Sand and Snow

Khaat went upstairs alone, silently, and followed Angus's directions. She chose a muggle medical book, of all things, to read. She chose her favorite silk gown--handpainted white silk, with a matching robe. She put it on and slid into bed. Her father had been right about the bruises. She was black from head to toe, and it hurt.

Downstairs, Angus went into the kitchen and put his winter jacket on the hook, Brian followed him and ssw the odd sock dangling out of the pocket. He took it out and looked at Angus.

"Did you find anything out?" he asked.

"Yeah," Angus said casually, getting out the cream from the fridge. "I found out she wants cocoa."

"Besides that," Brian said, trying not to be frustrated. "This sock is a portkey. She has almost every damned sock Rob Dent owned when they lived together. She uses them for portkeys. It was in your pocket. This one goes to Remus's grave. She only goes there when she doesn't know where else to turn. When she's hunting some memory of Remus to solve whatever she can't solve for herself. What the hell is going on?"

"She didnt' say. But there's a definite sadness all through every part of her spirit since before dinner, since...since she dropped Abbey. Thats when it changed. I talked her into coming back and just going to bed with a book and some cocoa. Brian, I have no doubt she hurts. She's more bruised than not. Maybe the bruising and the soreness and whatever vision she is having is scaring her. I don't know. I know I'm making cocoa. Thats what I know."

Brian sighed heavily and went back into the living room with Steven and Cassidy and sat down. She went to Remus's grave," he said heavily.

Khaat had taken another heavy dose of Rob's potion, and she felt calm again. It was the only thing that silenced her mind and numbed all the agony in her spirit. She closed her eyes, laying the book on her chest, allowing the potion to sink in.

Meanwhile, Archangel returned from his errand and landed on the kitchen windowsill just as Angus was pouring cocoa into mugs. Angus opened the window and the bird dropped something onto the windowsill from his mouth. It was covered in snow. "What'd you find, Boy?" Angus asked. He gave the bird a treat and picked up the snowy present the eagle had dropped. He brushed the snow off and saw it was a potions bottle made of delicate lavender art glass. It was small--only to hold a dose or two at most. He had no question in his mind whos it was. He just knew--instantly. He opened the bottle and the rank smell of the potion rolled out at him. Revolted instantly, he stopped up the bottle at once. Angus kept a great many potions in stock on the yacht for the various ills of passengers. But this was something so vile he'd never ever smelled it before. How on earth was she getting it past her nose, much less drinking it? Was this the answer to what was going on with her? He seriously doubted Robert was giving it to her. Robert would have worked out the problem with the smell that was a lot like formaldehyde and rotting flesh. This was, clearly, an illegal potion in a dressed up bottle.

"Brian!" he called. There was no easy way to break this to him. Brian came in. "What's up?" he asked.

"Archangel just brought this to me. What the hell is this rot?" Angus handed the bottle to him.

Brian frowned. His mind flashed. He'd seen a glimpse of this bottle once in Khaat's purse. He took the bottle, uncapped it, and the smell rolled up in his face like smoke. It was so strong and so disgusting that he threw his head back out of the way of its odor while he quickly recappped it. "Good god!" he said, trying to catch his breath. "What the hell? Essence of rotting zombie?" he asked. He searched the bottle for a label. There was none.

"Is this what's going on with her?" Angus asked.

"I doubt it. Who the helll could drink that?" He asked. "But we need to ask Robert for certain." He went into the living room, to the fireplace, and summoned Robert. In a moment, Robert apparated in.

"What's up?" he asked Brian.

"What is this?" he handed the bottle to Robert. Robert looked at the bottle. "Expensive bottle. Handmade. Pretty. No label--thats not good. Where'd you get it?"

"Archangel brought it in from the yard," Brian said as Robert uncapped it. He smelled the potion, barely changing his expression.

"Well, this explains everything," Robert said gravely, recapping the bottle. "It's a lethal illegal potion that Rob Dent brews and sells. I really was hoping we wouldn't ever revisit this crap. This is Rob's version of a mind numbing potion. Khaat was briefly addicted to it by accident when she was living with Rob. It nearly killed her then. She knows that the exhange for the temporary peace of mind it gives is that it destroys. Kills the bodily systems over time. This explains why her ankles haven't healed, why no amount of good nutrition does her any good, why she's just getting progressively weaker and thinner. It explains it all. She can't be buying this from Rob. Rob would never sell this to her. Not willingly. My guess is that she's been stealing it from him. Despite the fact that he makes illegals, he does love her. He would never let her within a drop of this again. He had to work too hard to save her from it the first time." He sat down and looked at them all. "Understand what this means. She's addicted again. Clearly. But my guess is that she just can't cope with whatever happened to her during her second go around with Barker. It was ugly, I'll give her that. But its more than she knows how to cope with. And I'll wager she's realizing that she's dying, and she's feeling scared and trapped. Its becoming a cycle for her. The more she takes it, the more it kills her, but without it, she can't cope with the trauma Barker put her through. Nor can she cope with what the potion is doing to her. Its one hell of a hideous trap. Alright. All of you--search every single inch of this property. Bring every bottle of potion you find. If I know Khaat, there isn't any here, or no more than perhaps one more. She won't keep it here because of the kids. But look anyway."

