No Such Thing as an Old Blessing

"Oh, there's nothing to be sorry for," Khaat said soothingly, "Believe me, I know exactly what he can do to the mind. He's well practiced at making women think that they've done something to deserve what he dishes out. And its all horsecrap. All of it. The important thing is that you put it behind you. I'm just glad we could get past things.

"Oh, so you're working in Magical Creatures, then? Good. My mother specializes in that. She's been filling our barn at my parents house full of all sorts of magical creatures that needed help and healing for decades. And that leaves my father responsible for growing the crops for the plant eating animals, and, well, my parents like eating fresh farmgrown fruits and vegetables too. And then there are all those herbs my father needs for his potions. He used to do all that by hand. Now he takes all sorts of magical shortcuts and hires wizards to help him take care of things. Shoot, even Brian hires help now to care for the estate here and the animals in the stables. Not to mention the other properties we have now.

"If I ever get done being pregnant, maybe you can come with us for a long weekend to Tuscany. We have a villa there now, and its got the beach on three sides out of four. Its a huge stone villa right out on a point. Its gorgeous. You'll have to come. It'll be fun. Angus' family brings us the finest seafood on the Mediterranean, and he fixes just the best traditional Tuscan food i've ever had. And of course, its completely unplottable. Its not someplace where anybody is going to find us Its a good place to swim, tan, laugh, go shopping in the little Italian villages, and its just a very short apparating spell into Venice." Venice made her smile. That was where she and Brian had finally fallen in love. They'd gone from being childhood friends to falling in love under the magical spell that the timelessness of Venice had woven around them.

"Of course, there is the possibility that my father will elect to let me be pregnant forever," Khaat shrugged. "IN which case, I'll have to hurt him." She laughed.

Chase nodded. "It's true.. he does make you feel like you deserve it.." She said softly, feeling her eyes glaze over as she was transported back in time to being in Barker's grasp.

"Does it hurt?" He whispered, gently touching her face as he looked down at the knife that was jammed into her abdomen. "Good.. do you know why I do things like this Chase? Because you deserve it... First you go and get your parents killed... oh, we all know that wasn't your fault, that was a poltergeists.. but had you just not opened that door." He laughed and pulled the knife out, getting a large yell from Chase before she fell back limply to the table she was strapped to. "I do things like this to poor people like you, because it's my job... I'm a servant of hell Chase Moor, I know everything about you... I know that you ran away from home when you were younger.. and got mixed up with a bad crowd.. remember the feeling of hunger you felt.. trapped in an alley... remember how it felt to see your best friend shoot the cruciatus curse at you?" He laughed again, and took what looked like a small razor blade, and gently ran it along her cheek, pressing hard. Blood welled up, and Chase's tears mingled with it, to make it sting even more.

"Elijah never cared for you.. I just found out that they gave up the search love.. they gave up on you.. they think your dead... even your friend Khaat couldn't save you.. there are limitations to the family given power she has... and one of those is saving you.. you know they put every effort into finding her, until they did.. they never gave up on HER... but no.. they just left you love.. left you to die in my grasp, and this is why you won't die.. so that you can go back.. knowing that they forgot about you.. they would rather you die here.. painfully, then put a few more people on the case.. they almost found you once too.. they were in this area.. and one tip off across the country, and they forgot this area again.. then they gave up completely.. and it's all because you were a horrible person Chase..."

"You had a baby as a teenager... and now that baby will grow up without it's mommy, living with the man who hurt you, took you away from happiness.. wanted to lock you away in a tower... why do you have to be so damn stupid Chase?" He growled out into her ear, pushing the blade into her other cheek. "Everyone thinks you are stupid you know... everyone.. they look at you and laugh... laugh at your foolishness.. laugh at how stupid you are.. even Khaat, Elijah did too.. he thinks your the biggest idiot he ever saw... what kind of fool would fall in with Elijah Krum anyway? A stupid one.." He laughed and sliced at her chin, leaving another bloody streak. "You deserve this pain Chase... maybe it'll make you wise up.. maybe it will make you realize just how stupid you are... you've done terrible things.. hurt so many people.. you deserve it Chase.. You deserve it."

