? Yeah well they broke after David threw them at me and we went to the healers and they said I had a hard head which is really cool and shit. But I asked if they thought I could race without a helmet and they were just like ‘Not if you want to live’ and I was just like ‘Well of course I want to live because Davey would miss me’ but then they asked who Davey was and I said he was my boyfriend – of course – but David had ditched. I don’t know where he went but I doubt he even came with. He said I drove off without him? Can you believe that? Anyway, he was at home cooking some sort of breakfast but I don’t know what. He loves to experiment with French pastry and with you not here he can’t really bond with anyone over that so when you’re here it’ll be great! You’re staying for the week aren’t you? Jenny’s coming right? I miss her so much! Put her on will you? Wait a sec – NO DAVID NOT THE SODDING DISHWASHER YOU MORON! Sorry, Davey is having problems with the stuff. I mean, he can cook okay but he can’t clean his own clothes. Stupid right? I mean god! He’s what? 30-something now and I’m 30-something so we should at least know how to clean our own clothes. He nearly broke the dishwasher the other day too. Pierre had to come over and fix it. Thank god he is a flipping mechanic eh?”

“Chris?” Rob asked wryly, lighting another cigarette. He’d smoked the other during his friend’s update on how he and his lover were doing. Clearly the healers thought he was insane but they weren’t far off as Rob had already deduced that much. “Can you calm yourself down? You’re more erratic than usual. How’s David anyway?”
“Not going to ask how I am then?” Chris asked excitedly.
“No.” Rob said, knowing that Chris had probably bought some kind of weird sex toy again or brought a stray dog home with him. He didn’t know how David put up with him.
“Oh but that’s not fair! I’m so excited and you’re being a moody little shit. What crawled up your arse and died?”
“My head?” Rob smirked. He heard Chris laugh and he shook his head. “So what’s new then? Apart from David not being able to tell the dishwasher from the washing machine?”
“I want to adopt!” he announced. Rob groaned, knowing this couldn’t bode well for the child. “Davey said no, though.” Thank god for that. Rob thought.
“Well, I’m glad. I don’t really want a Chris double running around. David might just kill himself.”
“Pete said the same thing.” Rob winced, remembering Pierre’s nickname. “Oh well! I’ll just get a dog.” That poor dog. Rob thought. “Aren’t you going to have a baby though?”
“Chris I don’t take those potions, you do remember? But David doesn’t like them. He, as you well know, wants a normal kid.”
“But are you -- your wife I mean?”

Rob sighed. Chris really didn’t need to know. “Yeah.” He heard a squeal from the other end of the phone and Chris was clearly yelling at David, telling him the news. He heard nothing the other end. David usually didn’t say much on that subject. He wanted kids but he didn’t want Chris to influence them too much. But Chris wasn’t the dominant so who else would carry the kids in the event that David gave in? Maybe a surrogate but Chris would object and have the woman move in so he could watch her like a hawk. He’d probably then never let her go either. Rob ended the call and got up off of the cold floor. He pushed let his cigarette drop from his mouth and he stubbed it out with his shoe. He opened the door of the bistro again and stepped inside, thankful for the warmth. He sat down at the table just as David’s texts of desperation began to come through. He chuckled as he read them all. Chris was definitely over-excited.

"Robert, how do you feel about effeminate gays?" Rob asked with a chuckle. He knew that if his father-in-law was coming with them then Chris would flirt shamelessly with him like he did everyone.

"They don't bother me a bit, "Robert said. "And as long as we're talking about folks we're about to meet, how do you and Jen feel about pirates? I mean, real died in the wool, 'ahoy, maties", jargon talking pirates? Wizards of course, but pirates nonetheless. You might run into a few. They take any chance they can get to get into a bit of trouble and danger. And can be a rather loud and raucous bunch of folks. Most of them drink far too much ale and firewhiskey on these jaunts, but they're good fellows once you get past all that. "

Robert silently worried a bit about Khaat. He hoped he was going to be able to feel her if something happened to her while he was gone. He didn't know if he would feel Abbey or not. And no one who knew her other than Jess Potter or Matt Lestrange would look out for her. He didnt' know if Rob would even have the courtesy to at least tell her that he was going or for how long. In his book, a decent husband would ask his wife if she minded if he go for a week, or whatever. He knew Khaat wouldn't mind. But if Rob said nothing to her at all, love or not, child or not, Robert was pretty much deciding he would move Khaat home with him where she would be loved. He had seen her hurt by Rob just about as much as he could stand. He hoped that it never happened to Abbey, but he knew if it did, Rob would have acted to protect her long before Robert had. And he still hadn't.

Jen raised an eyebrow at her brother. He’d obviously been talking to Chris. How many other eccentric, effeminate gays did they know? David couldn’t be described as effeminate or eccentric. He was more like a closet gay. Well he wasn’t as he never hesitated to show Chris affection when it suited him but he was much more masculine than his other half. For some unfathomable reason, though, the two polar opposites worked. They should have but they did and they were sweet together too. The upbeat personality and the buzz kill worked well together. She understood that it was mostly Chris’s irrevocable love that kept them both together. But it was mutual. David wouldn’t give him up for the world. Thank god.

“I slept with a pirate once.” Jen said wistfully. “They’re awfully handsy though so I would encourage nothing with the likes of them. Otherwise, it’s fine. They’re pretty awesome I suppose. The whole swashbuckling thing is a real turn on. Chris made David dress up like a pirate once didn’t he?” Jen asked, receiving a nod from her brother.

"Then you should get on with these blokes as well. Once they get over that whole rot about it being bad luck to have a woman 'on board.' And no, there really isn't a ship. Shame, really, but they do hold pretty strictly to the whole pirate code, swashbucklling stuff. It does sound fairly Peter Pan-ish, but therre truly is some serious work about it. Are either of you any good with muggle swords? They do use wands, but they also like swords an awful lot. I know it sounds like a ridiculous question, but I did need to let you know how much they really like the swords. Just in case the sight of them might make you wonder."