Elephant in the Living Room

"You have some odd dreams," Khaat smiled. "You have something on your mind when you went to bed? Khaat was enough of a seer to know exactly what was going on in Chase's dream. But she didn't know if Chase had had some little bit of seer's power herself and just didn't understand what she was seeing, or if perhaps somehow Chase knew. She was skirting the issue with Chase for the moment. It meant that this walk in the snow might be more like an uncomfortable dance, but she didn't want to blow this all out in the open.

"My life with Brian has been the best I've ever known," she said softly, hoping that if Chase did know, she'd understand her fear of him finding out. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost that. Rob threw me away for God only knows what. Brian's been here so far in the ways that Rob wouldn't because Rob didnt know how."

She listened to her boots crunching through the icy crust on the snow. It was peaceful here. The only place in the whole wizarding world that was a santuary to her. She wondered how much time she had left before that was taken from her too.

"Brian is a good man, Chase. One of the finest I've ever known. One of a rare breed. But even he has his limits. There's only so much of what any human being can put up with when it comes to what life deals to a Lupin. Someday, something's going to push him away. I just want to hang onto what good I have for just a little longer. Does that make sense?"

Chase went quiet when Khaat started to talk about Brian. It had come out of nowhere really.. but somehow she had a feeling it hadn't, it was as though there had been a level of conversation that hadn't actually been said, that had passed in the blink of an eye, and Chase was still reeling from it slightly. "I understand Khaat.... but sometimes the best way to keep someone around... is to tell them the truth.. of course, like me and Eli.. that just doesn't work out.. I've given up on knowing everything about him.. as long as he comes back at the end of the day.. I'm happy." She said softly, her eyes going a bit unfocused. "Lupin's really do have it hard... even though you've risen to the top.. you're still the underdog.. but I found out something.. not really about the Lupin's.. but about myself." She said softly, and then pulled her hand out from under the extra coat.

"After my family died.. well I didn't know what to do... I started drinking... smoking... but it wasn't enough.." Chase pulled back her sleeve to show multiple scars running up her wrists. "I'm not proud of them, but they are there... I won't get rid of them either.. because it reminds me.. reminds me of a time when I didn't have it so good.. but do you want to know what made me stop this?" She asked holding up her arm so that Khaat could see it better. "I talked... I found someone who truely wanted to listen.. and talked to him.. I told him what was going on in my head... I told him.. things he probably wouldn't have wanted to know before.... but he listened... and stuck by me.. he.. Elijah.. took care of me.." She said slowly.

"Right after Andrew broke up with me.. I was so.. alone.. I didn't.. I couldn't.. it was like there was no one who understood me anymore, my best friend looked at me like I was a freak, she wouldn't even talk to me.. and then I met Elijah.. and.. well lets just say our first meeting wasn't a normal one if I may say so... I first set eyes on him across a room that was literally plastered with a boy's insides, because something had blown him up.. and our first words to each other were insults.. and now look at us... I'm pregnant with his child... and to tell you the truth.. my life couldn't have been better.. I'm HAPPY I'm expecting his child... because everyday.. I tell him what's on my mind.. and even if he doesn't want to hear it.. he listens... sure we have fights.. but isn't that what ever couple does? Sometimes.. you just have to... talk.." She said softly and her eyes darted to Khaat. They were having a conversation without ever actually talking about the subject, and it was both confusing, and relaxing.

Khaat sighed and paused a long moment before replying. She was thinking.

"How long have you known, Chase?" she asked. She wanted to see where she messed up. Where did she let it go wrong? And who else knew? Brian surely didn't know. Not yet anyway.

It was all unravelling fast. She had known that she had too many people too close to her. Her bodyguards had suspected even in Tuscany, but she had managed to keep them from knowing. And, actually, it made her think a lot about Remus. He had had to live with the same business of hiding from even the ones he loved the most. There were so few that he could truly be himself around. Right now, she wasn't sure if she had that, or if she did, how much of it was there.

"You're fortunate to have Eli," she said. "And you might not ever know it all about him. He has a lot of emotional scars of his own. He runs like I do. He just chooses a different way to run. But you're right. At the end of the day, he comes home to what makes him feel safe and secure and whole. When its all said and done, he still has a zest for life that no one has ever been able to take away from him. I'm happy he has that. And I"m glad you've stuck with him, despite the fact that he isn't perfect. I've seen his fans crowd around him and try to live in the shadow of the illusion of what they think he is. But it takes more than that to really stay with him. You've managed to do that. I'm glad--for both of you. I hope it lasts a long time for both of you."

