Paying a Debt

Andrew laughed shortly along with Nerissa and nodded in agreement. "I guess," he said, a warm smile on his face "but they do try their best though." Andrew could see that Nerissa was enjoying getting the pound of candy and felt glad that he was able to. He didn't know how Nerissa had truly felt, after Ne'Os died, and wondered if she was taking it harder than he thought.

He looked around shortly noticing the entire store was packed with wizards and witches along. It was almost un unbeliviable sight to see, yet Hogwarts was out and people were getting jobs in the Muggle world to help pay for their wizard supplies. After all, 10 Galleons were 50 UK pounds, or 100 dollars in USDs. And with high paying jobs, everything seemed to be a good deal.

"Speaking of injuries," he said softly, not wanting anyone to hear of their conversation "are you sure that you're alright? I really want to help, if there is anything wrong." He could sense that something was wrong when she had frowned. Nerissa hated frowning, and the 16 year old could tell. He had told her once...or at least he thought she did. The boys body language and expression changed into a sudden caring feeling, trying to look into Nerissa's eyes.

Nerissa moved her eyes slowly upward to meet Andrew’s gaze when she felt him looking at her. She hated that question, the one that fell from his lips for the second time in the ten-or-so minutes they had been at in Hogsmeade… but at the same time, she knew she was relieved that he knew her well enough to see past her façade.

“What is happening to me?”

She hadn’t meant to ask such a question. Nerissa had locked those words away deep within her ever since they had first crossed her mind as a thought… but somehow they had found the key to their prison cell and had snuck out when Nerissa had least expected them to. Her voice broke at the end of the sentence, and she knew that there was no correcting her mistake. “No, no, I’m fine,” she corrected herself swiftly, but her voice was scratchy and the lie was too unbelievable for her to even convince herself- which had been her main goal when speaking that lie once more.

No, Nerissa Hatts, you are not OK.

The young redhead female inhaled sharply and stared up at the ceiling in order to avoid meeting Andrew’s eyes once more; she didn’t want to see what they contained, she didn’t want the pity that she assumed would come swiftly after admitting that she was still dealing with fear that had been building up slowly within her. It was clear in her eyes if you looked close enough. Something had broken inside of her a long time ago, but it had taken a while for the symptoms to show.

Andrew looked away from Nerissa for a second, trying to collect his thoughts. He could he procede witht he conversation? He didn't want to just leave all her emotions bottled up, it was dangerous to say the least. He also didn't want to go ahead and assume everything, like he could read her like an open book. He just wanted to help. He put his hand on her shoulder and tried to speak in a soothingly voice "Come on Essa," he said, trying out a new nickname he had made up a couple seconds ago "just tell me. If there's anyone you can trust, it's me."

He wished that what had happened to Nerissa never did. He wished that Ne'Os would not have tortured her and force her to be his personal assistant. It seemed almost nightmarish, something Andrew perhaps probably couldn't deal with. Him being a Gryffindor, he had a lot of free spirit, something he would never trade away. He also wished that he could say something, to make her be away with the fear. Be he couldn't just keep wishing. He needed to act.

"Okay," he said softly, moving his hand away from her shoulder, almost reluctantly at that "how about you get your candy and we can talk about it outside." He hoped he had not said anything wrong, or nothing to disturb her.

Fragile. She hated being fragile, seeming fragile. It was a feeling like none other, but in the worst way possible. Andrew was tiptoeing across the thin ice Nerissa had surrounded herself with unintentionally, and all she could do was watch as the ice cracked slowly.

Nerissa nodded her head slowly and forced her lips to form a soft smile- one that looked even worse than the frown. She grabbed hold of her bag of candy once more and stood from her chair, sliding it backwards slowly. It made a loud screeching noise when the legs of the chair moved against the stone floors, and the sudden noise caused Nerissa to jump slightly, her eyes darting quickly about the shop to see if anyone had noticed her paranoia.

No. Nobody had. She let a sigh escape her lips, one that was 100% relief.

The young Ravenclaw let her arms fall to her sides, holding her candy loosely in one of her hands, and stood next to Andrew. She wanted to apologize, that much was clear, but she didn’t know what exactly she felt the need to apologize for; she hadn’t done anything wrong, and yet, she knew that it was her fault that the joyful mood had been changed to one of fear and pain because of the words she had allowed herself to speak.

If only she had kept up her act for a few more minutes… perhaps that way Andrew would have continued smiling and behaving as if he hadn’t a care in the world. It was better that way- easier.

“I’m sorry, Andrew…” she began, but she didn’t finish, because she felt that those three words were enough.

Andrew felt hollow at that moment. She seemed like she had been shattered in 5 places and pieced together with glue at that moment. And at that point, he felt like he had done something wrong. He had absolutely no idea if he did, but his chest and arms felt like it. "Nerissa..." he said softly, almost in a painful way, yet tried to keep his normal voice in there as a barrage of other laughter and conversations flowed by them.

"You have nothing to apologize for," he said, his anger suddenly boiling when he thought about what he was going to say next "Ne'Os did this to you, and I swear he will pay. I've already destroyed his home, I will burnt his freaking soul if I have to. I'll make him pay for what he did to you. I only offer my services, to try and help. Being your boyfriend and all..."

