Maybe I've gone crazy

Felix slowly looked at Sophia as he felt his muscles shake a little bit from weakness. She was talking, but his hearing was still having an odd time coming back into focus, and he had to blink a few times to make her stop being so blurry. "Er.. yeah, I'm fine... don't worry about it." He said carefully, his head still rested back against the couch, his chest heaving.

She had fallen on top of him when he had fallen back, but he couldn't even feel her weight for his body was so exhausted he could do nothing but lay there and bask in the after-glow of being bitten by a vampire. He was a torturer at heart, he knew he was, and this was one of the weirdest experiences he had ever had. He had been tortured before, but they had always gone straight for mental torture.

This torture was new to him, and for some reason, he wanted more. He wanted to keep her happy, for he knew if she drank, she was happy. Sure he felt like shit afterwards, but it was a good kind of shit. He was shaking, but only due to blood loss, not due to overall weakening. "Keep going at this rate and you'll have to feed me constantly to keep me happy." He let out a weak chuckle and looked at her as she got off his chest.

"Eh.. don't worry about it, Just.. trying to catch my breath." he said slowly, his heart pounding like mad in his chest as it tried harder to make the blood pump at the same rate, even though there was less blood to pump. "Wanna.. get me another pancake? Then I might go get some rest.." He said, raising his eyebrows at her. "I'm sure you have stuff to do today anyway.."

Sophia chuckled.  " Well.... I don't mind that. " said Sophia softly but honestly looking into his eyes.  " I don't have to make you another one,  I made enough to feed a army!"said Sophia laughing.  " I thought you'll be hungry after last night and well...now this!"said Sophia honestly.  " Sorry just something I got to do before I get up,  and I know I shouldn't. " said Sophia softly kissing him softly on the lips before getting up.  " Sorry like I said,  I shouldn't have done that but I couldn't help myself. " said Sophia softly getting off him.

Sophia shook her head when he said she probably had things to do.  " Not really,  just some grocery shopping for the house and patient file sorting. " said Sophia shrugging as if it wasn't no big deal.   " I'll be right back,  you just rest. " said Sophia softly before heading into the kitchen.  Putting two pancakes she decorated the same as the way before she got him another glass of water.  Taking the plate and glass,  she walked back over towards him smiling.   Setting the plate and glass down she looked at him biting her lip at the sight of him.  " Do you need help getting up?"Sophia asked him softly seeing how he looked.

" Felix why are you letting me do this to you? It's killing me seeing you like this every time I do this. " said Sophia softly.   " It's like I'm the one who's torturing you. " said Sophia softly looking at her hands.   " I can't bare to see you like this Felix, I care about you to much. " said Sophia softly.  " What if I go to far and kill you? That almost happened twice!"said Sophia shaking.  Sophia hated people,  but she especially hated hurting people she cared about.

Felix smiled weakly as she made a joke about the pancakes, unable to bring himself to let out a laugh just yet. His limbs felt heavy, like lead had been poured into his veins and it had collected at his fingertips. Before she stood up however, Felix felt her lips on his, and he closed his eyes, half wishing he had the energy to kiss her back, but she was gone before he could so much as summon the energy to lift his hand.

After a moment of silence, Felix carefully lifted his hand to his lips and whistled lightly, hearing a scrabbling sound and Hyde came tearing down the stairs, jumping up on the couch and landing on his lap, his warmth immediately filled Felix with comfort and helped ease the ache of having been bit twice by a vampire in two days. He laid back, gently stroking Hyde's head as Sophia spoke from the kitchen.

He looked at the plate she brought in and smiled slightly, not moving from his spot. "Nah.. just give me a sec, I'll be fine." He said lightly, stroking Hyde's head, who looked at his master worriedly, obviously concerned for how Felix was acting.

Felix looked at Sophia carefully as she spoke, frowning as he thought about her words. Why was he letting her do this to him? Well to him the answer was pretty obvious, but he had to put it into words. "Well.. I guess for two reasons.." he said slowly, carefully moving Hyde to sit on the couch next to him as he sat up and grabbed the plate, shoving a bite of pancake in his mouth and swallowing before he spoke.

"One.. I owe you." He stared at his plate for a moment before looking up at her. "I tortured you... I gave you pain, I hurt your family and friends, if anything I deserve a bit of pain from you, but it helps that it also helps you.." He stopped for a moment, collecting his thoughts.

"Two... I want to help, and you seemed.. off before. It was pretty obvious you'd not had like, real blood for some time, you act more stressed out when you're not filled with energy. If me feeling a little weak afterwards spares us fights and anger, and helps you grow happier and stronger, then I'd give you blood every single moment for the rest of my life, if it were to help you." he looked at her earnestly, honesty written on his face.

He ignored his pancake for a moment, keeping his eyes on hers. "You shouldn't care about me, I am scum, I am less then the dirt beneath your feet. If you killed me, It'd make a lot of people happy, and you'd come to realize that you should have killed me from the moment you saw me." He said and looked back down at his plate, cutting off another chunk of pancake and shoving it in his mouth.

