Chasing Relentlessly, I Still Fight And I Don't Know Why...

Sometimes he wondered if it was all worth it.

Living life, he meant. Was all the pain and burden worth living a life like the one he was? Maybe this is all too vague for anyone who reads this. Being a Vampire, like Ryo is, can have a lot of advantages in life but it can also have plenty of disadvantages. Having to live off of blood, and not being able to get the blood you actually need can be tough. Not to mention having to go through centuries and centuries living as though you belong in those centuries when you don't.. It gets hard. Of course, some people don't realize this.. They think being immortal is the greatest thing in the world.

Until they have to live through all the centuries and change their lifestyles as they pass.

Ryo didn't have this problem, not yet anyways, since he was from the current generation. But it wouldn't be long before he had to become accustomed to all of the changes that would be coming with the new generations and centuries. It was scary, honestly. And the scariest thing was that he wasn't the only one that would have to live that way. Maura would too, and if Ciara decided to become a full Vampire when she was older, then she would too. But he wasn't sure if he would want to do that to his daughter, but then again.. He wouldn't want her to die while he remained practically the same age when she already looked older than he did. It was just.. Something he didn't want to think about now.

But was all the problems and stress he had from his family problems and work really worth all of that? Probably not, since it didn't matter what he did because he would live forever - unless he was killed that is.. But he wasn't sure if that would ever even happen. Pessimistic thinking isn't something that will help his situation, but Ryo is a pessimist. Sadly. If he was going to be honest, the only thing that really kept him going was the hope of being able to see Ciara grow up into a beautiful young lady. If he was going to die, somehow, he was going to make sure that it didn't happen until he was able to accomplish his goal.

Today seemed to be a day of thinking, not only for him but for a few people who he passed. In shops(cafes) that he walked by, someone was always looking out the window, their gazes far away and soon enough Ryo would join them in their thinking. He entered one of his favorite cafes that wasn't too far away from where he was and he sat down at a table near a window after he ordered a drink. He sat, staring out the window as he'd seen others doing before he entered the cafe, and barely muttered a 'thank you' after the waitress placed his drink in front of him. He didn't even notice the worried expression she had on her face for him before she walked away to attend another customer.

"I hope I get to see her the way I want.." he murmured to himself.

Guilt was weighing heavy on Tobias's shoulders, and he wasn't at all sure how to get rid of it. The spiral of frustration, aggression, and then aching guilt was something he couldn't find his way out of. Snapping at Mauve wasn't how he had intended to spend his morning. But he had, and now he found himself wandering the streets in an attempt to cool off. He was being an ass, and though he knew it, he couldn't seem to stop the circle. Couldn't break the chain of events. While he and Mauve had never been as close as he and Cassidy had, it didn't mean that he cared about her any less.

A heavy sigh left him as he thought over it again, feeling the nagging guilt sink over him once more. More and more, it was becoming evident that even Tobias didn't like himself - not to mention the people that he had started insulting without fully meaning to. Most of the things he said weren't meant they way they came off, but it merely made people upset with him, and thus he became all the more upset with himself.

What he really needed, Tobias supposed, was someone who wouldn't judge him. Sure, some people said they cared, and that they could never judge him for what was happening after what he went through. But Tobias didn't truly believe it. He couldn't trust that they meant it. And the last thing he wanted was for people to pity him. That was no reason to forgive him for what he was doing or had done. He hadn't been able to help his girls, hadn't been able to stop what was happening. And now he couldn't figure out how to stop acting so poorly. He didn't deserve forgiveness.

A hand came up to push through his hair as he walked, ignoring the slight mist that dashed across his arms and cheeks. Turning his head to look at the shops he passed, Tobias's feet slowed to a stop. Ryo? It seemed that Tobias wasn't the only one having a terrible day. Though, the darker-haired man was technically having a terrible month. The only positive side he found was that he had been given a job with more responsibility. It was starting to wake him up a bit, even if it didn't stop the irritability.

He nearly decided to pass by and let the man be, but Tobias knew that if it were the other way around, he could trust the other man to check in on him. Perhaps it would make up for what he had done that morning, if only slightly. Putting some good into the world instead of all the bad he tended to lately? That sounded like a good idea to him. So he let out another sigh, pushing open the door to the café, and made his way over to Ryo's table.

"Hey there, mate," he offered quietly, stuffing his hands in his pockets almost self consciously. "I take it your day hasn't been the best?"