I don't know if I lied when I said we're not together

"That's fine," Selwyn said, responding to her leading statement. "I don't want to change you. Everything - the whole helping with Kaiden thing - was because I wanted you to be happy, not because I wanted you to think you owed me something."

He paused, letting the rest of her statement sink in. There was a lot in it, and he found himself trying to remember what the internet forums had said. Sure, he could have asked his mother or grandmother for advice but he didn't really want to go through the whole "little Selwyn is growing up" squee-fest that would doubtless have ensued.

"I'm not really understanding you," he said. "When you say it wouldn't be enough for you, do you mean you wouldn't get enough time and attention? Or you think you might be jealous?"

"In my future, I see a family too, you know that. But I can't see why you think being with someone who's monogamous would be less confusing than being with someone polyamorous. Unless you think I would just refuse to answer your questions."

"You haven't really asked many questions," he added with a frown. "Or..."

"Would you find it easier to talk to Shylock? He's more or less in the same position as you are."

"I.." She faltered. His question was a good one, and made her sound more vain than she wished to believe she could be. A little v formed between her eyebrows as she considered it, feeling rather foolish. Regaining her wits, she realized what the issue actually was.

"Okay, so I'm sort of getting ahead of myself when I say this, because obviously we haven't made like.. plans for most things. I think I am, anyway," she corrected herself, sitting up a bit straighter. "But what's confusing to me is how you can have a family in the sense that... I mean, I don't want to have children with someone I'm not married to. I've seen what happens to those kids, and I always felt bad for them. I know things are changing, but people can be quite shit about it.

"I just don't want to feel like the mistress, either, I guess. I mean, as I said, I would actually rather like the independence. There would be good things about it," she accepted aloud. "I'm just... wary of the logistics. Is that weird? I haven't ever considered this before. I... I mean, what does Shylock say about it...?"

Adrienne felt properly mad. She couldn't believe she was basically asking advice from her almost-boyfriend's... lover. Merlin, how her lot in life had changed.

"No, please, get ahead of yourself," Selwyn replied.

Even though he knew she must be quite anxious about all this (because he was, so it only made sense) she almost seemed more relaxed now than she had in months. She'd certainly never been so straightforward about how she felt before.

"Well, it's smart to be wary about the logistics," he replied. "I think I'd be more worried if I'd told you this and you were completely enthusiastic about it."

"But Shylock already knows my situation. You'd have to ask him what he thinks about it. You know a fair bit of that too, don't you? Even putting aside my feelings, I will have to marry the woman I have children with."

"I don't know what would make you feel like someone's mistress; you might have to explain that some more, but some of that might be things you'd get if you and I ended up together anyway. My family is extremely," he paused, looking for the right way to put it. "Not well off, exactly. Privileged, I guess is a better way of putting it. I like London because I can be a nobody."

There was something oddly... comforting, Adrienne mused to herself, about feeling like she was in a position of some sort of power. She hadn't felt like that in ages. Years, possibly. But it was definitely the case as of late, so the feeling was quite out of joint with what she was used to.

She had never considered herself to be someone who wanted that, but as it struck her so suddenly, she couldn't really deny it. Perhaps the Ministry's laws had instilled her with that over the past few years. Or Kaiden. Either way, it felt surprisingly good.

"I mean, I knew that. I just.. wasn't really thinking," she admitted, shaking her head a bit. "But I don't know how to explain exactly what I mean. I think I would be torn between wanting equality and not wanting to think about it at all."

She hesitated briefly, knowing exactly what she wanted to say but reconsidering it for a moment. Adrienne knew better than to keep quiet about things that had a chance of frustrating him. Or, she felt she had learned the lesson at any rate.

"The likelihood of me fitting in as I'm supposed to with your family, at least at first, is... admittedly low. It would take a bit of teaching, so to speak. But I can't say that I would detest it. Which sounds mad, and probably is mad for all I know. I could figure it out. You know how highly I think of rules and tradition by now, probably."

"You wouldn't be expected to fit in at first," Selwyn replied.  "You'd mostly be expected to show you're willing to learn about the rules and traditions."

"But, does this mean you're considering it?" he asked.  "Considering me?  Seriously?"

Adrienne shrugged and nodded at his response, having more or less expected as much. She couldn't have said that she thought he would believe her to be anywhere near what his family was hoping for, after all. His questions didn't surprise her as much as they should have. What actually made her pause, though, was a brief, quiet little question in the back of her mind. Would she be allowed to ever have anyone else, too? What if things got bad at some point? What then?

That wasn't how she worked, though. She could never imagine herself as that type. But it was not lost on her that what she wanted more than anything just then... was stability. And he could provide that, along with allowing her much more freedom than Kaiden had.

"Yes," she said suddenly, a sharp pang of guilt in her chest cutting off anything else she would have said. Adrienne didn't know what exactly she felt for him, yet. But that didn't mean she couldn't find out.