Snubbing geography classes was perhaps the silliest thing Rafael had ever done. He couldn’t afford to make mistakes, not often any rate, but walking out of that class had been a poor thing to do. At the time though it seemed like a fairly good idea. There was only so long one could stand the ridicule from his peers and the teacher who was supposed to be aiding him. At ten he had a more rambunctious personality and he would butt heads with nearly everyone he met. Now he was more...quiet? He didn’t know how to describes himself really. He knew he could no longer show the blind bravery he did once. He wondered if he still possessed such a streak and even if he did it was highly likely that he’d long since buried it so far down that it could no longer be retrieved. He was no longer as boisterous as his brothers were now. But even so! Geography would have been no use to him anyway. Maps weren’t issued upon arrival and he knew how to read a map – that was about the only thing he could do in that damn class.
Taking a hesitant step in the direction Rafael thought the front desk was in, he looked to see if his sense of direction wasn’t all bad but all he could see was row after row of bookshelves. Rafael stepped back to his original spot and clutched the book closer to his chest. He was feeling incredibly vulnerable, something he’d not felt since ...well, since he was a lot younger. Suddenly footsteps came within his range of hearing and Rafael looked up to see someone approaching him. He had looked up hoping to see the librarian but he found instead that it was just another person, clearly there to browse like he had been. Perhaps the person could have helped him but the Gryffindor was focusing on trying to keep himself calm so the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. He, like his little sister, had a problem with being out of control. Raina hated feeling helpless, as did he, which was why the two were useless when out of their depth like Rafael was now.
A shaky breath escaped Rafael’s mouth and he squeezed his eyes shut. His shoulders fell forward and he seemed to shrink back as if he was trying to retreat within himself. His hands came up and gripped his shaking shoulders while his elbows supported the book and he rested his forehead against the top of it. One, two, one, two, one, two... Rafael counted his breaths and tried to ignore his heart hammering against his ribcage. He didn’t care what his sodding counsellor tried to tell him about how panic attacks could be averted. He was so very wrong. But this was worse. This was calm before a storm. At least he knew what to expect from panic attacks but the moments that led up to them hurt him mentally and he didn’t know how to control that. At least with the panic attacks....no, they were both as bad. They both took a toll on his mind and he hated it. Every single second where his breathing was laboured, where he could hear nothing but his own heart thundering in his ears....it drove him to the brink and back.
"... are you oka--"
Rafael lifted his head and something strange happened. Time seemed to slow. His eyes opened marginally and he found himself rooted to the spot, unable to move, as the boy fell forward. Rafael felt their bodies connect and he was thrust backwards under the weight of the boy. It wasn’t that he was heavy per se but Rafael was hardly expecting to be...well, he just wasn’t prepared. His back hit the hardwood floor with a dull thud and Rafael felt himself be pinned down underneath the boy. A groan escaped the Gryffindor’s mouth and he let his head fall back against the floor. He felt the book slip out of his now slack arms and he cracked an eye open. His eyelids were moist thanks to the tears that had pooled in his eyes and he looked up at the boy, feeling his cheeks flush red with embarrassment. “I’m sorry...” Rafael whispered, not entirely sure what he was apologizing for. If he hadn’t have been there then the boy wouldn’t have stopped or tried to help him thus he would have never tripped and neither of them would have been in the position they were now in; which was compromising to say the least.