Not so ordinary after all

"Stop. Saying. That. Name."
Anger. Why was she angry? Firs of all, he made her feel stupid for what she said moment ago. There was no way she was staying here after this. Sure, she was all about drama, her life was one big drama movie, but this? Hell, baby was too much, even for her. She needed a moment to accept the fact that he wasn't kidding, and it was hard on her. Why? Because she really liked it here, she liked him. And now, she was about to say goodbye once again. His last words though, they were something like a final punch. She was left speechless.

"And I thought my life was hard." she rolled her eyes, shaking her head slightly like she wanted to get rid of this last few minutes of her life. "Do me a favor and forget everything I said about being here for you no matter what, this is too much for me." she stood up, put on jeans and long sleeved shirt, giving her best to stay calm and normal. But it was so hard, there was nothing normal about them and this. So she broke. Again. She started laughing ironically, waving her arms in the air. "I mean, I don't believe in karma! If this is some sign from the universe, I don't care!" She grabbed her wand and sat the fire on the floor in front of her, but moments later she stopped it. She was breathing a bit faster than usually, her eyes were wide opened and her lips formed straight line when she turned to Daniel. "You are an idiot! How stupid you must be to make a child to a woman you don't even know?" she screamed, pointing her wand at him. "What happened with us? We were just fine! You promised me, no obligations. I didn't sign for... for a baby. Your baby!" she covered her eyes with hands, trying not to laugh. "I can't... I can't compete with this, Daniel. I don't do this stuff. I left everything I had because I couldn't handle that much drama. I really thought you can give me what I needed. It was never just about money, it was the way you let me in without questions. You didn't care, and I was okay with that. I was safe and I was free. That was all I ever asked for." she crossed her arms standing in front of him. Eventually, she smiled, nodding for herself. She didn't say a thing, she was just watching him, hoping he'll show her the way, even though she already made a decision.

He looked at her without saying a word. What could possibly be said? She was right, he's an idiot, but he was already aware of that.
However, take care of her. Not for himself and his problems, but for her.
She walked around the room like crazy and at one point she started the fire at the center of the room. Fire?
He walked toward her to tell her to stop, that will set them both on fire but stopped in when she herself put out the fire.

"Lena .." he said quietly as he slowly approached her.
He's sorry, but can he tell her that? Would she ever believed in those words?
"Lena .. I'm sorry." he shook his head sadly, confused.
At one point, in one day, his whole life began to fall apart.
"I know ... I'm an idiot. I was drunk and ... You know that I do stupid things when I'm drunk," but this is the stupidest and most honest thing he said in the same time. It's true, he was drunk.
The girl didn't even attract him a lot, she was just fun for one night.
He shook his head in shock, almost in panic.
"You don't have to go for it. The child .. it won't affect you, I swear," approached her slowly. He put his hand under her chin and raised her head so he could look into her eyes.
The most beautiful eyes he had ever seen .. Are these eyes were always like this; blue and beautiful?
What's he doing? Does he really want this?
However, she was the only true thing in his life, no matter what does not feel anything for her.
Now, he needed something constantly for what he could catch. Something that will make his life just a little more normal.
And honestly, he knew that without her, he is nothing.
"Lena .. don't go, please. I need you here," he said honestly. He wanted to tell I need you - but just couldn't. As if there is a barrier that doesn't allow the words to be spoken.
Rather than continue the story, he hugged her, even though her hands were crossed on her chest.
He hugged her and put his face of the nigh with her hair.

All of this was one big mess. It felt like both of them kept their emotions and suddenly, they just exploded. It was getting harder to breath with every second. Helena needed some air, and he was probably feeling the same.

He kept saying he's sorry, but why? For what? Sure, he was an idiot, he made a mistake, but she wasn't the one he needed to convince. But he was constantly apologizing and she was just standing there, watching him confusedly.But, at least he stopped calling her Polina. Guessed he wasn't angry anymore, like they simply changed their roles. Indeed, this was all one bad drama movie.

