It's finally over

Lilyanya smiled that she was free from the man who had followed her for so long. She packed her things up to leave Sebastien's apartment. It was night time and she knew that Barbra was already sleeping, she grabbed the toy she bought for her and slowly walked into her room. The toy was a stuffed bear and had a voice box in it, she recorded it to say I love you and I'm never far away. She put it on the table next to Barbra's bed and knowing that she would find it when she was back home. She finished packing her things and sighed knowing that everything was going to go back to normal now. She walked out of the room with her room with her suitcase in he hand. She went in search of Sebastien in the apartment to give him, his present in thanks of everything she did for her. She knew that she wouldn't be able repay him but maybe she might be able to help him when he needed it. She sighed wondering if she would get to see them on a regular basis because she knew that she was going to miss the both of them. She loved being around the two of them and she knew that being back at her house it would feel empty.

As she walked through the house, she tidy up a few things then walked into the kitchen. Not seeing him anywhere she sighed softly, she set his present on the kitchen table. It was a old time pocket watch that she had engraved with his name on the back. Barbra helped her pick out a picture for the inside, she had insisted that the picture have her and Anya in it. So she found a picture of the two of them and put it in the watch, she put a note under it which just said that it was for him. She walked back out of the kitchen and picked up her suitcase giving the apartment one more look. She smiled a warm smile when she thought of all the memories in the apartment. She shook her head knowing that she was simply delaying the inevitable but she really did want to see Sebastien before she left. She took one last long look around then remembered the book she had found for Sebastien. She smiled as she took it out of her cloak and set it next to the chair he usually frequented. Grabbing her bag she walked towards the front door her smile slowly fading the closer she got to the door. She grabbed the handle and turned opening the door to the outside, she looked back before facing forward once more.

Making circles out of cigarette smoke became boring after first twenty minutes. Sitting on a bench not far away from his rented apartment became boring after ten minutes. Even since he had nothing better to do outside, freezing his arse off in late evening, Sebastien O'Sullivan didn't want to go back to his apartment. He knew that Barbara would be fall asleep til the time he walks through the door, and the other cotenant, Lilyanya, well she was the reason he's outside, halfway through his second pack of cigarettes. In truth, O'Sullivan was never good at goodbyes, and he knew that Lilyanya planned to move out from his apartment today since the danger had passed. He could bet that his friend missed her old apartment, her dog, but he was too selfish to say goodbye even since he knew that won't be forever since he's back in London and can't leave it whenever he wants now when he found out he has a daughter. They'll see each other pretty much every or every other day since both of them has jobs in Hogwarts, but he got used on seeing her every day, it was a bit odd at first, but it was kind of nice to have someone around who wasn't as stubborn as Christian or as prying as Hayley.

He put a lighter in his pocket after litting another cigarette. It was his…? He stopped counting long time ago. Bastien would usually use his wand to lit cigarettes but he wasn't sure he'd do that successfully this time, without burning his face in the process, so muggle way was the only other way. It felt unfamiliar, although his father is a muggle and he was raised as a muggle til his mother's death, but that life seemed distant. Too far away in the past, buried with many other memories that came after that. The man raised from the bench he was sitting on for last couple of hours, and started walking. Not in direction of his apartment, but in the opposite direction, deciding he'll go back to apartment but only after he make a round around the block. That should be enough time for him to man up and stop acting like a child who's even more childish than Barbara, and that is not easy to accomplish. Sebastien pulled the cigarette and studied its top before dusting the ash on top of it off. He followed it with his gaze until all ash particles hadn't fallen to the ground. Standing there for a minute more, he suddenly moved towards the garbage bin. Bastien tossed now extinguished cigarette in the bin and turned on his heel, forgetting the plan he made when he left the bench, he started walking towards his apartment's building.

