Finding Femininity

"If you're going to draw it off, you have to learn to let it go too," Robert says. "Otherwise it becomes yours. You allow that energy to pass through without affecting you down your body and out your feet into the ground. It also keeps you grounded. If you don't let it leave your body, it soon becomes yours. You have to learn to not stop it from flowing straight through and right out. Its the only way that Khaat and I can do what we do. Watch." He laid his hand on Jess's shoulder, drew Brian's pain from her and let the energy pass straight out. "It also keeps you grounded and prevents you from getting drawn into other's emotions and their problems quite so intensely. It reduces your own stress as a healer. And right now, you do not want to absorb Brian's stress either. You can use Khaat to practice with, but I'll be checking on you periodically. It looks like you have good potential as a healer, but you will need to learn a lot. Simply because there is so much to know It takes years to learn it."

Jess felt it leave her and smiled " I can feel it Robert and, I'll remember it " she said looking at robert " I don't need that to happen again " she said and looked down at Khaat " shes fine for now, just resting " she looked at them " I know it will take years and I am willing for it to take that long , jeffery said i was a quick learner and I belive him " she said sitting back beside Khaat and taking her hand in her own as she looked at them both .

Robert left a couple of potions bottles for Khaat. One for her nerves and one for pain. He had also brought up a thermos of cold fruit juice for her and left it by the bed. He wanted to push nutrition right now. He left Jess with Khaat and went downstairs. He had an investigation to head.

Khaat slept awhile, in her utter exhaustion. When she did wake, it was to silence in the room. For a moment, she thought she had only been dreaming. That none of it had been real. Until she tried to move. Then the pain sent her an immediate reminder that this was not a dream. She saw Jess still there.

"Jess," she said softly. "I want up. I..want to shower. Its...Its important." She checked to be sure she was dressed and tossed the covers back. She sat up slowly, painfully. She looked at the nightstand. Where was her wand? She couldn't remember. She opened the drawer of the nightstand and got out Remus's wand. She used it to draw some clothes from her closet. She didn't feel up to going in and getting them. She chose a pair of blue running pants, a white tank top, and the matching blue jacket that went with the running pants, and a pair of white slipper socks. She just wanted to be comfortable.

"I'll be back," she said, getting up and going into the bathroom.

Jess sat quiet till she saw Khaat sturring "shush, its ok " as she placed her hand on her she drew her pain out rembering Roberts words and let if flow out of her at the same time " I wouldn't try to do to much Khaat , I know why you want it " she sighed as she watched her move to the bathroom she moved to stand by the door " don't do anything silly Khaat leave it to brian and your father they have things under control " she spoke threw the door at her hoping khaat would not be silly and leave again.

Khaat didnt' want to leave. She just wanted to be clean. She felt too filthy to go anywhere. She felt like she would never ever be clean again. She just took a bottle of antibacterial shower gel and got into the shower. She was determined to scrub off the feeling of filth she had, no matter how long it took.

Brian, in the meantime had gone out an purchased a new wand for Khaat. He had gone to Ollivanders because Ollivanders already knew what combination worked for her. He had bought her an ornate one and had an emerald mounted in the end of the handle. The handle was handcarved with flowering vines. It was feminine and strong.

He brought it back and went back upstairs. He was a bit surprised to hear the shower running. He just sat and waited. But when the shower went on for the better part of 45 minutes, he knew. He looked at Jess. "I'll handle it. Give us a minute." He went into the bathroom. It tore at his heart to see she was still trying to scrub off dirt that was no longer there. He quietly turned off the shower.

"Khaat," he said softly. "Its not going to come back like that. You need to get Luther Burke out of your head. " She curled into the back of the shower, finally unable to hold back her tears. He merely stepped into the shower stall with her and pulled her out of the back of the shower, out of the corner and turned her around and held her, not saying a word. She finally gave in and curled into him.

He let her cry it out until there were no more tears. He helped her dry off, redressed her wounds, helped her dress, and combed out her long wet chestnut hair, deciding it was alright to just leave it wet. He helped her out of the bathroom slowly.

