The Splintered Dreams

'Thank you," Khaat said gently. "I know how hard it is to turn over control of this for now, but believe me, my father is one of the most formidible wizarding forces left in this area. For now, you're doing the right thing to leave it to us. I will involve you as much as I can. I promise. And if it looks like we're getting into some actual action, you'll be the first to know. If you can make the collar on this one, I know it would give you a lot of satisfaction and closure both. I will treat you with respect on this, Cordel. I will treat you the way I would want to be treated. No more, no less."

he nodded handing her the file "even if i am a pig head, suborn, son of a..." he paused to look at her he knew she knew what he ment. Now he was feeling out of his depth he was use to running the show and doing things his way but to leave it to some one esle was not something he was use to ever, he was some one who if he could do the job he would not put no body in danger but himself. He sighed and as he thought, look where it had got him, six months in a coma and his family gone for ever. He felt his life could not be any worse.

"Steven Cordell Walker, you stop that right this instant," She reprimanded him sharply, "It does not take a seer to know where your thoughts are going. You stop the negativity this instant. It won't change one single thing for you to get stuck in a bunch of guilty feelings. You stop that right now. You go outside and find yourself something to do to burn off all that negative energy. Get yourself good and tired. Now you get yourself down to that barn and take care of those animals or I'm going to turn you into one!" She knew he was not at all used to being idle and that sitting around doing nothing was getting him even further depressed. She knew the only cure for him was to get him moving again. And if she made him angry at her, well, she would risk it. But she hoped he was smart enough to see what she was doing and just, for once listen to her.

He frowned at her nobody had called him by his full name but his mother "Khaat I am a ranger and as such should have been able to protect ,my family as i did for others but i didn't , I failed as a father and as a ranger in my duty to my family " he turned to face her " I killed them because i didn't think some one would target them, but he did and now there dead from my incompatance."

Now angry he stormed away out the house to the barn starting with cleanng out the stalls she had got him so angry that he never noticed that sevral hours passed till the stalls were clean and fresh bedding was down for teh unicorns and horses. He noticed several fence's were looking old grabbing several pieces of wood and a hammer he began taking of the broken and old wood replacing it with new. Finishing that job he moved to the other animals one by one doing what was nessicary till all that was left was feeding the hippogriffs. Taking their food he moved to their pen holding it out he watched a they fed, he sighed as he stood listening to the sounds around him.

Khaat knew that calling him by his full name would get under his skin. She knew it when she had done it. But she also needed to shake him out of his self pity. She didn't like the hurt it erupted in him, but she knew it well herself, and knew she had to get him to work it out of his system. She knew that was how he worked.

While he was out in the barn, she started to read the file he had given her, but her fatigue took over and as she drifted off to sleep finally, the file slid off her lap onto the bed.

Cordell moved to the barn seeing at the side of it an axe and some wood that needed cutting sliping off his shirt he picked up the axe and swung down at the first peice it split to easy for him , taking a second he swung down again this one resisted and he picked up the axe and with all his anger he hit it down hard splitting it in two, slowly he began to work threw all the wood he didn't know if they wanted it chopped but he needed the work out as he found himself hitting harder with each stroke as if hitting the man who had put him here and who had taken his family, on the next he raised the axe nd wqith a single swing brought it down again the block splitting with a crack under the axes blow.

Robert had watched Cordell all day, watching him work out his anger and frustration. He wasn't going out to rescue him from himself until the young man had burned off all the rage and all the guilt. He seemed to burn down for a bit and then rekindle himself. So, Robert just waited. He waited for the telltale signs of fatigue. The signs of giving in to it. When that happened, then, Robert knew, Cordell would be ready to listen.

Cordell continued with the wood till he on pausing saw the sun setting in front of him but he just sighed and continued soon with the light gone he placed the axe in the block and moved into the barn again , he fed the horses and then the few pigs they had soon his jobs were done , grabbing his shirt he moved back up to the main house only nodding to both kathrine and Robert as he moved to his room.

Once there he dropped the shirt in the wash basket and went for a shower all the time never saying a word. Yet shouting and screaming in his mind he was annoyed at Khaat, at robert, hell every one but most of all himself for letting down his family. Even the shower didn't help he still felt tense. Stepping out he dried off and moved into the bedroom stopping as he looked at the trunk that sat at the end of his bed like a big black memory. Slowly he moved to stand over it his hand hovering on its lid and the enitials R.W , his fathers.

He looked down at the lid as if deciding weather to open it as if some terrible creature lived inside it, but slowly he raised it, flipping it to lay on the bed as he looked inside there lay the photos her face staring up at him frozen in a moment of happieness as she held him , their son frozen on a rare horse back ride they had taken together. he lifted them out placing them on the bed as he took out a black shirt, it was then he saw under it an envalope his heart froze as he recognised the writing as Janets. He reached out and gently lifted it into his hand a scent of roses reatched his nose as he did he fought to hold back his tears as he looked down at the small envalope he now held as he sat down on his bed.

he stared down at the envalope conflicted on whether to open it he could feel the hurt inside him rising slowly like something from a dark pit. One part of him wanting to know just what words it held, the other wanting to preserve it as her last words to him . Then it happened, a small drop fell, turning the yellow paper dark, then a second joined it , for all his strenght and stuborness this was the one thing that now broke him and he could hold back no more. His hands moved to his face as the flood of tears came. Once started he could not stop them, like a flood from his own body a release of his greif for his family. Soon he shook with his sorrow as he sat the envalope resting on his knees, for all his strength all it had taken was this small letter to bring him to a sobbing little boy who wanted was nothing more than to feel her arms around him , hear his son say it was all right that they we're fine and safe but he knew it would never be not now nor ever.

He did not know just how long he had sat there looking at the envalope, but one thing he did know, he wasn't crying any more, yet he felt exausted as he looked at the delecate script she use to write in. Inside him self he felt the pain now gone his greif, his mourning now done for his family. With his body exausted not just from the manual labour he had done, but also from the strugle that had gone unseen inside him, he realised that was now finshed, gone, deep inside him now sat a new calm one that told him he could move on and create a life for himself knowing some where she was watching happy he had . Wiping his eyes he sighed he wanted to know what it said , what she had said and why he had been given it now.

Robert had been keeping an eye on things, still, and he finally went to Cordell's room with a bottle of firewhisky and 2 glasses. He found the door had been left slightly ajar all this time. He simply went in, opened the bottle, poured two drinks and handed one silently to Cordel. Sometimes words just weren't necessary.

He looked up at Robert as he had heard him enter his room, and saw the glass of fire whisky, he knew Robert knew what had happend to him as he knew his eyes were red , reatching up he took the glass from him and drank "its from janet my wife" " he said softly he closed his eyes but did not cry instead took a deep breath taking in the rose scent "she loved roses" he smiled and downed the last of the drink.

He looked up at him and held out the glass as if expecting him to take it now that the fire whisky was gone from inside it, he felt it warm him from inside, though one glass was enouph to stedy his nerves he wished he could just drink not to forget but to remember, remember how she was , remember how they both were.