No Such Thing as an Old Blessing

A small cloud of smoke erupted from the tip of Brian’s wand and danced along the thick frame of Calvin’s glasses as the repairing charm worked as intended. Calvin sneezed in response and rubbed his nose. “Thank you,” he muttered. He most certainly would not have been able to successfully cast that charm on his own, no matter how simple it was. Had Brian not done anything about his damaged specs he may never have gotten them fixed.

“Oh gosh! I didn’t know that there was anything wrong with the potion. I-I-I didn’t know,” Calvin stuttered as he tripped through the doorway. He only just caught himself before he’d fallen to the floor beyond the front door, but as he returned to his usual, awkward stance, he acted as though he hadn’t noticed his near-miss at all. Calvin held the vial of numbing potion out before him and stared at it for a moment, “Should I toss it, then?” he asked Brian uncertainly, “or should I pour it out, or return it, or something?” It seemed to Calvin that something more should be done to expose of the dangerous concoction than simply tossing it in the bin. As the seriousness of the situation that Calvin had stepped into began to settle, however, there was no longer room for such simpleminded thoughts within his troubled mind.

While Calvin had been defeating personal records on his favorite video games, sitting cozily before his television with a remote control in his hands, Chase had broken down, and by the way in which Brian spoke of the incident, Calvin knew that it had not been a repeat of one of the times when he’d found her crying in her bedroom, or when he’d had to convince her to eat something. Chase’s mind was in real peril, and true to his nature, Calvin immediately began to blame himself. “I shouldn’t have left her side…” he whispered, no longer stumbling over his ‘I’s as he usually did; for once, it seemed as though the chaotic energy that he ran on had been drained from him entirely, and thus allowing him to speak naturally. “I knew that it was too soon, but she promised me that she would be OK, so I said that she could leave, and I shouldn’t have…” he continued, speaking so softly that his words were almost inaudible.

Calvin dragged his eyes upward to meet with Brian’s once more. His eyebrows dropped and the corners of his lips fell. Calvin never had been very skilled at removing his emotions from his face, and at that moment his worry could not have been clearer. “Let me see her. Please, sir. Please let me see her,” he begged desperately. He inhaled sharply and blinked away the tears that had begun to form at the rims of his eyes, “I can help. I can help the healers take care of her; I’ve gone through the training. I can do it. If I try hard enough, I can make her better. If you move her to St. Mungo’s, I want to help.”

"Give the potion to me," Brian told him firmly. "You wouldn't have known. They're marketted to look just like the real thing. When we get a moment, I'll show you the difference. You really do need to know how to spot an illegal from the real thing. Most healers can't tell the difference. Robert and Khaat and I have had more than our share of experience with those. What I can tell you is that if you get a potion from Robert or Khaat or St. Mungos, its the real deal. You take your chances if you buy it elsewhere. Thats about the bottom line of it. Don't beat yourself up for it.

"And dont' beat yourself up for Chase's situation either. Staying with her, leaving her, keeping her home, letting her go out--none of it made a difference. It is totally about what is going on between her ears. Her own thoughts. And no matter where she goes, she takes that with her. You are important to her, but she needs a bit to recover. This is all about the lies that Barker filled her head with that she accepted just to survive. She has to learn to stop buying into them in order to start thinking in the right direction. Now, you might be able to calm her at the moment, but this is a much bigger problem.

"And speaking of bigger things? Khaat is a LOT bigger. Just so you know. She's pregnant with twins and due any day, but these twins are bigger than any twins I've ever seen. Just so you're not shocked. Alright. Let's go upstairs." He led the way upstairs to the bedroom and tapped lightly on the door. Robert opened it.
When he saw Calvin, he stepped outside.

"Thank you for coming," Robert said. "She's calmer at the moment, but she's been asking for you. Khaat gave her a stuffed cat for a bit of comfort--something to get her thoughts to anchor to, rather than Barker. It seems to have helped for the moment. We're just working on trying to soothe her and calm her for the moment. You're welcome to see her, but one of us will remain with you, at least for now. Alright?"

With a sigh, Calvin nodded. “I can’t help it,” he confessed. “I promised Chase that I would keep her safe, but I just…” Calvin allowed his words to trail off; if he hadn’t, he was certain that he would have begun to cry, and at that moment, Calvin needed to keep himself glued together.

“Congratulations,” Calvin replied absently to the mention of Khaat’s pregnancy and began up the flight of steps that remained between himself and his beloved. He stretched his gangly legs and began to skip steps as he climbed, eager to take his place once more at Chase’s side.