Turning the doorknob never seemed so loud. Sebastien entered the apartment and turned the light on, repelling the darkness that welcomed him in. Although he lived here for a year now, and didn't have enough of furniture to accidentally hit in it while walking through dark rooms, even if he had those he was too used to living there for that to happen, he didn't want to scare Barbara, or Lilyanya if she's still there, acting like a theft. He took his coat off and hanged it on a hanger next to the door. Apartment seemed empty, he wasn't sure if that was the case, though, he wasn't sure if he wanted to find that out, to be honest. Not knowing seemed like the best option, but that was never really an option, he'll need to find out. And soon.

Anya heard footsteps getting closer to the door and quickly stepped away from the door. She didn't know why she did it but she made sure she wasn't seen by Sebastien when he walked in. She looked at him and saw that he looked tired as well as something else that she couldn't quite place. So she put down her suitcase and walked towards him. She got a whiff of cigarettes on his clothes. She crossed her arms and looked at him sternly.

"Seriously Sebastien? Cigarettes?" She whispered to make sure that she didn't wake Barbra. She held out her hand to him wanting him to put the cigarettes in her hand. "Give them here. You realize how bad they are for you?"

She sighed as she looked at him wondering what he was thinking. "How many did you smoke? You smell like an ashtray." She shook her head wanting to smack him for smoking but she didn't want to hurt him if she did.

"Cigarettes." He confirmed feeling like a child who made a mischief and is about to be told a lecture so he wouldn't make it again. Who knows, maybe that was the exact thing Lilyanya should do. He slipped beside her, slightly brushing against her arm, heading for a kitchen, also known as running away under an excuse that he need a glass of water. With a glass of warm water in his hand that showed how much cold was outside as he never before opted fow warm water, he turned, leaning on the cupboard and faced Anya. He took his time before answering on her question, drowning the liquid, then filling another glass and starting to sip it, this time slower.

Sebastien pulled the pack outside of his pocket and handled it to her, already planning on buying another pack as this one was his last one. "Few."He replied calmly. It wasn't like this was the first time she caught him smoking, he was on and off smoker for more than fifteen years, currently going through his on phase, but the result was always the same. Merlin, he could call that a tradition. She would always took away his cigarettes, and he would always let her do it, although he was almost twenty eight now and there wasn't any laws that forbid him buying cigarettes as there were at the beginning, when he was underage. He could buy them anytime.

Anya felt like she was acting like a mother who's child she just caught smoking. She didn't even know where to begin with telling him why he shouldn't be smoking. She went to stand in front of him with her arms crossed and a worried look on her face. "Why were you out there smoking? Were you trying to avoid seeing me? Please don't lie to me Sebastien and you know I can tell when someone lies. I know your not good at good-byes but, why sit out there and smoke to avoid being in here?" She questioned him trying really hard not to yell at him. "You know I have to leave. I can't stay here because this is your home and Barbra's home. I don't fit in, I'm just in the way here." She walked towards the other side where cabinets were. She avoided meeting his eyes and her eyes landed on his present she bought him that sat on the kitchen table.

She looked inside that pack and looked up at him, "This is more than a few Sebastien O'Sullivan. I thought you were going to quit after the last time I had a talk with you." She said furious then narrowed her eyes at him. "How many packs did you smoke today before this one? You know what I'm getting you the patch or gum or whatever to help you quit smoking." She said throwing the pack in the trash can before walking right up to him. "Those can give you cancer Sebastien, do you really wanna do that to yourself? What will happen if you do? I don't wanna lose my best friend because of those." She paused walking away running a hand through her hair. "Merlin I sound like a nagging mother."

(Sorry for waiting. :/)

"Because smoking is...addictive?" He tried. "And I can be called an addict because I smoke on daily basics." He shifted from one feet to another than glanced towards Barbara's room, there is no light under the door so Bastien assumed she's asleep. Good. "I'm not avoiding you, this was pure coincidence." Even he thought that sounded lame, there's no way she's going to buy that, but that was only response he'll get out of him. He focused his gaze on wall clock that was above her head, it was easier than to look at her face and exhaled the air he didn't realized he was holding. "You were never in the way here." O'Sullivan watched her walking away, it was only towards the kitchen this day, but she was planning to walk away again, soon and further, and he wasn't sure why it suddenly bothered him so much.

