Desperate for Forgiveness

Jack shook her head, still laughing- everytime she thought she had gathered control her mout twitched like mad. She would reach up to straighten out the corners before snorting and bursting back into laughter. The problem was she KNEW that it was plausible. That Calvin definitely would have fainted had Chase kissed him.. It was hilarious.

Jack shook her head, chuckling still. Before she could stop herself, she said, "Man, oh man, Chase. I wish I had your problems." She stopped and stared forward, her breath caught. ""Uh... I mean, that's.. cute?" she coughed. What she did not want to go into was how all of Chase's problems- the ones that seemed to bother her most- were ones Jack could never take seriously or even begin to understand because they seemed to revolve around relationships. Jack had no experience. One kiss with Ari that had almost ruined everything. Pretending to be a steady couple to piss off her parents. Her worst 'relationship' problem had been Keith announcing she had a relationship, which had been a lie, and she had denounced it. But when Jack was used to problems like being unable to hate a murderer, nearly being killed by someone she would die to protect, having to be the villain of all her friends, being unable to protect those she wanted to, being attacked by werewolves.. Well.. Liking someone who fainted when you kissed them seemed like a nice break.

Not that she would handle that any better than she could Vito. She'd take murder to serious relationships. At least she sort of understood Vito.

Chase continued to rant and ramble and Jack had no idea what to say. She would never call her a slut, of course, but Jack had only even had one kiss. That whole sex thing.. it was an ambiguous concept to her. To get pregnant this young did not seem possible to Jack. She just did not understand honestly. All she knew was she adored the irony of Chase's full name.

"Chase, you're not a bad person," Jack said. "The only things I could ever say is that you can be naive and misguided. But you're not a bad person, you've had bad things happen to you. As far as i can tell, Chase, the real problem is you have so many people that want to protect you, but then you try and be strong for them and protect yourself.. and it ends up hurting everyone. If people are willing to protect you, let them."

Chase stared at Jack for a long moment. She was laughing.. a lot! It was so weird! She wasn't even sure if she HAD heard Jack laugh before... not these... giggles. Chase just shook her head and clasped her hands together. "You wish you had my problems?" She asked, getting serious for a moment. The real thing here was.. was the reason BEHIND these problems... The reason she made these problems for herself.. it helped her to not concentrate on the bad ones... to not concentrate on the problems that SHOULD be eating her mind.. and weren't.. if she thought about what she SHOULD be concerned with.. she very well might go insane. Chase sighed, and stared straight ahead, forcing her thoughts off of the dark hole they were being driven into, forcing her thoughts more towards the white light, that was Calvin.

Chase looked up at Jack, and smiled. "Is it a bad thing.. wanting to protect yourself.. and not being able? Trying to stand up for yourself.. trying to be like your friends..." Chase looked pointedly at Jack for a moment, before looking away again. "I just want to show people that I CAN do things by myself.. but then.. this outside force comes in.. and just... takes me away from that.. hurts me.. Hurts my family... messes with my mind.." She said and shook her head. "Jack.. I just want to show people that I'm not a child anymore.. I mean.. I birthed a child.. and lost my boyfriend... to you... I'm sure that sounds.. ridiculous right? But.. there is just something... different in our lives.. and how they work... you are always so busy.. helping the cause.. fighting for the right of people.. stuff like that.. and me.. I just try to get along.. try to work out problems from day to day... it sucks... and it does hurt.. but.. I just want to make people proud of me.. and that doesn't happen very often.." She said softly.

Chase lifted her head and sat up straight, and swore she could hear those shouted words echo across time. "What?! Are you freaking insane?! Or are you just stupid!? How could you be so selfish, Chase!? How could you do this?!"

Jack shook her head at Chase's words, saying, "Being an adult has nothing to do with how strong you are, Chase. Would you consider Elijah to be an adult? He puts up a front, though, doesn't he? Being an adult has to do with having the humility to know when you can not be strong. Being an adult is about doing what it takes to survive. We're in a war, Chase. Life and death. People are a lot prouder of a friend who did what was right to keep themselves alive."

It was times like these that Jack worried there was something wrong with her. She was saying these things, things she whole heartedly believed for Chase that she did not believe for herself. For Jack, her symbolism of adult hood was not putting any of her friends out and dealing with everything on her own. In her mind, being dead and having saved her friends was better than being alive and having turned her back on Vito.