Calvin did not react in the way that he would have, under any other circumstances, to the sudden presence of the Minister of Magic. In the past, the very sight of the man often caused Calvin to run after him enthusiastically, begging for his opinion on the work that he’d done, but it seemed that Calvin’s attention had been stolen by something else. His determination to return to Chase had made it quite difficult for him to focus for long on anything other than said task, and thus, as he faced Robert Lupin, Calvin reacted in no other way than with a small, thankful smile, and a whispered agreement.

“Chase…?” Calvin called softly as he pressed his palm flat against the door before him, and pushed it open slowly. “It’s Calvin…” he added cautiously, so not to startle her.

Chase sat rocking back and forth on the bed. It seemed as though she had been scratching herself, but the people in the room had stopped her from hurting herself to much. Her eyes were locked on a stuffed cat in her hand, which was purring as she pet it gently. She seemed to be singing softly to it, and her eyes had a dim, faraway look in them. Fresh tears ran down her cheeks, and her clothes were rumpled, she was gripping the blanket with her right hand, hard, and had brought it up to her chest, gently rocking as she pet the soft stuffed animal. Suddenly she heard a familiar voice, and her head slowly looked up. It took her a moment to recognize who it was, before she let go of the blanket she had been clutching and automatically reached for him. "Calvin.." She whispered, a wave of fresh tears falling down her face.

"He got me again." She said and started to rock faster then before. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry.." She whispered the words over and over under her breath, her hand moving up to her face to scratch at the scars that dotted them, her fingernails digging into her skin and causing her to bleed. "He got me again... he won't let me go.." She whispered her rocking increased, and her hand shot out and grabbed the blanket again, as though looking for something comforting that wasn't there. She looked down at it, and a fresh wave of tears splattered her face. "They said I'm safe.. am I safe Calvin?" she asked, her eyes unfocused as she looked up at him, the stuffed cat was still in her lap, but her hand had clenched on it, causing the purring to stop and a soft lullaby to escape from it.

"I'm trapped.." She said suddenly, her eyes wide, and her rocking increased it's pace. "I'm trapped.. trees... trees all around.. I can't get out.. he'll get me!" Chase cried out and suddenly flung the stuffed animal away from her. "They said it would help.. they've poisoned me!" Chase was scratching at her throat now, fear evident on her face as sobs wracked her body. "Said it would lock it away.. said it would go away... it didn't! It didn't go away! It won't go away.. he's got me Calvin... He's got me.. Help me. "She whispered, her fingernails bringing up blood on her neck as she scratched, trying to get the potion, that she thought was a poison out of her system, trying to claw it out.

In spite of himself and every effort that he had put into withholding his overwhelming fear and concern for Chase, as Calvin’s eyes locked with hers, he began to cry as well. There was nothing that he could do in order to prevent his tears from sprouting from his lashes and dancing down his cheeks, but he attempted to hide them from the young woman before him nonetheless. Calvin brought one of his wrists towards his face and brushed the fabric of his fingerless gloves along his cheeks, ridding them of the salty liquid. What unbearable pain he experienced as he searched Chase’s eyes for the smallest glimmer of light, and found none. But it was not the time for Calvin’s emotions to be paid any attention.

Calvin made his way across the bedroom that Chase had been given in a few strides, and sat at her side. Almost instinctively, Calvin wrapped a gentle arm around Chase’s shoulders and drew her near. “Yeah,” he replied, speaking into her choppy red hair, which he’d buried the lower portion of his face in. She was cold to the touch, Calvin noted. It was either that or he was running a fever. “Your safe,” he reassured her, but she began to claw at herself once more, as though his words had gone unheard.

She spoke with such fear in her voice, but for once, Calvin was not certain that he knew what to say in order to rid her of that dreadful feeling. He took hold of the hand that she had begun to harm herself with, and held it in his own in an attempt to prevent herself from drawing anymore of her blood.

For a moment Calvin was silent as he thought of what he would say in reply to Chase’s explanation. She claimed to be trapped amongst the trees with no means of escape. Calvin frowned as he recalled having been told something similar by his niece after a few months spent in captive. What had he said to calm her down? Calvin began to search his memory, flipping through every file within his mind as he desperately attempted to recall the way in which he’d comforted Nerissa. His mind seemed to be working against him.

“You are only trapped until you get the key,” Calvin spoke at last. “For every trap, there is a key, Chase. If there weren’t, you wouldn’t have any trouble getting free. You need to find it. I can help you, if you want me to. We can look for it together.” Calvin hoped with everything that he was that Chase would agree.

