Out of the Dark

He'd watched her grip the arms of the chair--the same chair her father had been in just before her--and stand in much the same way that Rick had when he hadn't gotten what he wanted, in much the same way Hallie wasn't getting exactly the answers she liked now. The little apple certainly hadn't fallen far from its tree, and his heart ached for both the apple and the tree. He owed it to the tree to make sure he was really okay.  As for the apple, she needed the rest of the story.

"You and your mother saw what you were supposed to see, what you needed to see and believe in order to keep you all from either being used in order to draw him out and get him killed or from being killed yourselves," Robert said slowly, softly, and gently, giving her time to absorb it before he spoke again. He truly ached for what she had to be feeling. He had hoped to have a little time to cushion this for her. This hadn't been at all how he'd wanted this to happen. 

"You saw his mentors making sure, as a promise to him, as his friends, that you and your mother would be safe.  They committed to keep an eye, from a distance, over you all, to make sure you stayed safe, and from what I've been able to catch up on, they kept their promises as far as they were able. All they knew was that they were extracting him from England, and he believed it would be forever.  The only ones who truly knew what he had committed to were the Minister and your father. It was not a choice he made quickly or easily. There are a great many memos between the two of them as they asked him over and over for a decision and he repeatedly told them he needed more time. I'm convinced it took him everything he had.

"Hallie, your father has done his job, done it well, better than anyone else I know could have done. But I couldn't leave him where he was, and right now he, understandably, hates me for it.  I had no choice, and he disagrees with me with every fiber of his being.  

"His cover was blown a little over 24 hours ago--irrepairably.  He was targeted for elimination by the enemy. He was in a desperate run for his life from professional wizarding assassins, and I was the only ally he had. I made a judgement call to rescue him and sent in an extraction team.  At my orders, they brought him straight here to see me in order to get him basic necessities.  He needed a safe roof over his head, some food, some safe sleep, fresh clothes, access to some cash, his identity,...You get the gist. He needed everything. I'm providing it for him.  Whether he's happy with me or not at the moment is irrelevant. I won't abandon him. Whatever else you thought you saw, any other time you saw him, I promise he only arrived in England within the last hour or two. And, however it was you saw him just now, it's the first he's been back on English soil since the last time you saw him. I swear.

"Understand that, as Minister, I have to accept responsibility on behalf of the Ministry at that time, as well as their consequences. Its part of the job.  However, I didn't know your father then. Nor would I have supported their choices. He didn't think, then, that he had any other option either. When word reached me before dawn yesterday, I couldn't leave him to be killed. I also believe you and your mother deserve the truth, much as this isn't how I would have planned to give it to you.  I can't take back what happened, but I can open the books on it for you and your mother--and for him.

"You probably should know, to understand him a tad, that he has lived all these years entirely alone, living out of a duffel bag, except for some sporadic contact from whoever was in this office. As an Unspeakable, the only people who have known he was alive were my predecessors. That's a hellacious life for any one man to bear alone. He has been aching more every day not knowing what has happened to you or your mother from the last moment he saw you.  He wouldn't let himself even look you up in a newspaper archive for fear that he'd be seen doing it and he'd put you in unnecessary danger. To keep him in that trap any longer is inhumane. 

"Your father's mission has been, for all these years, living outside of England, in deep cover with some of our strongest enemies, living under an alias, providing classified intel, and counter intelligence.  I know of deliberate attacks on wizarding England that he's stopped singlehandedly.   He put his life on the line to make sure the rest of us didn't have to."

He had seen her tears when they first formed in her eyes.  He reached out now to cup her cheek in his hand.  "I know this is a horrible shock.  And it will be for your mother too.  He didn't want to be rescued. He made it clear that he was already a dead man, and he would have died rather than to 'ruin' your lives by coming back into it.  The man I saw this morning was less frightened of looking death in the eye than he was of encountering you and what he thinks it will do to your hearts and your lives.  He's back because I gave him no choice.  The extraction team was told I thought he would try to elude them, and their failure was not an option.  I wanted him to have a chance to see his family--even if it was from a distance.  Rick Cooper, for all his strengths, has never stopped grieving for you, and the only way I know to heal a broken man is to give him back part of what his heart won't let him live without.  

