I didn't mean to hurt you

Chase wasn't sure what to make of his movements, she had never kissed someone who was so... jumpy before, but what happened after her lips touched his, was something she had never experienced before in her entire life. It was like some great weight had been pulled out of her stomach, one that she hadn't known was there. And it left a burning, clean feeling mess in it's wake, only to be filled up again by something much lighter then the weight, and something much more pleasant, it was like air had filled it up, but there wasn't an empty feeling, it wasn't air that left a hole, that had been burning away at her soul for months.. oh no... it was like air filled with the rays of sunlight. Air that made her limbs tingle, and shiver, and explosions were going off in her mind, her eyes had closed automatically, and for a second, she was afraid that Calvin hated her.. he wasn't responding.. and millions of bad thoughts teemed through her head.

What if he hates me? What if he'll put up with this one kiss... and then sit me down.. tell me he doesn't feel that way. Her hands moved up to cup his cheeks, pulling him in closer, tears starting to fill her eyes. He hated her... he was going to hate her for the rest of her life, because of that one stupid mistake. How could he not feel the same she was feeling though? The reaction was to.. honest, to pure, to... amazing for him not to have shared in a bit of what she had felt, their touches were electrified, and everywhere skin met skin was on fire. But then something incredible happened, something that threw Chase off completely..

Calvin started to kiss her back.

Chase felt every bad thought in her head fly out of it as quick as they had come. He was kissing her back! He was settling, and kissing her back! She felt a spark of new energy, but before she could kiss him harder, something odd happened. Calvin went completely limp in her arms, and Chase pulled back quickly, and watched Calvin sink to the ground. "Calvin! Oh no! Merlin! I killed him!" Chase cried, falling to her knees beside Calvin, and lifting up his head, sitting down and laying it in her lap, brushing his hair away from his eyes, and opening up one eyelid carefully, and watching his chest for any signs of breathing. But he was breathing, and it appeared.. well it appeared he had fainted. Chase couldn't help but laugh, she laughed, and it was possibly the sweetest laugh that had ever escaped her lips. Dirty, and healing, sitting on the bathroom floor, holding Calvin's head, and laughing harder then she had in a long, long time. Because she had managed to make Calvin faint, by a simple touch... even though it had been their lips that touched.. well, he had fainted.

Chase very carefully moved so she could slip his wand out of his pocket (Seeing as she didn't have her own anymore), and smiled down at Calvin. She wasn't sure if she should wake him up, or let him sleep for a while. She couldn't exactly move him from the floor.. and she still needed to get in the shower, so touching his chest with his wand, she muttered "Rennervate." Hoping to wake him up from his unconsciousness. Of course she hadn't done magic in a long time.. and well.. she wasn't even sure she COULD anymore... not with her body under the pressure it had been in recently, but she hoped it worked, she didn't want to leave Calvin here on the floor for to long, he could catch a cold.

For ten, short minutes Calvin remained still and silent on the bathroom floor. His body had decided to take advantage of the fact that he was no longer in control of his functions, and began to steady his heart rate once more, recovering from the shock that Calvin had received upon being kissed by his dearest friend.

In his state of unconsciousness, no dreams took hold of him; he was left with a still mind for the short moment - but several factors prevented Calvin from remaining peaceful for long; while the tiles beneath him began to chill his skin, the power of the Chase’s spell increased with each second that slipped by, and after ten minutes, it had become a deep rooted itch deep within his subconscious, and his flesh had gone cold to the touch.

Slowly, the combination of the two nudged him awake.

Calvin peeled his eyelids back from his large, brown orbs, staring upwards at Chase. She was hovering over him, much to his surprise; he could have sworn that he’d only just been at her eye level. His eyes flicked first to his right, and then to his left quickly; he was still registering the fact that he was lying on the bathroom floor. “I fell down…” Calvin announced when he'd fully returned to Earth, “Ooops,” he added.

So often that words fell from Calvin’s lips…

Lips?

Calvin raised his arm, bringing the tips of several of his fingers to his lips, which had curled upwards into a smile once more, touching the spot where Chase's had been. For a moment, he seemed to be lost in a dream, completely unaware of his surroundings... It was a blissful feeling, one that Calvin had never before experienced. He decided then, as he stared upwards in a daze, grinning madly, that nothing else compared to that feeling. Nothing – or, rather, no one could compare to Chase.

