What I deserve

Felix listened to her, his eyes glued to his lap. She wanted to move on, wanted to heal, said he needed to move on, he had a reason, she spoke. He actually listened. He stared at his lap though, and knew that Robert was listening just outside the door. Waiting for the five minutes to be over, and it had to be soon. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again, swallowing, before he looked up at her. "Khaat..." He said carefully, his mind automatically realizing he hadn't called her by her last name, or by a nickname, but by her name. "I want.... I mean..." he stopped and then shook his head. "When I was a kid... my dad abused me... I was kept at home... right up until I started Hogwarts, it was there I was put into Ravenclaw house.. I was so embarrassed.. because even though my dad was a Death Eater.. I knew.. I knew that he was bad... but I knew that the second he knew I was a Ravenclaw... it would get worse.. and it did.. right up until he was put into Azkaban.. it just got worse.. then.. in my third year, I got home for Summer Break, to find that my mom had up and left, taking my younger sister with her." He said gravely.

"Now... don't ask me why I told you that.. but.. I thought you should know..." he said, and then started to cough. He coughed hard and long and then rested his head back. "You take your cheesecake.. and your fruit salad.. and have fun.. thanks for the soup.." He said carefully. He looked at her and then frowned. He was a horrible person in her eyes, he was the worst person in the world according to her. She was just doing this so she felt better about herself, not to help him in any way. So here it was, he was the one tied to a chair, and she was the one sitting in front of him. He looked towards the side slightly, and then sighed and shook his head very slightly. "I don't know why I did it... I had been ignored for so long... I had been.. forgotten.. I don't like being forgotten... so.... I got a job from someone who wouldn't forget me.. and in the end... it was the worst decision of my life.. because of him, I won't ever see the one person I've ever loved.. ever again, and if you find her.. you'll prosecute her.." He said and he felt tears slowly build up behind his eyes.

Tilting his head back and staring at the ceiling, he tried to keep the tears in. "Naomi is out there somewhere.. and even though I enchanted her so that she would love me.. I made her want me to so that I could keep her.. I did love her.. I wanted her to want me.. and right now.. she thinks she loves me.. and she doesn't.. she is out there.. so confused.. trying to get back.. and knowing she won't be able to... if you find her... please.. make her hate me? So that.. she can... so that she can move on with her life." he said and took a deep breath, a small tear leaking down the side of his face, his head still tipped backwards, trying to stop the tears that were now flowing and he couldn't stop.

Khaat saw her father move towards the door to come back in, and Khaat waved it shut with wandless magic. She wasn't ready for him to come back in. Not now. She'd deal with his anger about that later, and he would be angry. So would Rob. She took a tissue and wiped away Felix's tears and sat down again.

"That's an awful way to get started in the world," she agreed. It wasn't pity. It was merely agreement. She saw the self condemnation in his face, in his bodylanguage, how he wanted to hide from her. "Felix, I don't know what you're really like as a person. I only know how you've behaved. We are not the sum of our behaviors. We are our thoughts, our feelings, our behaviors, and those are caused, in part by our past experiences. All I know is one part. As a matter of fact, someone I respected once told me that we are not the sum of our strengths nor our weaknesses, we are the sum of both our strengths and our weaknesses as they combine. That makes sense to me.

"I do know a lot more about Luther Burke and Tom Gelding. I know how twisted they are. I do know how their minds work. And, yeah, hooking up with them was a mistake. I agree. They were taught to be twisted by their fathers who thought that selling children was a worthwhile endeavor. Those men taught their sons to believe those things were acceptable. And selling another human being, a child--thats just never acceptable. Not ever. Mistreating a child is not ever acceptable. And it wasn't acceptable when it happened to you either. Thats just fact.

"I can certainly remove any enchantment you put on Naomi, but consider this. If she does love you, removing the enchantment won't do anything. It is possible that your enchantment wore off a long time ago and she still stayed. And if I put an enchantment on her to hate you? That would be cruel to her. I won't create pain for her that she doesn't need to feel. If she wants to move on, there are ways to do that without hating. Hate never helps us move on, Felix. It only keeps us captive--more captive than anything else in creation. I don't want that for her. Not for you, not for myself, not for anyone really."

