Cockney Accents and Motherly Advice

Reading. Okay, yeah. Reading she just wanted to read. Rob sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He was feeling unsteady. He didn’t care if he told one hundred people that he was ready to take the challenge of becoming a father – he so wasn’t. A very large almost overwhelming part of him wanted to crawl all the way home and try to force his way into his flat. He wanted to go, he really did. He didn’t know where he stood with Khaat but a part of him was telling him that he shouldn’t bother with her anymore. If he was going to be honest he was truly tired of waiting for her to sort herself out. It was one hurdle after the next and he was sick of jumping them. There was just too much grief and anguish. He thought he carried a fair amount but hers was catastrophic and Rob just didn’t want to deal with that.

Rob walked downstairs into the living room and found Jen sitting on the floor obviously winning everything in the pot. The furniture was having some serious problems and it seemed his sister was having all of the luck. It also looked as if they were betting with money now as well. Rob wondered where they’d gotten it from but he knew better than to ask – it was a stupid idea on his part. He sat down on the couch and watched as Jen won the last of the money in the pot that had been built up. The furniture began to play again and Jen got up. She walked over and sat down next to Rob who raised an eyebrow at his sister.

“A little bird told me that my baby brother got bonded.” Jen smirked. “Now, regularly I wouldn’t believe such B.S but after crawling back on your hands and knees I’d say you lost your balls in the process.” She put her manicured finger to her chin and mimicked extreme thinking before scowling at him. “You’re a bigger screw up than I thought. Ordinarily I would applaud someone for crawling back with their tail between their legs but they aren’t bloody dogs in their spare time! You’re a disappointment, Rob. You’ve seriously ruined the Whitlock name.”

“Thanks a bunch, Jen.” Rob snorted. He didn’t want to hear about how he’d ruined his family’s ‘good’ name. He already knew and all he was praying for was that Charlotte didn’t find out because she’d skin him alive and burn it all in front of him. Rob shuddered and Jen gave him a knowing look. “Look, you don’t have to tell me something I already know. It was an accident.” Rob bit his lip and groaned, covering his face with his hands. He knew he was in deep shit and he wondered idly when Charlotte and his grandmother would find out. The moment one of his aunts did then the rest of the family would.

“Guess who I’m gonna tell then?” Jen taunted. “How about everyone we know? Mum would love to know and Grandma. Don’t forget our lovely aunts. Can’t you wait to get their howlers? I can hear them now: ‘Robert Andrew Dent how dare you bond with someone.’ Or it could even be: ‘The next time you step foot in our house well set fire to you’. That’ll probably be from one of our cousins.” Jen said lazily.

“That’s not even funny, Jen!” Rob snapped, at the end of his tether with his sister who said too much at the wrong times. “If Charlotte finds out then that’s it and I’m finished. It’s the age old rule isn’t it? If we’re not happily married and/or bonded then you can’t be either. Look I know you don’t have to explain it to me again. I mean, what’s wrong with you? You’re the more rebellious one why don’t you get hitched?”

Jen raised an eyebrow and took her cigarettes out of her pocket. She chucked on at Rob who caught it expertly and chucked the lighter at his head while she lit her own with a match. Rob chucked the lighter back once his was lit and she smirked before taking the cigarette out of her mouth and blowing smoke up into the air. “No one will have me, baby.” She laughed coldly and shook her head. “Besides, I’m saving myself for Majere.” Rob snorted. “What?” she asked.

“Don’t tell me you’ve declared yourself a virgin again?” Rob asked with a roll of his eyes.
“Oh you better believe it baby!” Jen laughed. “Nah couldn’t be bothered this time. He’ll take me or leave me.”
“Leave you sounds accurate.” Rob stated blandly. Jen scowled at him and he shrugged as he was dealed into the game of poker once more.

Robert had combed through his spell books and had come up with a way to help reduce the tension with Khaat and Rob. It had taken some time. And Khaat's cooperation,. but it had seemed to work by all he could tell. And she was not being fueled by Rob anymore. He did not stop his own fueling of her because that was, frankly, none of Rob's business. But he figured Rob would be feeling better instantly--or there abouts. And all it cost Khaat was a small scar on her left breast. Barely noticeable.