Chase was freaking out, ten minutes, ten whole, heart pounding minutes, where he didn't move. She was sure she had killed him, killed him with a kiss. A single, soul shattering kiss, one where her emotions had been spun around in a complex web unlike anything she had experienced before. She had been afraid he wouldn't like her back.. afraid of his reaction.. until he had kissed her back.. well just a little bit, before he had lost consciousness and fainted. And she had sat on the floor beside him, on the cold, tile floor, waiting for him to wake up, speaking every now and then, wondering if he could hear her. "Calvin... please wake up! You need to wake up.. wake up and be okay... I'm sorry.. Did I hurt you? Did I do something wrong? I always do something wrong.. please wake up Calvin! Please..." Finally Chase had just fallen silent, watching his chest, rise and fall slowly, watching his eyes twitch beneath his lids, until finally they started to act different. Chase shot up, and moved so she was hovering over him again.

"Calvin? Are you alright?! I didn't mean.. are you okay? Did you hit your head?" She asked fretting. His wand lay on the floor beside him, where it had lain since she had tried to wake him up, it hadn't been very strong, but it may have been what brought him back to her now. "Are you okay? Did I... Was it bad?" She asked, her cheeks flushed. "I mean.. I didn't.. I just... kinda stopped thinking.. and.." she touched her own lips, staring down at him as he touched his own, a smile on his face. "I don't know what to... I mean.. I've been feeling.. I mean.. I can't! I just.. oh I don't know anymore.. are you okay Calvin? You hit your head pretty hard.. don't sit up for a little bit.. in case you gave yourself a concussion!" She said, moving so she was right beside him, so she could look at him slightly upright, and she leaned over him, lifting up his wrist, and checking his heart rate, for a moment, before looking down at him. "Why did you faint Calvin?" She asked softly, her cheeks as red as her hair.

“I’m OK!” Calvin assured Chase once more, speaking aloud that particular pair of words for the near-hundredth time since their day had begun. Their concern for each other was equal, and as a result, Calvin found himself answering questions along the lines of ‘are you alright?’ every few seconds. He did not tire of answering the question, as he understood Chase’s concern, and as he had never been much of a hypocrite, but he did hope that Chase wasn’t beginning to question the words which he always replied to said questions with; the last thing he wished to do was inflict more anxiety upon Chase. As it was, the young female was under enough emotional stress, having lived through the previous evening, and Calvin was not certain how much more of it she would be able to withstand. It seemed as though she had already begun to crack; she’d kissed Calvin, hadn’t she?

He sat up suddenly, pulling himself upward to sit as stiff as a board. For a moment he was silent and he gazed ahead with joy twinkling within his brown eyes; it was evident that he still had not snapped out of the trance that Chase’s kiss had put him in. He looked quite like he was under the influence of hypnosis as he grinned to himself, and sighed happily. Perhaps Chase’s effect on Calvin had been a bit too powerful…

Just as it began to seem as though Calvin’s sanity had abandoned him, however, he turned to look at Chase once more, and began to reply to her every sentence, ticking them off of a figurative checklist as he answered one at a time. “Yes… I think I did hit my head” – Calvin lifted his right hand and brought it to the back of his head, before applying gentle pressure to his skull – “Owie.” He frowned for the first time since he’d come to, having felt pain when he’d pressed against the freshly-bruised skin on the back of his fluffy head. The injury did not seem to be serious, for it was not bleeding, and had not rendered Calvin incapable of seeing straight, or more importantly, waking at all – but it hurt quite a bit nonetheless. “I’m alright,” Calvin added, having remembered the concern that Chase had expressed towards him.

“Bad?” Calvin asked, confused by the question that Chase had asked him; having only ever shared a kiss with one other person before Chase, Calvin did not understand what it meant for a kiss to be ‘good’ or ‘bad’. All he was certain of was that he felt as though he’d swallowed an entire bottle of love potion. Whether or not that made a kiss bad, Calvin did not know. His eyebrows met his hairline and he tilted his head to the side – an expression which only added on to the innocent nature of his question.

