She's picking up on tiny little things. Hell, I can't even explain half of it. Some things just had to be done, there was no way around them. Does she not get how hard it is, keeping a secret like that? It pained me to lie to everyone, living a life of deceit. Yet I felt compelled to do it, to do what was right. Now, I'm getting punished for it. Life is rarely fair.
"The reason I had to keep it a secret? Well firstly, the only other Order members that were open were Jess and Matt. The reason they were hired was because of their skills. Hell, I wouldn't have been hired if they knew I was an Order member. It was a very long time ago, when the Death Eaters were controlling Hogwarts - everyone had to be careful about what they said and did.
"Secondly, how were they supposed to know if I would or wouldn't be a good teacher, then later on Head of House? That leads me onto my next point, on how I wouldn't have been promoted if I had revealed that about me. Think about the recent Headmasters. Majere, Shacklebolt, they barely trusted me as it was, they would have tried to fire me if they knew that about me!
"Next, there are no plans with the Order to kill you, torture you, or harm you in any way shape or form. As an Order member, I can say we only kill if it's someone like you-know-who and we don't do torture. We're not like the Death Eaters. We fight for what is right. I don't know why on earth you think that we are planning to do anything of the sort.
"Finally, I don't know what else I can say to you. I've told you what happened, I've told you why I had to keep it a secret. I have no idea why you think it's all been because of you. I've honestly thought of you as a close friend of mine for the past few years and I really hope that this doesn't come between us."
It was like Jemma was giving a speech, she seemed to go on. Still, she was trying to do her best to make it up with Gabrielle. Thoughts were buzzing around in her head, she couldn't make them stop, however much she tried.
What can I do? What can I say? No action, nor phrase, seems to be able to change what Gabrielle thinks. She's always been stubborn. Then again, so have I. I just really hope she doesn't stay mad at me for long. I can't bear this. I need friends. I'm struggling to live alone, without being surrounded by people. The fact that one of my closest friends seems to hate me, is just awful. At Hogwarts, I always longed for time alone. Now, it's clear that I need people to be around me.
by Guest Mon Feb 08, 2010 9:34 pm
