Finding Femininity

"Its not hard," Angus said. "Watch." He got out a pair of beautiful fresh red snappers and showed Cassidy how to skin, debone, and fillet them quickly and efficiently. He discarded the useless bits and got out parchment paper, a couple of baking trays, sea salt, pepper, fresh garlic, two shallots, fresh dill, a couple of fresh Italian lemons, and extra virgin olive oil. He preheated the oven.

He minced the garlic, and chopped the shallots into a small dice. He washed and sliced the lemons into paper thin slices and broke the dill up into slender sprigs. With a pair of kitchen scisssors, he cut several pieces of parchment paper into heart shaped pieces and set them aside, explaining that what he was doing was a classical French technique for preparing fish "en papillote"--or in parchment paper. He showed her how to oil and season the fish and lay it on the parchment paper with the garlic and shallot and dill and then how to lay several lemon slices in a beautiful fashion across the fish. Then he showed her how to fold the other half of the parchment overtop and how to fold the edges into an airproof seal to steam the fish efficiently.

"You want to try now?" he asked. "Its just assembly now."

Cassidy moved to stand next to him watching with intrest at how he deboned the fish. She watched with intrest at how he did it finding she picked up on it easy or so she thought the papaer bit caught her out a little when he asked if she wanted to try one she nodded picking up the fish she washed it as she descaled it then deboned placing it on parchment she added all the things he had and paused " ok I can do this " she said picking up the paper she brought it up into a basket roling the edges togather into a folded pouch or parcel just as he had done " hows that , not neat i know " she said looking at the uneven edges then at his neat ones wondering if she practiced if she would get it to be as neat as his " gess you've done this a lot of times to get it that neat " she said chuklaing.

"Yep," Angus nodded, looking over her work. "Looks fine. You want to finish putting the rest of those together and I'll get onto the side dishes?"

He took whole sweet onions and peeled them and took more olive oil and parchment paper. He rubbed an onion for each person with butter and sprinkled them with sald and twisted them up into the parchment paper pieces. He put the bundles each on a baking sheet, put some baking potatoes on the baking sheet, and put them into the oven ahead of the fish.

"There," he said. "This meal is going to be easier clean up than you know. Two baking sheets and the plates and silverware. That's it. Nice job. The fish looks great. Now get them into the oven, and we're done until its ready--unless you want to set the table for us."

Cassidy started making up one for each person soon she was geting them like Angus's and she smiled once done " well we could set the table while the fish is cooking " she said and slid a baking trya with them in into the oven to cook slowly. Moving she took out the silverware and began laying it down on the table moving to get the plates she placed them down too and stepped back statisfied the table was set right . she looked behind the couch to see Dakota playing with Max's tail " good max " she said softly and smiled . Taking a deep breath she smelt the fish and moved back into the kitchen " Max is playing with Dakota or is that dakota with max " she said chukaling

"Max is parenting her," Angus said. "He's taking care of her as he would if she were his kitten. And he takes his job very seriously. He's a good dad---well, for a cat, anyway. Kate trained them well. Not only that, but Max is just an exceptional animal. It takes a special muggle cat to understand the magical world, but somehow Kate makes it work. She's a good animal trainer."

When dinner was ready, Angus arranged the plates. He used larger plates for dinner tonight. The proper way to serve it was to serve the fish in the parchment packages and to let each diner tear open the parchment themselves. He opened the parchment around the roasted sweet onions, though, and put the potatoes on the plates, splitting them open. He had made some melted herb butter to drizzle across the roasted onions, and had made some garlic and chive sour cream for the potatoes.

He served the plates and set the sauces on the table, calling everyone to come for dinner. He went back into the kitchen and got a couple of dishes of food for the girls. "Go take your place at the table, Cassidy. I think as soon as we get the girls up to the table, we're ready to eat."

He picked up Abbey and put her in her high chair and put a bowl of food on her tray on her high chair, knowing someone else would certainly bring Dakota.

Cassidy smiled and nodded " yeah hes agood cat , I get her " she said and moved into the living room seeing her behins the couch she sighed " max its dakotas lunch time" she watched as he walked out and followed by Dakota she bent down and picked her up walking threw she placed her in her hig chair as the others walked in smiling Cassidy sat down next to Angus and looked at the table " does look good " she said smiling realiing if its prepared right it will taste just as good. She watched the others sits down and smiled at them. She gave Dakota her food and began to eat her own loving how the fresh ingrediants made it taste wonderful.

