Greyback. The name felt like ash in his mouth. He wanted to be a Mariatos like his mother or, heaven forbid, a Brenner like that bastard step-father he’d drained the money from and framed for murder – albeit no murder was ever committed and it was a wonder at all that they convicted him. Ariel supposed that perverting the course of justice probably belonged on the list, too, so he added that. No, he’d always wanted to be his mother’s son – not his father’s. He’d wanted to be a Mariatos. He’d wanted his uncle to be his father. He wanted to love and care for Orion and Penelope like a brother, be a proper, sensible, constant human being in their lives. Human being. That all went awry, didn’t it? Disease. Disease, not curse. Disease. Disease, not a reason for everything he’d done. A handicap, yes, but not a reason, not an excuse. The litany of crimes his mother would have sobbed upon seeing were his own doing, his own choice, his own folly. He was his father’s son. Greyback through and through.
“Should’ve,” Ariel commented dryly, turning his head away, fixing his watery gaze on one of the side walls, reaching up absently to scrub at it with the cuff of his shirt.
It had been a long time since he’d wanted so badly to die. It was par for the course for him. Wolfsbane did nothing. He ran on empty. He ran with the fear that maybe he wouldn’t be able to control the dog. He ran in fear knowing that while it was probably more docile, more in control than he was, its temper was worse, more out of control. When changing, fighting against it was futile. Endlessly painful. Every bone crunching, changing, muscles elongating. In the hours before and the hours after his body always felt on fire. It aches like nothing in the world, aches like nothing he’d ever wish upon another person. He always used to want to die. Even when he was small and barely understood his own affliction, let alone the ramifications of what he begged for. He’d imposed that will upon his friend, upon Ollie, more times than he dared count. “Kill me… Oll please… just, do it. I can’t…” and he’d scream and cry and nothing would soothe him, not a slight word nor a sodden flannel he’d set to boiling with the temperature of his skin. He’d grown out of it, in part. It had been a long time since he’d wanted to die. Yet, the idea of being without his friends, those he loved, to deal with every change in chains, in captivity, without the ability to run, he found himself considering it as he sat in that metal chair, listening to his lawyer’s nails tap on the table top. Was the Dementor’s Kiss such a bad thing?
When the door opened, Ariel turned his head, stealing his hands off of his table immediately as he saw the Auror’s own stray to the shackles at his belt. Ariel hid his hands in his lap, deeming it sufficient enough to prevent the Auror from imprisoning him anymore than they already had. He lowered his gaze, eyeing the parchment with a dark stare, and listened only slightly to the conversation between his lawyer and the Aurors who seemed to take the former’s disdain for Ariel’s mistreatment as a personal slight. And here Ariel was hoping he could at least have a handful of cracked ribs before the evening panned out. It seemed as though the Aurors were hoping the same too. There was nothing better than a werewolf in chains. It seemed as though anyone could dream up a slight ‘his kind’ had inflicted upon them. Anyone and everyone could find vengeance for a werewolf mister meaner in attacking another defenceless one. Except, Ariel wasn’t defenceless. Apparently his lawyer – Miss Avariella Hudson – was that last card to play.
“Fifteen percent?” Ariel spluttered before he could stop himself. It was too much. His eyes bugged out of his head and twisted, disbelief clouding his gaze as they fell upon Avariella – upon a woman who, it seemed, was intent on fighting his corner. Fifteen percent was alright. Fifteen percent – a werewolf tax – was something she’d cover. Ariel realised then that he couldn’t really let this woman down. It wasn’t as though he could go to Ollie for money. Ollie’s small wealth was snuffed out by the impossible bail price that the Ministry had levied upon Alice – apparently intent on causing an international incident. There was no one in Ariel’s corner anymore. He was sure even his father would eagerly let him rot, content to have Naomi in his ranks instead of his flaky, human-loving son. But no, he had Avariella – ridiculous though it sounded even to him.
“House arrest,” Ariel couldn’t help but smile, his lips curling up over excessively pointed canines, revealing the animal in the human. His teeth, even the ones no designed for killing, were like razors, their straight edges bearing hidden sharpness. It was one thing he could never quite shirk off, along with the bite which, now, as though sensing the stress both man and wolf were under and the impending Full Moon, was niggling, sweating under the binding he kept it under. “Thank you,” he enthused, bringing his hands back up onto the desk, the cuff of one sleeve falling away, shedding light on the faded elephant tattoo at his wrist.
Good deeds. Ariel lowered his gaze. Saving Alice wasn’t a good deed. It wasn’t his money. Fixing Mrs Truman’s porch swing hardly counted as a good deed, either. Painting the Lewison’s fence also really didn’t count even though Mrs Lewison did appreciate the few hours where her hyperactive sons were outside occupied by Ariel giving them something to do while firmly retaining order in a way only Mr Lewison could – though unfortunately he was never home. The subsequent affair while Mr Lewison was on business on particular month probably actually got rid of all of the ‘good’ out of that deed and making sure Mrs Lewison – Peggy – felt more satisfied than she ever had done while sex was still a regular occurrence with her husband did not in any capacity count as good.
“I don’t know,” Ariel murmured, picking idly at a bit of chipped wood on the table. He reached into the pocket of his trousers, glad that the Ministry hadn’t robbed him of the beads which he had possessed since he had been a babe in arms. His blue amber worry beads were an extension of his fingers, one which had gotten him out of the habit of smoking but it had also been a reassurance to him. His grandmother had been very firm, in her ridiculous Greek-cum-English mix of language, in that he should keep the beads with him regardless of the situation – and he had done, round his neck, often, when he was on the continent. He’d not forgotten.
Rubbing one of the beads between his thumb and forefinger, Ariel let himself thing for a few moments. Unfortunately, nothing came to mind. Desperation flooded through him. He had no spin. There was nothing good that he’d done. Nothing noteworthy. There was nothing. Defending Jack from werewolves intruding on Hogwarts grounds was a poor attempt at mustering something. He didn’t bother saying it. Ariel dropped the beads onto the table top and reached up, rubbing his hand over the prisoner number etched into his neck.
“I had better get myself fitted for the uniform, hadn’t I?” He inquired glibly, sighing a little as he lowered his hands back to the table. “I’d just started to get it right, too. I had routine. I had purpose. I was, uh, the odd jobs kind of guy in town. If you ever want a wobbly table fixed, essentially I’m your man. I cooked the dinners in our flat – hence the offer which I now am tempted to insist upon if this house arrest appeal stands. And I suppose I was beginning to forget what had happened because I was with friends again and they give me the luxury of seeing me, not the dog. So, I suppose in getting caught or picked up or whatever it was… the Aurors took their chance, I suppose. Because I was stupid. You know, if you start to be treated like a normal human being, you do begin to become one. Merlin forbid it, y’know? How dare I forget who I am?”
A prisoner. A criminal. A werewolf. A monster. A Greyback. His father’s son.
How could he ever forget?