Thinking on mistakes [[Darren]]

"Don't worry, I don't think your bad. Just a little clumsy," Darren said smiling, and not smirking, for once. "Oops, I mean, very clumsy. Well whatever, lets get started then." He was nervous, or anxious, he might be a good occlumens, but he wasn't a great leglimens and not a great teacher either. He didn't have patience for mistakes.

"Alright, the first thing you should know is that leglimens requires eye contact, so if you don't think you can block someone out just look away from them. Don't do it all the time though, or else The Dark Lord will be convinced you have something to hide," he explained. "So thats where occlumency comes in, you can block him out by making your mind totally devoid of thought. Thats the most important part in occlumency, how well your are in hiding your thoughts and keeping your mind clear." She probably knew this already, but whatever. Darren stopped talking and took out his wand.

Clumsy, Zoë couldn't keep the smile and laughter from her at that moment. Boy he just hit the nail on the head. "Clumsy, yea I'm that. That is for sure." Letting her hands fall, she brushed them on her jeans again. Shrugging her shoulders a little, Zoë looked back at him. "But hey, that's me. Can't change it. Even though I do have times when I would love to."

She stood and faced Darren. Preparing herself for what she knew was coming. She could do it and had every reason to do them. She listened to him as he explained things. Eye contact. That would be a problem for her, she didn't often maintain that. But she was willing to work on it. She nodded, showing that she understood Darren. "Eye contact and keep my mind clear. Ok."

Darren was still having second thoughts, he didn't like looking into peoples thoughts, it was just.. odd. He was also worried that Zoe might manage to look through his thoughts. That wouldn't be good. But he had agreed to help her already. Sighing, he always seemed to get himself into these messes.

"Right," he said, pointing the wand at her. It wasn't really needed but it was better to use a wand. "Mind clear?" he asked before counting to 3. On 3 he shouted "Legilimens!"

Zoë was filled with worry and fear. She had no idea what to expect. Of course a huge part of her was worried. What if she couldn't do it? What if some of her thoughts that no one know about were revealed. Taking a deep breath she turned to face Darren. Nothing would change if she didn't face they thing her fear was based on.

Watching Darren point his wand at her, her heart began racing. Quickly and franticly she tried to free her mind of everything, of every thought. Suddenly she felt Darren trying to go through her thoughts. It was the strangest thing she had ever experienced. Part of her wanted to marvel in that but she knew that it wasn't the time to do it.

Zoë tried to think of nothing. Only problem was that it was much harder that it had sounded. As she tried to block him, a thought started to rise. A flash of her mother's face full of rage. She was yelling. This was one of the very memories that she never wanted to relieve and yet here she was doing just that.

Darren knew what it felt like to have someone going through his memories, his father had done it to him while they were practicing occlumency and leglimency a very long time ago. It had been necessary but Darren had really hated that. It wasn't pleasant, and he felt sorry for Zoe.

He tried his best to detach himself from the memories he was seeing, as he knew quite well by now that many of them wouldn't be pleasant. It was just like that, everyone had bad experiences in life, and it wasn't nice to see them all agian. This was exactly why he hated leglimency. He couldn't understand how Voldemort used it all the time, but then again, that was Voldemort.

Try as he might though, he could still see through all her memories. Zoe was doing remarkably well in the beginning and her memories were only coming rarely, and very hazy. Darren could hardly make them out, which was good. However, the worse memories were much more clear, which wasn't good. He frowned as he saw through all those. He wanted to stop, but he didn't. She had to block him out. He wondered when she would achieve that.

As the thoughts of the worst moment in Zoë's life laid fresh in her head, she began to get filled with the rage of the memory. This was her most painful memory and she didn't want to share it with anyone, let alone Darren. Not that she had anything against him, this was personal, a little too personal to share.

Standing there facing Darren, Zoë fought with all that she had to block him. To get him out of her head. That was her memory, hers and hers alone. She looked back at him when rage filled eyes as the memory started to grow. Now not only was the images being seen but voices were starting to be heard.

"NO!!! Get out." Zoë yelled at him. As she did almost a block fell into place. The memory was gone. Almost as if it was never there. She felt her gaze meet his and hold it. But instead of the emotions from the memory, there was nothing.

