No chance for fate; it's unnatural selection

Shylock scowled. The only reason he was even here was because he'd found himself so tempted to skip his daily potion. It had taken fifteen minutes of dithering this morning before he finally forced himself to pour it into his coffee and then another half an hour to drink it while watching the morning news. The coffee was stone cold by the time he finished.

"You mean put on more weight," Shylock murmured. Still not looking at the healer, now his gaze was occupied with the seam of his jeans. He picked at a loose thread.

"No," he replied decidedly. "I think I worry him a bit. That's why it's such a mind-fuck."

He looked up to eye Lupin, just knowing what was coming next was going to be painful.

"I do work with his girlfriend, though," he added, trying to sound bored. "She's very petite, if that's at all relevant."

"Yes. I stand corrected," he said. He listened to Ashcroft carefully, thinking about not just what he was saying but what he wasn't saying.

"So, it sounds risky either way. You can take a risk and see if you can have the relationship that it sounds like you'd like to have and risk extending yourself and all that it means for you, including letting go of some of those darker things--whatever they are--that compromised your bodily systems to begin with.

"Or, you don't take that risk, and, it seems to me that if you do that, it leaves you where you've been, alone in that darkness. Familiar as it might be, it doesn't seem to be where you really want to be.

Ashcroft had never been forthcoming on exactly what had happened to him or by whom, but it didn't seem that whatever had contaminated his energies had been something that he'd entered into voluntarily and fully informed. Most people wouldn't, anyway.

"What is it, exactly, that you don't want others to know about you?" Robert asked. "Whatever it is, it seems to be toxic as hell. I can see at least that much." Robert did know something about that gap between what one wanted and what one thought possible. He wasn't going to get into that with Ashcroft, but it wasn't something he ever wanted to have to repeat in his life.

Robert Lupin was a man full of surprises.  For someone so apparently conservative, he didn't raise an eyebrow at Shylock's preferences.

Shylock frowned again.  The way Lupin insisted on talking about darkness was irritating.  If what he'd picked up on was just their parents' tinkering, then Shylock didn't think it was all that dark.  Morally dubious, yes, and if he was being impartial there was probably an argument for neglect, but calling it dark magic was going a bit far.

"There are lots of things I don't want people knowing about me," Shylock smiled.  "But if all this darkness thing is what I think, I couldn't tell you anyway."

"What makes you say it's dark magic, anyhow?" he asked.  "I don't think it was."

"That's interesting," Robert said casually, as if he were going to brush the whole thing aside. It wasn't all that dark to Ashcroft, but Robert was certain that when he'd assessed Ashcroft before he'd seen some sort of influence that had tinkered with the young man's magical systems and not for the better. Either whoever had done it was an imbecile or they'd been involved with dark magic. Either way, it surely hadn't been light energy that had done it.

On the other hand, the relationship issues he was struggling with wasn't necessarily a magic issue. Robert had not ever considered Ashcroft to be a simplistic person anyway. He'd pegged him to be complex, intelligent, repressive. It didn't matter to Robert what Shylock's preferences were. He wasn't the first person he'd seen with a tendency to think about some fluidity in his relationships. It wasn't Robert's style, but he wasn't going to judge someone else for it.

"You know, relationship triangles can sometimes work if everyone willingly goes in eyes wide open," he said, choosing to drop the thought as just a random observation, whether or not it had entered Ashcroft's thinking. He didn't figure he needed to tell him that triangles created in secret were extremely combustible.

Now, that got a smile. The kind of indulgent smile an adult might use to a precocious yet naive child.

"Thanks for letting me know," he said, quirking an eyebrow. "It's not like I've done this before or anything."

He supposed it wasn't Lupin's fault if he assumed Shylock would be nervous about an unusual relationship dynamic. Most people would be out of their comfort zone in that situation.

He thought back over the rest of the content of this conversation. His almost-relapse. His relationship. His supposed dark side. But Lupin had really latched on to the relationship, kept coming back to it as though it was significant.

"You think I'm trying to please Selwyn," he stated, before a hand flew to his mouth and his eyes widened. He'd not meant to mention his name.

"I don't think that's necessarily the case," Robert said, not focusing on the name dropping. "Most people aren't entirely altruistic. I don't know that I've met anyone entirely selfless. I think this is more about you and whether you're measuring up to your own expectations."

