Like It's Do or Die

It was entirely possible that Ana had lied. When she had said she was going to turn over a new leaf, she quite probably - quite definitely - had not done so. It wasn't that she didn't want to have her peace with Marcus. Most days she did want that. But she could not being granted such things while Hayes and that redheaded snitch were on her case. They didn't have enough proof. Of that she was sure. But as a member of the Wizengamot, she could not have anything to do with her own trial. So it would be up to Marcus, if he chose to forgive her. She wasn't completely assured in the idea that he would decide to do so. But she needed that possibility. Otherwise, she wasn't exactly sure who she could turn to.

So the owl had been sent off and her plans for the day - which, surprisingly, she had several meetings she was meant to tend to now that she was back in the Department of Mysteries - had been cancelled or pushed back. This was far more important. For all she knew, the other two were planning something, and she needed to be ready to best them. Her door was closed but unlocked, half expecting him to just barge in when he found the time. Her letter had been, if nothing else, impatient and anxious. Surely he would pick up on that? She didn't mean it to sound demanding so much as a desperate request for help. She had acted on instinct, and there was a chance that she could get into more trouble if she didn't have someone influential on her side. Or, at the least, someone better than whomever Hayes got on his side.

Marcus was a bit surprised to get the owl from Ana.  He had known what he wanted in his life--a future with Ana. He wanted to finally ditch The Harpy and build a better life for his children, for hers, and for theirs. Okay, so the Yours Mine and Ours thing was a bit trite, but he had so few dreams left. 


He'd bought the house, a house big enough to fit a rather large platoon.  Big enough for the two of them, all the kids, with room to grow. He and his parents and his children had welcomed Poppy as part of their own as if she'd always been there.  He and Poppy had exchanged letters every week without fail.  He had relished every opportunity he'd gotten to spend with Poppy throughout her first year at Hogwarts.  From where he stood, it was the life he'd always wanted and never thought he could have. The only obstacle was Ana.


They had somehow cooled, and it hadn't been on his part.  It had been on Ana's. He didn't know why.  He hadn't pushed, but he figured this was some icy way of a "Dear John" maneuver.

Weeks without a word, and now the owl in his hand seemed to have some unusual immediacy to it. He was going to be a wee bit late.  When he did arrive, though, he was consummately professional, impeccably polished, faultlessly poised. He hadn't intended on turning heads, but some heads did turn, mainly the female ministry employees. He gave them no fuel to talk.  He heard the mutterings, though, the soft whispers. That's Marcus Belby.  Oh, yes, the bodyguard for Khaat Lupin. Well, he could guard me anytime.

He resisted the temptation to roll his eyes in irritation. He remained exceptionally professional and made his way to the Department of Mysteries. He knocked on Ana's door lightly as a rhetorical gesture. After all, she was the one who summoned him. He was determined to show there was nothing wrong. They were all good, weren't they?


"Looking for me, were you?" he asked.

Ana looked up sharply as the door opened, suppressing the urge to sigh audibly. She had gotten into some serious messes, but this one took the cake. "I-" she attempted, standing to greet him. "Yes. Thank you for coming. I probably interrupted something, sorry."

She frowned slightly, realizing that he likely knew her well enough to notice how uncomfortable she suddenly felt. Her main concern, really, was that she would have to tell him the entire truth. The very idea of doing so made her stomach flip. He seemed to have a bit too much of that good-guy streak that Ana seemed to lack.

"Marcus," she tried again, stepping forward to close up some of the space between them. "I'm in trouble. And I know that you love Poppy. But if something happens, and things don't go my way, I want you to look out for my son. Please. I can't even imagine leaving him to deal with Pavel. I meant to tell you, but I've been working on... on divorce papers. And in the middle of that, I found out that any sort of life I wanted for myself or my children was being threatened. So.. well, I acted out, too. And I can feel the- the wave of retribution heading my way.

"So I need you to promise to look after them if I can't."

He saw her jump when he went in. That wasn't good. He knew her too well. She wouldn't be touchy or jumpy unless she had reason. She was in trouble again somehow. 


"You didn't interrupt anything," Marcus said, closing the door behind him.  She confirmed what he suspected--she was indeed in trouble. But then her remarks seemed unexpectedly dark. She was discussing custody of her children. Not just Poppy but Anton too. He didn't disagree that neither child could be entrusted to the likes of Pavel any longer. Pavel was a knob.


"You know I'd rather have them with me than with Pavel any time," he said with a slight smile. "Anton is a bright lad. And, so you know, I just sent Poppy her third package of stationery.  She's written me and my parents every week without fail.  You've done a wonderful job of raising both of them. They're better with you, though."