"I'm glad you like it," Angus smiled. "And there is some marvelous Mexican Tres Leche cake for dessert and some Mexican coffee."

The evening moved smoothly, but Angus wasn't able to sleep when the whole house quieted for the night. It wasn't that he didn't trust them all. He did. He trusted them with his life. Now alone with his thoughts, he couldn't get his mind off Brian and Khaat. He hoped things were going well, but until he heard from Brian, he wasn't able to settle.

And when sunrise came, in the Parke Hotel, Brian was awake too. He was laying still--not moving. The day had been ugly. They had battled the demons all day long, and he'd confronted every fear he'd seen in her face and every one she'd even hinted at. He'd grabbed onto them and wrestled them from deep within her soul, forcing her to share them with her, to release them from her spirit. Deep terror that she had buried. He'd faced it with her, grabbed onto her tears, and literally ripped them from her. He refused to let her keep them one more day. He'd made her let go of all of it. They'd battled this before when Barker had taken her the first time, but now here they were, battling the second time he had taken her and the damage that Burke had done. Her utter terror of being alone, and the simultaneous fear that she wasn't worth being with.

When she released all the terror and the pain of being alone, he had taken hold of that and of her. It had been the wee hours of the morning. And now she finally slept, out of utter exhaustion, skin to skin with him. Her tears had dried on his chest, and he refused to move. He wanted her to rest now. The room was silent except for the sounds of traffic that he could hear outside the window.

Suddenly she jolted hard, waking, terrified, calling frantically for him. He had half expected it, but not so soon. He calmly took hold of her, reassuring her, and drew him back into his chest, into his arms. It took her a moment to realize it was him, but she she did, she clutched tightly to him, hiding her face in his chest. He ignored her fingernails digging into his bare shoulders. He soothed her back to sleep for awhile longer.

She didn't sleep long. That concerned him. He said little, though. He showered and dresssed and then got her up and ordered room service for them while he convinced her to go shower. It arrived just as she turned off the water. He convinced her to just wrap herself in the white terry robe and come and enjoy her coffee and eat in the quiet of the morning.

"Khaat, awhile back we planned to go to Colorado for Easter, remember?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied.

"Well, I did find us wedding bands," he said. He went to his bag and drew out two small boxes. "Could I see your engagement ring?" he asked. She took it off and handed it to him. He opened one of the boxes and slipped it into a beautiful platinum ring guard made of emeralds and diamonds, surrounding her original engagement ring. It was breathtaking. When he slid it back onto her finger, it took her breath away. She looked up at him, speechless. "Its custom made for that ring," he replied. "Khaat, whether you ever actually legally marry me or not, in every way that matters, you are my wife. It doesn't matter to me if we ever do this legally or not. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for good. This is my way of, well, making my promise to you to be here for the rest of my life. If you ever forget again, just look here. Its right here." He kissed her hand.

"You're crazy," she said, barely above a whisper. "You don't know what you're in for."

"Oh, I think I do," he laughed softly. He opened the second box and showed her a very masculine platinum band with a large square emerald, flanked by square diamonds. A perfect companion for her own rings. "What do you think?"

"You have outstanding taste," she smiled. "Its a lot to do for appearances for your brother."

"Oh, no. I plan on wearing this--for the rest of my life. Its not just for appearances. Its for keeps."

"Really? You'd do that?"

"I certainly would. And I will." He kissed her very slowly.

"I can't believe you'd stay with me," she said, unable to look anywhere but into his eyes.

"You're stuck with me," he said, smiling.

"I'll take it," she said, hugging him.

Cassidy enjoyed the meal especialy since she had helped put it together, everything was great till she went to bed , she could not sleep she had cried her self to sleep but then tossed and turned for an hour. Sitting up now wearing one of Khaats night dresses, she headed down stairs to the kitchen to get a drink of hot chocolate hoping it might help her back to sleep not realy expecting any one to be up at such and early hour. She sat at the table thinking about her day and how it started off with her feeling like she had been used and dirty, to sitting there in a borrowed nightdress with a cup of hot chocolate held in her hand and her hair looking like she had been dragged threw a hedge . Sipping it, she sighed rembering how she had tasted the cocolate, the whisky and all the fresh ingrediants, she moved back to her room but saw Angus awake .