"If I can be of service.. if I can help you live a happier, stronger, healthier life, then I'll do whatever it takes... I want to be forgiven, but I don't deserve forgiveness, and if helping you can start to repay even a quarter of what I've done to your family, then I will stay here for the rest of my life and help you, if that will show you I mean it." He didn't know what else to say, he couldn't say anything else.

Hyde rested his head on Felix's leg and Felix sighed, carefully patting the dog. "I just want to help you, and repay what I've done wrong.."

Sophia looked at him and sighed before taking a seat on the love seat beside him.  " Felix you don't have to repay for anything you did, I understand why you did it. " said Sophia softly.  " Although I will never forget it,  but it's a reminder of how strong I can be. " said Sophia softly.   " Besides you're not the same person that you were Felix. " said Sophia softly.  

Sophia shook her head. " No Felix,  I care about all my friends and loved ones,  and you're a friend so I care!"said Sophia honestly but softly.   " Look you done a lot of damage to me and my family,  but you can't be dwelling on the past if you want a fresh start. " said Sophia softly.   " Living in the past, gets you nowhere in life. "said Sophia softly.   " You can only remember the past, you can't live in it. " said Sophia simply.   " I choose to live for now,  and think about tomorrow. " said Sophia softly.

Sophia chuckled at his reply.  " I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't do that forever Felix,  you know what they say forever is a long time. " said Sophia softly before laughing.  "Although I do appreciate the offer,  but you can't do that especially if you ever want to settle down. " said Sophia softly.   " Besides you're going to have a life Felix,  you don't need to be giving me your blood to repay me. " said Sophia honestly.  " I seen that you meant it when I ran into you, so you don't have to prove it to me. " said Sophia softly.  

Seeing it pouring outside and it was starting to get really windy,  Sophia bit her lip before whistling as Maya trotted down the stairs.  " Sorry.... I hate bad weather and thunderstorms,  they scare me. " said Sophia softly.  As Maya jumped on the couch,  she rested her head on Sophia's chest as she petted her.   Maya looking at her Sophia chuckled.  " I'm alright girl."said Sophia softly.   " Just to think a bloody thunderstorm is suppose to come tonight."Sophia muttered to herself as Maya cuddled against her.

Felix looked over at her as she sat down next to him. Hyde scooted over so he could rest his head on Felix's shoulder, panting lightly and breathing on Felix's face, making him scowl slightly, but he didn't do anything about it. Felix looked at Sophia with a sigh, before shaking his head. "Sophia.. we have to think literally.."

He stopped and took another bite of his food, before resting the plate down on the table and turning towards her. "If the government finds out I'm here... they won't care if I've changed... they won't care about anything, they won't probably even listen to your proposal at all.. they'll kill me on the spot and ask questions later." Felix's hands were shaking but he rested one on Hyde's neck and the other in his lap.

"I have to live in my past, because it's what I'm running from, until I've moved past it.. until I can walk in the sunlight without hiding my face in fear.. then I can let it go, but until then.. I have to keep it in mind." Felix rubbed Hyde's neck lightly, his eyes still on Sophia.

"Until I know I'm not going to die... then I can move on, but until then, I have to keep in mind that I have to repay what I've done! I have to.. convince them I've changed.. I have to make enough people listen and KNOW I've changed... I have to apologize." Felix felt his mind spinning in circles for a moment, before he looked up at Sophia and grinned.

"You have to help me apologize Sophia.. I have to let the world know I've changed, but in order to do that, I have to convince a few people first... Sophia I'd like to start with your friend, Chase Moor... the one who died a few years ago. There's a girl, who was her best friend I do believe. Jack Dyllans... I need to apologize to her about Chase Moor.. she might kill me actually, but I have to apologize. I'd rather go out in a fit of vengeance from Jack, then be taken down by some auror who doesn't even know my name."

Sophia looked at him and sighed. " Ok...ok... fine."said Sophia softly. " Look the ministry is now ran by Elijah and Robert, so we need to convince them you changed. " said Sophia softly. " As I mentioned earlier, if you convinced them and Khaat they'll change the case to where you're free. "said Sophia softly. "If anyone can free you it's Khaat. " said Sophia honestly. " But this isn't going to be easy. "said Sophia softly. " We'll start with Jack and go from there. " said Sophia softly.



Sophia looked at him and sighed before scratching behind Maya ear. " Felix you'll be free do whatever you want soon, I just know it. " said Sophia smiling at him. " Just keep thinking positive and don't give up. " said Sophia softly. " You believe in me, so I'm believing in you. " said Sophia honestly but softly. " Just have hope, some hope is better than no hope. " said Sophia softly.

As he mentioned Chase one of her best friends, she felt a stab in her chest. She didn't even know she died until she was invited to the funeral, it tore her apart to find out she was dead. " Ooh... Jack she usually hang out in with Max and a little girl although I don't know the little girls name, "said Sophia softly. " I seen Jack a couple of times, I could probably find Khaat and Eli better than her. " said Sophia honestly.