"Robert," Brian said. "You said 'dying.' Did you mean that literally?"

"I did. It wasnt' a joke. We can turn her around, but if we do, the next 3 days are going to be hideous. If we don't, she dies. Its just that simple."

"We'll do it, but it won't be easy," Robert said. "I presume one of those cocoas is hers?"

"Yes," Brian said.

"I'll take it upstairs and tell her we know. It will be as much of a relief as it will be a torture. I'm surprised she's still here. Its far more in her character to want to run by now. To run and hide to die alone, so none of you had to watch her die. My guess is that we need to be grateful she couldn't apparate out. It kept her from running. The fact that she konked her head and shorted out her magic just might have saved her life." Robert picked up the mug.

"Robert," Brian said, as Robert started out of the kitchen. Robert turned back around. "I have to talk to her. I need to tell her that I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving her. Not now, not ever."

"Your words won't mean anything right now. Wait another three days and we'll find out. That means she should be clean by Kate's birthday. And that will be far more of a gift for Kate than anything we could ever buy her. I'll stay here with you until she's detoxed. Its not an easy or pleasant thing for anyone." He took the mug upstairs and went in and sat on the bed, sitting the mug on the nightstand. "Khaat," he called "Look at me."

Khaat looked up and saw her father. He opened his hand and in it was the lavender bottle. She looked into his eyes. He knew. She closed her eyes, her torture only feeling deeper, her wish to die feeling stronger than it ever had before.

"Stop and listen to me," Robert said to her softly, taking her hand. "The trap is in your mind. It only feels real. Its the potion. I am not going to let you die. You know that. Baby, its time for the nightmares to stop. Where's the rest of it?"

"Its not here. I swear," she said honestly.

"I believe you. But I know you have more. Where is it?"

"The only place that I could hide it--where nobody would ever find it but you or me," she said. He looked at her, thinking, and then it made sense. "Alright. I'll take care of it."

"Give it back to Rob. I stole it from him. Its not fair to just destroy it. It belongs to him."

"Alright. For you." He kissed her softly. "I love you, Khaat. So do we all. Gear up. The next couple of days are going to be a bit unpleasant, but we're going to get through. And then we'll all work together and move forward. By the way, I know it was ugly. I saw. You could have told me. Really."

"And what would you have done?" she sighed.

"Better than this," he said, gesturing to the bottle. He put it in his pocket. "I'd have done better than that. Enjoy your cocoa. I'll be back." He left and went downstairs. He looked at them. "I'll be back. She said its not here, but just to be sure. Double check." He apparated out. Brian sat heavily, overwhelmed.

Brian took his mug upstairs and went to talk to Khaat. He couldn't put it off any longer. He found her in a halfdoze. She woke and looked at him as he sat beside her.

"I dont' want you here for this," she said.

"Yes you do," he said. "You're scared to death I won't be." He got up and went into her closet and found her bag. He showed it to her. "This--this is all about your fear. Its all about your fear that I won't be here. Just for the record, we live together. We don't run when the going gets tough. We do it together. That's been the program since we were 8. I"m not changing it now. I've seen you sick before. Its not a deal. And you're leaving me as a single father? That's just not happening. What aren't you telling me? What aren't you able to deal with?"

"You know. I have told you."

"Then what good does running do you? You're without magic, you can barely get up out of bed anymore. You don't have one piece of clothing that fits. That's reality, and its not a newsflash. I'm staying. Get used to it." He kissed her slowly. "Because I"m not going anywhere. When'd you get any potion last?"

"When I came in here."

"Then you need to get a good night's sleep while you can," he told her. "I could give you a bit of sleeping potion."

"No, its still early," she said.

He got up to leave and turned back at the doorway, "Dont think you did this flawlessly. We all knew something was drastically wrong. We just weren't sure what. You arent' as good at deception as you'd like to be. For your own good, don't try it again, Baby. You're just not good at it. Get some rest." He went back downstairs.

Brian came back downstairs. "Khaat knows we're not leaving," Brian said. "Robert was right. She feels so low and guilty about it that its just words to her until we get through this. Its the potion thats got her thinking all screwed up. I need you two, if you would, to keep an eye on the house--at least off and on--for tonight? Please? I don't know when I'll get to sleep again once this sets in. I won't sleep much as it is, but once the detox starts, I won't be able to leave her." He looked at them deeper. "I am so sorry you're both having to walk this path with us. I know thats why she wants to run. She's as humiliated as it gets. And then some. I dont' think she has it in her to look anyone in the eye right now. And, I want her to get some rest before this becomes hellish.

"Let me ask you. Can you three handle the girls if I need you to?" He looked at them, and Angus frowned.

"Certainly! When would we not?" Angus asked. "And she'll get over the embarressment once the potion clears. Khaat's a strong lady. She'll be alright. Let's get her refocused on positive things she enjoys as soon as her thinking starts to clear. Things that get her thinking she has value again."