Chase looked up at Khaat and frowned, her eyes still kind of glazed over. "I don't know Khaat.. I'm.. still figuring things out.. I mean.. I kind of want to stay with Calvin for a while.. get to know him better.. see.. just how compatible we really are.. I want to have some quality time with my family before I go do anything so grand." She smiled at her. "Besides, I couldn't possibly pay you back... I don't have any money left.. well, I have some.. I had to sell my family home, and everything in it.. but I do have enough to get me and Calvin a house if we wanted to.. and to take care of us for a while until my salary helps to pay for things as well." She smiled at Khaat. "But thanks for the offer." She said, knowing the main reason she had turned down the offer, was because of those dark thoughts that had entered her mind.

Khaat wasn't stupid. She was a seer after all, and she knew that everything Felix had filled Chase full of was nonsense, just like he'd tried to do to her. But Khaat also knew how it felt to have others picking up on her thoughts when she hadn't invited them to do so. And Chase needed more time to heal. Nobody got over this overnight. Nobody.

"Alright," she said gently. "But as I told you a long, long time ago, the money isn't an object. I dont' want paid back. There is nothing to pay me back for. Chase, just a bit of advice. Take the time you need to figure out your relationship with Calvin. But keep your mind moving forward. I found for myself that the more I thought about the past, the more difficult daily life became. If you sold everything, what did you do with your house elf?" She knew how much the house elf had meant to Chase. And she hadn't remembered seeing it at Chase's place or hearing that Angus had seen it when he'd found Katie that awful day.

Khaat didn't say anything to Chase about what she thought about Felix. That wasn't anything Chase needed to know. Brian knew how she felt. And right now, most of what she thought was on an indefinite hold while her life took this new turn. But she still had thoughts of her own.

Chase blinked and had to hold back tears, suddenly unsure how she had managed to get in here, how she had managed to get up the courage to walk up to this house.. to see this woman again. Her hands were clenched, and it was pretty obvious just what was going on in her mind. She knew when this happened at home, she just took a small dot of numbing potion on her tongue, and took a nap, usually it helped, and when she woke up, Calvin would be there.. holding her hand, worried about her. But she was in the situation now, and she was starting to shake slightly. She couldn't look at the tea leaves anymore and set down the cup in the saucer, making a rattling noise that made it obvious just how much her hands were shaking.

"Calla is working at Hogwarts for now... I sent her there a long time ago.. A long time ago... I haven't actually lived with her since before my parents died really... she would stop in at the house out there.. every so often.. and she was here.. but.. besides that.. she's happier at Hogwarts." She said biting her lower lip, and standing up suddenly. "I'm sorry.. I should be going.. I.. I've intruded long enough on your patience." Her hands were clenched, and her eyes darted around the room, unable to look at anyone in it. She clenched her jaw, and stared just over Khaat for a long moment, before nodding. "Thank you for seeing me again.. I... I need to go.." She said, knowing she hadn't been ready for this, but she had desperately hoped she had been alright for something like this. It seemed like such a long time ago it happened, but in reality.. it wasn't that long.. and seeing Khaat.. it sparked up memories best forgotten. Chase had small tears in her eyes, and she crossed her arms over her stomach, as though protecting a baby that wasn't there, but in reality, she was protecting the scar he had caused her.. a large gashed scar across her stomach that had taken every ounce of Calvin's strength to heal. Chase's eyes met Khaat's for a long moment, before she had to turn away. Anger swept through her for that one sickening moment, and she knew she had to get out of there... now.

"Stop running, Chase," Khaat said softly. As long as Chase ran in her mind from Barker, she was not as free as she claimed she was. And that part took time. Khaat wasn't running from him. In fact, her emotions had gone from running from him to want to go find him and beat the daylights out of him. To do to him what he had done to her and the people she loved. Khaat felt rage towards him now. She had given him a chance, and Barker had thrown it back in her face. She had felt rage for a long time, but for the sake of her pregnancy, she'd put off going after him. The time would come, though, she promised herself. Just not now.

She reached up her hand and very gently touched Chase's forehead, causing a calming spell over her. Calming spells were so much better, would remove the panic and the negative emotion and didnt' have the long lasting negative effects that numbing potions did. The instant Khaat's hand touched Chase's forehead, Khaat knew. She knew about the potions. But she also understood full well how much Chase needed them right now.

