Finding Femininity

"Well, that's hard to say," Kate said. "Robert and I have been talking about what she's said to us. We don't know a lot, but we do know this. We know she feels, at least right now, like she doesn't belong. Like she's irrepairably damaged to all of you, despite what you say, and especially to Brian. She doesn't believe it can ever be fixed. Now, Robert tells me this is a perfectly normal and understandable reaction, and I believe him. He says it will wear off as she heals. He also says it is perfectly normal for a woman to not at all be herself for awhile. We all know Khaat has been pushed a lot for at least the last year. She's lucky to be alive at all, given all she's lived through."

"Khaat mentioned to me feeling like she thought I wanted her to move out," Brian said.

"Then that's where she's gone," Kate said.

"To move out?" Brian raised his eyebrows.

"I'll wager you she's looking for a place. And that could be anywhere."

"But what about the girls?"

"She's mentioned to Robert that she feels like she's not worthy to have them. Did you know she changed her will recently, Brian? It had to pass over Robert's desk to be filed. If anything happens to her, their full custody goes to you. If anything happens to you, they go to Robert and me. My guess is that she doesn't feel worthy to take them with her. If I were a betting woman, I'd be saying she's looking to leave them here with all of you where she knows they're safe and loved."

"Damnit, Kate!" Brian vented now, frustrated. "I can't reach her! Thats not what I want! I...."

"I know, Brian," she said softly, going over to him. She brushed his hair out of his face like she had when he was a small boy. "I know. She is so fortunate, so blessed, to have you back in her life. All of you. But Luther Burke did more to her than cause a few bruises. He has her entire identity temporarily shaken. She's confused and insecure and frightened. She has no ability to tolerate one more negative thing....."

"I will NOT raise these babies without their mother!" he charged.

"You're not going to have to," she said. "Patience. Please--be patient with her, Brian. Every trauma victim needs time, and Khaat has had more than her fair share of being traumatized. Robert has gone to Paris and he has mobilized the organization to go lookiing for her. Now, which one of you thinks they would like to go with me, and who is up to keeping Brian here from going crazy while we're gone?"

steven walked in to the room nd looked at them both " wow i walked in at the worng time " he said and chukled oring acup of coffee " ell why dosn't your jack go jess he'd cope better if you agree kate" he said " and I'll stay here with brian " he said abd blew over his cup watching both as he did so.


jess nodded she agreed " i agree kate " she said " jack can protect with his extra strength and speed " she said foldng her arms across his chest.

"You don't mind, Jack?" Kate asked.

"I should go," Brian said.

"No. You should not. You have to take care of your knee and your children. Let us break the ice between her and you and bring her back if we can find her. If you go out and jimmy up that knee again, she'll never forgive herself, and that will only deepen the problem. Just be ready to get it right between you and her when she comes back. We'll find her. Ok?"

Brian ran his fingers through his head, feeling useless and helpless, his fear for Khaat mounting steadily.

"Brian," Kate said soothingly. "She was taught by the best. She can protect herself a good deal of the time. You know that. We'll find her. Get ahold of yourself. Alright you all, you have to help Brian get through this. Keep him busy. I'm taking Archangel with me in case I need to get a message to you quickly."

"Fine," Brian agreed.

"Jack?" Kate asked. "You ready? Better get your coat. Its starting to rain."

jack stood with jess and shook his head " not a problem with me" he said moving from jess to grab his black leather jacket that he'd brought with him slipping it on he kissed Jess " be back once khaat comes back , rember I am coming back " he said and looked at her as she smiled to him kissing ehr one more time he moved to kate then looked abck at jess " rember what jefery told you to do" he said and saw her nod to him " i will " he haerd her say and smiled knowing she would now , she was strong and it was one reason he loved her.

Kate drew her wand. "Might I have permission to take a memory thread from everyone? The last few moments Khaat was here in the house, please? It is not painful, and it would help me a great deal."

"Sure," Brian said. "Go ahead, Kate."

"Me too," Angus said. "Whatever helps."

Kate pulled out two small clean little plastic jars--actually much like the bug jars Robert used. She used the tip of her wand, put it up against Brian's head and slowly drew out a long blue memory thread from him. She collected it in the jar and did the same for Angus. The process was not painful, and it only gave her a copy of the memories that Brian and Angus had.

steven walked over as did jack, jess, cassidy and then himself " were all willing kate aything to get her back" he said and waited for his turn. He didn't know what she would do with it. it didn't bother him one bit.

Jess walked over to Kate and stood waiting smiling and hoping it would not affect her control since she'd not had anything like this done before to her. She felt jacks arm around her and knew it would not.

Cassidy stood worried she'd never seen nor ahd this hapen to her she fidgeted and moved back and forth behind jess worried and a little scared seing what she did to brian and the others .

Kate made quick work of going to each of the others and removing memory threads from them of their last few moments with Khaat. She put each thread in a separate jar and put the jars in her bag. "There we go," she said. "All finished, all painless. Shall we go, Jack?" she asked. "We need to go back to the farm."

She apparated back to the farm quickly and headed down the hallway to her own sitting room. "This way, Jack," she called, knowing he was following. She opened a special hiding place in the wall to reveal the pensieve that had belonged to Albus Dumbledore. She didn't let many people even know she had it. It had been a mystery of where all Dumbledore's memories had gone once he had died. Kate preferred to leave it that way. She opened her bag and poured each thread into the pensieve waters, one thread at a time, and as she did, she carefully reviewed each thread, looking for some clue as to where Khaat had gone.

She was so busy looking at each thread that she totally missed the owl perched on the windowsill with the note with the Ministry seal on it.

jack folowed her to there farm and to the room smells made him sneese " sorry strong smells make me sneese " he said chukaling but watched her he caught out eh corner of his eyes an owl moving to it sloly he took the letter and walked back " kate i think this is for you " he said and tapped her on her shoulder gently.

"Oh," Kate frowned. "Its from Robert. Its his seal. I didn't even hear it arrive. I guess I was busy concentrating." She took the note and opened it and read it. "Robert has tracked her Gringotts accounts. This may be of more help than anything. She went to Gringotts, took out a large sum of money and had it exchanged for muggle money--British currency. That helps. It gives us at least some idea that she isn't planning to go very far. Robert suggests we start looking in muggle London. Not that its a small area, but it does narrow it down rather than searching the entire planet. What do you think, Jack? Is it worth a try?"

jack sighed at least she was in a small area and easy to search too HE THOUGHT TO HIMSELF THEN HE SPOKE " YES IT IS ITS A SMALL CITY AND WITH MY SENSES WE SHOULD FIND some trace of her there if she is there she might have moved on" he said shifting in his jacket for his potion " do you want me to take this or hold off a few hourse my seses bcome more aacute if i don't but it becomes hard to hold my self " he said holding the bottle in one hand " i have to take it though in about three hours or you'll have to get steven and robert to hodk me down thought he warned her"