"Uh, no," Michael said to Jack's suggestion. "Thanks, but I think not."
"Take your time, Michael," Brian said. "I know what you want to do, and its great. Khaat and I support it. But there's no hurry, really. I'd rather you make sure whoever you hire is the right person."
"Let's be honest, Brian. I'm 62 with two identical twin boys that I have no clue what to do with," Michael said.
"Not while they're this age, but they do eventually get past potty training. They can eventually feed themselves too and can even talk. That part does get easier. You can deal with the boys once they get through that part. We have a lot of help here, so don't let yourself feel pushed to hire somebody just to get it done right away."
"Thank you, Brian," Michael said. He wasn't going to talk to anyone about the burden it felt like. As much as he loved the boys, this wasn't his thing. He hadn't ever wanted to marry, and he hated Maddie for abandoning everyone without a syllable. His hatred for her grew by the day, every time one of the boys cried and they had no mother to hold them or comfort them. He was going to try to be a good father with whatever life he had left. But he had no clue about babies, and he certainly was never going to have a clue about being a mother. He had had enough of a hard life himself. He would be damned if he would let his boys suffer in the same way.
And now he felt pressured to hire some nanny almost immediately. The idea had only been sprung on him this morning, and now the folks at the estate seemed to be pressuring him about hiring some woman he'd never heard off the same day they'd given him her name. A part of him wanted to just let Brian take the boys for a couple days and let him buggar back of to his cottage in Hogsmeade for a moment's peace to think. Robert had talked to him and provided immense encouragement and reassurance.
"Get a good night's sleep, Michael," Robert said. "It'll all look better in the morning. When was the last time you got to sleep through the night?"
"The last time I left the boys here," he said. "And that was about the last time I got to clean my house too."
"Well, maybe we need to get you a house elf too," Robert said. "Or just send Suki and Dottie over for a part of a day to get you caught up. I think everyone here understands that frazzled feeling. You know, I bought some cuban cigars at Christmas. Maybe we should try them after dinner."
"Cuban?" Michael frowned. "How the hell did you get those?"
"You're not the only one who knows how to acquire a couple of the finer things in life," Robert grinned. "Saved them for a special occasion, and this seems as good as any."
"Just getting a chance to smoke one is enough of a special occasion to justify it," Michael said. "Count me in."
"I thought you might," he smiled. "We'll leave the little ones to the younger folks and we'll have the evening to ourselves."
When dinner was done, Michael excused himself from the table. Brian watched him for a moment, watching him leave. He looked older and more tired tonight to Brian. He looked then at Robert who was finishing the glass of iced tea he had.
"Don't worry, Brian," Robert said, "I've got him. He'll be alright."
"What you all don't know is that he's been seriously thinking of just giving custody of the boys to Khaat and me," Brian said. "What keeps him from it is how much he loves the boys and how much he knows they're the only blood family he's got left. He feels incompetent and incapable of something that he thought was supposed to come naturally. He's not doubting the need for a nanny, but he's completely insecure as a father in every way."
"He's hurting," Robert said. "He feels like he wasn't a good husband or Maddie wouldn't have left him. And that's not true, of course. The damned law put them together, not love or any definition of it. He feels like he failed with his relationship with Alete. That wasn't his fault either. Alete just was emotionally unstable. I have her in St. Mungos now but I don't know if she'll ever be stable enough to get out of the psychiatric wing. And she was probably the only woman Michael ever truly loved. Now he feels like a failure as a father too. He doesn't want to fail at his choices with the boys, either with choosing a nanny, or, if that doesn't work, letting them go."
"He's not going to have to let them go," Brian said with fierce determination. "He wants to be a dad, and I promise he's going to get to do that. If It doesn't work with a nanny, I'll work it out with him, but those boys are going to know and love their dad."
"And I will help him interview a nanny," Robert said. "I've put together a list of candidates, and I'm working on sending owls to the top five. Ms. Barlow is one of the five who will get an owl. I'm hoping one of the five will work. If not, I'll go farther down my list. And that brings me to a simple request. Jess and Jack, could I get you to go to Michael's place tomorrow and go through it? Clean it, put things in order, and if there's any repair work that needs to happen, can you catch that up for Michael? Also, check with Snidely about Michael's food supply. He's very rigid and particular about what he keeps in the house. I would imagine he's got a standard shopping list someplace. Snidely can find it for you, and you can put in an order for them for him? Maybe Lizzie would fill that for you and have them sent. A little pick me up for him is certainly in order. And, if you can think of some things that might pamper him, go for it. I'll go into Flourish and Blotts tomorrow and see if they did any good with the rare books that I asked them to find for me for him. What do you think you two?" he looked at Jess and Jack. "You willing to help me to lift his spirits a bit?"