Maybe I've gone crazy

Felix let her lead him to her house, let her sit him down in a chair, but the moment she touched him, it was as though she had found every bit of him that hurt, all the old wounds that would never heal, the ones that he had caused himself, the ones that others had caused him, the ones that had happened while living on the run. He felt them all, and her hands made it hurt all the more. He squirmed away from her, he couldn't help but shiver and wince and move away when she tried to heal him.

Eventually she did what she had to do, and hours passed. His wounds were stitched up, his hair cut and cleaned, his beard shaved off. His hair felt light and soft and fluffy as he ran his hand through the freshly shampoo'd strands. He found a mirror and stared at himself in it. It was like he was a new man, but instead he was back to what he had been. He stared into his own eyes in the mirror, before slowly looking down at his rapidly disappearing waistline. He was thin and scrawny and had far less muscle then he had let himself believe he did.

Felix looked over to Sophia and felt a large grin appear on his face. He walked over to her and scooped her up into a hug, the first he had given since Naomi, after a moment he set her down and looked down at himself again. His clothes were fresh, his hair was cut, his fingernails trimmed. He was dashing again.

Felix moved back to the mirror and looked at himself, grinning. He stared in the mirror and stared at his own eye-color when suddenly he felt a pain far worse then a cruciatus course through him. He wasn't a stranger to this pain though, he knew what it was, and knew it was nothing he could do to stop it. But it did surprise him and he fell back into a chair, holding his middle. "No.. no.. I'm alright.. just.. Argh" He wrapped his arms around his middle and groaned, his eyes shut.

"I think.. this is what people call.. remorse pains.." he whispered, wiping his eyes on his sleeve as the pain slowly disappated. He slowly looked up at her and smiled weakly, before looking back in the mirror. "Thank you Sophia... Do you really think making me look better will help people.. not try to kill me?"

"Whoa!"said Sophia chuckling before he set her back on the ground as she stumbled a bit. " You're welcome Felix, you had alot of scars and stuff, but I believe I got them all. " said Sophia softly. " Sorry if I hurt you, I didn't mean to if I did I just wanted you to get better. " said Sophia softly. " Careful not all of them are healed, the one on your side looks pretty recent and will take some time to heal."said Sophia softly lifting his shirt once again to look at it.

" Sorry!"Sophia replied softly as she seen him flinch at her touch. " I know I'm cold and I'm sorry, and I also know it hurts. " said Sophia honestly. " To many curses and Sectumsepra thrown at me."said Sophia softly. " Believe me I know how you feel some. "said Sophia softly. " You wouldn't believe how many scars I had that I healed. " said Sophia honestly.

Sophia looked at him and bit her lip, before looking at the floor. "I honestly know that feeling to well actually, I had that feeling after k broke free from Alistair D'Eath curse he put on me. "said Sophia softly. " I was placed under the imperious curse and was his string puppet doing his bidding while he just watched, I can't tell you how many innocent people I killed. " said Sophia softly. " Afterwards I told Khaat and them, they told me that it wasn't me and that I was forced to do it, but the pain to this day stays inside me. " said Sophia softly. " It never went away, and that was two years ago Felix. " said Sophia softly.

" I honestly think it will, I mean you look at yourself and it reminds you of your old self, but if you prove to others you changed people will see you differently. " said Sophia softly. " I think you needed this look as reminder, that you've done wrong but everyone does it sometimes in their lives. "said Sophia honestly. " The world is filled with surrow, we can swallow it and take it or let it swallow you. " said Sophia softly. " I choose to swallow it and move on, life is to short. " said Sophia. " Come on, lets order some pizza, I don't know about you but I'm starving. " said Sophia chuckling.

Why was this girl so nice to him..? Anyone else would have kicked him while he was down and called for Aurors to haul him away to Azkaban for a life sentence. Instead she was basically harboring a criminal who had said he wanted to change. Her goodness was in bounds he didn't know how to over-leap. He understood now why Burke had wanted to grab her and crush her spirit. Luckily for Felix he hadn't been able to do very much before she had been saved. It might have been the only thing that kept her here to help him now.