She flicked her wand at the basket and drew out two bottles of icy cold cola. They were still capped tightly. She opened them both and she changed his iron band around one wrist to merely a shackle with a chain so he could move his arm. "Here," she handed one of the colas to him. "Sorry they're muggle colas, but they're nice and cold." She took a sip from the cola in the other bottle.

How was it, that the one person who he had hurt so badly, the one person who should hate him with every fiber of her being, was the one person who didn't? The one person who had only ever been decent to him, was helping him.. being nice to him.. feeding him, and listening to him. And he had hurt her... Hurt this beautiful woman. It was almost a physical pain that hit him at that moment. Not because of anything she had done, though in a way it was all her fault. He looked at her with what wasn't anger, or hatred anymore. It wasn't pain or suffering, but there was still pain behind his eyes. This woman.. had made him hate himself, made him feel... resentful for what he had done.

Felix felt one of his hands come undone, and he lifted it experimentally, staring at the chain that kept his hand to the chair. And he knew it wasn't her who was afraid he would attack her, no it was more the fact that he was a prisoner, and she was the victim, he had to be restrained, though there would probably forever be that speck of fear of him in her, afraid he might attempt to take her again. But when his hand came free, the first thing he did was wipe his eyes, unable to look at her anymore as she held up the cola. Muggle soda... it wasn't anything he had actually ever tasted before. Slowly he lifted his hand and took the soda from her, already open and little bits of soda jumping out of the can before going back in.

He stared at the soda with a small frown, before he brought it to his lips and took a small sip. It nearly choked him with the fizzing in the back of his throat, and his eyes started to water. "What the hell is this stuff?" he choked, bringing his arm to his mouth and coughing into it. "It burns my throat.." He said shaking his head and staring at the can. "I've.. never actually tasted Muggle soda before.." he said, his eyes never resting on Khaat. He stared at the can for a moment, before taking another sip, and managing to keep it down, getting used to the odd flavor and the bubbly feeling. As he distracted himself with the soda, his mind was becoming exhausted. The pain was still there, though a bit less now that his mind was preoccupied.

"Why can't she just hate me? I mean.. I nearly killed her.. she was an inch from death, I beat her with chains... beat her son.. threatened her family, hurt her friends, loved ones, scared the nation that they would be the next ones to be picked up by Felix Barker. But still... she sits across from me... feeding me.. being.. kind to me. I just don't get it! I shouldn't feel.. thankful towards this girl, I shouldn't feel I owe her something! I don't owe people anything.. and yet here I am.. wishing I hadn't hurt her. Wishing I hadn't tortured her... and wishing this whole thing never happened.

Pain laced through his body and Felix nearly dropped his soda. A pain so intense it was worse then any torture curse, worse then any torture. It wasn't fair.. he shouldn't have done it... but Khaat was making him start to repent, and nobody had told him repenting meant feeling mental, and physical pain. It was the worst pain he had ever felt, and unable to take it, he dropped the soda to the ground, and clutched at his chest with his nearly free hand. His breathing coming in gasps. It just wasn't right, he shouldn't have done it.

"Khaat... please.... forgive me for what I've done.. forgive me..." He said, shaking his head in pain and a few tears leaking out from under his eyelids. "I have never known kindness... even the man who is supposed to help make me feel sorry for what I did.. it didn't help, I only fought it.. but you walk in here... stunning.. radiant... helping me... and.. it hurts so much." he couldn't move because of the bounds, but had he been able to, he would have been doubled over in pain. "It hurts to much... to think I hurt you.." He said and gapsed, tears spilling onto his cheeks harder. "Please.. just go.. send him back in, torture me instead of this pain! Leave to spare me this pain!" He cried out, his eyes squeezed shut, his body nearly rigid in his chair.

Khaat had never met someone who hadn't had muggle soda. Such a simple thing, and here was a man who, on the outside was so fierce and so unequipped to deal with at least half of mankind. Khaat had grown up near a muggle fishing village, so her family had wisely equipped her to live with equal footing in each world. She, like much of her family, preferred the wizarding world, but there were parts of the muggle world she liked, and soda was one of them.

