Hi. It’s Keith, here for the first official issue of Keith’s Korner.
Alright. Since this is the first issue, I know I need something really juicy to pull you all in. I had to think about it for all of about 3 seconds before I realized exactly what would get everyone’s attention.
It seems that a certain Eli Krum, aka “Manwhore” aka “The person who all drama at Hogwarts seems to center around” was caught with yet another girl. A frenchie, or so I’m told. (dirty frenchies. Stay in your cafes and eat your cwossants) One of my many anonymous sources who shall remain unnamed caught them dancing quite...eh...what words am I allowed to use in this thing...provocatively in the empty classroom on the fourth floor. (Speaking of that classroom, what the hell is its point? You’d think the administration would turn it into a storage are or something, but no, it’s like Hogwarts absolutely needs a random empty classroom...)
But I’m getting off topic. Don’t let that happen to me, kay? Pinch me or something. Bleh. Focus. Back to Eli. That puts him at what, a bazillion plus 1 girls now? Doesn’t he have a kid? Two kids? With two different girls? Is he still dating Chase? God help me I can’t keep track anymore! I’m sure you can’t either, and that makes me feel better, slightly.
Meh. Other than that it’s been a slow newsday. Newsweek? Are we weekly? Nah, I’ll just update this thing whenever I feel like it. So maybe like newswheneverkeithcandraghislazybuttoutofbedandwritesomethingforonce.
Yeah, that sounds about right. Hmmmm...Aurora Nye was walking around the frozen lake when she fell through the ice. Yeah, yeah, she’s fine. She got rescued by Jack Kubin. I guess that makes him a hero or something, but frankly I stopped caring about Aurora after her like, 5th spaz attack so it’s all bleh for me.
Oh yeah. Sage Tyler held a dance party in the RoR, but since nobody showed up dead I’m not sure how legit it was. Maybe a family friendly party. We seem to have too many of those here. Where’s the excitement? The booze? The “Behind the Magic” crew? We haven’t hung someone from the astronomy tower in years, come to think of it. Would anybody be up for that? Not being hung, it’s no fun if they want to be, but you get the point.
(On a totally, utterly, completely unrelated point, is anyone here afraid of heights? Anyone? Hmmmm?)
Getting back to the party, did you know Sage Tyler is going out with Saige Mars? Small world huh? It’s too cute. And by cute I mean gut wrenching. But that’s just me. (I love this job. I’m getting paid to be cynical at people)
Wait. Am I getting paid? Dammit, I need to figure that out....
But yeah. Oh, and Samanthat Burns is officially evil again. Yup. She tried to kill Xemnas Charcovix or something, but I think he’s gonna be fine. Yeah, sucks for him, but at least he got some excitement out of it.
Anyway, I like Xemnas. He has a funny name and seems to be a touch melodramatic, but I think the kid has promise. So seriously, what the hell Sam? At least try to kill somebody nobody likes.
Now, maybe it’s time I sobered up a bit and tell you guys that the attack on Xemnas was serious buisness. I know, I know, I was joking about it like a paragraph ago but really, it isn’t funny. The kid could’ve died. All I can gain from this is that if Hogwarts is going to continue to allow those blood junkies to keep coming to school with the kids who are normal, they need to get a handle on them.
Still being serious. I think the best course of action is a seal that can be activated by Hogwarts professors, inflicting incredible pain or even death if a vampire (or werewolf, I’m including them too) gets out of control. You decide, but I’m stocking up on garlic and silver.
It’s been real guys, but I’ll have to leave you on a serious note.
Krowd the Korner!
by Keith Nicholas Tue Feb 22, 2011 12:32 am
lol
