What Do You Buy the Wizard Who Has Everything?

"Well, I understand why Remus didnt' want me ever taking it off by my own choice. He had a massive fear that, when I was small, I might encounter him when he was, well, shall we say...'ill'? At any rate, he did not want me to be hurt or killed by his curse, so he sought out Flamel to protect me. In a way, a very sentimental way, it reminds me of how very much he loved m. That's not the problem at all. I would, very much, though, like to know what all the stone can do. My parents never knew. I don't know whether Remus actually knew or not. I have no clue. In all honesty, I had never considered asking Wilson. It seems funny that I never thought of him. And I actually did think of going to Flamel's home and trying to sort through his personal effects that are still there. I'm sure it won't surprise you to learn that I found nothing of any use to me. There was no mention of this particular stone. I suspect that there are some of Flamel's journals that have either not been found or that have fallen into other hands.

"I would be grateful for anything you might learn that could give me more information, though. I'm sure I could think of some way to make it up to you." The words came out of her mouth before she realized Doyle's mind might wander back to visions of threesomes with someone on a Jessica Simpson potion. When she realized her mistake, she burst out laughing. "And I am quite sure I am not thinking what you're thinking," she added.

"Oh, did I hear it right that you, in fact, are the new headmaster as well? If so, then I need to probably make sure that you and I are on the correct page together regarding the Healer's Intern Program at St. Mungos that puts some of your student under my mentorship for healing skillls--allows them to work at St. Mungos year round for Hogwarts study credit. I don't know if you will want to explore that program or if you will want to leave it to my judgement."

'' I wouldn't know about that, really. I just have Snape's notes and I met Flamel only once and he seemed extremely odd to me, which is why I planned on meeting him, but I never got the opportunity. But I shall see what I can dig out about the Potion as for the rest, ask Wilson'', he said.

''Well... I had cupcakes in mind... and you... oh... dear... you had that threesome in mind again... oh dear, we shall have to do something about those fantasies of yours. Since we met, the only thing on your mind was that threesome, I can't believe it, really'', he said, making a bewildered expression.

''I'll leave it to you... I do not have the time... well, I do, but I really don't want to do it. But, just of pure interest, what does that include? Doing open brain surgery on crazy people? If so, count me in. I do have a Muggle medical degree... And, what is the school expected to do?'', he asked.

"And here I was thinking dinner again," she laughed. "Surely you must get bored with house elf cuisine after awhile. I mean, its not bad, but there is better. Your predecessor didn't understand that, really. He didn't know how to get his head out of his...magic. Well, you know what I mean. Didn't know how to wear a business suit if someone would have put a wand to his head. Nice enough guy, if you like that self serving type. Cupcakes? Personally, I'd much rather had a really wonderful sliver of some sort of sexy decadent little cheesecake. I just added a gourmet bakery to my bistro, and we have several flavors of cheesecake all the time. It was the second good thing I got out of my marriage--a love for cheesecake." The first good thing had been Abbey, but she didn't mention it. That would bore Doyle to near tears.

She was not surprised a bit that Doyle was not in the least interested in the intern program. He would have the time, if it had interested him, but there had not been any proper motivation for it to interest him at all. "Very well, then, " she said, "I will handle the interns. To whom shall I send the grades for school credit?" She doubted he wanted to be bothered with that sort of rather clerical nonsense. And even though it was an academic matter, Doyle would see it as being clerical.

''Well, dinner, at least in my experience, leads mainly to threeseomes... or was that conversation? I always mix the two up... both mainly consist of sighing and useless blabbering... you do understand how it happens, I presume. You mean Majere? Well, did I mention he's an idiot? I probably did, but you can't emphasize some facts enough. Now, why do people avoid cupcakes? But, well, if you think you can put up with me as a guest, I guess we could arrange a... meeting'', he said, symbolically laughing.

''Wait? They work for you and you give them grades? Oh bloody hell, where can I find a bunch of slaves like that? I'll give them praise and they'll do my laundry. That seems practical enough. And wait, do I have to do anything there or will you be dealing with everything?'', he asked.

"You do have slaves like that," Khaat laughed, "a whole castle full of them, as a matter of fact. And you have a whole army of house elves to do your laundry. Although, they probably are much better at doing traditional wizard robes than the more contemporary style that you prefer--which, incidently, I like much better than those medieval floor length bathrobes so many wizards still like. I am very glad you are a lot more practical, not to mention, wise, than that.

"And no, you don't need to do anything at dinner except to come hungry and bring your very charming self," she smiled. "As far as the interns program goes, you don't have to do anything except make sure some minion enters the grades on the students' records--unless, of course, you'd rather volunteer for us to give you a physical. You could always volunteer to be our sample patient. I'd make sure they didn't hurt you unrepairably." She grinned. She knew he wouldn't volunteer for anything such as that. "Besides, we would certainly welcome the participation of the Headmaster. As well as...." she opened her bag and drew out a gold card out of her bag and hastily signed her name it, authorizing it, and then passed it to Doyle.