She left St. Mungos long enough to go home. She apparated back home into the livving room and saw him sitting with Jenn playing poker with that damned furniture. She was so angry at Jen she didn't know what to do with herself, but she said nothing. Not a word, tried not to show it. "You are unbonded," she said to Rob very softly. "You are your own again--completely." She ran upstairs as fast as her sneakers would carry her. She wanted to pack a few things in her bag in case Rob was tired of her and didn't want her back.

Jen through her cards in and yelled fold to the furniture who looked pleased with themselves. She rolled her eyes and flicked her wand at the Ottoman, delighting in hearing the sounds of its pain. She didn't mind using unforgivables - especially on furniture that pissed her off. She released the spell and looked up to see Khaat Apparate into the living room. Jen opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Khaat declaring that Rob was his own person again. Jen had seen the change in her brother. She'd seen the light die in his eyes but the colour return to his cheeks. He might have been whole again but he didn't look like it. He looked like he'd been ripped from a life support machine and forced to cope on his own.

"Rob?" Jen said hesitantly. "Are you alright?"
"Get out." He said quietly.
"What?"
"I said get out damnit!" Rob yelled, raising his voice at his sister - something he'd never done.
"But-"
"GET OUT!"

Jen quickly gathered herself up and Apparated out of the living room, completely humiliated. She couldn't quite believe what had happened. Sure he was free to live his life again but he just looked grief stricken. He looked like he did before he'd met Khaat. He looked bored and frustrated with life. She knew if it was his idea then he'd go back to the bar and start earning his money playing for the locals. But that was her brother; he was always drawing straws from nothing at all. She just hoped he'd bounce back and not turn into the hollow shell that he'd been twice before in his life. Granted when he and Khaat were separated he was dealing with it slightly better but had they spent longer apart he would have probably ended up the same way. She knew he'd be staring into space, not really looking at anything but having a million things running through his mind at the same time. And she had been the cause of this all. What sort of sister was she?

Khaat packed a few things in her black bag, just in case she had to continue living in her office at St. Mungos or some other place out of his way--just in case he didn't want her. But she thought he would never, ever know how much she wanted to stay. She wanted this to be his choice--free and clear. She wasn't running, but she didn't know if he still was running emotionally. Hell, he had befriended the freaking furniture instead of her. And she desperately hated having animated furniture. Why could she not have furniture that just sat in its place and shut the hell up like everyone else? It was just too creepy for her. He seemed to like it, so no one had made any move again to try to reverse it. She had let him keep it, without a word to him about whether she liked it or not.

She removed the silver bracelet Rob had made for her and tucked it into her jewelry box . She took off her half of the set of rings she'd given to him and put it in the box as well, even though some darned dragon had his ring. Putting the bracelet in the box was emotionally painful for her. She loved it, just because he had made it for her out of his love for her. However, she wanted no more alarms or traces that she could help that would send him running to her in panic. That was part of her life that apparently he'd already just had way too much of. No more drama for him to pursue if she could stop it. And, finally, she came down stairs slower, seeing no point in her anger. She was all done with that now too.

"I'm sorry, Rob, for putting you through so very much," She said softly. "Remus has been...put away. You are unbonded from me--and temporarily, your telekenisis is blocked between you and Abbey as long as I carry her. That's the way it works. It is a temporarly side effect of the only way it could be done. I am so very sorry about that part. I know how much you loved that. By all we know ,though, the instant she is born, she will resume being linked to you as strongly as ever. The good thing in that, though, is that she won't be sounding any more sorts of false alarms that send you into a panic. And I see that as a really good thing. Life should be very quiet for the next 7 or so months.