"Jess," Brian said. "Let's get Khaat some of that juice, please, and add some of both of those potions he left for her. It'll make her feel better."

Jess stepped back to the bed as Brian went in she had become worried but seing him there knew Khaat would be ok , moving to the bed she pord out the jouce and tiped just thright amount of potion from each bottle into it " way ahead of you " she said and smiled holding the glass in her hand . once Khaat wassetled back in bed she held the glass in her hand " now drink this it will make you f eel better" she said brushing khaats damp hair from her face . She looked at Brian "how are the girls ?" she asked " bet they've grown since I last saw them " she sat back down trying to stave off the negativity.

Khaat didn't question it. She just took it. The potions helped. She had avoided looking in the mirror. She had caught glimpses of how badly she was battered, particularly in her face. She didn't want to be seen. She wasn't sure she wanted to come out of her room ever again. She felt the potions take hold and drive back the deep physical and emotional pain. When the glass was empty, Brian took it and handed it back to Jess.

"Alright, can you walk with me?" he asked her. She just nodded. She didn't know he was planning on taking her downstairs. But he took her out the bedroom door and walked her downstairs. Khaat saw Angus playing with the girls on the floor, but when he saw Khaat, he bounced up. They helped her to get comfortable on the sofa. She just curled up there, and wrapped a blanket around herself. She wasnt cold. She just needed to try to hide herself. She was tremendously insecure.

Angus brought back a mug of French Onion soup for her. "Here. Try this," he said softly to her. "You need to eat, honey."

"Thank you," she said softly, unable to look at him.

Jess took the glass and walked behind them folowing close by once own she smiled a hello to Angus and headed for the kitchen placing he glass in the sink before heading back out to stand with jack who held her and smiled warmly feeling her once again in his arms as she used to be. Jess smiled seeing how big the girls had got " there growing up fast " she said and smiled again " My two are walking already they love cherry pie , not sure why that is " she glanced back at Jack who looked innocently into the air and she chuckled.

"These two are on a cookie kick," Angus said. "I don't understand that either. That and pudding. They like banana pudding."

Robert apparated in, and Khaat jumped--badly. ""Easy," Brian said, his hand on her shoulder. "You're safe. You really need to make a noise or something before you do that, Robert."

"I spent years learning how to do it without any noise," Robert frowned. "That defeats the whole purpose. At any rate, I"m checking on my daughter." He walked over to Khaat. He lifted her battered face so that she had to look at him. "Good. Better than I thought. Now, listen to me. Your mother knows. She's coming later today. We'll stay with you tonight to give everyone else a break. I promise you--I swear--we are going to get Burke. Understand me?"

She nodded.

"The worst of these cuts and bruises will be gone in a couple days. I told St. Mungos you have the flu. You're good til you are done looking bruised. After that we'll talk. You're not going back out alone. Not for a very long time. I'm sorry, but thats the way it is."

"Okay," she said very softly. "Daddy?"

"Yes, Baby."

"Where's my wand?"

"Broken in the fight. We found it." She hid in her hands, overwhelmed.

"Khaat," Brian said. "Listen to me." He sat beside her. "Wands are replaceable. It was your wand, not Remus's. It was replaceable."

"I need a wand," she said.

"Here," he said, drawing the new, fashionable wand out of his boot . He handed it to her. She took it in her hands and studied it carefully. It was beautiful.

"You bought this for me?" she asked.

"Yes. For you."

"Its beautiful."

"Only the best for you, my love," he kissed her forehead.

"Thank you," she replied.

jessica smile and nodded " guess its a faze they go threw, Andrew from what jack told me went for chocolate frogs " she said brushing her hand over jacks lightly she turned to where Robert aperated in and nodded when he mentioned she looked better to him and smiled " wow, thats some wand Khaat " she said seeing the gem in the top " very beautiful and im guessing powerful too" she looked at Jack and e lbowed him " why don't you buy me something like that" she joked then chuckled at him .