Chase took a deep breath and glanced at Khaat before staring at her feet. "Last night.. I had to go to the bathroom.. and I saw the light on in the nursery... you were in there... sleeping with Abbey in your arms.. her fever had just broken... so I moved her to her crib, and was about to put a blanket on you.. well when I saw... you... how you actually look.. without the glamour potions and spells.. Khaat.. if you keep this up.. it'll kill you.. I found the bottle in your pocket.. and well.. Angus came in.. he told me what was happening.." She said softly, her lip bit. "Brian doesn't know.. but me and Angus do.. that's all right now.." She said glancing at Khaat. "So.. I've been kinda.. tailing you all day.. wondering when you head to go get more.. it's a small bottle.." She said biting her lip.

"Khaat... you need.. you need to stop taking it! Get a journal.. talk to a councelor.. do something but that! you're only making it worse on yourself.. not better! by.. numbing your mind your taking away one of the most important of the bodies ways of coping.. and that's by feeling... you have to hurt for a bit.. so you feel better.. I know.. I'm.. I'm young.. I don't know what I'm talking about.. but who I saw in that chair last night, wasn't Khaat... it was her skeleton.. I literally checked your pulse because I thought you had died.." She said her voice growing softer. "I.. I don't want you to die Khaat." She said softly, her mind working hard, her eyes pointed at the ground,

"Me and Elijha.. I.. well I have no doubt in my mind right now that he's probably with another woman right now.. no doubt.. and somehow.. it doesn't bother me.. I can't.. change who he is.. I'm not gonna MAKE him be with me all the time, if it doesn't make him happy.. it's just.. who he is.. and there isn't a way to change that.. he smokes.. he drinks, he has sex.. it's Elijah.. and yet.. just the fact that he will come back to me after all of that... and hold me and tell me he loves me anyway.. well.. it does make me feel special, even though I know what he did all day.. He's an artist... a work of art himself.. He's Elijah.. I can't change that.. our relationship isn't the most healthy one.. but we love each other.. I love him.. and really.. that's all I can do right now.." She said softly, her eyes staring at the ground, small tears frozen into her eyelashes.

"So Angus knows, huh?" Khaat sighed. "Well, I wouldn't worry about it killing me. Angus will take care of that. He'll be telling Brian--today. Angus won't want me doing this any longer. He understands the illegal side of the law too well, including illegal potions. And he knows how I've tried to hide this from Brian. His loyalty is to Brian first. He's probably telling him right now even as we speak. This whole nasty business, unless I'm mistaken, is about to come to a grinding halt in one way or another." She took a deep breath of the icy air. "This should be interesting."

"Well," she said. "It couldn't continue forever. I know that. I guess I'd better gear up. They're about to hold my feet to the flames."

"You're misunderstanding Eli a bit, I think, Chase. Maybe just a little. Eli's mother is terrible woman. I doubt if she ever held him once when he was a baby. He wants and needs intimacy. All the women, all the sex? It's as close as he knows how to get for what he didn't get when it was really important. And, if your relationship blooms and blossoms like I know you both want it to, he'll find that what he needs is getting supplied in that relationship more than it does elsewhere. He might always have the need to run around to find more, but I'm thinking it might decrease as he gets older and gets more mature and secure."

She reached her hand in her pocket. Her small potions bottle wasn't there. It was gone. She searched her pockets and found it was gone. She tried hard not to panic.

Chase shook her head for a moment, before she sighed. "You will give up all of your potions right? give them all back? All of them? It'll be hard.. I know.. but... you have to.." She said softly, putting her arm on Khaat's to stop her and stood there staring at her. "They love you you know... Angus, Brian.. I do! We want what's best for you! And this isn't it.. so.. please, cooperate.." She said softly, shaking her head sadly. "We should go back though.. we don't want to strain your ankles." She said softly, her eyes glancing down towards her ankles. "They are healed, but not fully yet anyway.." She said softly, and let her eyes dart towards the house quickly before she sighed and turned so she was heading back towards it.

