[OPEN] On Borrowed Time

Adrienne nearly frowned at his reply. That wasn't exactly the answer she was going for, to say the least. It was a generalization, and she understood that it was difficult for him, at least because he didn't really have a real frame of reference for how someone else would feel. That wasn't his fault, and she knew it was unfair to be disappointed by it.

A twinge of confusion and discomfort made itself known, but being offended by him was like saying that she couldn't stand Nessarose just because the girl had been turned into a werewolf. It hadn't been Nessa's choice, and it certainly wasn't as though Selwyn had chosen his genetic make-up, either.

"But you can control it. You said you could. You don't have to feel that way. Surely there's something..." she paused, searching for a way to explain her train of thought. Finally landing on an idea, she shook her head unconsciously and carried on. "Something like what they have for werewolves. To make it easier. I'm sure it isn't the same thing, and that isn't at all what I meant," Adrienne added hastily.

"I just... I'm sorry," she sighed. "I wish I could understand it, that's all. I don't mean to pry. There are a million better things you could be doing right now than trying to explain this to me, I'm sure. A book can't properly explain that- that feeling, though. And that wasn't even the half of it, was it? What I felt, I mean."

"You're such a Ravenclaw," he smiled.

"That I can control it is kind of the point," he went on. "If I influence someone and they decide they want me, that's not their fault. If I took advantage of them, it would be mine."

Selwyn shook his head at her apologies. This was the most he'd opened up to anyone for years and it was cathartic.

"You're not prying. I want to explain.

"That feeling you got was something else, it was- I was-

"Ihavefeelingsforyou,Addie."

His eyes were locked on hers. He could have drowned in eyes like that, if this was another time and he weren't so worried about her response. His anxiety plain on his face.

At least he'd said. And he couldn't take it back now.

Her laugh was something of a chagrined chuckle, and she couldn't help but agree. That was probably the most accurate description someone could give of her personality, if only because it drove her so wildly along. Writing for the paper had made sense, when she initially started. She could investigate things. But she had been taken advantage of - not nearly in the same way as Selwyn was thinking, but it still was a disappointment.

As glad as she was that he didn't take offense to her invasive questions, Adrienne couldn't help when she drew in a breath and stared at him, eyes wide. That wasn't something she had ever expected - not because it was him, mind you. But because no one had ever told her something like that. Not so bluntly. Not on purpose. His commentary on Kaiden perhaps being uninterested seemed to make a bit of sense now, even if she was misinterpreting it. Perhaps he held a bit of distaste for the other man simply because of who Kaiden had married.

Was he even that sort of person? The jealous kind? Adrienne could feel herself wanting to respond, and knew that it was taking a bit longer than it should have. She wished she knew him better, really. She remembered him from Hogwarts to an extent. Enough to recognize him, obviously, even just by his voice. It wasn't as though she had looked up when he arrived. And she had been acting irritable... well, mostly for the hell of it. Because she wanted to. Not because something he had done had truly set her against him after that gap of time.

"No one has ever-" she attempted, feeling utterly flummoxed. "I haven't really seen you in a while. I- Why would you...?

"Look, it isn't that it especially bothers me or anything. I just don't see how you could. It's... flattering, particularly given the fact that you could probably - not that you would, but you could - just get whomever you wanted to."

It, oddly, meant a great deal that he had not tried to use what he was in order to win her over. Or, perhaps not oddly. But when she looked at him after a brief glance down at her hands, it wasn't with any sort of upset so much as surprise. And behind all of that, if he chose to pick it out, was that lingering, insatiable curiosity. Her words weren't some plea for an ego boost to low self-confidence, either. Perhaps it was just that she had never paid attention to things before, and just missed the fact that people - besides Kaiden, of course - might actually consider her to be different.

Selwyn sat patiently while she floundered for words. When she finally managed to speak in full sentences, it was like she didn't want to believe him.

"I wasn't going to tell you," he blurted. "But you kept referring to that feeling and that feeling you got was because I haven't been able to get you out of my head all night."

That hand through the hair again. He felt exposed and uncomfortable, but somehow, the discomfort was pleasant at the same time.

"I don't expect you to reciprocate," he went on. "I was being selfish, okay? I knew if I didn't say something, I'd always wonder what would have happened if I had."

"I'm a Slytherin, we're allowed to be selfish."

Adrienne didn't even bother hiding the look of dismay that came over her when he tried to backtrack somewhat. He wasn't taking the admission away, but he also wasn't intending to hold it out and make her respond properly, and that somehow made it worse. She didn't even think about what she did next, instead acting purely based on instinct. It was something she almost never did. The letting herself just act instead of thinking about it, that is.

"No, no," she cut in quickly, practically speaking over him as her hands reached out towards the one of his that was closer. "Please, don't do that. Don't put it down like that. Of course I was going on about it. It was..." she drew in a breath, releasing the only word she could think of on her exhale, "fascinating.

