Lily knew this was going to end poorly. But she, like so many of her fellow human beings, had this horrible capacity for hope. Even when the evidence all pointed otherwise, she knew that there would be no way that she could ignore the draw that the graduation ceremony that would have been hers was going to have on her. She would just drive herself nuts, probably drink a whole bottle of wine, and then show up anyway – drunk and high. At least showing up before that happened meant coming on her own terms.
She had already nearly failed twice, but the last run in propelled her towards the castle. She entered, realizing she was one of the stragglers who had not been prompt in arriving. Indeed, the castle gates were closed by the time she reached the castle, and the doors would be sure to follow soon. She had made it. Barely, with very few minutes left to spare, but she was now here, and the time for turning back and leaving before she was noticed was escaping before her.
Stewart had suggested she come back to school for the next school year. Showing up tonight meant that Du Hunt, and maybe even Stewart, would see that she was intending to do just that. Part of her wanted to show Stewart she had taken a lot of what they had spoken of seriously. Another part of her just wanted to stop hiding, wanted to see the climate she had left Hogwarts in so that she could see what she would be facing next year. She was cranking up her mode of life from Existing to Surviving. It didn’t seem like much, but it was definitely a step.
She had changed out of the pajamas, out of the stained sweaters, traded out her slippers. She wore the [url= http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=125750733]dress[/url] she had been given for Christmas, a dress she had only worn to prove she had received it. It was now too big on her shrunken frame, fitting length wise, but she could not quite fill out the torso, the arms, her hip bones adding an angular look to the get up. She pulled on tights, boots, donned an old ring. Brushed out her hair, long strokes, careful, meaningful, untangling all the knots.
And now, she walked into the Great Hall. Her hair rested over either shoulder and the dress gently bounced against her thighs as she walked inside, her arms at her side, her neck forward ever so slightly as though looking for somebody, when, in truth, she was looking out for everyone. The danger was not over. It probably never would be.
But, for tonight, she had to be brave. It was time to be a Gryffindor.