THE WALKER RANCH

"Let her rest, Steven," Katherine said, "Your thoughts are so loud that I can hear them over here. I know you hurt. That's natural. But you have to take time for yourself. Don't try to get another person too soon. It will just feel like rebounding right now. Give yourself some time to get adjusted to your new life and to having another boy in your family. Then, after soem time, you'll find someone, when the time is right."

Steven looked at her "I know , but these last few days its as if every where I turn I see somthing that reminds me of her, when Andrew was hurt she'd have known, I didn't , the special place, its the kind of place she would have liked " he said looking once more into his cup " a smell, a sound Its as if shes around al the time but I can't see her or touch her " he paused placing his cup on the floor "I know I have to let her go and I have tried to but always somthing" he said sittring back against the back of the chair with a heavy sigh.

"And it will be, " Khaat said, "For awhile. You are an impatient man, Steven. You want all those things healed quickly. It may have been several calendar months, but it doesn't feel like that now. It feels very new and fresh. You need to give yourself some time. Your mind is missing 6 months. Be patient and let yourself heal. You know you're welcome to stay if you want. That's up to you. But I would suggest a different room than those two snoring boys of yours. I"m sure they are all done in by now."

Steven sighed and smiled a small smile to her " yeah don't think I could make it back on my own " he said giving yet anoher yawn as he stood up " thanks Khaat for the barbaque and the advice" he said now smiling warmly to her picking up his cup he walked back to the house . as he walked he looked at Khaat "tell me honistly , dose it ever get any better?" he asked thinking he knew the awnser all ready.

"I didn't think it ever would. I never thought the pain would stop or that I would always see Remus every place I looked. It has taken a lot of time and a lot of good people around me to support me and not judge me. And it also took a lot of those folks teaching me to have fun again and to love life. To teach me that my own life had value, in and of itself. You need time to regain all that for yourself. Why don't you take the room across the hall from the boys so you can be closer to them? You remember where my parents' room is, right?"

Steven listened to her she made sence but it wtill didn't take the longing away, the longing to hold some one and to feel that love he had shared with janet. He sighed once more his hand shoved deep into his pockets as he walked "yeah I know where it is" he said softly "mind if i just stay put here a bit longer , I know Im tired but I'd like to think a bit more" he looked at her he flet inside a cold feeling deep inside him and he knew it was the cold feeling of loniness he felt. He had John and Andrew but he needed some one for him some one who would at night tell him it would be ok.

"No. No one minds. And while you sit there enjoying the quiet with Mom and Dad, I'm going to go talk w/ Remus," she said, "I've barely said hi to him all day," She excused herself and went to her room.

"She still likes to talk with Remus's portrait," Robert said, magically lifting log onto the fire. "Makes her still feel connected. There's a part of her that will always be connected to him, that will always grieve for him. You don't know the history there, I don't think. You don't know what happened to her when he died. That's a whole story in itself. She knows grief and pain better than a lot of us. She's lived with it every day of her life since he was murdered. I know you know she was close to him and then he died, but that's not even the tip of the iceberg. Did you ever know any more than that?"

Steven looked at Robert "I read the file on his murder, I kinda like to keep up on curent affaris , ya know" he said as he looked into the fire in front of him in his mind he was thinking "I know how she feels , its kinda like what Janet and I shared for all those years" he looked up at Robert "she luck to have his portrait to talk to I don't even have that everything was lost only a muggle picture staid" he reatched into his walet and took out a picture handing it over he sighed " thats janet , she was a strong willed woman that I ever knew " he looked at the picture.

"No. You know what everyone else knows. You don't know the rest of the story," Robert said. "Khaat was 16 when Remus was killed. She was in Harry Potter's class, in the same house, in the Order, even way back then. Remus manipulated it so that she was not there beside him when he was killed. That was Remus. Protecting her, always. When Khaat learned that Remus was dead, her grief knew no bounds. She became deathly ill. Her own grief damned near killed her.

"I brought her from Hogwarts, back home here. She was comatose. There is a very rare phenomenon in the wizarding world called bonding. It means to share one's lifeforce and energyforce with another. In order to keep her alive, I had to bond to her. It was the only way to save her life. We managed to get her to finish at Hogwarts, but she exiled herself here for decades afterwards, still grieving for Remus.

"Rob bonded to her one terrible night when one of Khaat's spells went wrong and nearly literally blew her apart. He kept her alive and didn't realize what he had done. It was out of his great love for her. But when he left her shortly after their wedding, it was too much for her.

"Remus appeared to her during the time Rob was gone. I wasn't surprised. Her grief at Rob's distance was killing her again and resurrecting her grief for Remus. When we buried Remus, I made sure his signet ring was on his hand. When he appeared to her this winter, he left that ring with her. She brought it back to me. It still had Remus's energies in it. I took a chance on implanting that ring in her chest, near her heart. hoping it would help fuel her. I have no idea if it has any effect or not. But I'm not willing to say its not.

"Khaat understands a grief that goes so deep, it is literally a killing thing. I'm not minimizing your grief over Janet. I'm just saying that she truly knows what she is talking about."

OOC: please note that "bonding" is not an approved spell on this site. not yet. i need to get darren to clear it at some point.

Steven stood up as Robert spoke he istened to him , knowing all he was saying was true "I know, she went threw all that for remus and rob, but in the end she still has some one who cares for her , you and kathrine, My family are thousands of miles away with there own problems , even my freinds are out there , so in here.." he toucxhed his chest " It feel as if I am lone, she had Remuse to tell her to go on and rob to love her, but .." he paused turning to wak back to the clearing "Im sorry I need to think, I guess im not over janet as I though I was , no matter how may time Im told to just put her behind me, its as if I can't. " he looked at Robert "as with Khaat and Remus I had a bond to Janet, but not a spell cast one, one of the heart, one that even now is still there "

He walked back to the clearing and sat down as he looked up at the stars. One shone brighter that the others but all he could feel was the ache deep in his heart one he knew should not be there not after this length of time. "Janet what should I do?" he said softly as he looked at his hands nw clasped together in front of him.