"I'll help you all, all I can. Surely, Hallie, surely you know that." He looked at her and said, "Its no secret that very few people ever, ever get into my house and get access to my family. Here's how it works. Nobody gets into my house unless they're already into my heart. You've been at my house--more than once. So you're already in my heart. You have been for a long time. I've fought alongside you and your mother. You rescued my daughter and my grandsons. Hallie, its not like we're strangers. I can't protect you from hurting, much as I'd like to, but I can help you through it."

So her Father had been an unspeakable who had been sent on a mission for the greater good, or was it actually for the greater good? Whatever it had been for it was for the Ministry and now his service was over, or at least over wherever he had been. Hallie supposed that she would never truly know what Rick had been doing on his mission as, after all, the work of an unspeakable was unspeakable, even to daughters who'd had their Fathers ripped from their families.

The anger was gone. Hallie was too angry to be angry, so angry that she had no energy or time to be angry. All that mattered to her now was that her entire life had been a life. Her Father hadn't been an auror, or not the auror she'd thought he'd been. Moreover her Father hadn't been a true member of the Order of The Phoenix and he hadn't died protecting their family. It was one big show and his greatest performance had left their family broken and with wounds that wouldn't heal, even over time they remained.

Earlier in the meeting the Minister had claimed she had gotten her strength from Rick, he had gotten her sense of self from him and since his death Hallie had thought that too, thought that until now. She'd learnt to be strong, to fight for justice, to protect her family at all costs from her Father yet the man who'd taught her those lessons had been a hypocrite. He'd agreed to leaving behind his family to what? Spy on 'the enemy'? The truth was the exact opposite of the legacy he'd left behind. Sure Rick was doing a service to his country but in Hallie's eyes he'd chosen country over family. As selfish as it sounded Hallie wished he hadn't.

Hallie would much rather have been at risk yet had her Father walk her down the isle on her wedding day, had her Father see her graduation, see her become an auror. He'd missed out on her growing up and maybe if he had been around he could have helped protect Toby in a way that she couldn't, he could have stopped him becoming a werewolf and disappearing and... Perhaps if Rick hadn't disappeared Amelia Cooper wouldn't have become an empty shell.

If the Ministers explanation had caused emotions in Hallie that was nothing to his closing words. The tears that had slowly began to dry only shimmered like ground diamonds trailing down her cheeks. It was this warmness, the compliment from Robert Lupin that made her warm and fuzzy. She felt cared for and respected in a way Hallie hadn't been for thirteen years.

Looking at the Minister, lips trembling and nose tingling, Hallie stared at the man. 'I'm not really sure how to feel.' She admitted. 'I'm confused, angry, relieved, bitter, miserable. I just-'

Once again the lump in her throat had cut her words short and a hand had raised to cover her eyes and smudging her make up - not that it wasn't already ruined, the mascara trails were evident of her pain.

'I'm sorry.' Hallie finally said, dabbing her nose on the side of the Palm. 'I shouldn't have come in. You probably have important work to-to get to and here I am crying all over the place.'

"I think, under the circumstances," he said steadily. "What you're feeling is exactly what you should be feeling. Its okay to be hurt and confused and angry and lost...Makes you pretty normal in a very abnormal situation, I'd say."  He picked up a box of tissues off the desk and offered them to her.  

"You saw him with Michael Tremaine, didn't you? I put Michael with him deliberately because he's feeling a lot like you right now.  I don't think he's likely to intrude into your lives, as much as he might be tempted to now.  I think you will most likely have time to think and then time to decide if you want to see him or not."

"As far as my morning," he smiled. "I think I can spare the time. It's fine. This honestly isn't how I wanted you to find out about him. We didn't know he'd be made.  As I'm sure you know, though, those things happen quickly, and every moment counts. I don't know that I had it scripted in my head, but having you simply catch a glimpse of him? Nah. Not my style. And given the temper tantrum he had at just being here? I don't think this was how he'd have done it either.

"Truth be told, I'd have probably tried to do it a lot more gently." He thought a moment. Then he said, "Look, its going to be a sunny morning, and its a bit warmer today. Why don't we take advantage of it and get some fresh air? Let's get out of the office and go for a walk.  Sometimes burning off all that negativity is good for the soul. Sometimes it helps me gain perspective when it feels there is none. It would do us both some good. What do you say?"  He was now resorting to what worked for him when he carried the international pressures of his job.