" Hi, can't sleep as well?" she said holding up her cup. " me nether" she sighed and just stood in the doorway. " I can't help thinking about what's hapened today, I know your worried about khaat and Brian I am too, but their adults and need space and time" she said softly " they will be back" she said hoping to reasure him as she sipped on her cup softly and sighed tasting the flavor " erm thanks for taking me the market I had a good time " she said meaning every word with a small smile. " I didn't know there were so many diferent spices and herbs and fresh fruit was fill with such delecate and subtle flavors, do you think I could go with you next time too?" she asked taking a drink of her hot chocolate as she waited for his reply.

"I"m glad you enjoyed it," Angus smiled. "Yeah, you can go with me if you really want to. Next time, I'll show you how we store all this stuff when it comes in so it stays fresh. Lizzie brought it all this morning when she came in. I put it all away while you were sleeping. I wentt out to the barn early and ended up finding all the animals still asleep out there." He laughed. "They weren't used to being rooted up so early.

"I''ve got the scones made up and on a sheet pan waiting to go into the oven, and an egg casserole waiting to bake and a bowl of fruit salad. I just didn't want to cook them until I knew when everyone was waking up."

An owl fluttered to the window and landed on the windowsill. Angus went over and took the note from its clutches, petted it, and fed it a treat from the jar on the windowsill. The owl snatched up the treat, ate it, and waited patiently for Angus's reply. Angus opened the note and read it.

"Its from Brian. He says he and Khaat are fine. He says she's done being upset, he thinks. He wants just a quiet day with her. He said they might be back tomorrow. Oh, and he says we can go get some things from Khaat's closet. Says he took her to Herrods yesterday and they have more things anyway. So, we'll do that today. Khaat's got a lot of things she's never worn. A lot of whats in her closet still has the price tags on it. We'll get you some things from there so you have some essentials. I don't know if your tastes and hers are much alike, but she said you're welcome to look and see what you can find."

Meanwhile, Brian had ideas. He had ordered an elegant breakfast from room service, complete with champagne, and over breakfast he lauched his idea to her. "Khaat," he said, pouring the champagne, "I have an idea, and I want your opinion."

"Okay, What is it?"

"Well, first things first." He handed her the champagne. "To fresh starts for the rest of our lives."

"I'll toast that," she said.

"Now, as for ideas. It goes with that fresh start thing. Khaat, I want us to do a comittment ceremony. I dont' care that you're still married to Rob. That's a formality, nothing more. I want you to celebrate with me that we've decided to stay together for whatever comes."

"Doesn't that feel a lot like bigotry to you?"

"No. I'm not sharing you with Rob. You're mine. He doesnt' come around to lay claim on you. I won't force you into a divorce, but you know as well as I do that he hasn't touched you since Abbey was conceived. That's a closed chapter. I want us to move on."

"You really are serious, arent' you?"

"Yes. I want you to look for a gown."

"I saw some in the shop in Tuscany that I really liked."

"Then we'll look there."

"Where do you want to do this?"

"What about just on the beach at the villa? Its beautiful there." His suggestion made her smile.

"Tuscany. It sounds perfect."

"And someday when you do divorce him, I'll marry you for good."

"You really mean that, don't you?"

"I really do," he said. "So, after breakfast, lets pop over to Tuscany and shop for that gown."

"Just like that?"

"Why not?"

"Well, okay," she said.

Cassidy istened and smiled " I guess not " she said "and I would love to go again with you" she said smiling at the sound of the food he'd prepared. She moved her head as she looked at the owl still with her cup in hand she moved to stand beside him " I told you they would be ok " she said nudging him as she smiled , she nodded as he went on reading. When he mentioned khaat and brian had been shopping she nodded " as fetching as this night dress is it would be good to have my own things " she said " and i think we do have similer tastes " she said and smiled as she looked at the food he'd prepared "its going to taste wonderful , did you use lemon juice or orage in the fruit salad?" she asked finishing her hot chocolate and placing it in the dish washer.