Yet, both were right in her mind. How did two opposites coexist as truth? She could not comprehend that in the least. Perhaps.. Perhaps it was just because they were different people, so doing something made one more like an adult and one less like one. It was because, in this life, they had different roles. Chase needed to be saved. Jack needed to save.

Chase listened to Jack, and then slowly nodded at her words. It was right.. Jack was always right.. how could someone be so.. right all the time? It didn't make much sense to her. She needed saved.. and Calvin? He made her feel... full inside. Like, there was a large hole in her chest, a hole that hadn't been filled, and sure the other guys had filled it to an extent.. but to be honest.. it wasn't full, she didn't know if it was EVER Full, how could you tell if something was full, if you didn't know how big it was? But for once.. it was like she was happy, inside and out, Calvin just made her feel like that. Even before their kiss, just holding hands.. knowing he was there.. knowing he would save her.. But Jack..

Chase looked at Jack sadly. "Can YOU stay alive Jack?" She asked softly, her eyes resting on her friend, a small, gentle smile on her face. "Could you do that for me? Could you try to be happy?" Chase reached out, and gently took Jack's hand, looking at her friend. "Jack... so much has happened, since that day... since we stopped talking.. since Andrew.. and sometimes... sometime soon, we should go to the lake again.. see Nessie..." Chase smiled, and reached her free hand into her shirt, pulling out the golden chess piece. "Even with all that was stolen from me.. I still have this." she said smiling at Jack and pulling the piece off of her neck. "It's been through a lot since it left that lake.. since it was changed hands.." She smiled at Jack, and looked away, letting go of her hand, looking down at the chess piece. "WE have been through a lot Jack.." She said and gently ran her finger along the piece. "Why can't we just go back to brownies and lake water?" She asked smiling at it, remembering the old times.

Chase took her hand in Jack's and Jack knew that Chase really meant eveything she was saying now, because Jack had always been clear about that whole affection thing. They had never been huggy friends or anything of the sort. So Chase was incredibly serious at the moment to step into that awkward area of friendship Jack was unfamiliar with.

Jack felt hypocritical because of her answer, but it came down to them being different people. Different needs, different life meanings. For some, Jack's destruction could be the way she helped the world. Chase helped people with her kind words and her willing friendship. She needed to stick around to be able to deliver that.

"I'm staying alive the ways I know how.. I'm staying alive by living the way I know how to." As for happiness, well Jack was unfamiliar. Even before this year, she had never been a happy person. That was just the way things were and to try and change it.. Well, she was sure maybe the Department of Mysteries would have their hands full trying to figure it out.

"I'm as happy as I can be, all things considering," Jack responded, which meant she had no reason currently to try and be happy. She continued to ramble on about how she wished they could go back. Jack was touched the piece meant so much to her, because it meant a lot to Jack too. At Chase's question, though, only one thing came out of her mouth. "Because, Chase, we're not supposed to go back. We're supposed to move forward."

Chase nodded slowly. "As long as your happy.." She said, smiling at her friend and nodding. Making sure not to touch Jack again. Chase didn't know what to do with Jack.. she had a feeling that their lives were meant to go in completely different directions. Jack was meant to be there to save people.. it had always been Jack. Head of Potters Army, there for the Order, saving Vito.. saving her.. it was just.. Jack.. Chase on the other hand, had always been confused in relationship after relationship, hoping to find herself, while in the arms of another man.. falling in love with people easily, and making friends that weren't very good friends to be honest. Chase didn't know where her life was leading her, but she actually, really hoped that it would be into Calvin's arms..

But Chase had to stop and think.. who were those people that pulled the strings.. she had never been religious, she didn't think most Wizards were.. but still.. there was something that caused those occurrences to happen. Someone who had control of the strings. "Jack.. did you ever think we had a place we had to be... when we grow up? Someone we are supposed to help... I feel like it! I feel like... there are people who are supposed to meet us.. supposed to show us kindness.. and to help us move on in our lives... And.. even though they may not change us for the better... they do Change us..." She said shaking her head. "It's like a story... a book that shouldn't have a happy ending.." She said and sighed. "I talk to much.."