"Hun, stop. Just stop. Okay? You don't need to say you're sorry, not to me at least. Maybe to Aria, but I don't have anything with this." Was it true? Probably. Actually, she had a lot to do with this, but it wasn't matter now. "I just don't understand. I never get pregnant, not that I ever wanted, and I'm sexually active as much as you are. But somehow, you managed to make a baby to a girl you met once? I mean, how many more are there? Don't you wonder? What if you have, I don't now, like, a lot of them?" she made a confused grimace letting him move her head. She saw something in his eyes, something she never saw before. It scared her, a lot. She wondered if he can see the same thing in her eyes. Even if he could, he didn't show it by now.

I need you here. Why? He survived before without her, he can do it again. Besides, he can always find some other girl to live with. Why her? She couldn't fight with her feelings no more, she needed a sign. Because she wasn't the type who would fight for both of them. Sure, if this wasn't the case, she would simply keep fighting for him as she did in past month. But she fighting with girls, subconsciously, not with... mothers.
His touch. She will miss it. She won't, she will stay. "Stop." she whispered to herself. It was beautiful but it wasn't enough, it was only physical. She could feel that with anyone. She needed more.

"Why?" she said clearly though silently, while standing calmly in his hug. "Why do you need me here?"

He looked at her in silence. She looked as if she might fall apart at any moment in a million pieces. Ironically, the fact is that he felt the same way. All choked him, the pressure of the problem is simply too strong.

For some reason, he had a tremendous need for her to apologize. He was ready to say those words as long as she doesn't realize that they are true. Unable to say anything else, just kept repeating those three words, as if they can fix all bad things.
Somewhere in the meantime, their roles were reversed. Just now he begged her for forgiveness.

Suddenly he fell silent. Her words were like a bucket of ice water. He never considered that.
What if he actually has more children, which does not even know?
Today he met Aria accidentally, but if he isn't, if he and Helena have not had a fight that morning, would he ever lgind out he will become a father? For the first time, he hoped.
He looked into her sad, broken.
"You're right, Lenny. I don't know .. .. I can only hope that this is the only child I have." he said frankly.
He always use protection, but obviously sometimes that is not enough.
Suddenly, he was angry. Not to himself, not to Helena but to Aria. She was supposed to say him for the child earlier.
He has a right to know. Hell, he's even doesn't want the child, he would talked to her somehow about abortion.
Instead, he's standing here and must get used to the fact that for four months, maybe less, to be a father.

When he hugged her, not pushed him away from her.
It is likely some kind of progress.
He hugged her stronger, as if his life depends on this hug. What he felt when he hugged her, never before has not felt that. He knows that it's not only a physical thing, but can not tell her anything, not he.
Simply, he can't be that guy she wanted him to be, but he was still too selfish to let her go from him.
He moved the little head and kissed her neck. The smell of her skin is the most beautiful smell that he had ever felt.
He was kissing her neck gently, when he heard her question.
Suddenly he stopped.
Yes, why? He knew the answer she wants to hear; three words, eight letters. But can he say that? Can he tell her that he loves her, even if it's true?
He shook his head to himself. He raised his head and looked into her eyes.
Those eyes pierced him now, stared at him almost pleadingly, and it hurt him the most.
"Because .." he paused just for a moment. He sighed deeply, "Because I love be here with you. You understand me more than any other girl. I'm sure I'll never find a girl like you," he said honestly. These weren't the right words, he knows that. But at the moment, these are the truest words he can say.

His kisses on her neck made her smile, and just for the moment she forgot about bigger problems. She felt butterflies in her stomach, which was good and bad in the same time. She grabbed his shirt, tossed her head to the side closing her eyes. And then he stopped. Great, back to the reality.