He saw the mascara tracks that were getting blacker.  He took one of the tissues, knowing it was hard for any woman to clear away mascara tracks without a mirror.  

"May I? I know there's no mirror here. They're going to think I gave you two black eyes. And I swear, I haven't hit anybody in a long time." He gave her a warm smile.

To hear the Minister reassuring Hallie that her feelings were natural comforted her. It hadn't changed how she was feeling, she still wasn't quite sure how to sum up the emotion into one word but it eased her slightly, allowed her to see that she was reacting in a somewhat healthy manner.

Hallie nodded in answer to the Ministers question. Her eyes were glassy and something that Robert said made her insides turn slightly. I don't think he's likely to intrude into your lives. What did that mean? Did that mean her Father didn't want to know her? That the wife he'd left behind didn't take his fancy anymore. If it were Hallie the first thing she'd want to do would be to return to the family, explain everything and beg for their forgiveness. Perhaps the blonde was more like her Mother than she thought. Maternal. Loving. Family-oriented.

'Thank you.' Hallie replied as the Minister dabbed her eyes and spoke to her, informing her that he never intended Hallie to find out that way. The auror was glad that she didn't have to talk, a rather odd thing for Hallie. Usually she'd talk about her feelings, let all her barriers down but the feeling of betrayal had only strengthened them. It was much easier for Hallie to listen.

'A walk sounds nice, as long as you're okay with that?' Hallie asked again. The last thing she wanted was for the Ministry to fall apart all because she had a messed up past and didn't know how to deal with it.

'I haven't finished the tea.' Hallie added as her eyes met the now cold mug of tea that was only a couple of sips less full. Why she was even mentioning the tea Hallie had no idea, it was a distraction, a little nugget of change to diffuse the situation in her mind, to push back a question that she was so yearning to ask the Minister.

'I should-' Hallie reached for the mug, not because she wanted a drink more to use as a comfort blanket. Her fingers coiled nervously around extracting any warmth that remained.

'Do you think he'll want to see us?' She finally asked softly.

He dabbed away the mascara. He had lost track of how many times he'd done this for his own daughter. For his wife.  This, he could do.  Comfort, he could do. Explaining, he could do. Making it right in the way he wanted to do? That was still up for debate. This was about a family that desperately needed to talk and then make its own choices. Giving them the chance to do that was all he could do.

"I'm feeling a walk would be just the right thing for both of us right now," he said, firing a spell at his closet, summoning a cloak and his own coat.  "Its too chilly to go without a cloak.  This one is one of Khaat's.  Certainly isn't my size.  Anyway, it should be close." He offered it to her and put his black wool topcoat on.

"We'll get fresh tea when we get back," he smiled.  He understood the focus on something small. He'd done it himself more than anyone knew when things got tough. It was a way to anchor to something when everything else felt gone or upside down, but he didn't want her to anchor to a cold tea mug. He wanted her to anchor to something stable, and at the moment, that was him.

"He wants to see you," he said. "I gave him an opportunity to read up on what you and your mom have been up to.  His words said no, but he took what I offered him--while he was still griping at me," Robert laughed. "Yeah. He wants to see you--more than anything else in this world. Right now, though, I don't think there's anything he's more afraid of."

He pulled a fistful of tissues out of the box and handed them to her.  "If you don't use them, you can toss them." Then he reached out his hand to her. "You ready?"

Hallie recognised the cloak, she'd seen it many of times on Khaat - mostly with the hood up to hide her face for the last time Hallie had been with Khaat she'd been heading towards the catacombs of Knockturn Alley unaware it was all part of a plan to lure her there by James Blood.

Accepting the coat Hallie placed her arms through and felt an odd feeling. Khaat was a woman Hallie had looked up to, had been inspired by how she'd risked her own life for her family. This was the sort of love Hallie had thought her Father had committed, how wrong she had been, granted it had been for her own safety but at the moment that fact was slightly clouded to the blonde.

'Thank you.' Hallie said upon taking the tissues from the Minister and placing them into the pocket of Khaat's coat that she was wearing. 'I'm ready.' She said, forcing a smile onto her face, a painful smile that was full of sadness and heartache being battled down by Hallie's strength to feel happiness in spite of everything her body was telling her to feel.