Of course he'd help with them. He'd been meaning to ask her about Poppy himself but somehow it hadn't ever been an opportune moment. He had done his best to step up and provide for anything Poppy needed. He wanted to share custody of Poppy with her. He hadn't expected her to ask him to help with Anton, but Anton was a great kid.


Besides that, Marcus was thoroughly loving any chance he got to provide her not just what she needed but also some of the things she wanted, and he often included some small thing for Anton--a package of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, a quick quotes quill, just some token remembrance.


"So let me get this straight," he frowned. "Whatever you were doing, it sounds like you got in over your head. Is that right? Why don't you start at the beginning and tell me exactly what happened? Then we can look at what I need to do to help."

"I'm glad," she replied, referring to the fact that she hadn't gotten really caused him a lot of trouble. Or, she liked to think that's what he meant. Still, he closed the door and that somehow made her feel both relieved as well as anxious. She couldn't escape now, but she had a better excuse to actually say it all.

Ana looked down at her hands as he spoke so highly of her children. She wasn't entirely sure he was correct that it was her doing, but she liked to imagine that he was right. She was proud of them, though, so a small smile did curve her lips.

That is, until he asked her to tell him the whole story. Ana sighed and leaned back against her desk. "When the marriage law first came out, it seemed to make a lot of sense. And I still stand by the fact that purebloods will continue to experience problems if they only marry each other. But that is relatively beside the point. The point is, I found out that a potioneer was working on a draught that could falsify the answer to a magical fertility test. Potentially to a Muggle version, as well. It wasn't proven that it could work for the latter. Threats and bribes didn't work. So... he was done away with, for lack of a better word. And I knew, at the time, that he was the father of one Keiran Hayes. Although the man and his wife got along and were more or less the poster children for our law, his father, Aiden, didn't want anything to do with it.

"Anyway, Hayes suspected the truth about his father, and talked to a couple of our Ministry lawyers. Miss Tierney and Mr. Malfoy found the man who had been dispatched to take care of it, who told them I had required that he do so. So I told the woman not to start any sort of battle with me. If she did, there were obvious ways that I could make her regret it, including claims that I would have after her family or Mr. Malfoys. At the time, mind you, they were engaged through the law as well. So that was a disaster. But she backed off, and when he went missing, she seemed to have dropped it. I thought it wouldn't matter again."

Ana lifted a hand to rub at her forehead before looking at him again and frowning. "Last week she started looking into it again. It's clear that they intend to push the issue again. It's possible that I panicked and had a confrontation with Miss Tierney this afternoon, on the way back to the office after lunch. So it's probable that they'll have after me all the more because of it."

He listened, but the first thing he picked up on was she was doing that thing again. That same old thing she used to do when she was trying to admit to something she didn't want to get in trouble for, as if by not admitting it even to herself it would all go away, or as if it would tarnish how she looked in his eyes.  As if that would happen anyway.  He recognized the talking around and around it all to avoid coming straight out with it.


After her explanation, he was forced to do that same old thing he used to do, too, not that he liked it. She went where she went out of insecurity, he knew that, but to keep up with it, he had to slow down all her racing thoughts when they entered his head.  He had to re-process it all at a normal speed to get to the point where he'd filtered out all the extraneous stuff to reword it into whatever the bottom line was. 


That meant he needed a long moment to replay it all, fragment by fragment, and boil it into whatever it was she was trying not to say. He walked over to a chair, and lighting a cigarette, he sat down casually, still thinking. Then he realized it, the cigarette was as much a part of this periodic deja vu as anything else.  Lord, how much certain things just stayed the same, no matter how the years had separated them at times.  He inhaled the first puff of the cigarette deeply, trying to find her bottom line.


Marriage law. Codswallop. But he wasn't going to debate her right to still put stock into some flawed science. This wasn't the time.  What did disturb him now was how deeply Gideon Pierce had evidently woven some convoluted idea of the greater good into Ana's head and how she had been willing to go to every length to make it happen. Every time he saw Pierce's hand indirectly screwing with someone, it made Marcus hate the man even more. Pierce had used his charisma to blind a lot of people to do all sorts of things they wouldn't normally do, and Ana had apparently been just as blinded to follow his philosophies, no matter the cost.


Including ordering the murder of Aiden Hayes, complicated by a little bit of blackmail, and now it had all seemed to blow up in her face.  She was in trouble, and since it was already in the hands of ministry attorneys, it seemed like it would only be a matter of time before Ana would be brought up on charges.


"Ana," he said quietly, thoughtfully, offering the only critique he would give, "sometimes in promoting or protecting the greater good, people will die.  Its just a given. If, though, you have to work to cover your tracks, there's just the slightest chance that perhaps there was a misstep in it. Next time, come to me before you do this sort of big leap by yourself, would you?  Still, you're not without a defense, but you certainly will need someone knowledgeable in doing it."