She moved a little, leaving space between them though his arms were still around her. She already knew the answer, she knew she won't get what she needed. Firstly, he wasn't the type who would have anything more than friendly connection with his lovers. Secondly, even if he did felt something more for her, he would never admit it, she knew him that well to know that he never shows his emotions. And last but not least, he never cared before, for her, in the way she did for him.

Now, he made her rethink her feelings. How she managed to fall for someone who was as distant as he was? Moving in was probably the dumbest thing Helena did in her life, and the list of dumb things she has done is the past is pretty long. But there she was, standing in the arms of her love, though she felt like she was alone there. She was prepared to his words but it still hurted when he said it.

It was it then, time to say goodbye. But before she said a thing, she pulled him closer giving him one last kiss. It was long and gentile, and in that minute of sharing her feelings and unspoken words, she felt like she gave him everything. She felt naked as all of her walls were torn down. She moved unwillingly, and while watching him like she was seeing him for the first time, she was smiling. "Thank you for all you've done for me. But mostly, thank you for being the huge part of my boring life. What I feel for you is something you'll never understand, probably, which is why I'm saying goodbye to you. I grew up in last few months, and I think you'll need the space to do the same. But Daniel, come find me when you do, because I will still love you as much as I do know." she kissed him once again before she moved away.

He looked at her, obviously she led an internal battle with herself.
He knew enough to understand what was going through her head, and her eyes said enough, more than any words.
In these eyes he saw sadness kind never before seen, but more than anything, there was disappointment, and worst of all, understanding.
She just knew him very well.
She knows that he is a person incapable for feelings. Sometimes he wondered if there is something wrong with him, if it's broken a part of his brain responsible for love and other positive emotions.

"Lena ..." he shut up. What could possibly say? His every word gives her pain, he saw it clearly in her eyes. And hell, he doesn't want make this girl suffer anymore.
Then, he made a decision. Something probably the most selfless as ever done or decided.
He'll let her go. If she can find happiness somewhere, he will allow it to her.
Honestly, now, and so can't be with her. She admitted what she feels towards him and he is terrified. He felt fear, panic, and like claustrophobic in the small space, he felt her words choking him.

She kissed him, that kiss was the most beautiful thing he had ever experienced. No girl had never kissed him like this. She has never kissed him like this.
In that kiss was all; love, hope, promise, and a big goodbye.
He looked at her and just nodded his head as if he say Lena it's okay, I understand.
He listened to her words as hypnotized and then allowed her to kiss him again.
"Goodbye Lena" he said quietly, before he stepped away from her and rolled over the coffee table.
Why did he do that? The answer is unclear.

Once again that day, goes slamming the door.
He left the apartment, went to the nearest club where he can drink.
The only difference is, he knows, when he comes back to his apartment, this time she will not be there.

"Goodbye Lena"
Like echo, the words were repeating in her head over and over again until Daniel went out. She realized she was holding her breath when he slammed the door. He will be fine, she was desperately trying to convince herself that it was true, even though she knew it wasn't. It was enough crying for today, hell it was enough tears for a month!
She made herself smile, though it felt like someone placed hot iron on her lips. Not that she knew the feeling, she only assumed it was the best description for the pain she felt while wearing the smile on her face. It wasn't matter anyways, the way she felt. When she leaves this place she will be her old self again, she will have her shield back. She will need time to find someone she trusts but she will eventually. And if needed, she will leave London forever, just like she left her first home.

Packing was the hardest. She was surrounded by the memories they made together and she gave her best to place them all in one box in her head, the one she will lock in few minutes. The one she will unlock if Daniel ever comes to find her. Lucky, Helena didn't have much stuff. Soon, she was ready to go. There was one thing she was holding in her hands. Her favourite pajama. She couldn't resist the needed to leave something behind, like a trace or reminder that she was there. That she lived there. And Daniel loved that pajama as well. She placed it under her pillow, staring at his side of the bed. If only they met under the different circumstances...
Without looking behind, Helena left. Once again.