Obeying Chase’s orders, Calvin immediately returned to the floor, laying his head gently against the tiles beneath him so not to upset his bruise. He looked up at her, feeling as though he’d grown incapable of looking away from Chase after he’d locked eyes with her – though that was not a problem in his opinion.

Calvin thought about Chase’s last question before replying, making certain that he understood the reason himself first. “I forgot to breath,” he explained softly after a short pause, smiling in her direction, his cheeks red once more. “You –uh- you… you surprised me,” he added, stumbling over his words as he spoke due to the embarrassment that overwhelmed him as he explained to Chase how he’d felt during their kiss. “I-I-I got this feeling in my stomach l-l-like –uh- when I-I-I plug the telly in wrong, aaand it shocks me? Aaaand I-I-I felt dizzy – in the head. I-I-I just forgot - it made me forget,” he told her, but the way in which he spoke made it seem as though he was asking Chase if it was normal to feel such things when sharing a kiss with someone.

Chase relaxed as Calvin said he was okay. That was good, that meant that he wasn't to badly hurt.. she hadn't hurt him to badly anyway! But suddenly he sat straight upright, and Chase put her hand on his shoulder, hoping to make him steady. He shouldn't have sat up so quickly.. what if he had really hurt himself when he fell? He could get dizzy! Chase looked concerned, ad she looked at her dear friend, and smiled at him gently. He sure didn't look to good, he was staring off into space, wit ha weird twinkle in his eyes, his cheeks were still red, and she didn't know what to do.. had she broken him?!

Chase watched as he touched the back of his head, and she immediately, moved so she could see it better, pulling away the hair gently from the spot. "Oh good, you aren't bleeding." She said softly, looking around to see what he had hit it on, and couldn't find anything, he was just very good at hurting himself. "Oh good." She said, relaxed. "There shouldn't be a concussion.. but we have to be careful anyway.." she said gently, resting her hand on his shoulder with a smile. She gently flattened his hair again, and reached for his hand without thinking about it, it was a natural move now a days anyway. "Bad... I mean.." Chase's face went red again, and she stared straight forward. "The kiss.." She said softly, so quietly, she couldn't barely hear it herself. "It wasn't bad was it?" She couldn't believe she was saying this to Calvin.. it was just weird! He was just so.. innocent.. she shouldn't have kissed him!

Suddenly Calvin laid back down, and Chase smiled at him, holding onto his hand tighter, and smiling down at him, brushing his hair out of his face. She stared at him as he described the electricity that she herself had felt. That electricity, way deep down inside her stomach, something like butterflies, but much more pleasant then that. Chase touched her lips carefully, and then sighed. "I've never felt it before.." She whispered, looking down at Calvin's curious gaze. "Maybe it was just.. the shock.. I don't know.." She said softly, and put her face to her hands. "I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done that! I didn't mean to hurt you!" She said hiding her eyes from him, embarrassed, and upset, and confused.

“No, it’s alright,” Calvin reassured Chase in a rather bold manner, which was somewhat out of character of him; his sudden ability to speak in such a way was most likely the product of the astonishment that Calvin was experiencing after everything that had occurred that afternoon. He’d nearly killed himself in an attempt to heal Chase’s wounds, he’d almost caught the house on fire by mistake while cooking Chase a meal, and Chase had kissed him.

Calvin was thoroughly convinced that he’d never had such a wild start to a day.

“I mean…” Calvin corrected himself; he’d nearly used up his supply of momentary confidence. He looked to his side, burying his face in his long hair; his embarrassment was far too great for him to bear. “It is alright that you kissed me. I –uh – I – well – I wanted to, but – you see – I was too afraid to before…” he explained, but his voice was not nearly as audible as it had once been from beneath the thick layer of hair that he’d retreated behind. It was the perfect shield…

Calvin was not sure if what he was saying was allowed; surely there were rules when it came to falling in love with a friend, and surely, Calvin had broken at least one of them by speaking aloud the thoughts that had been flying about his mind for nearly a month. He felt as though he was stepping over a line that had been drawn in-between them… but being so honest relieved him of the aching in his chest that he’d once felt, and in his opinion, that was an improvement.

“Is that… is that OK?” He asked her hesitantly, having given his own words a bit too much thought, but only after he spoken them. The poor fellow was frazzled, and it was evident.