He hadn't flinched at the fact that she'd killed a man.  He wasn't going to actually come out and say that it wasn't what bothered him. Not really. He'd been responsible for more than one death himself but he had always been the government's hired gun to do the task.  What bothered him was the thought process that appeared to be behind it, the desperate situation she had apparently felt she had been all alone in, the need to make a choice that was brought about by being almost brainwashed into someone else's political goals. Much as he had hoped to hear that there was a direct order from Pierce to eliminate Hayes, he wasn't hearing that Pierce had actually asked her to kill anybody. It sounded very much like she had chosen to do this of her own accord, but believing it was indeed in the protection of the greater good.  That was certainly trouble that she couldn't just walk away from, and, he couldn't just walk away from her. No wonder she was talking about custody of her children--his daughter and her son that he was already so fond of. Without an impeccable defense, Azkaban certainly could become a part of her future.


"Alright," he said, moving into contingency planning, "so let's get our steps in the right order, shall we? You'll need a good defense representative. I can arrange that and do it quickly.  As for the children, let's prepare for the worst and pray we don't ever need to use it. It certainly wouldn't be hard to discredit Pavel as a fit parent. At that point, you'd be the sole custodian of the children.  Unless I file for paternity of Poppy, which I certainly am not opposed to doing. I want her to be mine.  I believe you also might have the option of naming me Anton's guardian in the event something hinders you from parenting. At least, then, we can focus solely on you.  And, I think I could get the issues about the children pushed ahead sooner--if that's what you want to do."

Ana didn't like the feeling of being back where they had started. Sure, there was a moment of nostalgia for the good times. But just looking at him, she could feel her past mistakes, her dealings with Pavel when she shouldn't have even bothered. It was laid out before her but he spoke and broke the moment, bringing her back to the present.

It wasn't as though the woman didn't have a conscience, after all. She didn't like watching people suffer with dreadful matches. It was scientifically proven that the future of their world was in danger in the same way that Muggle royalty had so many years ago. It may not have been the best way to go about it, but she wasn't necessarily wrong in her prediction just because others could not see it.

Still, Marcus was right to think poorly of her. Ana knew that. At the time, however, she had been granted even less protection than she thought she was offered more recently. At least now he seemed to be on her side, didn't he? That was definitely something that she needed right now.

"Well, at the time, Marcus, we weren't exactly speaking. Why would I have gone to you?" she asked uselessly. It wasn't worth arguing the point but she was feeling defensive and it just escaped without her thinking about it. Releasing a sigh, she added on, "I will next time, I promise. But I would rather not have a next time to worry about."

When he spoke about taking on partial guardianship of the children, Ana could only stare at him. It made sense. Of course it did. She was working on a divorce from Pavel, and Poppy was genuinely Marcus's. It would not be strange to include Anton in that attachment to the man in front of her. But what about his time with the woman he claimed to so badly dislike? Ana was the 'other woman' in this scenario, all over again. There was no denying that. That didn't mean she wanted it, though. She wanted him, and she wanted protection for her children. Despite Marcus's belief, she had never been the mother they wanted or needed. Poppy seemed closer to Marcus than she was to Ana, after only knowing the man for a series of months.

Nevertheless, introducing him into their lives in that way opened up a world of hurt for Ana if he changed his mind about her. The dark-haired witch turned her gaze to the carpeted floor of her office, her eyebrows pulling together slightly. It wasn't a question of if she was going to agree to it. It was just a matter of convincing herself not to ask him what would happen after the trial was sorted out.

"Of course," she replied finally. "That makes perfect sense. I should ask Anton, just for... well, I don't want him to feel like it's forced upon him by any means. But I have a feeling he won't be opposed to it. It's something of a waiting game now, to see if they bring up a trial or not. Until then, this is definitely something we should figure out."

He saw get defensive, understanding he would surely be equally defensive if not more if he were in her place. He also knew he could well have been in her shoes more than once.  Especially when the assignment had started with:" ...The Minister will disavow any knowledge of your actions...."  


He knew what it was like to be out on that limb by oneself far more than Ana knew, and even once was more than he really wanted her to know.  He figured she guessed, but there were some chapters that didn't make good pillow talk.


He saw his mind had apparently run a mile or two ahead of hers, and now it was her turn to need a moment to catch up when he'd leaped ahead to contingency planning.

"Sorry," he sighed. "Occupational hazard."  And to a large extent, it was. He was always covering somebody's arse.  It was the thing he'd made a career out of.  Usually it was somebody else's arse, but every so often, in the process he'd had to leave his own out hanging in the breeze for awhile.