"Stop the brand of numbing potion you're taking," Khaat said. Then without going into detail, she said, "I know you're liable to need it for awhile, but that brand is not a good quality. Brian--get the bottle from the kitchen, please." Brian got up and went to the kitchen and brought the crystal bottle that held the lavender colored potion. He handed it to Khaat. "This one is a far better quality and its healthier for you. Take it with you. Throw the other one away. If you need more, just send me an owl, and I'll send it to you straight away. I always have some here." She wanted Chase to realize that there were ways to be calm and peaceful without that heaviness of the numbing potions. She didn't want Chase to go down the road that she herself had been down with those things. That had been horrible. "Any better?"

OOC: Slight godmod. Sorry. LOL. if you want me to change it, I will.

Chase was shaking as Khaat touched her forehead. She nearly flinched back, but she forced herself to stand still, legs fighting the impulse to flee or curse her. Hands clenched, eyes watering. She shouldn't be here.. she wasn't ready for this.. wasn't ready.. she had to leave, but suddenly things felt a bit clearer, and she opened her eyes and looked at Khaat. She didn't feel nearly as panicky, and actually felt a lot better, her mind now able to cope with the fact of where she was, and why she was here.. and letting the panic and fear of being around Khaat die out. It was unneeded, and yet Chase was so upset.. so angry, and sad, and hurt. The emotions were still there, but she felt a lot calmer after her hand had touched her forehead.

Chase looked up at Khaat and was surprised when she told her to stop the brand of numbing potion she was taking. Chase's eyes went wide, and she looked confused for a moment. It took a while for her to realize what she was talking about, and then she carefully nodded. "I'm sorry.." She whispered, hands still shaking, but not nearly as bad as before. She turned and carefully took the bottle from Brian, her eyes straying on him, wondering what he thought about her now.. now that she could barely walk into the house without fear and anger flowing through her system, embarrassing her, and making her look like a fool. Luckily the girl's had no idea what was going on, and Angus was still in the kitchen. So it was really only Khaat and Brian who was witnessing her small shut down.

"Thank you... yes, I'm feeling.. a bit better. "She said, frowning and looking down at the floor. "I'm sorry... I... it's just what he said.. what he did say... It was horrible.." She whimpered and found herself reaching out for Khaat's hand, shaking as she hovered her hand over Khaat's, before gently laying hers on top of hers. And immediately she felt nearly sick, her mind rebelling the contact, her head reeling, her eyes shut she pulled her hand away from Khaat's as though she had been burnt, and cradled it to herself, tears pricking her eyes. "It's like he's still there.. he won't go away.. no matter how happy I am... he won't go away.."

"Oh, how I know," she sighed heavily. "Sometimes I still hear it too. But it was all lies. All of it. And you know it was. That's how he operates. The way it gets better is fairly simple, fortunately. I hear him less every day." She smiled at Chase "You wanna know the secret? I can tell you the most powerful secret in magic. The most powerful form of magic there is. And you have it--in sooo many ways. Love. The more you love and let yourself be loved, the more Barker's horsecrap will fade. It cannot stand in the face of love.

"What I found is that the more I surround myself with the people I love and who love me, and the more we do our best to live our lives to the very fullest each day and savor even the simplest of things, then every day Barker's voice gets softer and softer in my head, the visions don't come back now, usually, unless something triggers them back. but even that's getting better." She picked up a little leather journal from beside her and opened it to a page. It was a list, and it went for pages and pages.

"Look at this," Khaat said. "Its a list to remind myself of everything in this world that brings me love or pleasure. It starts with the obvious things like the people that I love and it goes to things like French Roast, morning walks on the beach, picking up seashells, all the way to silly llitle things like seeing the different colors in the wings of a dragonfly as he suns himself. I love all those things. And I add to that list continuously. The more I read the list, the more i write on the list, the more I remind myself not to take any of those wonderful things for granted. Its a silly thing to do, but for me, its really helped." She handed the book for Chase to look at.

Chase's lip was trembling as Khaat spoke. "I know it was lies, but how can you not believe it? When he sits there.. and says it so... calmly, the way he says it is just so.. plain... and it makes you think of everything you were already thinking, and he probes your mind.. and says what you were already thinking... makes you weak... and then he hurts you.." Chase was near to crying now, and she had to look away from Khaat, move away from her, her hands were shaking again, and she looked at the numbing potion before her, wanting some, but knowing that it should wait until she was back with Calvin... he had encouraged her to see Khaat.. and now she was letting him down.. that hurt a lot more then she had thought it would.