Barely visible smile appeared on his face as he leaned on the kitchen door frame looking at his pack of cigarettes she was holding. "You always think I'm going to stop smoking after those speeches but you don't realize I can't stop." Sebastien pulled a hand through his hair, an act that often showed he wasn't entirely comfortable with a way in which certain conversation is heading. "Only that one." He looked her straight in eyes trying to make her believe him. It was a lie, but there are no evidences to prove otherwise, he gotten rid of them before heading home.

Did he want to get a cancer? No. Did he care if he'd get a cancer? The answer would be negative, no. It would probably be treatable, if not he should only figure out who should get custody of his daughter, Anya would be his first choice but he couldn't do that to her, Barbara would only fetter her in living her life to its fullest, and he wanted for Anya to have life like that, so that would left Christian like only other option, since he was definitely more grounded of O'Sullivan brothers he'd probably be better foster father to his daughter than Sebastian could ever be. Pity, but it would have been better if he died.

"You do, indeed."

(It's ok. You have school I understand completely.)

She looked at him and said, "Yes it may be addictive but there are ways to quit. It may be hard for you to quit but there are ways Sebastien." She watched as he shifted from one foot to another then looked at Barbara's room. "Yes you are avoiding me, it was no coincidence about it." She wanted to smack him for trying to lie to her but she knew that wasn't going to help anything. She looked at him knowing he was avoiding looking at her and wanted to know why he was. "Sebastien, I am. You are Barbara are family, I'm just someone who doesn't fit in with you both. As much as I love Barbara and you, I'm not family." She whispered the last words knowing that she would have to leave them. She looked at him willing him to look at her and tell her why he said she wasn't in the way as well as why he was avoiding her. "Please tell me why you are avoiding me and don't give me the you don't like good byes."

"Yes you can stop, you just have to try. I don't want to lose you." She said as she saw him run a hand through his hair. She narrowed her eyes at him and crossed her arms, "You are such a liar. You smoked more than one pack tonight. You forget that we've been friends for a long time and I know when you are lying to me so why try?" She said her arms still crossed as she moved forward towards him stopping until she was a bare two feet from him. "Tell me the truth Sebastien."

When he didn't answer her questions she sighed and looked at him dead in the eye. "If you leave you'll leave Barbara behind. You'll leave Christian, Hayley, your aunt. Does that matter to you? I don't want to lose you because your too damn stubborn to try and quit smoking." She said wanting to scream at him but she didn't want to wake Barbara up from her sleep. She sighed softly and began pacing the floor in the kitchen which only happened when she was agitated with something. She stopped pacing the floor and looked at him, "I can't lose you Sebastien."

She laughed softly when he said that she did sound like a nagging mother.

Pancakes! Sebastien moved toward kitchen cabinet and started pulling bowls and ingredients for pancakes. This way he won't need to look into Lilyanya's eyes while they talk. Pancakes would occupy him, he couldn't sleep anyway, so he might as well do something useful, even if that meant making pancakes in this early hour. "I'm not avoiding you. What made you think that?" Just sufficient quantity of interest coloured his voice, enough to make him interested in conversation they're having but not enough to make him suspicious. He broke the eggs and put them in bowl while waiting for her answer, in truth he wanted to hear it, to know exactly where he made mistake that made her suspicious. Sugar and fluor followed the eggs in the bowl, some of the fluor finished on his clothes, leaving white stains on dark fabric, but he did nothing to dust it off.

Sebastien listened Anya's next words with his back turned to her, that way she couldn't see emotions glittering in his eyes. His arm slightly trembled while he mixed the ingredients with wooden spoon, mixing it with magic made pancakes taste like rubber, so he clenched the spoon some more and mixed it harder. The mixture was finished long time ago but he used it as his personal punching bag. Lilyanya told all the wrong words, although they weren't blood related, he consider them a family, he loved her as much as he loved Barbara, or Christian or Jenna, her DNA couldn't change that.