"I asked Daddy to find a way for us to unbond since it seems so harmful for you, and I hate to see you so stressed and in such pain. So, now, things are just about as proper as in any other marriage as they could be. If someday you ever change your mind, it is reversable, and the 'unbonding' can be unblocked. It does not have to be permanent, if you change your mind. But I will never, ever ask that of you. I swear. Other than that, I am, perhaps, more clear headed than I have been since I was 16. The residual damage from the potions has been undone, and my magic put fully to rights. Oh, and if I was not very hospitable to your sister, I am very, very sorry. I will apologize to her."

She walked over to him and stroked his cheek softly, lovingly. Nothing could ever, ever kill the love she had for him. Every time she saw him, she only loved him more. He made her melt by being in the same room, no matter what mood either of them were in. Her love for him was incurable and he would never ever be out of her system. It could only get deeper still, every moment of every day. She desperately hoped he would choose for her to stay. She didn't want to be away from him for a moment. She didn't know what she would do if he said he didn't love her anymore or had just plain had enough and wanted out. She felt her own heart beating almost out of her chest in pure fear of him maybe rejecting her forever.

"Don't look so sad," she said softly, "This is what you said you wanted, remember?. A quieter life? Me--Whole and with no drama attached? No attachments other than the ones you yourself wanted to freely give? No bottomless oceans of grief that I have chained to me? Isn't that what you wanted me to do? Well, that's all gone. It won't be a road we ever need to travel again. Besides, the last I knew we were still married and shared a child. Well, two actually. There is Miseria, too. Rob, I will do anything you want me to do, be anything you want me to be, say anything you want me to say. I just do not know what you want. If you would just tell me,...

"There is some more good news, besides you're not having to be bonded to me: I am no longer...damaged--not so far as I know. That has all been properly put away as well. For good, I presume. So, now I am just simply whatever I am--whatever that means. I...um.. will give you whatever space you need, if that's what you want--to go Robdogging or dragon chasing or whatever else you want to do. I do understand how much being tied to me frightens you. I don't want to ever keep you anyplace you do not want to be. I love you far too much for that. And no, I haven't had anythiing stronger than French Roast. Sorry--that's the one thing I haven't been able to give up. I am trying, but..., well, I never did like tea very well. And I've had no potions of any kind, no alcohol."

She kissed him very softly and slowly--deeply. "I do love you, Robert Andrew Dent. More than you may ever, ever know. If you want me to grovel for another chance, just say the word. If you want me to transfer ownership of Sparks to you, its yours. If you want to close it, consider it done. If you want me to quit St. Mungos, the Order, and the Wizengamot, just say so, and I'll do it today. If you don't believe me, I will show you the resignations in my bag. I wrote them in case you wanted me to deliver them. If you want me to give up being a Gryffindor warrior, somehow I'll do it. If you like, I'll transfigure myself to someone more beautiful--prettier looking...whatever you want. I don't know how to make this right, but whatever it takes, I swear, I 'll do it. I swear it. Just, please. Tell me you want me to stay. Please don't give up on us."

She curled into his chest, wanting his arms around her again. "God, Rob, can't we just start all over again? Somehow?" And as she laid her head on his chest, she felt something she had never felt before in her stomach. It made her jump. She took his hand and laid it on her stomach where, because she was still somewhat underweight, it was palpable just a bit early. Her body was revealing a strange tiny fluttering sensation under his hand, like tiny beating wings. She looked into his face, hoping to still find love there. "Abbey," she said softly, "Her first kickings. Your baby girl is just starting to kick."

“What next?” Rob asked bitterly. “I feel sometimes as if there is no helping us anymore. No amount of unbonding will undo the damage that has been done. Hell, I don’t even think that is a word!” Life would have been easier without him in the picture. Her life would have been easier. Khaat could have gone on and married Vincent or someone equally powerful or ... whatever those people were. Rob couldn’t really compete with that and he knew that if the time came when he would have to then he’d quit right then and there. He wasn’t going to fight for a lost cause because he would be the only fool left fighting for it.

