You Say That It's Hard Standing Still

“I know,” he returned from his spot wrapped around her. “I didn’t want to say anything. I shouldn’t have. It just escaped.”

A frustrated groan left him almost silently, but it was directed at himself. He needed to sort himself properly so he could calm Millie enough that she could move on. He wouldn’t mention it again, of that he was certain. Not to her, at least. A pull to disclose his decisions to Robin was there in his gut, and Keiran couldn’t reject the idea of going to talk to the younger man. He had never needed his friend more.

The transition back to his old personality would not be painfully difficult, but he had to worry after if Millie would catch on. If she did, Keiran feared she would just end up angry with him for not listening or not being honest with her. Hadn’t he just reminded himself that he refused to lie to her? Mentally chiding himself, he worked it out in his head:

It wasn’t lying. It was changing to make her happy.

If Millie wasn’t happy, he wouldn’t have even a shot at being happy. Of that much he was sure. These past few months had made that quite evident, he was sorry to say. But Keiran hoped that it made him an alright husband, since he couldn’t really ever be a good one.

His skin seemed to catch fire as Millie’s fingers traced over the lines and creases there. He felt the fabric of his shirt being gripped further by her hand even as she lifted to meet him. A quiet, desperate sound formed in the back of his throat when her lips brushed over his, the memory of last night not far enough away to allow his pulse to maintain itself. The gesture was one that started the healing for him, and Keiran assumed Millie knew as much when she had initiated it. But it almost hurt that she was so close and he was so close to being his old self. Once he was, things wouldn’t be so hard. He just needed time for the issue to pass before he could rightfully take up the pretense.. So he didn’t try to push the kiss any longer, allowing it to end mutually.

Keiran opened his mouth several times to interject, but decided that letting her finish would probably be best. Better to get everything out and go from there than to stop her and cause any more unrest.

“If we’re being honest, it might’ve taken you pulling me out the window.” He mumbled finally, choosing to show her that he preferred to move past the problem all together. “But I promise, anyways: I won’t put up any igloo walls. I’d much rather hide under the covers where you can crawl in as well and we can go back to just… just the original version of us.”

Taking her hand, Keiran led her down the hall to what he had assumed would be their master bedroom. “And that can be done in here, once furnished, and we’ll have Sundays again and it’ll be good. I think. I hope. But then we’ll be near the twins’ room and then if they have nightmares they’ll end up in here anyways. But more often than not, we can probably manage to find time to sneak up here and cover our heads with the comforter and chat like we should’ve been doing.” Nodding firmly, Keiran turned to see what Millie thought of his nonsensical rambling. “Right..?”