Desperate for Forgiveness

Jack found it simply intriguing, how Chase even admitted a lot of her problems were self induced- idealism and whatnot- but she yearned for a safe and happy future, wanting security and simple joys and a tradition life. Jack was the one who yearned for a crazy life, one full of adventure and excitement.. And yet all of these unwanted complications got in her way.

It seemed they were both a little crazy.

Chase did not seem so sure about Jack's insistence that she was staying with someone.. or that they would not be able to have a sleepver. But Jack did not want to risk having Chase beg Jack to move in, or whatever she would insist on. Jack could not risk her friends anymore and she could not risk revealing how weak she had become.

Jack nodded at Chase's words, saying. "That sounds good. Really good." She glanced at her watch- it was gettin on in the evening. "Maybe.. maybe not. I'd probably be best to just go home." She nodded. "Oh. But.. In a few weeks I want to go on a roadtrip. We'd leave on the 7th of July.. We'd go to Borely Rectory and then through Scotland, looking at castles and stuff. It'd be, uh, you, me, Keith Nicholas, James Wake, and Ariel Greyback." She nodded. "Provided they agree. Ariel will.. The others, I dunno."

Chase bit her lower lip as Jack looked at her. She wished Jack could open up to her.. realize that she didn't have to go things alone.. there was things going on in Jack's life that Chase had no idea of.. but she wished she did.. She wished she could help. Even if it was in a tiny way... but Jack.. she would never accept that.. and it saddened Chase, thinking that Jack didn't trust her enough.. or know he enough.. to trust her with something that was obviously eating away at her. Chase looked down at her hands, and stared at a piece of grass at the base of her cane.

"Alright, that's fine.." She said, about Jack having to go home. "Maybe another time?" She said smiling at her, but she perked up on hearing about the road trip. "A road trip? I'd have to do some serious begging of Calvin.. but.. I should be okay to go out for a while around then.." She said mentally imagining a calendar in her head, and working out the dates of how quickly she was recovering. "I'll be able to get rid of this cane soon here, and maybe by then I'll have my full eyesight back." She said grinning slightly, and pointing at her right eye, which crossing from her eyebrow, diagonally across her eye, you could see the mark on her actual eye, and down to her cheek, from left to right. "I can't see.. quite everything.. but it's better." She said smiling at her, and standing back up. "I'll see you later then Jack? I'll be glad to go on the road trip, It'll be fun." She said nodding. "Ariel...He sounds familiar.." She said frowning, but she shrugged, and looked at Jack, smiling. "If you ever need anything.. you know where I'm at." She said seriously, looking at Jack, her hands clasped on her cane, standing as straight as she could.

Jack knew her words not gove over quite well with Chase, just from the uncertain expression on her face and the evident hesitation in the way she spoke, but Jack also knew that if she agreed to sleep over, it would only be the beginning of her troubles.. Okay, not the beginning, but she did not want to have to worry about Chase finding out how bad Jack was. Besides, Death Eaters were supposed to be after her as well.. She could not risk bringing more harm on Chase or anyone else. She should have found some shack by herself by now, but she simply did not have the funds yet. She was working on that.

She tried not to reveal any of these inner musings on her face to Chase, not wanting to get into it too much. "Another time," she agreed, nodding her head. As Chase began to make plans and arrangements, Jack said, "I wouldn't want to put you through too much, but it might help to get away. That's why I am-" and because you're homeless, suspected for murder, slowly going crazy- she had to stop her thoughts before she looked insane and told herself to shut up. That would no do.

Jack knew about her eye from Reid and Calvin and Jack just nodded, and then nodded again as Chase asked if they would see each other soon. "Definitely," she affirmed. Chase said Ari sounded familiar and Jack said, "A lot of people say that after Keith's stupid article about Ari and I-" and then she realized.. Chase had not been around for the Keith's Korner.. She had no idea Jack and Ari had ever been friends, let alone kissed. Jack's voice caught and she deadpanned. "Uhh.." She did not know what to say so she shook her head, "Yeah, he'll be there. And I know."

Chase smiled at Jack, and ran her hand through her short hair. She was still unused to the absence of her long hair, and was trying to get over it. Almost as much as she was trying to get used to only having sight out of one eye, partially. Chase smiled at Jack, but it quickly turned to a frown, when Jack mentioned something about Keith's articles. She tilted her head to the side slightly, and frowned. "Articles?" She asked, curious. She HAD heard something about his articles.. around the time she had come back for a little bit... before the end of school, to get some work done, and to get some tests done, so that she COULD graduate... but as it was... she hadn't actually read them, only heard snippets from them. And whatever had been said about Ariel and Jack, she had missed, or heard in passing, and thought nothing of.

But Jack quickly moved on, and Chase didn't have time to ask again, so she just shrugged it off, and glanced behind her. "I should go.. but Jack.. it was great to see you again.. I hope we get to see each other more often... now that.. school's done and everything.. if you ever need anything stop on by.. even if it's only a cup of sugar or something... and feel free to drop by during dinner.. or something.. We always make more food then needed.. I have to force Calvin to slow down, and stop eating when he gets to full.. he tends to overeat.. but how he stays so skinny I'll never know." She said smiling at Jack. "But feel free... our door is always open." She said smiling at her friend. "I'll see you later." She nodded, and turned around to leave, walking slowly, and leaning heavily on the cane. It was obvious she was starting to feel the pain, and needed to get home, judging by her facial expressions as she walked away, trying to hide it from Jack. It still hurt.. and Chase was still heavily under numbing potions.. she had been out to long already... Calvin would speak to her, she knew it.. but she didn't want Jack to see.. didn't want Jack to see just how much it hurt her still.. she was still a recovery in process, and she had a feeling numbing potions would become her best friend... especially during that road trip.. if Calvin let her go at all.

Jack felt like she forced all of her friendships to be one sided. She was the one that protected, yes, but that was Jack as a a person in general, it did not just describe her as a friend. She had always seemed to be the person that was called in when no one else could fix a situation, and she was the only one strong enough that could put everything aside, roll up her sleeves, and get it done. But as far as asking for help and wanting to connect with and communicate with each other, Jack could not hold up her end of the bargain. She did not understand why- all she had to do was open her mouth and force out the words. I care about Ari. He cares about me. I think he wants.. a.. r..r.. That R word. HELP! It would all be so easier if she could kist do that.

Instead, she absent mindedly nodded her way through all of her friend's words, saying, "Okay, that sounds good. Take care. I'll try to stop by, please don't worry about me, that's the last thing I want." She could see Chase was in pain, but Chase did not want help, she did not want to be told she looked weak. Jack chewed on her lip, nodding, watching her friend limp away. Jack could not find words, want did you say. I care about you? I'm sorry? Please forgive me?

Inspiration hit her.

"Hurry and get home to Calvin. He's probably conscious, go change that!"

She turned and faced the garden again. Eloquent. She could think of no better to say.