"It is a reminder.." he said, looking back in the mirror and running his hand over his clean-shaven face. A face that felt as old as time, but looked as young as he was. He felt like he had lived multiple life-times, and yet here he was, with his whole life ahead of him, and he was only now trying to start living it. "But... I wasn't forced to do anything Sophia.. I did it myself.. the first time maybe I was.. he gave me money and food, and a place to stay after having none for myself.. but after that it was me."

He started to feel a sort of panic set in, and he looked up at her with wild eyes. "They won't forgive me! They won't even look at me! They'll take one look at me and kill me on the spot, no sorrow or remorse for me... But they have to know.. they have to know how sorry I am.. how I wish I had been above all that, how I wish I hadn't had anger.. how I wish I was someone else."

He felt the pain returning with his panic and he clutched at his chest, gasping for air as he tried to calm himself down. "I'm too young to die.. I've not even gotten to do half the things in life I wanted to do... did you know I like plants?" He suddenly looked up at her with hope in his eyes, a small smile on his lips. "Pizza..? F-Food.." He suddenly looked like a starved puppy, his eyes wide and he licked his lips, his hands trembling. "I... I have to be careful, if I eat too much I'll get sick, I've been living off of rabbit stew and random vegetables and eggs for months.. before that it was mostly mushrooms."

Felix closed his eyes and put his hand on his stomach. "Before that... I was pretty lucky, managed to find a place that had a full blown garden, I ate fresh lettuce and carrots, and potatoes, I only took a few so they wouldn't notice.. but they had a good crop that year and I ate well." He smiled slightly before standing up and getting dizzy, throwing out a hand to catch himself on Sophia's shoulder.

"Sorry... just a bit.. light-headed, not used to having so much less hair.." He let go of her shoulder and smoothed out his shirt, his hand running over his jaw again as he felt the smooth skin. The pain in his side was nothing compared to how good he felt otherwise. The lack of hair was refreshing, the change of clothes made him feel like a new man, but the grumble to his stomach was more then he could bear. "Er... water might be good too.. I don't remember the last time I had clean water.. got used to having a bit of dirt in it all the time."

Sophia looked at him and bit her lip, it might of been true but she still killed people. " You're right about that, but it was still me."said Sophia softly.   " Like I said that day,  you only done it because of your past,  you been hurt so you hurt others." said Sophia simply.   "Yes the past can't be undone but you can write you a new beginning. " said Sophia smiling at him.  It wasn't a sickly sweet smile she used to give him, it was her famous soft warm smile.


Sophia knew she was going to ask for it if she went with him, but she honestly believed he was changing.  " Look Ill go with you,  that way they'll have some way of believing you some. " said Sophia softly.  " Who knows they might,  you never know until you try,"said Sophia simply.   " I honestly believe that they will,  but over time, "said Sophia honestly.   " Felix look at me, calm down and stop thinking negative. " said Sophia softly but in a stern voice.

Sophia shook her head.  " No I didn't,  well... you're going to love this!"said Sophia softly taking his hand leading him to her greenhouse that was filled with from roses to strawberries growing.  " I love plants as well,  Herbology was also one of my favorite subjects in school. "said Sophia softly.   " I just love the beauty of something that was just a seed and grew into something beautiful. " said Sophia softly smelling a rose.   " I guess we got more things in common then we realize. " said Sophia honestly.  " You can help me manage them,  as you can see I got many!"said Sophia chuckling.

" Come on, lets order that pizza,  what kind do you like?"Sophia asked him softly.  " I love Hawaiian,  meat lovers you name it!"said Sophia.   " I'm not that picky,  I like any type of pizza. " said Sophia honestly.  " Wow.. seems like you haven't had a decent meal in ages. " said Sophia shaking her head.  " I don't know if I could do that, I have to have real food!"said Sophia chuckling.

When he asked for water Sophia nodded. " Of course,  you want a firewhiskey as well? I got a couple of you want one. " said Sophia honestly.  " Don't worry about it,  I'm a vampire remember? You're weight doesn't bother me. " said Sophia simply.   " Although I'm glad I could be a resting stool for you. " said Sophia smirking at him.   Sophia was still shorter than he was,  Although Sophia always been short for her age, but being 5'7 wasn't that short right?