Felix nodded, petting Hyde as she spoke. "Elijah... wonderful, how am I going to make HIM believe me? I tortured him! He's going to have me killed the second I try and say anything... this is.. impossible." Felix looked absolutely mortified, his face was pale, and Hyde, sensing his master's fear, suddenly crawled onto his lap, as though he were a lap-dog. Felix grunted at the weight as the dog rested his head on Felix's shoulder, sitting fully on his lap.

Felix smirked and ran his hands along the dog's back. "Calm down Hyde.. I'm fine.." He said gently, feeling better already by the compassion his pet was showing him. The dog didn't care what he had done, he didn't care that he could die, he simply wanted Felix to be happy.

"Sophia.. it's hard to have hope when you have none." He smirked and rested his head against Hyde's shoulder, his hands wrapped in the dog's soft fur. "It'd be better to deal with Jack first... I didn't torture her directly, and the girl's death wasn't a direct result of my actions.. so it shouldn't be... too bad right? I don't know.. I've never dealt with these people before."

Felix was trembling, and not from weakness now. More from fear of everything that his future entailed. "I'm not sure what I can do..."

Sophia looked at him before her eyes went red with annoyance as she looked at him shaking her head.  " If you keep thinking negative,  then you're going to end back up in that hell hole!"said Sophia angrily.  " You got to stop thinking so negatively about everything!"said Sophia softly but honestly. "We honestly don't know what there going to do, but we don't know unless we try. " said Sophia softly.  " A life without risk isn't a life worth living. " said Sophia softly but honestly.

Sophia looked at him and sighed. " Then build some,  build some hope Felix and start living by it. " said Sophia softly.   " Go to Jack first if it's easier,  we'll start with the easiest and go to the hardest. " said Sophia simply.  " First we need to find out where Jack will be. " said Sophia softly.   " I suggest the park, maybe she took the little girl there to play. "said Sophia shrugging.   " But then again she could be anywhere. " said Sophia sighing softly to herself.

Sophia flinched as she heard the raindrops hit the roof,  as Maya cuddled up against her more and licked her cheek Sophia smiled. " Thanks Maya girl,  but I'm ok I promise. " said Sophia softly.   Petting Maya head she shifted herself on the couch seeing how the arm of the couch was pressing against her shoulders. With her and Felix on the couch with two dogs,  Sophia was surprised that the couch was holding up.   It made her chuckle at the thought of it though.

Felix let out a bark of a laugh as she spoke. He couldn't help but turn a look of pure confusion on her, shaking his head slightly. "A life without risk taking... Sophia do you realize who you are talking to? I am mister risk taker! I took risks for years, guess where it landed me? Two times in Azkaban and two years on the run." He sat up slightly and stroked Hyde's head, staring at Sophia.

"I'm tired of taking risks, I want to live like a normal person for once in my life. Not be thrown into Azkaban, or fear the Ministry at every turn. I can't have hope right now.. or failing will destroy me." He said honestly, his eyes never leaving Sophia's face. "If I have hope that I can overcome this situation.. and we go before the Ministry, and I have to fight my way out... and I don't receive forgiveness.. Then I will have failed, and if I fail.. it will destroy me."

He was shaking again, but he simply wrapped his arms in Hyde's fur, who was nearly on top of his lap now, trying to keep him warm and happy. Felix buried his face in his fur once more and sighed heavily, gently stroking the dog. "We can try Sophia... but you need to let go of the hope that we could win... or else it will destroy you too... I've lived the last two years knowing I will fail. If we succeed.. it will make that success all the sweeter.. but I refuse to believe I will succeed until I am standing before the Ministry and they tell me I won't die."

Felix took a deep breath and leaned his head back. "I would even settle for a few more years in Azkaban if it meant saving my life from this mess..."

Sophia looked at him and sighed.  " Alright fine,  if you want me to give up on you I will. " said Sophia simply crossing her arms.  "I'll just give up as well,  if you're giving up why can't I?"Sophia asked him softly.   " Besides who needs all this bullshit I just said? It's just a bunch of mumbo jumbo. " said Sophia honestly.    It was clear Sophia wasn't herself anymore,  the vampire simply took over her.  The vampire looked at Felix with Sophia's chocolate brown eyes that held so much in them were now cold and lifeless.  

" You know Felix,  you're absolutely right about everything you say,  to bad the poor girl doesn't realize it. " said the vampire smirking.   "I mean you becoming a free man is going to be highly impossible,  but here you are walking straight into hell gates. " said the vampire.   " Poor dear,  do you not realize how much the girl is trying to help you?"the vampire asked rolling her eyes.   " The poor girl is risking her life to help a broken pathetic human physcopath. " said the vampire shaking her head.   " Wow... the poor girl must be desperate for some  for some attention. " said the vampire smirking.

" I kept telling her if she let me take over, she wouldn't feel anything cause we vampires don't have any emotions. " said the vampire smirking. " It's what she needs, she's clearly confused and broken so she needs some guidance. " said the vampire shaking her head. " If you're wondering where Sophia is well... lets just say she isn't here right now. " said the vampire simply. " Tell me Felix, what side do like better, me or Sophia?"the vampire asked him smirking.