Jack shrugged. "I've never been into the concept of fate. Life is a bunch of random occurances that begin to work against you and build you up. Life pushes you places, but you either let it force you down the path that it is taking you or you make things difficult and fight back. Good and bad is just words that people apply to actions and intentions, though no one has a real clear definition on what matters more- intentions or acting on it."

She paused. Chase may have thought she was talking too much, but that was in her nature. Conversation was not something Jack sought out to have. She sighed. "I can't know about any of this. Sometimes it feels like the situations are just so improbable to lead to such a tiny impossibility that.. maybe people are meant to be apart of each other's lives. Then I remember the Chaos theory and it's explainable, but the chaos theory makes you think... what's orchestrates that chaos so perfectly to make things go to shit so perfectly." She shook her head. "If we were meant to know, Chase, it would be likely that one of us would already."

Chase sighed, and looked out at the garden. "Jack.. when you were a kid.. did you ever think you would end up right here? I sure didn't.. the first thing I thought was that I'd get married to this man my mom set up for me.. I'd have his kids... and live happily ever after, wanting for nothing.." She said shaking her head. "Then it all went to shit.." Chase couldn't sit down anymore, and used her cane to help her stand up, pushing off the bench, and stretching her legs slightly, before turning back to Jack. "What are you doing Jack? What are you doing right now? Where are you staying? Please.. tell me, I have to do something.." she said, sitting down again and looking intently at her friend.

"Come over for a few nights.. have a sleepover or something.. my body is fine.. I can handle it.. I use the cane cause I get a little weak in the knees sometimes! Please... lets do something besides sit here... and chat about dark things.. lets forget for a while.. and be teenagers! Something neither of us have been in such a long time! Please Jack? Lets do something that makes us feel like a teenager for once! I want to do that.. just once, before life takes us in completely opposite directions.." she said taking hold of Jack's hand again, and leaning towards her, her eyes staring hard at Jack, pleading, hoping, and wishing that Jack would do as she asked.

Jack felt a smirk crawl onto her face. "When I was a kid I thought I'd be in a freak show, because I somehow turned my dog green. Muggleborn you know.." She thought hard. "I don't know that I even thought I would ever grow up. And when I got older I figured I would be a bounty hunter or a chick drummer or in jail or something." She chuckled.

Chase asked about her and Jack shrugged, not wanting to outright lie but not wanting Chase to worry. "I'm good. Staying with family.. well, more like a friend.. Acquaintance really." Being the Leaky Cauldron.. "I, uh, I'm settling. Trying to figure things out.. I want to get a job doing something with magical creatures. And werewolves. My eyes were sort of opened to that world. Really, Chase, I'm fine."

Jack began to argue, wanting to explain how Jack did not do sleepovers.. That would make her feel like a fool, not a sleepover. Chase was so insistent though.. But Jack could not spend the night, and possibly be taken over by her nightmares. Chase did not need to know about that. "I sort've have a curfew for my current place," she lied, though the owner preferred her not to be walking around at night, "but a few daytime visits can be arranged. We can picnic or something."

Chase smiled at Jack's response. "That's a good dream." She said giggling slightly, and shrugging. "I've always wanted to be a healer I think.." She said, frowning. "Or a mother... I used to think that was a career all in it's own.. thought you even went to school for it.." She said smiling and looking at Jack and smiling towards the ground, putting her necklace back on and looking at Jack again. "Staying with an acquaintance? Oh.. okay.." she said, nodding carefully. She wasn't sure if she believed her.. with the way she changed her answer. Chase looked at her hand, and flexed her fingers, staring at her newly grown fingernails, which she had taken the time to paint bright yellow.

Chase nodded and smiled at Jack. "Alright, I guess that's okay... We should though.. once I get better... I mean.. I could go now.. I just would need to sit down a lot." She said smiling at Jack. "When do you wanna get together?" She asked smiling at her. "Calvin and Reid would love to I think! We could go to the park.. with Katie.. and.. go swimming or something at a lake.. or.. I don't know.. I guess.." She said, flushing red, and looking at Jack, unsure of what to do now... she was starting to get tired, and the sun was making her feel a bit hot, and a little burnt. "I think I may have to go home soon... wanna come over?" She asked softly, looking up at the sky.