"You might, at some point, tire of the 'beasties' there. This gold card is a lifetime membership to the new state of the art fitness center in the lower level of St. Mungos. I quite like it, actually. Consider the center a stress reliever. Besides the obligatory exercise equipment and exercise classes, there is a huge pool, a hot tub, a sauna, and massage therapists available around the clock, seven days a week, and several other amenities you might like. It's probably one of my favorite spots anywhere. I try to always start my day there with a run on the indoor track and end the day with a swim in the pool. Oh, now I should not have told you that, should I? You'll be tempted to join me just to analyze my figure flaws in my swimsuit. That's only fair if I get to analyze any flaws you might have, you know, but I seriously doubt you have many such flaws."

''Yes, but... I can't get them to do my laundry'', he said, mocking the childish tone ever so present in the school. ''You have a formal and legal explanation for enslaving them, I still need to validate all of that or their parents will flood me with letters. Not that I read them, but even destruction takes time.'', he explained.

''Well, then... as you please, madam'', he said, politely, with a deep, butler-like voice. ''You know, I have a medical degree, meaning I could participate as their tutor... but allowing inexperienced brats to do experiments on ill people? Isn't that sadistic? Just a little? I like you, you know that'', he said with a mischievous smile.

He then took the card she had given him and listened to her explanation. ''Oh... you... you... you're tickling my imagination again, now, now... But still, you do realize that I shan't leave the pool hall when I come? It would be more fun to analyze you without the swimsuit, but that is another matter now, isn't it? As for myself... you do see the cane, right?'', he asked.

"No, I thought perhaps you might participate as their victi...er, uh...patient. Of course I have real patients for them to practice on, but I really would like to see how they would respond to someone who is perhaps not constantly in awe of them choosing to be a healer. It is refreshing to know that you do have some medical training, though. Much as I think that most of the muggle healing methods are barbaric as hell, sometimes we do hve to resort to using them from time to time. And I must say, I am not well versed in that type of healing. I hope if I get into that sort of a mess where I do need muggle methods, for whatever reason, I might call on your services.

"Oh, and yes, I am tempting you. I won't say I don't have a few figure flaws. You'd have to ask my housemate what he prefers or doesn't. I try not to think about that. I just work harder in the spa. However, I am far more interested in what sort of a swimsuit DOES a headmaster wear, exactly? Somehow I don't see you as the Speedo type. As for the cane, I don't think we can exercise that stick very much. However, you are an entirely different matter. We could certainly help you and that ever so slight limp of yours. You should come by, though, if for nothing more than for the full body massage. It is indeed a wonderful thing."

''It is not that I have medical training, I am a doctor. In London they would call me Doyle, M.D. But, Muggle cases can be quite fascinating... trust me. Regarding me working as their guinea pig... do be careful, I bite... a lot. If you need any help, anytime... I am open from 1000 do 1900, but only for emergencies. If you need anything plane, I might be tempted to mess things up, I am clumsy at times, you know'', he commented with an innocent face.

''And again... there goes my imagination wild. You know, I do tend to mistake the girls locker room for the pool, it does happen so often. Yet, my advantage is that I ran run... very fast. I usually don't even wear them... my swim in the pool consists of me sitting and watching people with flaws do so... mostly. As for the limp, no... you can't do anything about it... it's not something that can be repaired with a massage or exercise. But, as far as the massage goes, that is definitely something I' d like... you do the massaging, right?'', he asked with a mischievous smile.

"You bite? Really? How fascinating," She said. "You would indeed be interesting for them. And, perhaps, a bit safer than the vampires they might encounter in my ER? Maybe? Hm..On second thought , maybe not. I think I might keep you for myself, rather than turn you over to them. That sounds far more fun.

"So you don't swim, huh? And there goes all my hopes of being able to oggle at your oh so perfect masculine physique--unless you do let me to the massage. I'm afraid I might have to insist on doing that myself. My younger female massage therapists might let you get away with far, far too much if I leave you to your own devices with them.

"As for the girls locker room, personally, I don't have any problem with your straying into there. You are a doctor after all. I'm sure there is nothing you'd see that you haven't seen before. Personally, I'd much rather stray into the men's locker room if I were going to do it."

''Well.... we could do a lot of check-ups, if you had that in mind, of course. I always like external anatomy, especially female... although, I could never underline why.... that fact always manages to escape me, somehow'', he said profoundly, pretending to think about his last sentence.

''I never do the things I am not able to, you must know that. That is why I, for example, don't jog, but I do tend to invite women to my home. Although, again, I am no certain as to why I am doing that. But still, you could have the opportunity to see the rust under this suit if you do the massage yourself. I am a selfish brat - I like to watch, but I don't like being watched, you must know'', he explained.

''Well, where's the fun in that? A finite un-mysterious universe? Oh, no wait, wrong show. I always tend to mix those replicas up. But still, I may be a doctor... but I am also... not wait, wrong show again. What I wanted to say is that you and I should hang out in the girl's locker room during prime time... we could you know, like, gossip and stuff like that.... while the other women are... doing whatever it is you women do there'', he said.