Amelia watched tentatively as Elijah’s daughter started to fidget beside her father and, after a few seconds, managed to writhe her way away from him. She took a few hesitant steps forward, closing the distance she had left between herself and Amelia, who was still perched on the edge of her chair, leaning forward in an uncharacteristically hunched position that was very different than her usual posture. She was sitting that way in order to be closer to Fauve’s height, and as the girl walked toward her, Amelia could see that she had been successful in that endeavor. Fauve’s eyes were exactly at height with Amelia’s, and she could see written in them that the girl had let her guard down now, perhaps in response to Amelia’s words, or perhaps because she had sensed the concern emanating from Elijah, palpable even to Amelia.
But whatever the reason, Fauve was now standing only a few inches away from Amelia, and the closeness only made Amelia’s heart beat faster, waiting for the response that would likely determine Elijah’s opinion of her from here on out. He hadn’t said it directly, but Amelia could sense the protectiveness Elijah felt for his daughter, and she had a strong feeling that Fauve’s opinion of her could very well sway Elijah’s without the child trying very much at all. It was only after Fauve’s small voice crossed the space between them that Amelia was able to let go of the breath she had been holding.
A genuine smile broke out on Amelia’s face as Fauve gave her response, her belief in the imaginary making Amelia inexplicably gleeful. It should not have mattered to Amelia whether a five year old believed in Neverland; in fact, Amelia should have been especially indifferent to this child in particular. If she looked at it logically, her attempts to distance herself from Elijah should have prevented her from meeting Fauve in the first place, because she was certainly thwarting her own plans by introducing herself to this more intimate part of the boy’s life. She had worked so hard this past summer to forget the boy that forgot about her…
… but Fauve would be impossible to forget.
You can’t have it both ways, Amelia, her subconscious reminded her, wary of the situation it could see developing as Amelia beamed at the girl in front of her, You can’t push him out of your mind and still dwell on how good you feel now. They are inextricably tied. Fauve and Elijah are a package deal. If you are going to open yourself to her, he’s going to have to come along for the ride.
Amelia knew on so many levels that her subconscious was right, and it was downright scary to realize it. She knew that this feeling she was experiencing now, this genuine happiness that was a direct result of Fauve’s innocence and non-judgmental opinion of her, was something she could not easily give up. Amelia had developed an inability to believe that her peers would ever see her as anything but the “ice queen”. But this tiny person, this extension of Elijah – she could be different.
Fauve had asked Amelia the same question the redhead had originally posed, and Amelia took a few seconds to answer it. She had to work up her resolve to overcome the fact that letting Fauve in meant letting Elijah closer, and breaking down the obstacles to that was not an instantaneous thing. After a time, Amelia took a deep breath and let her contentment show on her features, and her smile lingered as she spoke.
“Only once,” Amelia answered, her voice slightly distant because she was reminiscing back to a time in her history that she did not often visit. She had so many memories that she had hidden away, and it was only on rare occasions that she took them out for revisiting.
This particular memory was of Raoul and the tree house he had built in an open field next to their parents’ home. It had been such an elaborate production, surely helped along by magic, and Amelia had been absolutely ecstatic when Raoul had finally let her open her eyes and see what he had been secretly working on for several weeks. He had recreated the Lost Boys’ Clubhouse, knowing her fascination with the story, and Amelia had never wanted to leave. The tree house had been her and Raoul’s secret, the place they went when their parents weren’t paying attention, the place they had shared their secrets.
“Only once,” Amelia repeated, her voice coming back to the present, though it was hard to pull herself away from the memory she had fallen into, less painful when she thought of it separately from the hurt she felt about Raoul’s absence in her life now. “It was a long time ago, and it was a very special person who showed me the way.”
“Perhaps we could go together sometime,” Amelia added with a smile after a few seconds of internal debate. Making such future promises meant that she was committing to something, or more pointedly, to someone, and it was downright scary. But, Amelia found, it was also a little bit liberating. At least a little bit.
“Then we could help each other find our way home,” Amelia said, her voice falling back into its near whisper, but this time, it had not been for Fauve’s benefit, but rather because the words held more than one meaning to Amelia. She knew that Fauve and Elijah were not likely to understand that the words did not apply only to Neverland, but also to something deeper within Amelia, but they didn’t need to know to make it real to her.
by Amelia Lyons Sun Sep 19, 2010 7:47 pm