Chase didn't know what to say... he.. he wanted to? He had wanted to and was to afraid?! This meant.. there had been feelings before.. every time he had jumped and gone red when she kissed him on the cheek. Every time she had reached for his hand on impulse.. and the butterflies that had rushed into her body from that tiny contact.. it had all been real? She had been to afraid to admit it before.. that something like... like them as a couple could be real. He had always been Calvin, and she was so afraid of letting him know just how much she cared. Just how much she really did love him. Just how much she was so horribly afraid she would hurt him in the process... he couldn't know.. but he had to.. he had to know just how much Chase cared... and just how much this wasn't just another Elijah.

He was so quiet.. and she couldn't bear to have his face hidden from her, so she gently reached forward, and touched his chin, putting a tiny bit of pressure to it, hoping he would look at her, wanting to see into his eyes. "Calvin.. it's perfectly alright.. I just.. I didn't know what was happening.. and it scares me.. Calvin is scares me so badly.. everyone else... I've hurt them, and I can't see you hurt.. Calvin I just can't! I can't hurt you, I won't hurt you!" She let her face fall to look at the ground, her hand falling into her lap, fear making her tremble, confusion making her feel weak. "I'm just so afraid that if.. if... something were to happen... I'd end up hurting you.. I don't have the best track record you know! Everything I touch turns out worse then before.. and I don't want that to happen to you Calvin.." She slowly looked at him and frowned, small tears on her cheeks and caught in her eyelashes.

"I think.. I really, really like you Calvin... and more then just friends.. but.. but we can't be, I can't see you hurt.. you deserve so much better then me!" She felt herself giving into her hopelessness. Convinced he would turn on her.. convinced he would get up and march right out of that room, just like every other person before him had done... convinced he would leave her, alone, and sobbing on the floor. Her betrayal of emotions to much, her confusion and love to strong.. her ability to love to great, and her weakness in doing so greater. She couldn't see Calvin hurt.. but she wanted to see him everyday for the rest of her life.. she wanted to grow up with him.. and see his laughing face.. see him smile at her.. give him hair cuts, go on picnics! She wanted to do all of that with Calvin.. just like she had done for the last few weeks.. she didn't want that to stop.. but if she tried to make it go on.. then bad things would happen.. because Chase was cursed like that.. and she was convincing herself that Calvin would see that too.

As Chase lifted Calvin’s chin, his eyes met hers; two pairs of brown eyes, each filled with an equal amount of confusion, fear, concern, and love.

He had not yet been able to completely heal Chase’s injured eye. He would; he would rid her of that scar, he swore he would... but even then, before he'd rid her of the mark, he could have continued to gaze at her in that way for hours, reading her soul through her irises... After only a few moments, however, Chase averted her gaze from his, and tears had begun to gather at the corners of her eyes once more.

Immediately, Calvin rose from the bathroom floor, and sat before her; it had become an instinct of his, to respond to her tears quickly and with a gentle, comforting hug. Another bolt of electricity struck Calvin as Chase explained why there was no possibility of something more between them, but it was not the same sort of electricity that had filled his stomach when she’d kissed him; it had been an enjoyable sensation then, but as Calvin listened to Chase’s sorrowful words, the jolts of energy that struck his heart only pained him.

She was breaking him slowly with each word she spoke, and yet, Calvin wrapped his arms around her once more, and rested his forehead very gently against hers. It was his responsibility.

“OK,” he replied, though his words were not nearly as convincing as he’d hoped, as his eyes were betraying his every, honest emotion. “That’s OK. Shhshh,” he comforted her sweetly, “as long as you’re OK; that is all I want."

He exhaled slowly.

“Well, I want you to smile too,” he added for good measure, always feeling the need to speak aloud every thought that ever occurred to him, “but that will come a bit later, after your all better.”

Chase felt herself be wrapped up in what could only ever be a hug from Calvin. His arms around her, his forehead gently touching hers, she had never felt safer in her entire life. Never felt so whole as she did right there... wrapped in his embrace, and she didn't want it to stop! She didn't want to let him go! She wanted to sit here, forever on the floor of the bathroom, being held so.. gently. Being treated as though she mattered... and knowing Calvin would never hurt her... it was to much, and tears streaked down her cheeks. "I don't want you to go Calvin! I don't want you to go!" She whimpered, resting gently in his arms. She looked up into his eyes carefully and was startled at how sad he looked. How.. hopelessly he conveyed his emotions. She knew she was hurting him by speaking in such a way.. and just like that.. she knew that by not being with him.. it would hurt him.. and the only way to stop that hurt.. was to be with him. "Calvin.." She whispered, and her hand came up to gently rest against his cheek. Her eyes closed, cupping first his cheek, then his ear, feeling carefully.