She flicked her wand and cleaned up the spilled sofa, leaving silence for the moment between her and Barker. Then she sat back down and paused before speaking. She had heard his pleas for forgiveness. They had not fallen on a mute heart.

"I didn't come here for this today, but," she said, "Neither of us can move on until we move past this point. I forgive you. Its what we both need. We both need me to forgive so that you can move on and so can I. I don't hate you. I don't know if I ever did. I don't like your behaviors--the things you chose to do, but you? I dont' hate you. I am sorry for all the terrible things that happened to you. No child deserves that. Every child deserves better. And, you know, ironically enough, thats just what we're fighting Luther Burke and Tom Gelding for. So that no child has to live with what you lived through. You might, honestly, want to consider changing sides. To start trying to put a stop from little kids having to live the same sort of life you lived through. I can't make that choice for you--I can only recommend it.

"Do you really know what they do? Did they ever really tell you? They kidnap wizarding children, sell them to the highest muggle bidder

"I'm not going to send my father back in here to torture you. Not that I can control him, but, I can sometimes talk him out of what he intends." She flicked her wand again and transfigured the metal bands into simple shackles and chains for his ankles and wrists. She removed the iron bands around his torso. She put a box of tissues beside him.

"You honestly don't want me to go. Not yet," she said wisely.

She forgave him... there was just something... wonderful and wrong about this woman in front of him. Telling him that the men he worked for had bought and sold children and Felix nearly smirked. He didn't think there was anything wrong with that, he would have gladly been bought and sold off of his family, at least then he'd have a house, and Felix really didn't care about the other kids, he was a bit more selfish then that. Khaat obviously thought that he DID have a good side, a compassionate side, but even though he was begging for forgiveness, did not mean he took her side on any manner. Of course maybe it was time to start acting? Maybe it was time to start agreeing with stuff.... maybe if he LOOKED reformed.. they would let him out... keep those thoughts to himself, he'd have to be careful, he couldn't go over the top, because then they would suspect him, and it would be Vartiserum for him.. but at this moment... he could slowly start to agree, make sure it wasn't to out of the ordinary though.

But that pain.. that pain from nowhere.. it was like a crucio curse, but it had no specific area that hurt the most, it was just his entire body, where did it come from?! When she spoke, he let out a soft anguished sob, feeling the bonds that had been holding him to the chair, transform into little shackles like what he had gotten for his wrist to drink the soda. He automatically fell forward away from the chair and sat, hunched over and gasping as he listened to her voice. "Yes I do! I want you to leave.. I can't stand it! It hurts all over... if this is repenting I don't want to repent!" he said, his voice gasping as his hands flew out and grabbed the tissue box. His fingers were clumsy and he took a few seconds before he was able to grab a tissue and wipe his eyes with it.

Finally, he sat, breathing heavily, the pain slowing down to a soft throb. He was leaned over the tissues, taking in the scent of tissue paper, and what was probably lotion, those nice lotioned up tissues that made your nose feel good when you had a cold, he sat like that for a long moment, before he slowly straightened up in his seat and looked at Khaat. "You are worse then any torture that man could give me.." He said softly, his eyes unfocused, his hair a mess, a slightly wild look in his eyes from how much pain he had been under today. "You come in here.. and make me rethink what I've done.. make me actually feel BAD for what I did to you.. I've never done that before... but you.. you come in here.. with your kindness.. with your beauty... with your.. heart... and you forgive me.." Felix grabbed another tissue and wiped at his eyes. "It's worse then any torture I ever gave you... chains... a wall... near death.. nothing compared to this.. this constant pain... just.. everywhere.." He said and shook his head lightly, before slowly looking up at Khaat and he squinted, as though trying to remember something.

"I... I have a question... how.. how is Elijah? I had actually met him before I ran into you.. he was out shopping.. with these two women.. and you know.. had I not been just speaking to him so I could kidnap and torture him too.. well, I think we might have been good friends... he seemed.. he seemed like a nice guy.. him.. and his girlfriend." He said and shook his head sadly, his eyes finally falling to the floor, staring at the rug under his chair. He could see the glob of blood resting on the carpet where he had spat it out earlier, and he ran his tongue over the inside of his cheek, feeling the cut that his teeth had made in it. "I won't change Khaat.. it's what you are trying to do.. and it is something I simply cannot... I'm not the most evil man in the world.. I do feel.. love... and compassion... but I won't change." He said and looked up at her his eyes so very sad and exhausted looking, like he had been defeated, not just by them, but by life itself, and himself. He was defeating himself, and it was probably the part that hurt the worst. "Ever.." he said as he locked eyes with her, feeling a burning feeling start up in his chest.

