In his own life or death situations in the past, cynicism was the way Rob had coped. He found his own mortality amusing but Phaedra’s death did not just hit home that his short time on Earth was not being spent correctly but also how lucky he truly was, to even exist. Her life had ended before it had even begun. Before she could love and grow stronger to brave the storms that were coming. She was a child, an innocent, and she had been slaughtered with two words. The thought revolted him; the fact that life rested in the hands of not only yourself but someone else, someone who had the power to decided whether you lived or died. No one should have the latter of the two powers. It didn’t work. You had no right to take a life. Yet here he stood and here Jen stood, both of whom had blood on their hands. They too had ruined families and lives by what they called necessity.
Swallowing, Rob reached out and gripped the stair rail, his knuckles turning white with the pressure. Closing his eyes momentarily, pictures of Phaedra flashed in front of them. A growl of frustration and fury rumbled in his chest. He needed a cigarette. A cigarette and a bottle of Whisky would be about right. Then he’d need somewhere where he could wallow for a few days, weeks, months...however long it took. Phaedra was dead and mouldering away on a floor somewhere. This wasn’t fair. If perhaps by some stretch of the imagination and he’d have been there in Phaedra’s place. Perhaps he’d be there but he sincerely doubted it. The only people that generally got the better of him where the Indians but that was because they usually connected a sodding shovel to his head before carting him off to New Delhi to once again put him on trial for doing whatever he did was so wrong.
Reaching around for his bag, Rob flipped it open and took his packet of cigarettes out from in amongst the potions. It was a foolish combination but it would be a moderately painless death one would hope. He took one out from the packet and put it between his lips, chucking the packet into the bag as he did so. He ran his fingers through his hair and gripped the roots, tugging at them. He was trying to make some sense of the situation but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t believe she was dead until he had her corpse in his arms. To touch her, to see that she was as lifeless as they were saying; the thought....no, it didn’t bare thinking about....he couldn’t, he wouldn’t. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and tucked it behind his ear.
“I don’t care if they chain me up, strip me naked and whip me ‘til I bleed to death to be quite frank.” Rob remarked flippantly. He wasn’t worried about either man if he was going to be honest. They didn’t matter and neither did the Minister’s daughter just yet. Rob was 90% Matt had already gone completely spare but they were detracting from the fact that someone had died. They could go on and on about broken furniture, bumps, bruises and a missing person but the fact was that someone who was probably only going about their day like normal had in fact died. The living were always so much more important than the dead. The fact that Sophia was alive was hope, yes, but it didn’t change the fact that a life had been lost. Just because Phaedra was dead didn’t mean she lost any of her worth. “Now,” Rob exhaled slowly, taking his cigarette out from behind his ear and a box of matches from his blazer pocket. “Which floor?”