Felix could feel his body trembling. There was no way people were going to let him just go about his life. He had to be punished, he had to go to Azkaban, he could apologize all he wanted, and they would still throw him in the bin, let him rot for a thousand years before finally letting him go. He'd have to do something major in order for them to trust him, or even give him a chance. She said he could write a new beginning. But what sort of beginning? He was Felix Barker, he had made a name for himself, he couldn't exactly get a good job, he couldn't exactly walk down Diagon Alley without people running in fear.

Felix felt his eyes shift to Sophia when she offered to go with him. "Is that wise..?" he asked softly, unable to believe that she could be this good. She had to have some secret motive. Maybe Aurors were already on their way there right now. She was just keeping him contented until they arrived so he wouldn't leave. He felt the paranoia fill him, the years of running were making him want to bolt. Not even out of doing something wrong this time, just out of pure instinct.

When she grabbed his hand, he felt a shudder go through him, but he allowed her to pull him into her greenhouse, where he looked around in awe. "This.." His voice cracked slightly and he had to let go of her hand simply to compose himself. It was beautiful, he hadn't been lying to her at all. He loved plants, always had. When in Azkaban Khaat Lupin had brought him plants as part of a rehabilitation program. He had studied plants in school, he had always thought to turn into a potion maker one day.

Using the plants he created in his potions, and making them all the stronger. His mind was spinning as he went to a flower and put his nose to it, inhaling the sweet scent before looking back at her, a true, genuine grin on his face. "It's beautiful."

At the mention of pizza he nodded quickly and went to her, taking one last glance around the kitchen before looking around again, licking his lips. "I uh.. anything that doesn't have vegetables on top.. I think I've eaten enough of those to never want it again.. and no rabbit." He felt something weird bubble up from inside of him. Something that at first made him panic, before suddenly he let out a laugh. A real life, not a cold harsh one, not a fake humor-less one. A real, genuine laugh. And it nearly scared him, his eyes went wide and he put his hand over his mouth, feeling again the smooth skin there, before his eyes found hers, the shock and near panic setting in again at the appearance of something so unusual.

Sophia chuckled at his question. " No it'll be like a death trap into hell, but I believe in you. " said Sophia softly. " You don't have to be scared, I know you know I know aurors and stuff but there not coming I promise. " said Sophia honestly. " Besides if I wanted to turn you in, I would of done it a long time ago. said Sophia honestly. " I can sense you're scared, but I'm not going to hurt you or anything."said Sophia softly. " Do you believe me?"Sophia asked him softly her chocolate brown eyes looking into his.

Sophia smiled as she seen the excitement in his eyes as she showed him the greenhouse. " I spend a lot of time in here, I also come in here to read and watch the rain hit the glass panels. " said Sophia softly. " A bit weird I know, but I never been normal. " said Sophia laughing. It wasn't a cold laugh, it was a cheerful laugh full of life. It surprised her, that was for sure she haven't laughed like that in awhile, and Felix made it come out.

Sophia laughed at his response. " Ok meat lovers it is, hold the rabbit!"said before she busted out laughing along with him. " Hey it's ok to laugh, this is the first time I laughed like this in awhile. " said Sophia honestly. " Let's just say these pass couple of years been rough on me to. "said Sophia softly. " I been through hell and back a few times. "said Sophia honestly. " You could probably tell my wings are a bit clipped and beaten."said Sophia softly.

Felix couldn't bring himself to trust her yet. People who were good always had a motive. Always... they didn't do good things just to be good, they did it to make themselves feel better, or bring attention to themselves, get a promotion, something... but she was being good in a way he didn't understand. A version of good he had never seen, especially in his earlier years, but even less so as he grew older.

He smile was beautiful, and her laugh made his ears ring with the purity of it. He stared at her for a long moment, unsure of what to feel. This vampire woman, who he had one tortured, who he had laughed at, he had even kissed her once upon a time. Though it had been harsh, mean, rude. She had been bleeding and in pain, and he had forced a kiss upon her. He wasn't sure he wanted to kiss her, but he had never felt this... grateful to anyone in his life.