What could he say after that? He had basically said all that he could at the time being, wanting to express his feelings. Didn't seem like a good time though. "I remember the day at the lake," he said softly looking at her "when we first met...when Aurora had gotten you out of the water and I saved you. After that, you were able to do the things that you could do again. Tend for your plants, that little mandrake that you have. I liked seeing you happy, and now...now I want to help get that happiness back...you just have to let me."

That was all Nerissa could take; hearing his voice, it sounded so pained, and so much like hers that she couldn’t help but feel as if someone had taken that beating life source beneath her ribcage in their hands and had twisted it in two different directions. She bit down on her lip as hard as she could without tearing the skin there, and dropped back down in her seat. She rested her forehead against the table’s surface and took hold of Andrew’s hand, holding it gently in one of her own hands.

She was collecting herself- or what was left of herself –to the best of her ability. Not a single tear had fallen from her eyes, for Nerissa Hatts despised crying more than anything else she could think of, she did, however, shiver slightly for a moment as she sat there, her face rested against the cold table.

Nerissa staid like that for a moment; still and silent. She was sorting through her thoughts, trying to find something to say that would assure Andrew that she would be fine, but no such words would form in her mind, and she was left with pitiful pleas for help. Nerissa knew that Andrew wanted to help her, but she honestly didn’t know how to allow him to do so. She herself had tried to put herself back together, but the pieces just didn’t seem to want to fit anymore, and so half of her was still left shattered on the floor.

“When I close my eyes, I”- Nerissa looked up from the table and straightened in her chair, a look of involuntary panic on her face [think of any of the scenes in LOTR when Frodo is afraid] – “I see that blood that was spilled on the floor and- I cant get my thoughts to go back to normal,” she tried to explain what she had been experiencing, but for some reason the words she spoke didn’t sound like words to her, just jumbled up letters that weren’t meant to leave her lips.

Andrew was feeling alright after he said what needed to be said, but felt a sudden shock of anyone persons skin on his own. He turned his head and looked at Nerissa, who seemed hurt again. Damn he was bad at trying to cheer someone up. He looked at her and was about to say something, but her expression made him stop in his thoughts. He only wanted to just continue life, and have all of his friends and loved ones be happy. Yet he felt like he had failed somehow now. It was odd with him being that way.

He felt shivers go up into his spine, then his chest when he listened to her story. The blood. From the battle at Knockturn alley when he had lost against Ne'Os. His first loss ever in a wizard battle. It made him shiver. Nothing seemed to click in his head, nothing seemed to process anymore. He couldn't help fight what she was seeing, even though he wanted to help.

He opened his mouth to speak, yet no words came out. No sound, no voice, nothing. Just empty silence. He lowered his eyes away from Nerissa, trying to think about his words. He blinked a couple of times and then finally said in his casual voice "Maybe if we go and find something you enjoy very much, we can get that image out of your head. Maybe planting, gardening, seeing a sunset, or whatnot, I'll help you find it."

The next couple of words that escaped his mouth were unintelligable as his brain was going to fast to get his words to sync with it. He stopped talking, feeling nervous. After a short moment of collecting his thoughts he said "Well Ne'Os is gone...he's dead and Matt killed him. Nothing standing in our way anymore. We could do anything, and not worry about the consequences."

It was at that very moment that it occurred to Nerissa that she needed to escape. She wanted to leave behind all of her worries, and for a fleeting moment she felt a feeling of undeniable hope wash over. She couldn’t run away from her thoughts, for they made sure of that, but she certainly could make sure that she was as far away from her fears as possible, because they on the other hand, would stay in London. Nerissa wrapped both of her hands around Andrew’s and brought it to her face, enjoying the tingling that she felt on her face when she did so. “I want to leave.”

She wasn’t sure how Andrew would react to such a statement, and yet, she added no more to the sentence because it was all that she had to say at that moment. She wanted to leave the candy shop with her bag full of candy, and she wanted to leave London- even if it was only for a little while. Would Andrew come with her? She honestly didn’t know, but for some reason, that didn’t scare her.

Nerissa could see a door in the distance and even though it was so very far from where she was, she could still see light glittering from underneath the door and along the side of the door where the hinges were located; escape was an option, and she hadn’t realized it until Andrew had said it aloud himself.

“I need to leave,” she spoke again, but this time, it was to herself, to try and convince herself that that hope she was feeling was real.

Andrew was not expecting Nerissa to act so suddenly. His heart rate increased by a beat faster and he felt himself begin to blush a little. If he had seen it coming, he wouldn't have blushed at all or anything like that. He nodded his head once and said "Alright let's go then. Anywhere you want." He was pretty much surprised to hear Nerissa say that, but he would stick by her. After all, he was a loyal Gryffindor.

He stood up, holding onto her and then let go a few moments afterwords, feeling like he had to forcibly detach himself away from here. "Let's go," he said softly, grabbing onto her hand softly "I'll be right here with you." He wondered where she might want to head first, considering how they would get there. Apparation for a couple of places, maybe, a taxi for others. For now, he was going to be basically her driver for the day.

He looked around the shop, everyone not even caring about them. They were all too focused on every piece of gum and candy they could find, hunting them down like they were cattle. He smiled as none of their conversation was heard and turned his head to Nerissa. "Where to?" he asked with a smile on his face.