Darren took a step backwards as Zoe finally blocked him out. She hadn't attacked him but the sudden change in tone had surprised him. He was glad to finally get out of her mind, though he hadn't on purpose. That last memory had obviously triggered something in Zoe, and now she looked rather angry.

"Well, you managed to block me out eventually," Darren commented, shrugging. "However, you allowed me to see too much. Not good enough." He was trying to stop himself from asking about the memories but couldn't stand it. He was always the curious type. "What was the last memory?..." he asked, doubting that she would tell him.

Standing there by the lake, the wind started to whip thru Zoë's hair. But she didn't care. Zoë stood rigid, arms straight by her side. Along with her sudden harsh body movement her gaze was almost as harsh. She could still feel anger. Anger from the memory, from Darren for putting her thru this, even anger at herself for being so weak that she couldn't block him and keep him out.

Everything seemed like a blur, one huge blur. After a few seconds, Darren's face started to come back into view. The look on his face was almost priceless. Zoë had surprised him. Not many people could actually say that. The sight made her shake her head and almost smile. But she still looked away very quickly.

Looking away at the lake, Zoë listened to Darren as he critiqued her job. Since it was her first try, Zoë was actually impressed with her job. It was just as hard as she had expected it to be. "Well to be my first try, I think I did very well. Just need more practice that's all." She turned back to face Darren.

Just as she hoped he would ask anything about the memory, he did. The next question would be if she would actually say anything or try and keep it to herself. "Well since you pretty much saw it , I guess I can tell you." Zoë let her gaze wonder away. "What you saw was the day my mother threw me out of our home. It was the day after my 11 birthday. She was so mad. I had ruined my new dress. God I hated that thing. She wouldn't listen. Got so mad that she tossed me out along with my stuff." Wiping a tear from her face, Zoë turned to face Darren trying to regain herself. "I'm sorry you had to see that.

Darren main problem was that he underestimated people. Zoe was one of them. So he ended up being very surprised when she blocked him out. Still, she had taken a long time. SO when she disagreed with him, he rolled his eyes. "Look, I wasn't even trying. I didn't want to see all that crap in your mind OK? I'm not a great leglimens, so don't feel over proud of yourself. You'll find it a lot harder on taking Voldemort out of your head let me assure you. In fact, the way you started, I doubt you ever could," he said. [yeah hes not a great teacher xD]

Realizing he might of been being a bit mean to her, Darren decided to encourage a bit too. "But.. it was your first try, and an OK one. You should be able to get better lately." Because really, no one could do well on their first try, and Zoe did manage to block him otu eventually. Something which was just annoying.

He didn't think she would tell him the memory, but she did, once again surprising him. "She threw you out of your house?" Darren repeated. "Just because you ruined your dress?" That was a bit harsh, he felt a little sad for her. She had been only 11 at that time. He dwelled on that for a minute, then raised his wand again. "Alright, do you want to try again?"

Watching the water in the lake, Zoë fought to regain herself. Not just from the memory but from the entire ordeal. Not only was this more physically exhausting than she had expected but it was also more emotionally exhausting as well. Reliving her deepest and most painful memories hadn't been something she had really wanted to do. But she also knew that she had to do it.

Slowly she turned back toward Darren. "Not trying. That was not trying. God I'm going to hate this. Do you think I wanted you to see what is in there? After all there are something's that I do want to keep private from everyone even myself." Zoë found herself glaring back at Darren after his comment. After all it was a little harsh, but she had come to expect it from him a little. "Well it's good to see where I stand in your eyes. Just another little weakling."

She knew that it had been her first try at it. Even Zoë was surprised at herself. Of course Darren wasn't. Did that really surprise her, no not really, but it would be ok. "I will get the hang of this. I know I will." Saying it out loud make her believe it even more than she had already.

"Oh, that is my mother for you. You have to be the perfect person. Perfect daughter or child or whatever. No, it wasn't just the dress but I think that was the final straw for her. I was nothing like my sisters and she was afraid I would ruin her name and image. So she tossed me out." Shrugging her shoulders she faced Darren again. "But that is a topic for another day."

Preparing herself for another round, Zoë stared down Darren's wand. "No not really. But if we are doing this than let's do it." Just as soon as the words came out the feeling of someone trying to enter her mind started. She could feel her memories attempting to rise again. Starting to form in fuzzy shapes. But suddenly they were gone. Nothing. A smile formed itself across Zoë's face.