What I deserve

Felix was breathing hard, his voice penetrating his head, and his face contorted in pain. "No... I told her.." He whispered, his voice weak, "I told her she didn't have a future! You think I didn't know that!" He half yelled at the Minister. "I told her not to.. I told her to go... I told her to.. and she wouldn't." His voice was shaking, and tears slid down his face. "You act like I'm stupid.." He gasped and doubled over on himself again. "I'm not stupid.." he growled, and some more tears slid down his face. "She won't die alone! SHUT UP!" He yelled and attempted to get up, but was hindered by the chair he was tied to. "She won't die alone... it's not my fault." He gasped and tried to wipe his eyes of tears, but his hands were shaking to badly to even touch his face.

"Damn you... Damn you.." He whispered. "I worked for them... because... because... Damn.. I didn't have anything else to do, YOUR people won't hire me because of who I am... so I did what I could to LIVE. DAMMIT!" He screamed in pain as a surge of pain flew through his veins. "So what do I do? I bewitch a girl... go on the run... kill a few people... I did anything that you would do... if you... were in my.... position." He gasped and finally doubled over, tears leaking down his face as he sat staring at the desk in front of him, his breathing heavy.

"You little idiot," Robert laughed, amused. "You don't know what I'd do. Let's look at how this most likely went down, shall we? You were desperate. And what? Was she pretty? What was it that made her irresistable to you? You had to have her, right? And how did you brainwash her? Was she stupid? Or was it just amazingly easy because she's a Greyback and most of society doesn't want anything to do with her because of Fenrir? And then you got over your head with it all. By then she'd believed all your lies and wouldn't go. So what do you plan to do now, Barker? Tell me. Your lady is out there waiting for you, hiding from anybody with that fourlegged walking bacteria culture? Great life that is.

"So, do I take it that you find it completely acceptable to go out and brainwash, kidnap, torture and murder because you're misunderstood? That makes it alright? And you really do need more help than I thought if you believe that the wizarding world owes you. THIS! Right here! Azkaban Prison--this is what the wizarding world owes you from your behaviors. And you've done a fine job earning it. Well, there's not much we can do about all that now, can we?

Robert looked at his watch. "Well, by the looks of things, you haven't begun to suffer for as long as you made other people suffer. I don't know. I don't think I nearly have enough of your attention yet. Not so long as you believe that they all deserved what they got. Hm. This might take us awhile, then."

"I... I didn't like her when I first saw her okay?" He growled, angry. "I didn't.. I didn't realize... I was in the newspaper.. she... she saw me... and freaked out.. so I panicked... grabbed her and ran.." He said angrily. "But.. I couldn't..." he shuddered and looked up at Robert. "I couldn't hurt her.. I had her handcuffed to me... but.." He gasped loudly and took a few deep breaths before he could talk again. "the handcuffs.. they started to hurt her wrists... so I put fur on the.... on the inside.." He said and had to double over again and rock back and forth, letting out pretty loud yells of pain as he rocked back and forth. "I... I enchanted her after... I saved her.. from that dog of yours.... Robert Dent... I was... I was growing fond of her... didn't.. want to let her go..." He said and yelled out again, under attack from a series of images of pain that he had caused, only it was happening to Naomi.

"She... started to believe.. that she did.. love me.." he said and tears slid down his face. "So... when I stopped... enchanting her.. she... wouldn't go.. wouldn't... save herself.. I never.. wanted her hurt.. ever... don't.. you dare.. hurt her." He said and looked up at the Minister, a crazed look in his eyes, before he had to double over and scream out in pain again. "You.. heroes... you think.. you are all that.. but in reality.. you get away with things, because of how you were born.. what are you.. doing to me? I did... nothing worse.. then this.. to those people... but I get in trouble... because.. of how I was born... you kill people, in a court, because of what they've done.. which.. isn't any worse.. then what you do... everyday.." He screamed out in pain and started to struggle in his chair, his hands going to his legs to try and pull the binds off, trying to get out of the chair and get away from the pain.

Robert didn 't move, knowing the magical restraints would not let him go no matter how hard Barker struggled. "You're welcome to work at that all you like," Robert said. "Perhaps the stretching will do you good."

He let Barker struggle for several more minute while he sat in silence, not moving a muscle. Then he flicked his wand at Barker. "Enough!" he commanded the potion to stop affecting him. "I doubt we will accomplish everything today, will we?" Robert saked rhetorically.

"Your life was yours to make something of it or to let it waste away," Robert told him. "Who you're born to has little to do with it. All your bad choices were not your parents' fault. Nor was it a matter of what sort of bank account they did or did not have, or what social standing they did or did not have. That was completely up to you. At some point, you need to learn that whether you could have succeeded or failed depended on you. Nobody else. Just you. Somehow you couldn't get that simple principle through your head. You aren't the only one from a family that society ostracized, you great prat."

Lupins were not born into money or into society acceptance, and Remus's curse only made them the bane of the wizarding world for decades. Well, until Remus redeemed himself by his prowess at teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts and at working against Voldemort. What wealth the family had was due to their own hard work. Nobody had handed a Lupin anything. Not ever. So Robert wasn't buying one ounce of the self pity that Barker felt he was entitled to. In fact it only irritated him because the boy was apparently egotistical as hell. And entitled. And that pissed off Robert to no end.