Chase looked at the journal, and found herself curious. A list of things that you shouldn't take for granted... helped to recall to her mind the things that before Barker she had simply overlooked, things so simple, and yet so basic.. because when you were in his clutches, every bit of that disappeared. Your family was gone, and he took away your comfort, your security, he took away your safe part of your mind, and then he took away the unsafe part to, he left you feel exposed and raw, and once he had you raw... he coupled that with pain... enforcing the fact that he was right, digging it into each and every scar.. each scar symbolized another part of her mind that he had picked. Chase very carefully held out her hand, and making sure not to touch Khaat's, she took the book and looked through it carefully. Reading the different things in it, smiling at a couple of them.

"It just hurts to bad Khaat..." Chase said giving back the book and frowning. "How did you do it? How did you... think past that time? He hurt you more then he even hurt me.. and it's just so hard..." Chase said, running her hand over her bad eye, feeling the scar there, and wincing. It had been a painful one that she wasn't sure Felix had meant to make, but it was effective all the same.

"They all hate you Chase!" The knife came down again on her foot, and Chase let out a sound that sounded like half a sob and half a scream. "They think you are STUPID! Do you not realize this yourself? They look at you, and you aren't even a threat to them... you could be you know.." Suddenly he was right up against her face, his lips brushing against her ear. "I can make the pain stop... I can make your sentence with me a lot easier... You know I don't want to hurt you.. and I know you trust me... you know the devil sends out people to punish those who have sinned.. and you girl have sinned, but I can save you." He said gently running his hand through her hair.

"I can save you, by telling you one easy thing." He grinned, and then touched her hand, which had multiple broken fingers. "You take your wand... and you shoot a spell at her... you kill her Chase.. kill her, and you will be rewarded.. Khaat Lupin.. she's a horrid person.. she's done things you wouldn't believe. She's hurt many people like you... entranced them into her home, made them feel loved.. is that how she makes you feel? Like you are a good person.. like you finally got a break, and you finally got some rest, and feel like you deserve to be happy? Well Khaat Lupin.. she has an evil mind.. you see, she works for him as well, and I would know that, I do too.. but she makes you feel safe.. and then she hurts you in ways I could never do.. and she enjoys it Chase! She enjoys torturing you.. even if she isn't the one doing the torturing. She makes you feel safe, then she feeds you to me... she takes initiative.. she took away your kids, knowing full well you would run, and then she told me where you lived... oh yes, it was Khaat herself who told me where to find you... she sold you out Chase.. sold you out so that you would feel pain."

"Does that hurt Chase?" He asked, holding up the large knife he had been stabbing her with for the last few minutes, blood was soaking Chase, and it puddled in the operating table she lay on. He held up the knife, and very gently turned Chase's head to the side, grabbing all of her hair, and using this blood covered knife, to chop it off, but as he pulled away, the side of the knife caught her on the eye, and blood immediately welled up, and her sight went bad. Only able to see out of one eye, she watched as her own, red hair, fell to the ground, like the blood that was now seeping from the cut in her eye. Felix swore and immediately got a towel to wipe it away, and healed it to his best ability, but the scar was there, and the damage was done.

Chase felt her hand twitch, felt it move towards her wand, and she knew that if Brian wasn't quick enough, she could get Khaat.. she could do it! Khaat would be dead in a matter of seconds, along with her babies. A surge of anger, pain, and betrayal coursed through her, and Chase's hand pulled out her wand, pointing it at Khaat, a look of pain on her face as she did. As though she wasn't quite sure what she was doing, but she was doing it anyway.

"Immobilius!" Brian fired his wand at her. Chase hadn't been thinking straight, and Khaat and Brian had seen it coming the more upset she had become. Chase's wand had been fast, but Brian's had been like lightning. He moved Chase to a recliner and put her there. He looked at Chase and then back at Khaat.

"Enough of this," he said to Khaat. "We can't let this crap go on for her. Barker's already done enough."

"I know," she said softly. "Go ahead." Brian fired his wand again at Chase. It was a powerful calming and numbing spell. It would send her into sleep for a few moments. When she woke, Barker would be pushed far back into the back regions of her mind. He laid her back in the recliner and covered her with a light blanket. She could rest now.

"Send an owl to Calvin," Khaat told Brian. "Make him throw that shit out she's taking. Its one of Rob's. Chase doesn't know that. Nor does she know what it could do to her if she takes more than she's been taking. Tell Calvin to destroy it immediately or return it. Tell him he can contact me or you or my father for the right potion, at no cost, any hour of the day."