"Maybe I don't want to stop smoking." It was wrong, he knew it, it might lead to cancer, the same disease Barbara's mother died from. It would be cruel to continue knowing Barbara could lose both parents the same way, even knowing that, he didn't have enough will to stop. He put the spoon in the sink, pulled the pan out and put it on the oven. Instead of litting the flame he turned his back to the sink and looked at Anya. "I'm not going anywhere."

Anya stared at him when he started pulling things out to start what looked like pancakes. She sighed softly knowing it as an avoidance tactic and wondered what it was that he was avoiding. Hearing his question made her laugh, "Everything your doing Sebastien. First staying out there for Merlin only knows how long then now how your making pancakes. Your avoiding something but you obviously don't trust me enough to tell me anything anymore." She said softly feeling hurt that she may be losing her best friend and she wondered if it was because of what happened recently. "I know your a guy and everything but please Sebastien tell me what is going on? I feel like....like.." She couldn't finish the sentence as she leaned back against the counter trying to muck up the courage to say the words she dreaded. The truth was she felt like she was losing him to something she couldn't see or even help him with.  "I feel like I'm losing my best friend."

She knew that she had to get an answer out of him but she didn't want him to get angry with her. She saw him mixing the pancake batter harder and knew it was gonna take a while to get him to talk to her. She reached down and began taking off her shoes dropping them on the floor of the kitchen. She walked up to him from behind and hugged him around the waist. Her head rested between his shoulder blades, she only hoped that he would reject her embrace. She wanted nothing but to see him smile and knew that she should press him about talking. However she knew that it would eat her up if he didn't tell her why he kept avoiding her and she didn't want that. Not with him.

She moved away after he started talking and knew nothing she said was going to change things. She sighed and said, "Ok. If you don't want to stop at least cut down on how much your smoking." She gave up fighting him on it when it seemed like an endless fight with him. She only hoped that he would quit sooner rather than later so that he wouldn't get sick from them. She ran a hand through her hair then looked at him when he said he wasn't going anywhere. She didn't know what to say so she walked back up to him and again wrapped her arms around him, her head tilted towards his arm.

(I'm going to send you a PM with explanation right away. )

Sebastien stopped moving and closed his eyes, still standing with his back turned to Anya. Is she right? Did he changed so much without realizing it? He could think of any situation where he acted differently than he'd usually act and couldn't find anything. He felt like the same person he was yesterday, a week ago, even years ago. People say you become bolder as you age, but even after turning twenty eight, he still waited for that rush of boldness to come, or it completely skipped him. He was the same man she met when they were eleven, maybe not so boyish anymore but the same, so why she felt like she's losing him, then? More important, was she losing him?

"I'm not avoiding you." His voice was dull, empty, how couldn't it be when he was lying? She was right, and she had every right to be pissed as hell, if he was on her place he'd already go ballistic three times, at least. The question is – for how long could he continue lying without losing his mind? Bastien was already busted, he knew that Anya will notice something was wrong, she knew him that well. That was the main reason he was keeping his distance lately. It was better to lose her completely than to ruin her life, now when this thing with that bastard who turned her was over, she didn't need his help anymore, she didn't need him, he found himself needing her instead. Cigarettes were just a way to occupy his hands and an excuse for fresh air and some time spent alone. If only he could escape his thoughts that easily!

"You're right. I'm avoiding telling you something." He turned and faced her, she deserved to know at least something, she deserved the truth, in fact, but that was something he couldn't tell her, not the whole truth, at least. "In fact, I'm avoiding you because I'm avoiding to tell you that." He laughed bitterly, he spend hours avoiding this conversation and even censored version tied knots in his stomach. "I'm not doing it because I hate you," the reason is just the opposite, he finished in his mind, he felt it would be too selfish to say it aloud. "I can't... I can't tell you why. It's better this way, you need to believe me that. You should also know that I would never be able to tell you the reason, you may hate me because oft hat but it won't change anything." Sometime, during his speech he dropped his gaze, looking anywhere but in her eyes because it was easier to say everything he wanted to say without looking at her face. If he looked at her the whole time, he'd loose courage somewhere along the way and would never be able to tell her things she wanted yet shouldn't need to know.