"Tell me what you want Calvin.. tell me what YOU want.. not what you want for me.. not what I want.. tell me what YOU want.. I want to know.. I have to know! I can't hurt you! So you have to tell me how! Because I don't know! I can't read it as well as you can.. I can't.. I don't know what to think anymore! I feel like if I be with you.. I could hurt you.. but if I don't give it a try.. then it will just hurt you worse.. and I want to know.. I want to know what you think.. if we... we should take that risk.." She looked up into his eyes again, gently moving her forehead away from his, and placing her hands on his shoulders, looking him square in the eyes now. Even though one of her own was swollen shut, and she still couldn't see much out of it, and the other was puffy from crying.

"Tell me what you want Calvin!" She whispered again, this time making sure to keep his eye contact, not wanting to lose it this time.

Though Calvin would not admit it to Chase, as he sat there silently for a moment, he could not recall ever before being asked what it was that he wanted. Since the beginning of Calvin’s life, he’d selflessly given himself to his loved ones, protecting and comforting all those that he cared about, never stopping to think about what it was that he would like out of life. When he’d been born, his cancer-stricken sister had miraculously recovered, and from that day forth, hadn’t had any trouble with the disease. Even Calvin’s parents had been convinced that the child had been his sister’s savior; that he’d been born to heal her. That was all that Calvin had ever been; that selfless young man who would always be there for you. He’d been programmed to think only of what others needed, and as a result, he had great difficulty responding to Chase’s question. For several moments he stared forward, his eyes locked with hers, and with his eyebrows furrowed slightly; he was truly confused.

“What do I want?” He echoed her words, hoping that, if he was to repeat her, that it would become a bit easier for him to come up with an answer to her question. So desperately she’d pleaded for him to express his desires, but as he searched throughout his mind, he could not seem to find the proper words to provide her with.

What do I want? he asked himself silently.

He parted his lips, looking so painfully confused. It was as though he was in elementary school once more, and he’d been asked a question that he hadn’t heard properly, due to the fact that he’d been daydreaming. That had happened quite often during his younger years in school, and it seemed that he’d carried the habit with him until that moment in his flat with Chase. “I don’t know,” he admitted, exhaling simultaneously; he’d held his breath the entire time as he’d thought to himself.

“I don’t know,” he repeated; it was beginning to settle in. He simply did not know what it was that he wanted out of life. “I want you to be happy,” Calvin told Chase, but he had a feeling that this answer would not suffice, and so, he continued to ramble on, listing off the things that brought him joy, “I want to listen to you laugh. I like your laugh… it makes me smile. I want you to smile, too – oh, and I want to keep you safe. I want to go to the park with you and Kitty some time. I want –uh- I want… I want to be happy, all of the time. I can be happy all of the time, too, if you are happy. So, you see, if I make you happy, then I’m happy, and...” Calvin paused for a moment to replenish his oxygen supply, having starved his lungs of the important element during his reply.

“Risky?” Calvin asked Chase; it was his turn to ask a question, it seemed. He sincerely did not understand the anxiety that Chase felt at that moment, and it was evident; he too felt embarrassment, but he simply could not wrap his brain around the idea of being worried about being in love with someone. Unlike Chase, Calvin had never had his heart broken due to a relationship, as he’d never truly been in a relationship. He could not think of any possible way that loving Chase could have a negative effect on either of them. “Can't I just love you?” he asked her, only realizing what he’d said afterword.

Immediately, Calvin’s eyes widened; he was not certain that he was allowed to say that just yet. “I mean…” he began much in the way he had when he’d first admitted to enjoying the kiss he and Chase had shared. “Can’t we just be happy yet? You’ve been hurt so many times, it just isn’t fair. Can’t we just…” Calvin went silent; he’d run out of words. Calvin no longer knew what to say.