The pain ended and Felix nearly collapsed, sweat pouring down his face, his body shaking so badly he looked like he was having mini seizures. He growled and his eyes fell on the Minister, his hair a mess, his eyes sunken back. "You have no idea... no idea.." he growled, his body still shaking, tears still falling down his face. "You are the type of guy.. to get the girl in the end.. You... you act like you are all that.. when you aren't! You can barely hold onto a man like me? All of those... good people.. they think they are so great... even if I were to do something good, had I gone up to someone and said 'hey I'm Felix Barker, will you teach me to be good? They would look at me and spit in my direction..." He said with a growl. "My dad was a Death Eater.. do you know what that is like? Sure you had a werewolf in the family.. but have you ever looked at the way you look at Death Eater's children? You scorn them like they did something wrong themselves." He said shaking his head.

"People would look at me and go 'oh that is Barker's kid... I heard he went to jail..' and they would PITY me... pity.. I hate pity... You look down on every Death Eater's child.. so they feel pressured by YOU! They feel like they need to be like you, and yet everyone pushes them away.. so unless they are Dumbledore himself.. they won't get anywhere! So what do they do? They follow their parents path... maybe instead of saying you make your own place in the world, you look at how you treat others... or you make people like me." He growled and spit on the floor, a glob of blood coming out from a point sometime when he had bit his cheek.

"So go ahead... hurt me all you like... be as high and mighty as you want! I don't care anymore.. just don't you dare touch Naomi.. she didn't do anything to deserve getting hurt! I ruined her life.. so if you find her... let her go! Let.. her go.." he said and his head fell back against the back of the chair, his body to tired to do anything more, his emotions, his mental capacity to tired to do anything more then let him relax now that the pain was done.

"Let's straighten out that little misconception right now. I do not look down on any child. ANY child," he glared at Barker. "I rescue children from men like you who do what you do. Beleive me, I do not pity you. I knew your father, and I knew you--when you were very small. I did not pity you then, and I do not pity you now.

"If you had had half a brain and had come to me at any point--any point at all, and told me who you were and asked me for a chance to pull yourself up, you'd have had it. You call me a bastard before you even know me. Did Khaat ever curse at you when you had her? My guess is not. My guess is that she had more class than that. Its not social status that gives you class, Barker. Its your own words and your own behaviors that have done that.

"You have no idea how many Death Eaters children or former Death Eaters I do employ. You just decided I was a bastard because of what you heard about me or what you thought Ministers of Magic were like. You're just as guilty of discriminating against people as you think I am.

"Grow up, Barker. Get over yourself...." He was cut off by being unexpectedly disturbed. The door opened. He looked up and frowned deeply. "What the devil are you doing here?" he asked the person at the door.

"I could ask the same of you," Khaat's voice said softly, in her gentle, always ladylike tone.

"Get out," he told her.

"Why?" she frowned. She walked in farther and saw, just from behind who he had captive in the room. "Leave me alone with him.

"Not gonna happen, Khaat," Robert said. She sighed heavily and glared at him. Then she whipped out her wand and flicked it at Barker. His restraints became enchanted iron bands that now held him in place. Around both ankles, his waist, his wrists and just below his shoulders.

"Sufficient?" she asked.

"You have five minutes," he told her, "And I'll be right outside the door with the door open.

"Thank you," she said. She put down a large basket down on her father's desk and took off her cloak and draped it over the desk chair. Robert looked at his daughter. She looked utterly gorgeous to him today. He made a mental note to tell her that more. She was wearing a maxi length denim skirt that had a rather full, gored cut to it, and a crisp, sharply pressed white blouse with french cuffs. She had cufflinks that were heartshaped blue sapphires surrounded by diamonds, all set in white gold. A sapphire blue printed silk shawl wrapped gently around her shoulders and was knotted in the front. Her boots were tall, tan suede stilettos. Her hair and makeup were pristinely perfect, and although Robert knew she had used glamour spells, what woman didnt? She was, as far as Robert was concerned, the most beautiful woman in the world, aside from his own dear Kate. Robert hesitated, and saw Khaat looking at him, a silent command to leave. He stepped outside.

Felix heard the door open his heart froze. He was tied to a chair, and now he was becoming a public spectacle? But when he heard the voice at the door, his heart seemed to freeze. He was going to leave him alone with HER? Khaat Lupin walked around him and his heart seemed to freeze. She was looking great, short skirt, blouse, expensive clothing, and his hate for her intensified, if it were possible. She strode in here, with her expensive clothing, her beautiful skin, making him feel all the more dirty. He looked away from her as she changed the binds around him to iron, and his arms were now linked behind him with the same iron binds. He winced and twisted his wrists a bit, and he was pulled back into the chair so he was literally stuck to the chair, his head the only thing that could move.

