The Image Of Us

Nate's chin settled atop her head, and Nessa felt herself hold onto him more tightly without even thinking about it. His words were turned over in her mind far more than they would have been when they were younger. There had never been a need, before. Even if she were wrong, Nessa chose to take his words as him wanting to say he was happy being around her, rather than just happy to be back in England.

“Good,” Nessa murmured against his skin, hardly even registering the fact that she probably ought not be continuing to smother him in how grateful she was for him to be back. He couldn’t have returned at a better time, truly.

She missed his embrace immediately, tucking her hair behind her ear at the sudden reminder that they were not as close as she had felt for that long, lingering moment in which they exchanged quiet words and just were. “Right, sorry,” she said with a nod, realizing that the length of the hug had been mostly her fault. Turning in the direction he pointed out, she let her hands pull at the skirt of her dress as she fell into step beside him.

Her stomach flipped in anxiety at the idea that she would have to eventually explain, eventually give him that chance to change his mind about her. She wasn’t some innocent girl who happened to be a family friend. Not by a long shot. She was stupid and naïve, and everything Nathaniel had probably seen time and again in girls her age. Why would he want to be friends with another one?

And why wasn’t the idea of being friends with Nate quite what she wanted?

She had literally no right to wish for anything different. Who was she to hope for something more with anyone after what she had done? The only person that somehow managed to handle her properly was Bae, and even he only knew the basics. If Nate knew what she had attempted… Well, Nessa was sure that he would be quite finished with her. It wasn’t like her own folks hadn’t distanced themselves. Sure, they weren’t her real parents, and sure, Nessa had always resented them. But that did not mean that she wanted the same thing from Nate. She needed him to be different. To prove to her that she wasn’t that idiotic, reckless girl that she so hated.

That was it, though. She actually hated herself for everything that had happened. More than she hated Dylan – which was saying something. In the end, Nessa was sure, whatever reasoning he had to not get in touch would be nothing compared to the story she would be forced to admit someday. Just, you know, not right then.

They continued on their walk and fell into a period of silence. It was surprisingly comfortable and Nate could almost see the gears tearing in her head every time he glanced over at her. There was so much that they could talk about - so much they should talk about - but neither seemed particularly willing to bring up the realities of their lives when they could momentarily escape to the past.

Nate wondered how much she had heard. It hadn't been in the papers because Caitlyn and Thatcher had fled before they were officially charged but gossip spread as efficiently through the Pureblood housewives as any major news network could broadcast it. He was sure Nessa's parents would have done more than whisper about the Montgomery circumstances.. the fact that they had been so connected with his family would have given reason enough for a scandal.

It was possible Nate was over-sensitive. He had grown so expectant of the accusing glances that he saw them when they weren't necessarily there. Maybe six-year-old Rosie had completely missed the drama and was genuinely in the dark about what they had done to cause such an abrupt departure. Nate wasn't sure which version he would prefer.. To have her clueless would certainly let him feel freer than he had in years but having to explain it all again would be an unexpected and unpleasant challenge.

The restaurant wasn't far and the pair arrived within minutes. Nate pulled open the door to allow Rosie to pass in first ("After you") before following her into the small pub. It was unremarkable in every way - tables nestled wherever they could fit, no hostess waiting to seat them, and very little memorabilia scattered on the walls. The only really notable feature of the place was the smell coming from the occupied tables. Nate could practically taste the fish and chips now.

He led Rosie to a small table set for two and pulled out a chair for her to sit in. His formal manners looked hopeless out of place in this restaurant but a lifetime of training was hard to undue. Sitting down himself, Nate smiled across the table at his old friend. "Make sure to save room for the cheese cake," he advised "I almost died the first time I tried it."

The was a moment of silence before Nate mused, "I was thinking about taking a trip out to the house soon." The statement hung in the air, almost a question, almost an invitation. Nate had been overturning the thought from the moment the plane had touched down in London but he had put off making plans for weeks now. Something about seeing Rosie again made the need to return to his childhood all the more prominent, though for the life of him he didn't know what he hoped to accomplish but proclaiming it.

Nessa desperately wanted to go back to the part where she and Nate had been cheerful and talkative, but those moments had passed and it would take extensive efforts to regain that manner, she was afraid. When the came upon the pub, she almost expected him to lead her into some back room or say he was joking. Their families had never been the quaint-little-pub types. It warmed her heart a bit to know that Nathaniel wasn’t quite like her parents, even if in something so minimal as dining preferences.

Offering quiet thanks in return for his surprising display of manners, Nessa sat and waited for him to do the same. It wasn’t often that she came across someone – even in Pureblood society – that acted like gentleman just because he wanted to. “Death by dessert? Sounds like fun.” She teased lightly, glancing around to get a feel for the place.