Okay, so that had been understatement. The truth was that Robert hadn't met any saints. He'd come to believe sainthood was one of the largest myths of humanity. Human biological and psychological design made everyone lean more towards egocentrism. He knew he himself fell into that, and so far, he didn't see Shylock Ashcroft departing from it either.

Robert was noticing there was a flavor to these discussions with Ashcroft that seemed to involved both active avoidance and some attempts at fishing. For his own part, Robert knew he'd had to do some fishing of his own in order to try to be informed enough at least to be able to meet the need that Ashcroft had come to address.

Ashcroft had spent a good long while, it seemed, in perfecting his dance that helped him to go through the motions of what he took to live his life. Whether it was seeing medical providers or perhaps getting others off his back if they prodded him too much, it had the appearance a well choreographed, well constructed defense system to keep himself safe, and perhaps some intellectual curiosity about others.

If things were all going well, he wouldn't be here, and though he had a few disjointed pieces of things that Ashcroft was unhappy with, Robert felt like he was being more avoidant than usual. He doubted that was good.

Shylock twisted his hand to bite at his knuckles, eyes never leaving Robert Lupin's face.

He had never been a big gambler; those kinds of games were rigged, therefore they weren't worth learning.  But even he knew what a tell was, and sometimes the biggest tell was no tell at all.  So when Robert reacted to his accidental slip by acting as though he hadn't even heard, it only served to make Shylock even more anxious.

Shylock had no idea whether Lupin knew Selwyn.  He'd been hedging his bets by not mentioning him by name.  They'd both been in The Order so there was a fair chance that even if Lupin didn't know him, he probably knew of him.

Now, Lupin was talking about altruism and selflessness and all those other Gryffindorish traits.  Shylock simply continued to worry at his knuckles. It was almost painful that the man could talk about people not being selfless and still not comprehend that sometimes, the most selfish thing a person could do was make someone else happy.

"Do you know him?" he asked when Lupin was done with his speculation.

"Selwyn?" he asked, seeing it was important for Ashcroft to know. Ashcroft was about as insecure as it got about this subject, and Robert had no intention of playing with the facts about it. That was neither right nor fair. He shook his head slightly.

"No, don't think we've ever met," he said, honestly hoping it relieved Ashcroft a little. "Not that I recall. I've heard the name, and I read that he's teaching at Hogwarts this year. That's the extent of it. I tend to remember the names of who's signed on at the castle because its one of those need-to-know things for me. I generally don't need to know more than that, though, not unless something goes sideways out there. I've got enough on my plate without doing Rookwood's job for him."

There weren't that many Selwyns around the area, so he presumed he meant Thorfinn. He didn't know of any other. If he had the wrong Selwyn, he figured Ashcroft would set him straight. He was also sure Ashcroft knew his legal rights to privacy. Robert had no intention of violating that. Unless there was some legal reason that compelled Robert to do otherwise, Ashcroft's information was safe with Robert.

"Uh huh."

Shylock didn't know if that was what he wanted to hear. It didn't really resolve anything for him and certainly didn't make him feel better.

"Then you'd be too busy to talk to anyone on the Board of Governors as well, wouldn't you?" he asked.

"Because if he starts getting howlers or something..."

Shylock didn't bother to finish the sentence. They both know where it was going. And to be honest, he had no idea whether threatening Lupin would even be effective. The man got death threats all the time, by people far more capable of carrying them out than he was. Privately, he suspected Lupin would be more concerned if he said the stress would make him starve himself.

It took a bit more than usual for Robert to not roll his eyes at Ashcroft. He did find himself frowning a bit at him.

"What?" he asked. "The Board of Governors? Why would I do that? If I have something to say, I'm direct about it. I'm not typically known for taking the long way around the proverbial barn. If I have an issue with you, I'll talk to you directly unless you direct me otherwise or unless you're somehow incapacitated, in which case, I would talk to whoever you've designated, in your consent forms, your emergency contact person to be."

"If it matters, I've never sent a howler in my life. Not once. I'm a Gryffindor, remember? Respecting people's rights and whatnot? We're generally a fairly staunchly principled lot and we're not that apt to resort to subterfuge when a direct course would work better. You know where the lines for me legally have to be, I'm sure. Can't let you attempt to harm yourself or anybody else, etc., etc. If I were concerned about you, I would want to talk to whoever is legally responsible for you, and that looks to me right now like that would be you."