It took Felix a moment to realize he was angry, angry at her, angry at himself, angry at the world. Felix stared at her for a long moment, and he slowly started to do thing unconsciously. He was judging the distance between him and her, his left hand fingers started to rub together, as though he were snapping them, but without making the noise. He was judging the length of the chains she had given him, using his memory of when he had reached to the box of tissues to keep it planned out. Then, as though he had been wanting to do this the entire time, he lunged, flying straight at Khaat, the chains were long enough to get him to his feet, but to short to reach her, and he stood, chained to the chair behind him, nearly nose to nose with her, a wild fury in his eyes. He couldn't touch her because his arms were held back behind him, but he had pressed forward with his chest so he was as far forward as he could get, his eyes locked on her, an angry hiss of air escaping his nose. He didn't say a word, simply stared at her, waiting for her to react to his sudden lunge, and fail at getting to her.

OOC: if you object to the godmod, let me know.

Robert's senses were trained on the room where Barker was and his daughter was--alone and unsupervised. He heard the scuffle and before Khaat could even begin to react, Robert apparated back into the room, wrapped one of his forearms around Felix's neck and yanked backwards with a sharp, hard pull. He heard muscles and tendons in Felix's neck give with a loud crack. That was gonna hurt--a lot. He hadn't yanked hard enough to break his neck--but damned near it.

Khaat had stood, unmoved, her face unchanged, her wand never drawn, standing toe to toe with Barker. Robert couldn't detect one single ounce of fear in her eyes, even as well as he knew his daughter. It was as if she was dead on the inside. He looked at her and called her name sharply in a strong, commanding tone. The only thing that moved were her eyes as they shifted to look at her father.

"Get out," he commanded her in a low, almost sinister tone. Barker had tried one too many times to hurt his daughter. Robert was about to teach him what being over the line really meant.

Khaat's expression didn't shift. She merely walked out, graceful, composed, unmoved. Barker was his now. Completely.

It wasn't until after he had lunged that Felix knew just how much damage he had done to Khaat as she stood toe to toe with him. He glared into her unmoving eyes, and he knew right then that she had known he would do something like this. It hadn't shocked her, because inside, she treated him the same, even if outwardly, she treated him as someone to be forgiven. It only increased his anger, until he was pulled back with a sharp tug, and he could hear what sounded like loud snapping, go off in his neck. He nearly crumpled, but was basically pulled back into the chair as he lay there, unmoving, waiting for feeling to flow back into his body. The man hadn't broken his neck, but it sure as hell felt like he had! He was completely useless for a few minutes, as Khaat walked out of the room with a dead look in her eyes.

Finally he started to move again and he sat up carefully, rubbing his neck. "B****.." He growled, looking at the Minister with cold eyes. "Here I was thinking we were getting along fine." He said sarcastically. "Then you come and try and rip my head off." He said with a soft snort, looking away from the Minister, leaning back in his chair. "I mean really... she's gorgeous, it's to bad she's on the wrong side, thinking that I ACTUALLY care about children and the like." He said with a short bark of laughter, looking at the Minister. Khaat was gone, but Felix was still feeling that odd pain, that weird twisting feeling in his stomach, like he was nervous, or had done something wrong and didn't want to admit it. He felt like a child again, under the gaze of his father, who was pissed off that Felix hadn't done something right.

"I told her to leave... I gave her a fair warning Minister.." He said with a small smirk. "But she told me no.. it's not like I touched her or anything... She was to far out of my reach, if I had my way with her... well lets just say no amount of magic could bring her back a second time." He said his voice getting lower and lower, as he glared at the Minister. "Do your worst." He finished and sat back in the chair, awaiting his punishment, he was sure to receive.

Felix was a git. A stupid git. And he had no clue where to stop. Robert saw no point in allowing Ministry funds to be used to house such a waste of air. He wanted nothing to do with Barker anymore, and he would be sure that Barker never so much as laid his eyes on Khaat ever again.