"You know.. I don't think I am Khaat.. I know how Elijah is.. he may stop when he's older.. but for now.. I'm just happy he feels comfortable around me.. I was so jealous at first, so.. angry that he just couldn't be happy with only me.. but now.. I know that he really does care about me.. if he didn't.. he wouldn't bother with me, and I wouldn't be here today, I'd probably have dropped out of school, gone to my maid's house, lived with her, gotten a job... worked for the rest of my life, knowing I could never be good enough for a man like Elijah to look at me and love me for who I was.. but he does.. and I'm here, and I'm here to help you whenever I can.. so even if he is gone, and doing who knows what.. drinking, smoking, painting, loving.. at night.. he's mine.. and that's all I really need.." She said softly, her eyes dropping towards the ground. "I just want him to be happy, and me being jealous made him unhappy.. so.. I guess I stopped being jealous.." She sighed heavily and looked at Khaat, startled to see that they were already back at the house. "Lets go in.. it's cold." She said softly and gave an exaggerated shiver to show how cold she was.

"Let it be what it is, Chase," Khaat said quietly. "I don't have the most functional relationship with Rob either. After all, we're still married and we still love each other. But I need someone in my life who is actually with me and not off acting twelve years old. I want a real man in my life. The problem is I love them both. Brian accepts that because, like Eli, at the end of the day, I go home to him, like Eli comes home to you. Leave it alone. If you're both happy, then let it be.

"As far as my potions, that's asking a lot. I will do my best, but it won't be easy. The potion allows me to cope with things that are just too ugly to bear otherwise. It just makes the pain easier to live with. If I stop, then there's nothing betweeen me and it. And there are things that I just haven't told anyone. Its not worth causing anyone any more pain by exposing them to what I've already been through. I just don't want to expose anyone else to that.

"And you're right. We do need to go back." They walked back to the house, and when she went in, she saw Brian watching her very closely.

"What?" she asked, frowning.

He drew his hand out of his pocket and opened his hand. He was holding the potions bottle that had fallen out of her pocket.

"We need to talk--right now," he said softly. "Alone."

Chase nodded and sighed slightly as they headed back to the house. She couldn't ask for anything more from Khaat, not at this point, but it made her sad, that Khaat needed potions to help cope with things, when they all wanted to help her, and she could only rely on potions. It didn't seem fair, after all of their work, only for her to go back to a potion that was killing her off even worse then she had been before. Chase stared at the ground as they walked, and when they got inside, she was taking off her coat, when she looked up and saw Brian, holding the bottle. "Hey Brian.." She said softly, her eyes on the bottle, before she carefully took off her shoes and hung up her jacket.

"I'll go upstairs and check on the girls." She said softly, excusing herself away from the couple. They had things they needed to work out on their own. So Chase slid upstairs, one hand on her back as she half waddled up the stairs. She wasn't that big, but it was a big difference to Chase and it was making it harder to walk and her back was killing her. Not to mention other areas were growing and making her sore and stiff all over. Once upstairs, she went into the girl's room, and sat on the floor with them, playing with their toys as she waited for Khaat and Brian to stop talking downstairs. She just hoped they didn't fight, but there really wasn't anything she could do now. She hadn't told Brian, Khaat's bottle had slipped out of her pocket when she was about to go outside, and Brian had found it, nothing more to be done. She just hoped that Khaat would realize what she was doing was stupid, and would stop soon.

Khaat didn't know what to say. She felt more fear now that Brian knew more than anything else. She stared at the floor as he walked over to her. He stood for a moment and sighed heavily before he spoke. "How long?" he asked very softly. "How long has this been going on?"

"Not..long," she stammered still staring at the rug. He lifted her face to look at him. She couldn't read his face. She didn't know that look.

"What are you so afraid of? Why did you hide it from me?" he asked.

"I'll go get my things," she said softly.

"No you're not," he said. Then he frowned. "You truly thought I'd walk out if I knew, didn't you? You thought I'd leave?" She didn't reply. "Khaat! When? Give me one time when I didnt' stand by you no matter what! Tell me when I ever walked away from you? Ever? Look, we have a problem, but we'll take care of it--together. Now sit down here and talk to me." He took her to the sofa and sat with her. "Now, listen," he said. "I can completely understand why you would want to numb your mind to all the hell thats in it. I can fully understand that. But I am not going to let this kill you. If you let that happen, men like Barker win. The very sort of man that Remus gave his life to fight against. You know better. I know you do. Khaat, I understand pain. I truly do, but if you stop trying to do it by yourself and stop trying to hide it from us, we'll give you the love and support and comfort that Barker tried to steal from you. You never lost that. Its still here. You give us all that ugliness and terror, and we'll give you more love than you know what to do with."