If he hadn’t been born then everything would have been fine. He felt slightly disturbed by his own thoughts but he knew deep down he was right. Khaat would have been fine without him and there would have been no Abbey to worry about. Jenifer wouldn’t have been so upset and heartbroken all of the time – she would have had their father to turn to for anything and his mother wouldn’t be in the rut she always seemed to be in. Life would have been worth living for so many different people. He felt quite depressed even thinking about it. But here he was; living breathing and stupidly creating a life that shouldn’t have to exist. It all felt so real to him now. He could only listen to what Khaat said and feel the slow thump of a foot or a hand against his own. There was doubt that he could even register that much.

“I’m not your master Khaat.” He said finally. “I’m not a pureblood master I am just a bloke who can do a few magic tricks. This is your life to live and I have no right to rule that. You are your own person and you rule yourself. I have no say in your life just like your say is nothing in mine. Like mine is nothing when it comes to Jen. We are all our own people with set patterns that are being woven for us. I don’t know what I want to do, Khaat. I don’t know if I want to even acknowledge or try to understand anything you just said. I think that I would be quite content in staring at a wall for the next hour. I don’t know what you should do because I can barely decide what I want to do. This child... I don’t even know...She’s a miracle but nothing really seems spectacular anymore. It’s as if everything has fallen into perspective and I’ve realised what I’ve done with my life.” The last part was a whisper, one that Rob never thought he’d let leave his mouth. He didn’t know what he’d done.

At seventeen he’d decided where he wanted to be at 32. He wanted to be in a café somewhere doing something that he enjoyed, maybe writing or something or just relaxing in the sun. If he was told that he would be a father in a matter of months then he probably would have sent the person to St. Mungo’s. He couldn’t believe the state he’d let himself get into. He didn’t mean to slip into the mess he was in but oddly... he didn’t care so much anymore.

"Would you please just sit down and talk with me a second? Please? Then if you still want to stare at the wall, I"m good with that." She sat down on the sofa. "Rob, as far as this irrepairable damage you think we have, let's look at that for a moment, shall we? If I recall, first--you left for a good long while--though not your fault--and it seems it all happened the morning you came back through a whole series of misunderstandings. And we did not do the right thing--either of us--by just simply taking one minute to talk it through to resolve it. We did it ourselves by letting it get bigger and bigger all by itself until it was hurtful for both of us and created some sort of imaginary problems that were really not there at all.

"I know you have a streak in you that needs to go adventuring and have fun. So do I. I actually think its part of what we like about each other. Its not necessarily a bad thing. Its just part of who we are. And when that happens, we both take a risk of being hurt. That's part of the jobs we have. And really, it isn't that much different than any other wizard faces nowdays. You knew that before we fell in love to begin with. You did not get a mystery bag here. You knew what I was and what I wasn't. And I knew you. I knew who you were and who you weren't. Now, I am not about to give up on that because we've been through a really rough bit.

"Rob, you've always had the feeling that you never believed you were anything more than, as you said, 'a bloke who could do a few magic tricks.' Stop, please. Just stop, for one moment, making comparisons about yourself to someone else. As human beings, we never know just how much we mean to someone else. And I certainly never thought you were just a bloke. Neither does anyone else. Not our friends, certainly not my family. And while we're on the subject of family--I know Daddy intimidates you. Well, he intimidates everybody. Wizards get stronger as they get older. You know that. When he was your age, he was hardly any different than you are. He understands what that feels like better than you think. GIve him half a chance.

"If you would stop listening to the twaddle that your family has always put into your head and realize, even just a little bit of how completely awesome you are, then maybe you wouldn't give up so easily. I have listened to your sister tell you time and time again what a screwup you are, and she's full of crap. It is one of the biggest lies I've ever heard. And I am quite sure she is just repeating the message that you got at home from everyone else you know. Why do you take that from her or anybody else? How much of your time do you spend feeling that I or anyone else would be better without you? Well, for your information, that's just crap too. Maybe--just maybe--you need to let go of your own grief and fear. Did you ever think about that? The truth is that I don't want anyone else if I can't have you. Nothing is worth it without you. You don't have to be anything for me than just yourself. Whatever that is. I just want you. If you want to remember the truth, we fell in love long before the bonding actually happened. I do not believe for one moment that it died because a spell was simply blocked.