Walking towards the door the Ministers words echoed around Hallie's mind. 'He wants to see you.' The only thing was Hallie wasn't completely sure if she wanted to see her Father. One day she would want to, heck she'd need to confront him and hear his side to provide her mind and wandering thoughts with some closure but right now all the blonde needed was space and something to take her mind off things.

'I don't want my Mother to know.' Hallie said abruptly, her hand pausing halfway to the door handle.

Turning to face the minister Hallie added: 'It would destroy her, she can't know.'

He flicked his finger at the door to magically open it.  He paused a moment, choosing his words carefully.

"Hallie," he said, "Your mother won't know from me unless she comes to see me.  If she does, I won't deny it, just like I didn't deny it to you.  I won't treat her less.  However, I'm not going to seek her out to tell her either.  It isn't my place to tell her what was, and technically is, still classified Ministry information.  I could hardly deny what you saw, though, could I?"  He motioned to her to follow, and he headed outside, walking to the lifts to head to the street level.

"I suppose I could have obliviated you," he shrugged lightly, casting her a glint of amusement, "but I don't work like that. You know that.  And, it saves neither of us anything. The next time you saw him. we'd be right back at Square One.  So, here's my bottom line. He's back--at least for the moment--because I need him alive.  And I need him here."

He pressed the button on the lift.  "As I told you earlier, despite the fact that he wants to see you, I know he has no intention on intruding into your lives. Unless either you or your mother run into him by accident or unless one of you seek him out, you won't be likely to make contact with him."  He stepped into the lift when the doors opened.

"You're not the only one with issues about this, you know. He's got demons of his own.  Here's what I know. He loves you.  I don't have any doubt of that. But he isn't going to believe that he can simply show up on your doorstep and have a perfectly scripted reunion.  That isn't going to happen.  

"What I know is that you're upset, and so is he. You're having a moment, and I'm quite sure he's having one of his own. My job is to command Unspeakables, to know when they're on their game and when they're not before I put their lives on the line. The man I saw? Yeah, he's not okay.  He's having a meltdown of his own. "

The lift hit the street level and opened.  He stepped out.  "Although," he said, as if a new thought, "You're an auror and a good one. You know about interviewing suspects and the importance sometimes of getting people to lower their defenses to get the information you need.  Perhaps you ought to consider that if you really want the answers to the tough questions, you ought to consider getting to him before he recovers enough to get his defenses back up.  And remember he's been trained to rebound quickly in order to keep the mission on track. Now--what you do with that insight is, of course, up to you," he smiled at her, knowing he'd passed on a tip, a bit of advice that Rick would not thank him for.  He was telling her how to get into Rick's head, how to get what she needed from an experienced agent who wasn't at all in the mood to give it up.

Hallie listened to what the Minister had to say. It was slightly painful to here that her Father was having a meltdown but even for Hallie, someone rather adept in the art of empathy, was having trouble imagining what her Father was feeling. Lupin had a point, like her he had wounds of his own. He'd been ripped away from his family, forced to become an agent and Hallie couldn't even imagine what sort of experiences he'd endured and seen on his mission. The whole concept of her Father being alive and an unspeakable was still hard to comprehend.

The auror didn't want to talk to him, she needed time to try and get her thoughts straight but Robert was right. Now would be the best time to ask her Father the questions that was making her brain implode and Robert knew Rick a lot better than she did, which saddened her but Hallie wasn't ready, not yet anyway. Perhaps she was like her Father in that sense after all?

'I don't know what I'd say to him.' Hallie told the Minister honestly. 'I thought he'd been dead for the last thirteen years. I ... I don't know him.' Alas, Hallie was finally reaching the reason as to why she was so apprehensive about her Father. That man, the man who had raised her wasn't the man she'd seen stepping into the lift. To Hallie he was a completely different person and that scared her, it scared her and saddened her to believe that she had no real idea who her Father is and a part of her felt it would be better never knowing. A rather harsh thought that Hallie hates herself for given how much family meant to her.

'I can't even think of any questions I'd ask him, or if I'd want to know the answers. All I know is that, well, I'm not so sure what I know anymore.' If the minister could muddle his way through what Hallie said he'd be doing a better job than the auror herself. Hallie felt clueless, exhausted and as though the entire world had flipped upside down. Who even was she?

'I'm... I just need to take my mind away from all of it, focus on something else to let what's happened settle in my mind. Maybe I'll be able to understand everything tomorrow when I have a clearer head?'