Chase felt Calvin's arm around her, and she immediately shrunk away from it, but it was so warm.. so safe, she moved back into his embrace, her rocking stopped because he was there now. He was going to help her.. he always had! He spoke so gently, so calmly, that she couldn't help but look up at him, amazement in her eyes. This was the one person Felix hadn't known anything about. This one person who hadn't been poisoned in her mind, and she held onto him like he was a lifeboat in the middle of a sea. Tears leaked down her face, and she felt his hand grasp hers, pulling her fingernails away from her neck, stopping the mutilation that was being caused from her own fingernails.

"A key?" She whispered, tears stinging her eyes, but the thought made her pause, and she grabbed his hand, gripping it with all her might, which was actually pretty hard, in her fright and insane state of mind. "But I haven't seen a key Calvin.. there isn't a key...I can't see one." Chase's eyes were wide with fear, and she started to shiver, hard. The odd thing about it, was that Chase was sweating a storm, and it wasn't really fright shivers, she was acting like she was frozen to the core, pushing herself into his arms, trying to get closer to his warmth. A battle was raging in her head, and her eyes were shut tight, sobs racking her body. "He'll get me if I get out... he's waiting for me out there.. I can't go out there." She whispered, shuddering in his arms. "If I leave... he'll find me... and I won't ever get out.. I'll die Calvin.. I'll die." She was sobbing softly, her whole body trembling from the physical exertion it took to cry as hard as she had been doing.

"Calvin... he'll get me.." She whimpered, looking up at him. "Can't you stay with me? Stay with me Calvin..." She had calmed down slightly in his arms, her shivering wasn't nearly as bad as before, and sweat beaded her forehead, while her eyes stayed closed, pain laced her features, and suddenly she made a small choking noise. It looked like she was just sitting there, but suddenly, she stopped breathing, and she went limp in Calvin's arms.

For a moment Calvin had believed that his words may have had a positive effect on Chase. The moment, however, was short lived. Once more, Chase began to speak frantically of the merciless man who had kidnapped her, and Calvin was left feeling as though he had failed her. During her previous panic attacks Calvin hadn’t had much trouble calming her, but evidently that was not the case this time around.

At a loss for words, Calvin intertwined Chase’s fingers with his own and brought their hands to his chest, allowing Chase to feel his hasty heartbeat against the back of her hand. It was quite astonishing, how calm Calvin had managed to keep himself considering how wild his insides had become. His stomach twisted painfully within him, while both his heart and the blood that fed it began to move at an irregular pace. Beneath Calvin’s warm, freckled mask, was a war zone. Calvin could only imagine how much worse it was for Chase. Surely, bombs had to be going off within her for it to show through her exterior to such an extent.

“Chase,” Calvin demanded her attention. In his eyes was a determination that had only ever been seen there before when he’d healed Chase. It was not a frightening expression, however. On the contrary; the expression was that of a man who would give anything to protect his beloved. “You will not die. I would never let that happen to you,” he promised her.

He paused for a moment, and his face grew gentle once more as he drew Chase closer. “I know I am not the best wizard; that I mess up my spells a lot, and I catch things on fire, but I… I would do anything to keep you safe. I may not stand a chance against Felix Barker, but I will fight for you, if you let me. Come back home.” A pair of glistening tears slithered down Calvin’s cheeks. “Please. I don’t know if I could stand it; being without you. I want to make you pancakes with sprinkles and watch cartoons with you. I want us to go on picnics and to fly kites. I want to listen to you laugh like you did when I first met you. I love it when you laugh...

“I can keep you safe, and we can be happy. You’ve just gotta get past this. You are strong enough. I know you are. You’re a fighter. You gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and managed to stay in school until graduation. You freed yourself from a bad relationship, and shortly after, you survived Felix Barker. Chase, you are the strongest person I know.”

Chase heard a voice, dimly, as though she was submerged underwater, her breathing was coming in shallow gasps now, her head was pounding, and she could hear a voice.. he was demanding her attention. Her eyes were closed and she felt her lungs searing. How long had she stopped breathing? She didn't know, but she took a deep breath and relieved the pain in her chest, only to hear Calvin speaking to her again. Speaking about how he wasn't the best wizard, but he believed in her. Those words of encouragement were enough to get her to open her eyes and slowly sit up, weakly. She was in his arms, drawn close to his chest, her head rested directly over his heart, and she listened to the frantic ba-dump ba-dump. Over and over again, willing it to calm down and rest for a bit, it would get tired if it didn't take it at a steady pace. Her hand came up and lay gently against his chest.

Chase's hair had decided to get pretty crazy, and it was suddenly getting longer, falling across her face, and getting longer then it had even before Barker had gotten her. It got long enough almost to reach her butt before it stopped, leaving Chase looking like she was simply covered in blood, head to toe, in blood that brushed away with a stroke of her hand, blood that was only hair, but left her skin looking paler for it. "Calvin..." Chase whispered and suddenly she sat up frantically. Her eyes snapped open, and she yelled out, suddenly struggling against an unknown foe. She screamed and kicked and flailed against it, fighting for her life, fighting against something only she could see.