"But the problem, really, isn't whether or not I feel anything for you. I mean, I understand why you would be concerned about that, but... I'm married, even if that means very little in my case. And you said you need to marry. You need an heir. I don't know you well enough to say if that's what you're after when it comes to me. You have to understand," she continued, practically begging him to accept it, "it isn't what I wanted. This marriage. Kaiden. I didn't want the Ministry to decide for me. But I don't think I want your family to think they can do that to me, either. It's entirely possible that I really could care for you. I don't really doubt that. Slytherin or not. I just don't want someone else to choose what happens to me anymore.

"Does that make sense? I feel like I'm just rambling. It isn't that I don't think it's possible, or that I don't want to consider it. I just refuse to do it on someone else's terms. And not before I'm sure."

Selwyn moved his hand closer when she reached out for him, letting their fingers touch.  He'd been described as fascinating before, but never in a way that made it sound admirable.  Usually, it made him feel like a scientific specimen.

"More sense than you probably think," he replied.  "I don't expect, I don't want you to walk out of a loveless marriage and straight into my arms."

"I don't want you to do anything you don't want to."

He hesitated, stomach sinking.

"You should know that I'm linked to my birthplace through a kind of blood magic," he said, eyes flicking downwards.  

"My family couldn't care less who I took up with," he continued. "If you did decide... and this got serious..."

He looked back up at her.

"If, eventually, you did want to marry me, and I'm not asking you to think about that yet or even ever, I just think you should know that you'd be expected to be bound by a similar magic."

"I don't want you to..."

"Oh."

Adrienne hadn't meant to misinterpret his words, but she had been sure for a moment there that she really did understand what he wanted. But now she didn't know what to think. She started to lean back, to pull her hand away. But he continued and she hesitated.

"Why would you tell me all of this, all of what it's like for you, if you don't actually want me to do it? Why warn me if you don't really mean anything by it?" She asked, her tone more harsh than she had expected it to be. "I'm sorry if that sounds rude, but I'm not sure if you've complimented me tonight or proved that I'm not good enough."

Adrienne yanked her hand away, not sure if she ought to just get up and leave. It was probably the right time to do so. But she didn't want to be right about the second option. Her fingers wound together in her lap and she stared down at them, the drinks forgotten. She cursed her stupid desire to know about veelas, wishing she hadn't suggested a dare in the first place. It had only managed to confuse her and make her night worse. She didn't care if she was being pedantic or petulant about it; if she didn't feel wanted, why would he expect her to stay?

Selwyn's brow creased as he tried to process what she was saying.  Where had she gotten the idea that he didn't want her?

"I do want you to do it," he said carefully.  "I don't want you to get hurt."

"You said you wanted to control your own life, I was trying not to mislead you."

She'd snatched her hand away, and was staring at her lap now.  He wished she'd at least look at him.

"Do you really think I'd tell you all that about myself if I was just trying to make you feel inferior?" he asked.

Adrienne's brow creased and she tried to find a way to properly explain where her reaction had come from. The best excuse, she supposed, was that she had more or less stopped listening after the bit she was frightened by.

"Sorry," she mumbled, fidgeting slightly in her spot. "It was the 'I don't want you' part. That's just... I didn't intend to pull that out of context but it reminded me of Kaiden."

He spoke again and she sighed. She could only go so far as to peek up as him though she didn't want to lift her chin and face him full on just yet. Not after she had just mixed up his words and clearly made him upset. "Well I don't very well know, now do I?" Adrienne returned a little too sharply. "I don't know you all that well. I'd like to, but I don't know that I'm really the most, um... Qualified. To, you know, step in and be something like that for you when my imaginary résumé is sorely lacking experience. With you, with the way veelas act, with the whole blood magic thing. Selwyn, I'll be in over my head and-

"I guess I just feel sort of crazy for wanting to go along with it regardless. Maybe that reaction was from some part of me trying to point that out."

Kaiden... Poliakoff. Selwyn didn't think breaking out with "You're married to Kaiden Poliakoff?!" would be the appropriate reaction to his connection. She was pretty fragile already.

Instead, he just sighed as well. She was being very Ravenclaw. He liked to think he wasn't the same, that if he sat under the Sorting Hat a second time, it would put him into Hufflepuff, but he spent too much time as the voice of reason to really believe that.

"I agree," he said. "You do barely know me, you've no idea what I'd do."

"I'm sorry I upset you. But what I meant was, I don't think it would be particularly healthy to finish up with Kaiden and immediately start up with me - or anyone else. I think you should have some time to yourself."

"Assuming that's what you want," he added.

He turned his hand so it was palm upwards on the table, where she'd left it after she drew back in on herself.

"I know you're scared. You have every right to be."

Especially if the Poliakoffs were involved.