"Look," he said, trying to get back to the greater concern. "I know I don't have all the facts here, but it seems to me that it might not be as one sided as right now it feels. Anytime somebody dies, its a complicated business--regardless of the cause of death.  That being said, there are any number of reasonable defenses. Your hindsight on it is not 20/20, regardless of what you might believe, so my best suggestion is to discuss it with no one else at this point except your attorney when we get them on retainer. After that, we walk it out, one step at a time, however long that takes.


"As far as Poppy and Anton are concerned, I agree with asking Anton. I think we should ask Poppy as well. Their opinions will be important if, in discussing custody, the court wants to know what either of them want. After all, they're both old enough to have an opinion. That, and the court is going to want to know that whatever choice they make is going to be a permanent one." Court, nothing. He needed to know for himself that this wasn't all going to dissolve in front of his eyes. He needed the permanency of something in his life.

Ana did not particularly like the fact that Marcus was right about her take on the whole ordeal. Obviously she was not one to have dealt with things that he was more familiar with. But she still didn't like the idea of walking into a situation she did not understand or have any sort of power in. Surely Marcus knew her well enough by now to understand that? She wouldn't blame him if he said he didn't, but she also didn't want to find out that she was wrong.

"You're right, of course. But Poppy has taken to you so easily that I expect she's just waiting for it. I would be more surprised if she said no than if that were true."

She wanted to laugh, but how could she? Her daughter likely preferred Marcus, even if the man wouldn't admit to it. There was no reason the opposite should be true. Did Anton like either of them at all? Merlin, Ana didn't know either of her children nearly as well as she should have, did she? And now they were going to have to deal with their mother being a focus of attention again. And not in a good light this time, either. A sudden wish that she could have done something that made them proud overcame her, no matter how foolish the thought seemed.

Ana could be strong, decisive, and downright blunt when she wanted to be. Anyone who knew her during her time working around her research and the law knew that. Marcus probably knew that, too. But when it came to her failures, those traits did not apply in the slightest. Now, when she needed to find a way to explain to him her fears about the future, she didn't know how to. Ana tried to convince herself that she could just wait until the trial was over and done with before she started worrying about things more seriously. But there was too much history to consider before she turned over partial custody of her children to him - this man who she cared for but who had disappointed her. He had the potential to hold her attention just as much as her heart, if he chose to.

But he was still with that woman.

For the first time in what must have been ages, she couldn't hold in what she wanted to say to him. Instead, she pushed herself to be properly standing without support from the desk and forced herself to actually look at him while she spoke.

"So, here's the thing. I agree that their guardian needs to change. I am not arguing that in any way. I want to preface what I'm about to say with a simple agreement. It needs to happen. But that doesn't mean that we'll be living with you. Okay? It won't change what the current situation is. I won't be in that house you had set up, and they won't be coming with me. Not while you're still married to her. I can't let them see yet another crappy attempt at a relationship. They're going to end up confused and hurt by it, and I refuse to do wrong by them yet again.

"Until that changes, guardianship is all you're getting. Visits, whatever. That's fine. But we aren't going to play happy family about it."

He worked hard for a moment to reel himself in before he spoke, knowing he would most likely be over the top. He inhaled deeply on his cigarette, paused, and then let the smoke out very slowly, not saying a syllable. 


"You have got to be kidding me," he said slowly and quietly, deliberately controlled. "You seriously think you have even the slightest right to dictate to me about my marital status--which, for your information, is legally separated. And has been for well over a decade now. You work here. Look it up, for Christ's sake. Am I divorced? No. But she has no access whatsoever to my children. Period. You can look that up too. Its crystal clear in our separation paperwork. 


"Tell me. When have you ever, even one time, let me know that you ever wanted us to be different?"

He looked at her, feeling a need to weigh each word in his head before he let it spill out of his mouth. 


"There you are, married to f'ing Pavel, letting that slimy B**** raise my daughter...not his...mine....and you think you can stand in judgement on me? I'm sorry I wasn't there for you or for her, but as my memory serves, you left me! You never said I had a child with you until this past September.  I don't recall ever keeping secrets from you.


"Did you ever think, even for a moment, that I might have been there in one form or another if you had said even the slightest word? As I see it, what I am at fault at is going to bed with you, not that I regretted it. If you want to know how many days Evelyn and I have spent together in the same house or how many times I've slept with her since I left her, just ask. Its a quick answer--None. None whatsoever.  Don't think for one moment I'm going to let you use Poppy as a pawn here between us because I won't play.


"What's your real problem, Ana? The fact that we've sent owls this school year? Can you seriously be that jealous that she has a father figure in her life that doesn't exploit her? Do you think that threatens you in some silly fashion? For God's sake, I'm not her mother, nor have I tried to replace you, but I certainly have treated her a sight better than that seedy bastard you live with."