When Robert left the office, and Khaat was alone with Felix, he finally let his eyes wander over to her. "Hello Babe, you're looking especially beautiful today." He said with a grin at her. "Trying to look younger then you are? It's not working very well, I can see your wrinkles." He said and smirked, knowing he really could only insult her, seeing as he was stuck to the chair in such a strong way he wouldn't be able to get out if he wanted to. So he had to attack her in the only other way he had, and that was with insults, knowing full well that she wouldn't care, it at least made him feel a little better about himself in this situation. He had ignored the Minister saying that had he went to him he would have helped him, because he knew what really would have happened. He would have set an appointment, the secretary would have taken one look at the application and thrown it away. He would have walked in, and been dogged the entire way upstairs, and probably had a body guard in the room with the Minister in it. He wouldn't have gotten peace, it was better this way, this way, he at least got a room and knew that he was right, and they just didn't want to admit how wrong they were.

Khaat ignored the insults. She opened the basket. She took out a bottle of water and a towel. She flicked her fingers at the bottle, warming the water gently. She poured some of the water on the towel and brought it over to him and silently and gently wiped his face with the warm, comforting wet towel in order to wipe off the blood. He'd been sweating--profusely. She wiped his neck with the towel too, just as a comfort measure. All without saying a word. She walked over to the teapot and threw out the tea, dumping the remains of the pot in the fire. It burned away with a hiss of blue flame. She dumped out both cups, with more blue flame and walked back to the basket and laid the towel on the desk.

She got out a thermos of a gourmet quality cheddar cheese soup. She took an oversized mug out of the basket, poured the soup into the cup and took it back to him.

"Don't worry. There's nothing in it but soup," she said softly. She fed him the five star quality soup, still not saying a word. She had not been surprised to see the tea burn with a blue flame. Her father had his methods for trying to get others to change their sometimes rather "stuck" behaviors. She, however, had not intended to see him today at all. She had heard that Rob was working extra hours because of Barker, but when she had gotten there, Rob was not available. He was liable to be tied up for hours. It was a guard that had said her father was here and had actually asked if she had come to see him, perhaps deliver the lunch for him? That had gotten her curious, and she had gone to find him. She wasn't sure why she was offering Barker the five star gourmet lunch that had been intended as a special, expensive treat for her husband, but here she was, feeding it to the man who had tortured and nearly killed her. Rob was never going to understand this. Her guess was that Barker's stomach had to be a lot closer to being full now, and probably hurt less. When the mug was empty, she put took it back to the basket and put it back inside. She did'nt expect Barker to like her less from this. She expected him to hate her more. In the end, she didn't know why she was doing it.

Felix watched her with alarm as she heated a towel, that could really hurt! If it was to hot... she could burn his skin, or it could be cold, give him something worse, it could have a potion on it, and mar his face, in the end, when she came over to him, he jerked his head away from her, wishing he could get away, but suddenly she was gently stroking his face with a warm wet towel. He looked at her with surprise, and felt his eyes widen, staring at her with confusion as she gently wiped the blood, sweat, and grime from his face. She went to his neck and he flinched away, straining his head away from her, almost afraid of what she was doing. He probably looked like a scared little kid at that moment, and his mind suddenly flashed to him cowering in a corner, while his dad came at him, his hand raised.

Felix closed his eyes and when he opened them again, Khaat had moved away, and had poured the tea out, the tea burned bright blue in the flames, and suddenly she started to open a thermos. She came at him with a spoon, saying something about it only being soup. At first he tried not to eat it, but it smelt so good. It smelt so good it reminded him of the tea and he nearly flung his head backwards away from the spoon, absolutely terrified. But when she got the spoon into his mouth, he was forced to swallow, and his eyes closed, waiting for the pain, but it didn't come. His mouth slowly opened when she put another spoonful up to his mouth. It kept like that until there was none left, and he felt pleasantly full. He slowly looked at her and was confused. Why... it was the first words that flew through his head.. why had she done that? What were her motives? Did she want something from him? Was she just trying to weird him out? Felix couldn't say anything until finally he opened his mouth to speak. "Why?" He asked hoarsely, his eyes frozen on her.

"I...I don't honestly know," she said softly, sitting in the other wing chair. "Are you still hungry? There's a fruit salad in there, and...well, a slice of cheesecake. You're welcome to it. I..brought it for someone else, but they're not here. I promise they're just food. Nothing in it. I doubt you're going to get food like that again for a good long while. If you want it, its yours.

"Maybe..." she said, looking at her hands. Especially the large diamond and emerald ring on her left hand. "Maybe I just need to find a way to move on. Just like, maybe, there might be some things that you need to learn to move on from too, Felix." Her voice was soft and gentle. "Nobody does what you've done without a reason. I don't think I can change that for you. All I can do is perhaps find a reason to move forward."

She didn't know if that made any sense, and her guess was that he didn't really care. But she wanted to heal. Herself, her mind, her body, and her soul. She wanted to move forward. She'd never be what she once was. But maybe she could be close. Or maybe, she could be better. But this just felt like something she had to do. She needed to extend the kindness that, in the end, was the only real weapon for anger and despondency and cruelty. And it was the only thing that would heal either of them.