Chase rolled off the bed and stood panting, a wild look in her eyes. She grabbed at her hair, and cried out, falling to her knees. "Get out! Please.. get out of my head! Make it stop! Make him leave!" She was sobbing frantically as she curled in on herself. "Make him go away! Make it stop!" She was shuddering so hard that she fell into a coughing fit, her heart beating wildly. "Get out of my head!" She yelled, rocking back and forth on the ground. "Calvin! Please! Kill me! Make him stop it! Kill me and end my suffering please!" She was sobbing in pain and emotion. "Please! Please... please.." she sobbed the same word over and over, rocking back and forth, tears flowing down her face, clutching at her shirt, ripping holes in it with her fingernails, and where there was no clothes, she was ripping holes into her skin, causing blood to well up, but she obviously didn't feel that pain. "Calvin! I want to listen to you! I want to! But he keeps screaming! He keeps screaming and I can't hear! Make him go away! Kill me!" She was sobbing uncontrollably now, hands searching for anything that could end her misery, eyes wide open. She looked like a mad woman, sitting on the ground, searching for something, and anything that would end her suffering.. if she had to do it herself.

“Brian!” Calvin screamed over his shoulder, refusing to take his eyes off of Chase due to the fear that she may try to take her life if he so much as blinked. “Help!” She was harming herself, tearing at her skin as she begged for Calvin to end her life… and Calvin could not take it. It was then that he realized that he was not capable of healing Chase in the way that he had begged Brian to allow him to. He could not help her. What Chase was struggling with was just out of Calvin’s reach, and thus, nothing that he said or did would have the desired effect on Chase’s tortured mind.

“No!” Calvin sobbed in reply to Chase’s pleas. He stood from the bed in an attempt to get to her, but as he climbed off of the mattress, his legs crumbled beneath him in the way that they had threatened to when he’d first arrived by portkey. He fell before Chase, meeting her on the carpeted floors with his arms reaching towards her desperately.

“I wont, Chase. I wont. I wont,” he refused, and grabbed hold of her hands gently. “Please, Chase,” he begged her, and crawled closer to her, lowering himself even further so that he was lying beside her. He rested his forehead against hers and breathed shakily. “I love you. I couldn't…” he whispered, sniffling as he did so.

Chase heard Calvin cry for Brian, and she knew at that point, somewhere in her mind, that she was insane. She had gone completely insane, and there was nothing she could do but sit and sob on the floor. Somewhere though... that trapped part of her mind was watching this. Now that the pain had been let out of her mind, and into reality, her inward self was completely calm, sitting, watching, judging her on her reactions, deciphering just how crazy she really was. Watching as Calvin fell to the floor in front of her, crying. The tears... Chase clawed at her chest, the pain to much, trying to find where the cause of it was, trying to find it so she could stop it. "Don't cry." She sobbed suddenly. "No... no... you didn't.. you couldn't.. fail me. "She whispered, feeling his hands suddenly grasp hers, and in her mind she was writhing in pain suddenly, the physical contact to much.

"You didn't.. you didn't." She sobbed uncontrollably for a few minutes, finding herself tucked into his arms, his forehead touching hers. The familiar sensation stopped her screaming and crying for a moment, her whole body shaking. "Make it stop Calvin... please." she begged him, "It hurts so much.. I don't know what to do... I'm so afraid.. he's going to get me.. he's going to kill me.. I know it.. I KNOW IT." She sobbed and clung to him. "Don't leave me Calvin, please! Don't leave me! Make it stop! I'm sorry." She was uncontrollable again, sobbing and tearing at her skin. His hands were trying to hold hers back, but she was so desperate, so out of control to stop the pain and the memories flooding into her brain. The feeling of the knife under her skin, the whispered words, mocking her, stealing her soul away. It had been so good, it had all been great for so long... and then she had failed him.. she had failed Calvin.

It was the last words that went through her mind as she fell unconscious in a crazed induced sleep, laying in Calvin's arms. Tears still streaking her cheeks, her head fell to the side, her breathing became almost normal, and her face went peaceful again. Inside her head though... she was tearing at herself, sobbing, flinging herself at the trees that surrounded her. Trying to find anything that she could throw. The fact was, when she was calm in one place, her body and mind rebelled in the other. She looked peaceful for the moment to Calvin, laying in his arms, but in her mind, she was sobbing, crying over and over. "I've failed him."