"I don't know who in the world taught you about marriage, but they certainly filled you with poppycock. Being married DOES mean you have a say in my life. It should mean I have a say in yours. It means we have decided to come together to share whoever we are--and whoever we're not. And," she said softer, "I can't believe you don't want Abbey anymore because your bond has been stopped with her. You want me to fix that? You'll have to give me two minutes. Then you can have that back.

"I'm sorry, but I"m really confused. Yes, you became bonded to me accidently--but it was because you already loved me. But then you became really angry when you realized you were bonded, so I had it blocked. I thought that was what you wanted. You said you couldn't take the grief I carried, so I got rid of it. You said you couldn't take the drama, so I offered to let go of anything you wanted me to for a different life. I'll give you whatever it is you need, but now you're not telling me what it is. And everything I do to meet what you've already said you wanted, seems only to hurt you more. I hear all your words that simply seem to say you're confused, but when I look in your eyes, I still see us--or that you want us and don't know how to get there.

"I'm sorry--but I have to ask this. And I really want an answer. What exactly has changed in me that I am not good enough for you anymore? That I chose to get rid of my pain for awhile behind some potions? Seems to me I recall you coming home totally plastered more than once when things got too tough--but I still accepted you. Or is it that my magic depends on a donation from my father or I'd be a squib? Is that it? Am I unacceptable because I need help to supply what magic I do have? Or would you rather I'd be just a bloody squib, because I could very easily arrange that. How is that donation of magic I get any stinking different than when we do a blood transfusion to keep someone alive? Is it because I'm pregnant? Did I suddenly get uglier because I'm gaining weight? What the hell made me so unworthy in your eyes? What did I do that was so unforgivable? "

Khaat was surprised that her words came, not out of grief, but out of strength. She was not the little bleeding heart that evidently he thought she was. She was a strong capable woman, and her voice was strong and capable and minus any of the drama he so hated. She hid her own pain she was feeling, fearing that he would leave her, well behind a mask of utter strength. If he couldn't handle it, then it was simple, she wouldn't show it to him. Rob was full of a lot of misinformation that he had gotten about love, marriage, families, even about himself. Part of her wanted to go tear his crazy family apart and she wanted to start with Jen just because Jen pissed her off with how she felt she had such a license to treat him like dirt to the point where he felt like he actually was dirt under everyone else's feet.And Khaat believed she did it because Jen felt like crap about herself and it was far easier to take it out on Rob than to fix herself. So he'd had a lifetime of dramatic women in his life.
But the biggest part of her wanted to give him back the sense of self confidence that somewhere along the way he had misplaced. For a brief instant she saw herself going on a brief little killing spree and offing the people that had started this whole mess--offing his whole warped family. She stilled her anger. It would do no good. Maybe for now, just for now, he needed to lean on her and find out how strong they actually were together, that they really could make it.

"We can do this, you know," she said quietly, and with a firm resolve. "If you're willing to trust me just a little Are you willing to even give me a few days before you try to make any choices? Will you meet me that far?" Then an idea crossed her mind. She glared at him for a moment, her mind working at light speed. Without a second's notice, she went over to him, took his hand and apparated him away from England altogether.

They reappeared on a tropical island. "There isn't anybody around here for a hundred miles at least," she said. "Now you're going to have to deal with me because I refuse to give up on you. You are all I want in this world. And if we have to live here the rest of our lives til you get that, then I guess we're here." She snatched the wand from behind his ear. "Now you can't apparate back so easily. Consider it a honeymoon if that works for you--or kidnapped. I don't care which. Eventually you will get bored enough to talk to me because there isn't anybody else, and we'll work this out. Oh, and by the way, I didn't pack a damned thing. The black bag is at home, please notice. We're on our own--either by conjuring or living it muggle style. Either way is fine with me." She walked over to a mango tree and picked a ripe mango, shined it up on her shirt like an apple and bit into it, sitting down on a rock to watch him to see how he would respond to her sudden impulsiveness. "Sorry, but it seems your daughter is hungry," she said. "You want one?"