"I was already thinking about that," Brian said, writing the note, and handing it to Archangel. "Calvin Ransom," he told the bird, watching it fly away. He removed the immobilius spell from Chase now. "You know you still have guardianship."

"I'm not going there," she told Brian firmly. "She wants to be her own person. I'll let her do it. And if she has someone like you in her life for her, then I'll offer help, but its up to them to decide to take it. They need to learn now how to ask us for help when they need it. I'm not about to force it."

"You have your father's wisdom," Brian kissed her. "We'll let her rest now and see what happens."

"Does Calvin know how to get her if he wants to come?"

"I sent him a portkey, if he's clever enough to know thats what it is," Brian grinned. "You okay?"

"Fine. She didn't mean to do it, and I trust you. You are, still, my bodyguard, after all," she laughed. "I'm fine."

"Good, And now we wait."

"Indeed," she said.

Chase knew it had been hopeless the moment her wand came out, because she had barely been able to lift it all the way before she was frozen. Tears froze on her cheeks, and her hand stayed completely still in the air, pointed directly at Khaat. Chase's eyes moved around for a bit, before she simply stared straight ahead, and could feel hands, pulling her back and sitting her down. She sat there for a moment, unable to hear them because of the own pounding in her ears, and then everything got dark, and her body relaxed.

It was as though a cloud had descended upon her, and she was walking through the fog, looking around blearily.

After a moment the fog started to thin, and she realized she was in a clearing, an empty clearing in a huge forest. The trees towered over her head, and Chase found herself looking up. Above her was a dazzling light.. but it didn't hit her, it stopped above her head, and hit the ground all around, but the light wouldn't touch her. Chase could feel herself longing for that light, wanting to desperately to be able to feel the warmth of that light as it seemed to be able to touch all of the things around her, except her. Slowly, carefully, Chase took a step forward, and looked back. The place that was devoid of the light looked grey and unappealing, but it didn't move. Soon she was standing at the edge of the circle where the sunshine wouldn't hit.

Chase stared at it for a long moment, and then looked forward, seeing that beautiful light, but suddenly something else came from it. Something scary... Chase took a step backwards, her whole body shaking like a leaf, as something moved among the trees. She knew if she just stayed where she was, she would be okay.. if she stayed in that patch of grey, the illusion couldn't hurt her. The grey was reality.. everything else beyond it was just an illusion. Suddenly the trees started to move, the clearing got smaller, and smaller, and Chase was crying desperately, to afraid to leave the circle, but knowing she would be crushed by the trees if she didn't. But before she could make up her mind, the trees stopped just outside the small circle of grey. Chase looked up and saw the branches locking over her head.

There was no space between the trunks, and Chase sat down on the cold, hard ground, staring around. She had been put in a cage, a cage of trees and greyness.. she had the chance to go into that light.. but the fear of the illusion had pushed her back into the tiny space. And so she sat, rocking back and forth, sobbing, and waiting to be let out again.

Chase woke gradually, unsure why she felt so shaky, but happy for the little nap, and feeling extremely calm, and felt an odd sense of not being able to move her fingers properly, and slowly, Chase started to check her responses, not opening her eyes yet, she flexed her fingers, and worked her jaw, moving her wrists and ankles, before carefully opening her eyes and wincing as all of the light in the room seemed to flood into her undamaged eye... the other one was suddenly useless, she couldn't see out of it at all, and when she closed her other eye, she realized she could see something.. but it wasn't the room she was sitting in.. no, it was what looked like a tree trunk..

Chase's eye shot open, and she looked around the room blearily, carefully sitting up and realizing there was a blanket on her. She looked at it nervously, before sitting up completely and looking around. It had to have only been a couple of minutes, but she felt extremely calm, and relaxed. Her useless eye was drooping slightly, and she could feel an odd thudding in her scar on her belly, but she was having a hard time remembering why she had taken a nap in the first place. Looking around, Chase saw first Brian, and then Khaat, laying on the couch, looking as though she had swallowed a whale. Chase frowned and looked around carefully. "What happened? All I remember is.. is.. Khaat showing me her book.. and I handed it back.. and then it got so dark.." She said shaking her head, her voice slurred a little bit before she got control of her tongue again and her voice regained it's normal sound. "Why did I faint?" She looked around at them all, wondering why everything had such a grey tinge to it.. it wasn't right.. something was wrong.