In this moment and time that was the only thing that made any sense whatsoever to Hallie Cooper.

"Avoidance is an option," Robert agreed, as they headed down the street. He saw a news stand, reached in his pocket for a couple of galleons and handed them to the news stand worker, in exchange for a paper, as he continued to focus on Hallie.  

"Thank you, Minister," the clerk said. Robert nodded, tucking the paper under his arm.

"You can certainly choose avoidance," Robert said, continuing to Hallie, "if that's your style.  Personally, I've never found it particularly helpful, but that's just me.  For me, if I avoid something that makes me anxious, it only makes me more anxious. I'm better to deal directly and get it overwith. Maybe I'm a bit too headstrong for my own good, but I tend to want to go after things very directly and quickly if I need to.  And, if I need to go up against someone trained to not release sensitive information, I look for an opening. But that's just me."

"If I were you," he said, "I'd probably start with 'hello.' He doesn't know anything about you either, except what little I provided him just now. I don't expect he's had time to read it yet.  As I said, he needed a shower, a shave, fresh clothes, and he definitely needed some food and some sleep. I'm guessing the sleep isn't going to happen until his brain gets out of overdrive.  

"If I'm any judge of basic human character, Rick will rant at Michael a good long while, and, if I know Michael, he'll let him do it. Then he'll somehow manage to get Rick into a shower, and he'll make sure he gets some food.  So, you do have, probably, a little bit of time before he has a chance to regroup.  He was clearly sleep deprived, so unless you wait until he's had some rest, you'll find him far more able to shut you out.  

"Hallie, you're trained to talk to people you don't know.  If you want to know his view of what happened, ask.  If you want to know where he's been, he can't tell you that.  He can tell you how he's survived and how this has affected him.  You can choose for yourself if he's on the level.  I doubt Michael will leave him to his own devices simply because he's been too devoid of human contact.  If you need Michael's support, he'll take your cue and stay with you.  You don't have to do it alone if you don't want.  

"Even if you thought you had the questions, trust me, they'll dash right out of your head when you see him.  My best suggestion? Don't overthink this too much.  Most kids, when they lose a parent, spend the rest of their lives wishing for that one more moment, that one last conversation. You've been given that. You don't have to start a lasting relationship if you don't want to, but if you've spent any time at all as you were growing up thinking about him, asking yourself or your mom questions, then, maybe its worth a chance.  

"At some point, I will be sending him on another assignment.  You know the risks for Unspeakables is high. That's why no one speaks of them and what they really do. When any Unspeakable goes on an assignment, they don't know if they're coming back. The same way you sometimes don't know if you're coming back from a duel or not.  Don't waste your time with him while its here, because I can't promise you that you'll always have it.  I'm not a seer.  I can't tell you that. I can only tell you to use what you have wisely."

Hallie smiles politely at the man who sold the newspaper to the minister. He seemed happy going about his day to day life selling papers to make a living. His world hadn't just been turned upside down, well if it had he was doing a good job at hiding it. Hallie had tried the simple life, or a life without drama to be more correct, and for a while it had worked before she craved the rush, the emotion however it came. It was as though Hallie was hardwired to find trouble, or extreme happiness. She could never settle with just being okay. Yet if that were true, why was she wishing she'd never found out about her Father?

The minister was right, Hallie needed to talk to Rick whether she liked it or not. Sure she could wish that she didn't have the knowledge she's just acquired but she did and, after accepting that wouldn't change any time soon, Hallie would speak to her Father.

'Thank you.' Hallie said, her eyes gazing down at a pigeon scurrying in front of them before flying away upon their feet coming too close. Hallie would love to fly away but she'd hate it at the same time. The Gryffindor couldn't run from her problems, only once had she truly done that and it had ruined her, left her heartbroken and ridden with guilt. After Toby was bitten by the werewolf Hallie, in her foolish teenage mind, ordered him to leave and never come back. Thankfully she was reunited with her brother and after what Hallie did she had vowed to never hide again. The sorting hat had put her in Gryffindor for a reason.

'You're right.' Hallie replied dodging a lady with pram as they continued to walk. 'I don't know how long I have left with him before his next assignment and I need closure, I need to know what he has to say. I need answers and as much as I want to run and pretend I don't know the truth I can't hide from it. I need to know.'

Hallie paused.

'I want to know what he has to say.'