"Lad, you really are a stupid sonofab****," He hissed. "How the hell did you graduate your first years? You have no clue, do you? None whatsoever. Well, there are occasions where things are best done the muggle way." Robert knew that Felix had no clue whatsoever how much strength he still had. He thought Robert was some dotty old fart that couldn't muster up much damage.

He slammed his fist into Felix's jaw with a powerful hook. He felt the jawbone break when he struck it, teeth giving way, and maybe, he wasn't sure at the moment of impact, but maybe a broken cheekbone as well. He'd be drinking gruel through a straw for weeks. Robert wasn't going to heal one part of it. He'd probably need dentures as well. Suited him right. One more remark, and Felix Barker was going to be a dead man.

Felix was taken slightly off guard by the hook to his jaw, and he could hear several things cracking under the man's fist. It was so fast of a punch, but it felt like it took forever, for his hand to finally fall past his head and to his side. Felix sat there, his jaw slack, knowing it was probably broken in several places, but the only thing he could do, was give the Minister a single crooked grin. Felix was in pain, sure, but there was one thought on his mind that overpowered any physical feelings he was having. The Minister was human... it had to have been the one thought in the back of Felix's mind that had basically carried him through his entire life. One singular question, one question, that had just been answered. There was no way that the Minister of Magic could be human, a vampire, a werewolf, something else entirely, but this act of anger, this singular act of violence, was enough to let Felix know that he was in fact human.

Any Vampire could have hit him with a lot more force, possibly crushing in his skull and killing him, which this man obviously wanted of Felix. But his aim would have been truer, heavier, and quicker. This man was human, he cracked a few bones, and Felix was feeling the punch all the way to his toes, but it was very human in every other way. His crooked smile hurt even worse but he continued to smile, smiled until finally he let out a soft roll of insane laughter. One hand(That he could still move because of the shackles) came up and rubbed his jaw, and he spit out a couple of teeth that had been loosened from his gums. They came out in a glob of blood, that joined the one he had spit there earlier. He was still chuckling, looking very much mad now that his hair was a mess, his jaw was half hanging off his face, his eyes sparkling with amusement, and laughter flowing through the room.

"You B****.. you broke my jaw.." He said, his words slurred and his mouth moving funnily when he spoke. He had to speak a lot slower so that he could get the words past his swollen tongue, and he started to cough and it made him wince heavily. "Broke my jaw.. made me loose a couple of my teeth.. you know those are award winning right?" He slurred, before he had to stop and open and close his jaw for a few seconds to try and wiggle the broken bits into a better position so it didn't hurt as much. "Do what you will 'Minister'... But I gotta hand it to you..." He stopped and swallowed a few times before he could continue. "the one thing that has kept me alive till this moment, was my curiosity..." he had to stop again and grit his teeth together, before he could finish. "On whether or not you were human.. I could have sworn you were a mudblood.. and not the muggle kind." He said with a laugh, before he had to stop and look up at The Minister with an amused expression on his still relatively handsome features.

Khaat heard the scuffling, and she knew exactly what was going on, or pretty close to it. She didn't want Barker killed. He needed to live in utter misery. Apology wasnt enough. That was just the beginning of repentance. Repentance also meant paying your tab--taking care of the things you already screwed up. It also meant "Turn Around". Changing his ways. And she had seen that for some demented reason, he had expected her to think him benign just because he said he was sorry. That wasn't good enough. If he were sincere, he had to make good now. For the past, the present, and the future. And right now, he wasn't willing to do that. But she didn't want her father to partocipate in Felix's madness.

She walked back in and saw that he'd roughed up Barker a bit. She summoned the prison guards with a shout. They came on the run, with two extra nasty dementors coming, probably out of curiosity. "Take Mr. Barker back to his cell," she ordered quietly, still standing behind Barker.

"He needs the infirmary," one guard told her.

"No," Khaat said with absoluteness. "You take him back to his cell. He gets nothing--not until the warden permits it." She looked at her father. He went over to her basket on the table, cast a "Pack" spell for it to reorganize itself, picked it up, and walked past Barker towards her. "Let's go," she told him softly.