She mentioned how the last couple of years had been rough, and he couldn't imagine how anyone could stay so light and happy, and live in such a beautiful house and feel as though life had been rough. His stomach made a large grumbling sound, and a dizzy spell hit him pretty hard. He had to reach out and grab her shoulder again to steady himself, before he looked down at her. "Sorry to hear that... I hope... I hope I didn't cause too much lasting damage on your life." He said softly, before letting go of her shoulder and stepping out of the room, desperate now for some food to make him less dizzy.

Sophia was feeling strange, it was a feeling she never felt before and along with him. He tortured her, but here she was laughing along with him as though they been best friends there whole life. Sophia remembered once upon a time a few years ago, she was forced to kiss him against her will. Although it wasn't gentle or sweet, she remembered how soft his lips were. Also she remembered how he smelled to, but when she ran into him she didn't smell it.

Sophia shrugged. " It's ok, all the things I went through only made me stronger. " said Sophia honestly. " You know what they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. " said Sophia softly. " I lost my whole family due to the green itch, almost died multiple times, on top of being possessed under my vampire self and put under the imperious curse. " said Sophia naming a few things that happened to her. " Somehow I always found the light at the end of the tunnel, but now I'm starting to give up. " said Sophia sighing. " This angel as people call me, is a broken angel. " said Sophia softly.

Guiding him to the couch, she helped him sit down before getting him a glass of water and a butterbeer for herself. " Here's the water you wanted, don't worry I didn't poison it or anything. "said Sophia softly. Taking her iPhone out, she ordered the pizza along with some bread sticks. " Should be here in a few minutes. "said Sophia softly. " I know you don't trust me, but I won't hurt you I promise. " said Sophia softly.

" Just trust me Felix please like I trust you. "said Sophia softly as she looked at him with hurt in her eyes. Looking away from him, Sophia started feeling that feeling again in her stomach. She didn't know what she was feeling, but she was feeling something and it was scaring her.

Felix listened to her recount her last few years, and when she was done, he couldn't help but feel panic rise in him that had nothing to do with his current situation. She was giving up? She couldn't give up! If she gave up there was no hope for someone like Felix. He suddenly grabbed her hand, and looked her hard in the eyes, his face a bit too close to hers out of years of practice without social stimulation. "You cannot give up." He said earnestly, holding her hand tightly.

"If you give up... then there is no hope for people like me... who want to apologize, who want to make amends for the damage they caused... you are an angel, and if I have to help you mend your wings... then I will." He stared at her hard, clutching her hand. "I'm not a healer, I'm sure you know that.. but if I caused any of this pain... I will do what I can to help alleviate it as well.." He looked so sincere at the moment. And he felt it too.

He had done too much, caused too much grief, it was time he fixed something instead of broke it. He let her lead him to the couch and took the water gratefully, sipping it slowly, letting his system get used to the fluids. He watched her sadness and realized suddenly that he did trust her.. he had to trust her, he wanted to trust her. He stood up when she looked away from him, and moved towards her, carefully wrapping his arms around his savior.

"I do trust you.."

Sophia felt his hot breath on her face, but unlike before she wasn't afraid or hated him. The last time he was this close to her, he was whispering cold rude insults, but now it was sweet melodies of admiration. " I don't want to Felix, but I don't have anything left anymore. " said Sophia softly. Looking into his eyes with sadness in them, she truly see how handsome and beautiful his eyes were. His face and eyes weren't cold, but instead full of hurt and sorrow. Sophia could see in his eyes he was hurt and broken as well.

" I don't even know if I am a angel anymore Felix, I fallen so many times. "said Sophia softly. " Although I want to give up, I won't give up on you. " said Sophia softly. " I know you're far from a healer, but if you can give me something to believe in that's all I need. "said Sophia softly. " You're only one of my many pain. "said Sophia softly but honestly. " It's like every experience I went through, killed me little by little. " said Sophia softly.

Sophia froze in her spot as she felt him wrap his arms around her. " Damn it, what's the bloody hell does this feeling in my stomach comes when he's close to me?"Sophia asked herself feeling that feeling in her stomach again. Looking into his eyes Sophia bit her lip trying to ignore the feeling in her stomach. As the doorbell rung, Sophia pulled away from him running towards the door. Paying for the pizza and bread sticks, Sophia walked back to the couch smiling weakly at him. " Pizza is here!"said Sophia softly setting it on the coffee table before opening the box and diving in.