Tears burned in her eyes and she folded herself into him, into his arm, and hid her face in his neck. He wrapped his arms around her and held her in a strong hug. "You know the next two or three days aren't going to be easy, don't you?" he asked softly. "But I can't let you have any more of that. You know that. We'll get through it. One step at a time. And I promise you. I won't leave you. I swear. Stop the fear and trust me. Let's just do what we need to do for today." She was wrapped so tightly around him that she didn't want to move, didn't want him to ever let her go. She just wanted to stay locked in him forever.

"We're going to need you father's help," He finally said softly. She shook her head, refusing. "Now, Khaat, listen. He'll be alright with it. I promise. He stood by you in the toughest moments of your life. He loves you. Don't underestimate him. Let me talk to him, and its going to be fine. Where is the rest of it, Khaat? Tell me."

"Its not here. I swear. Its hidden where nobody can find it. I didn't want it around the babies," she said. He looked at her, knowing she was telling the truth.

"I want the stash, all of it," he said to her. "Where is it?"

"I'll get it," she said softly.

"Not alone. We'll go together. But we need to talk to your father first. " He got up and setn a message through the floo to Robert. Within minutes, he appeared in the living room. He looked at the scene in front of him and frowned. "What's happened?" he asked, coming over. Brian handed him the bottle of potion. Robert frowned, opened it and smelled it and grimaced, capping the bottle again. He sighed heavily. He looked at Khaat.

"So this is what you've been keeping from me," he said softly. "I should have known. I'm sorry. I completely missed it. Well, lets get to it, then." She looked at her father blankly. "You truly don't think I"m going to let you continue this, do you?"

"She's afraid we'll leave her," Brian said.

"I didn't leave you the first time you did this, and I won't do it now," he said to her. "Alright. Where's the stash?"

"Where only you and I can find it," she said. He looked at her for a moment and his mind cleared.

"There?" he asked. She nodded.

"Don't destroy it. Send it back to Rob."

"So you can take it again?"

"No. Because its his. Send it back. Please."

"Alright. For you. Brian, take care of her. I'll be back," he said apparating out.

"Ok, so for now, lets get some tea," Brian said. He ordered tea from Angus and asked Angus to tell Chase that she could come downstairs now if she chose.

Chase pretty much just waited until she got the okay to go downstairs, and when Angus came and got her, she slowly went downstairs, feeling kind of guilty. She had caused a bunch of turmoil in the house, even though it had been for the better, she had still caused it. Slowly making her way downstairs, Chase got to the bottom and went to where Brian and Khaat were. "Hey.. Is everything okay now?" She asked smiling at them, but it slipped off her face relatively quickly, as she moved into the room and sat down opposite of the two. "Did I hear the Minister's voice?" She asked glancing around the room. She had heard someone apparating in, but had been to distracted to tell if they had apparated out again. "Or did he leave?" She asked smiling at the two, before placing her hands in her lap carefully.

When Angus came with tea, Chase took hers and sipped it carefully, her eyes on the teacup. It was kind of awkward, and she could tell that quite a bit had been said in the past few minutes, that had cleared up a lot of problems and had possibly saved Khaat's life. "How are you feeling Khaat?" She asked softly, her eyes slowly moving to look at her. She knew the next few days were going to be REALLY hard for her, and they were all going to be told that she wasn't allowed to go anywhere, even the bathroom, without someone with her to make sure she didn't apparate away and get some more of the potion. It wouldn't be at her stash of course, but she had gotten the stuff before, what would stop her a second or third time of getting it away from Rob, obviously though..they would need to keep a very careful eye on her as she went through withdrawal of the potion, and then was forced to deal with all of the stuff she had been suppressing It would be hard to watch, and harder for her to feel, but it would happen, and they all had to be prepared to help her, Chase of course could keep her mind occupied by helping with stuff, and talking like normal, but she'd have to keep a close eye on her when she went to the bathroom.