Nate’s words drew her attention and she leaned forward to look at him, elbows resting on the table as she was so often told not to do. “You haven’t been back?” She couldn’t think of anything better to ask for a moment before her brow furrowed in thought and she added, “I wasn’t allowed to talk about your family or ask questions… Did you sell the house?”

One of the wait staff, wearing a tee-shirt that likely referred to a joke about the pub, walked over and stood next to them. Swallowing, Nessa sat up straight and glanced at the man in question. “Hello,” he started, glancing to Nate and then to Nessa, dropping a large smile as he looked at her. “Been here before?”

“He has,” she replied lightly, returning his smile.

“Brilliant. Well let me get you two something to drink, yeah? Then if you have questions about anythin’ I’ll see what I can do. For you, love?” He asked, turning to Nessa.

She merely blinked in return for the endearment dropped, lips curling into another smile, larger this time. “I’ll have a-“ Pausing, she had a sudden fear of saying something absurd. What if she didn’t know the differences between Muggle drinks and ones from the Wizarding World? “Actually, what would you suggest?”

“Depends on what you want, I’d wager,” he replied, leaning against her chair to show her a list of drinks he kept in his server’s book.

In the end, she just settled on a cider, and turned to look at Nate in the same moment that the waiter did, making them look like they were somehow one person. It felt very awkward, so Nessa just offered him an amused, almost secretive smile. The waiter was certainly a little too familiar with her, but she didn’t dare rebuke him in front of Nate. Talk about embarrassing. Instead, she looked down at her dress, toying with the hem and glancing up at Nathaniel beneath her lashes as she tried to hide her amusement.

Nate barely looked at his own menu, still staring at Nessa more than was necessary. She practically looked like a different person she had aged so much and he was painfully aware that puberty was one of countless things he had missed in her life. Nate wondered what it would have been like to go to Hogwarts with her. Both Slytherins, eating alongside each other in the Great Hall, wearing their black and green robes. They were even coordinated today between Nessa's dress and Nate's sweater (only they could make Gryffindor red look so cool).  

"Yeah, some Irishman bought it not too long after we moved. If I asked I don't think it would be too much of a problem to see the place."

The waiter arrived and Nate watched with horror as the man had the nerve to flirt with his Rosie. She might not have been a little girl but she certainly couldn't be.. sought after by random men. The equation didn't line up in his head and he ordered a beer with an unexplainable dislike for the poor man who was serving them.

When they were left alone again Nate smiled across the table. There was a distinct battle going on within the Montgomery boy - he was desperate to know about what Nessa had been up to but he wanted to leave everything as it was. He had seen their relationship in an innocent and delicate light since she had called to him on the street and he worried that any dose of reality might bring them off this cloud. So when Nate spoke he went for something safe. "Anyway, how are your parents?"

The two families had been close back in the day but Nate was sure that their parents had stopped talking as soon as they had moved out of the country. For those in England, contacting the Montgomery's would have been taboo and for the Montgomery's it was easier to keep their life contained on the new continent. While Nate had made new friends he had always missed those he left behind.

Nessa was about to ask when Nate intended to go by his house when they were interrupted that first time. As she turned her head to watch the waiter walk off, she laughed quietly and bit her lip. Shaking her head when she made eye contact with Nathaniel again, Nessarose was ready to make a comment about guys who will flirt with anyone just because. But then he started, and the laughter died on her lips, the light fleeing from her eyes.

“Um,” she started, settling a napkin in her lap and turning her gaze away. She had been hoping to avoid the conversation entirely, but apparently fate was not on her side that day. “Well I’m not totally sure. I’m not living at home anymore – not that I really would want to even if I could. But that’s hardly-“

The waiter returned, surprising Nessa into silence and practically forcing her to stare at the table as her cheeks flamed. The blonde set down their drinks, and looked surprised at her change in mood as they put in orders for their meal. After he left, she fidgeted for a moment before lifting a guilty look to meet Nate’s across the table.

“Things have changed, Natey…” She began carefully, using his nickname for the comfort it could bring her. “See, what happened was… well, I was up late one night and Father was furious, complaining to Mother about how I didn’t look quite like someone I was supposed to.”

Nessa had long since stopped giving her parents the typical “mom” and “dad” titles that most did. They hadn’t been Mom and Dad since she found out. “Turns out I’m not who I think I am. Who you think I am.” Giving Nathaniel an apologetic glance, Nessa knew she had just – and was about to, more properly – ruin their lunch. But she figured it had to come out, and while she had told two others, there was no part of her that felt uncomfortable in telling Nate. “Mother gave birth sixteen years ago to a dark-haired little girl, and a few years later, they found out she was a Squib. So they sent her away, or got rid of her. Something bad. And adopted me, claiming I was her. I can’t see how nobody noticed. Maybe she had the same name, I don’t know. But it’s been driving me mad for years, now. Something bad could have happened to that girl and Merlin knows if she’s even around now.”

Shaking her head, Nessa tilted it to the side and rested her cheek in her palm as her elbow rested on the table. She nearly added the part about her last name not even being the same, but decided that, much like her new wolf status, that was a little bit too much.

“I just feel like I owe her, somehow, you know? So now that I can’t live at home anyways, I figure I might get a chance to figure it out. But that’s hard when I’m desperate to leave the place I’m currently staying.” Frowning, she glanced up at him again and added, “Why am I always running away from people? It sucks.”

Nessa's face fell and Nate immediately knew he had unintentionally struck one of those subjects. The ones that both had been so carefully tiptoeing around. The more she spoke the more his own face fell into an expression of worry, his hand unconsciously sliding across the table towards hers before he caught himself and pulled back. "Oh Rosie.." the words slipped out as she was speaking, so quietly that they almost weren't there. She was slowly struggling to get the words out and his mind was working in overdrive as he tried to figure out what she would say before she said it.

Nate hadn't expected that.

The Bridgewoods had always been something of second parents to Nate. They had approved of his adventures with Nessa and he had returned their kindness with respect. It was a hard pill to swallow that the man and woman who had always allowed him into their home had lied to Nessa, to everyone, for the last sixteen years. He wanted to blame them - to hate them - but it wouldn't have been fair. Weren't his own parents liars? They had done something just as terrible as the Bridgewoods with the only difference being their secrets had come out earlier.

Nate was sure he knew the look on her face now. The betrayal that your parents weren't everything they had always been promised to be. Nate knew that no one could be an angel all the time but wasn't that a mothers job? Nathaniel loved his mother but he also loathed her and most days the betrayal of her imperfection made it hard to remember the days that he had seen her as a source of comfort and wisdom. Nessa was sixteen. No matter what she claimed she was still a child by law and losing her parents, even by choice, was a fate she shouldn't have had to bear.

Nate kept his gaze tracing her face as she spoke, his attention never diverting even when she looked away. He had just opened his mouth to respond to her story when she made one last comment that made his eyebrows shoot up in confusion. "Where are you staying?" Out of nowhere, Nate suddenly recognized a protective feeling rise as he considered her vague description of her current living conditions. He was frowning now too, unsettled by both her story and the unhappy expression on her face.

She felt bad about dropping it on him. She did. But there were three things that were much worse in comparison, and Nessa was terrified to have to explain. It didn't make a lot of sense, really, the fear that she held. It was Natey, for Merlin's sake! But then, some part of her wanted him to see her as an equal for once rather than some stupid little girl who had messed up twice in one night and then had been forced into marrying someone who she - firstly - hadn't gotten on with before the law and - secondly - didn't even like women. Not that she cared about the latter, but it certainly made married life difficult for her. Then again, neither she nor Baldric seemed to care too much about the idea of what was expected of them. The only thing she could really say about him was that she was starting to care for him as a friend and protector. He had agreed to take on her child as his own if need be, provided the full moon situation didn't ruin it. For some reason, Nessa had hoped it wouldn't. Perhaps she was just used to it by then.

How had she forgotten already? Her stomach flipped painfully at the reminder and Nessa turned away again, barely catching Nate's question. "I - Nate, I can't-" shaking her head, she tried to gather her thoughts. How much could he deal with in one day? Probably not all of it, just as Nessa wasn't sure she could handle telling the lot. Tears would be shed and that was the last thing she wanted to do in front of him.

"I'm sorry I ruined lunch. But I can't answer that here. All you need to know, I guess, is that it's meant to be a safe house, but I feel like I'm in more danger there than I would be elsewhere." Frowning, Nessa registered just how much trouble she would be in when she got back. If Dylan found out she'd lost the baby, he would go mad again and probably hurt her. He had wanted to last time, and Nessa wasn't naive enough to think he would see the anguish in her when she admitted her failure. "Basically, I'm not going back. The things I have there can be brought to me once I pick a place."

Shrugging, Nessa turned to look out the windows. "Maybe I'll take up a place in Muggle London. It's probably safer, all things considered. I dunno. I'm sure this is all very vague and unhelpful for you, but this just isn't the place to explain. Besides, you don't want to hear everything anyway. I may not be a little girl anymore, but I don't know that you'll like how very different I am now." Biting her lip, Nessarose tried to find something to do with herself to keep from fidgeting under his gaze. In the end, she just stared at her hands where they clasped into one joined fist in her lap.