Week Twelve

A frown crossed Avery's face at Claire's words, and she suddenly felt like she was at Durmstrang all over again. Inhaling through her nose, she glanced at the celiling and told herself not to be angry; of course Claire would want to know. Avery just hadn't expected to feel like she was the girl that everyone picked on, and that Claire was suddenly the leader of some pack that liked to have after her.

In an attempt to curb the words that wanted to leave her, Avery's jaw tightened and she ran her tongue across the front of her molars. When she felt like she wouldn't manage to make her sister angry, she brought her gaze back from the window she'd turned to look at. "Frankly, I would tell you the story but I doubt you'd believe me. ...I'm only about twelve and a half weeks in."

But neither of us actually knew. And it sort of took me being mugged to find out. That was fun. So glad you asked.

One of the problems with Claire asking that first was that Avery hadn't expected to have to jump into explaining. If Claire was really that worried about Robin, she could damn well ask him himself instead of chiding Avery for it as she seemed to be doing.

"Before you ask: No. Things are not always perfect for us. We spent about a month hardly speaking, nonetheless standing in the same room. So, no, it wasn't planned." And no, Avery wasn't ready. But apparently Robin was convinced she could do it, so she had to pretend she was okay with it. Because he was the only thing that kept her same anymore, as strange as that idea was sometimes.

She had intended to start with an apology. That's what she meant when she said they had things needed to be voiced. But now she wasn't sure how to get to that topic, so she just sipped on her drink and decided to keep quiet unless she was asked another question.

Avery was already displeased but that hardly surprised Claire. If there was a common trait between the Bishop family, it was how readily a frown could be conjured. For so long, Claire had been the exception. She had been the one to smile and laugh despite the division of a family, determined that happiness could be chosen and was not decided by others. But this had been the ideals of a six year old who was still her daddy’s little girl. She had entered Durmstrang and found that no one was very kind to you if your accent was different or if you looked at the world through different lenses. So she had become serious, because people could not mock serious. And the affliction had not left.

If Avery wanted a frown war, she had better prepare for a heavy loss. She had too many smile-worthy things in her life. A husband even her sister could potentially envy, a child on the way, a place where she felt like she was destined to be. Avery, after all, had chosen the country she was currently in. Claire had not been given a choice. She had to leave the people who cared for her, the budding future, and the place she loved more than most people… She could out-frown her elder sister any day of the week.

This was not what this was about. She was being petty and she hated it. She was only competitive for things that mattered – better reports, pay raises, promotions. This was a stupid endeavor and if she wanted to improve her way of life, it was better to just digest all of what Avery had to say and spit out a reunion that could satisfy a family therapist.

Claire heaved a shrug at Avery’s comment about the story. No, Claire did not want to hear about her sister’s conception of a child with her first love, but not because she would not believe it. She had no choice but to believe it with the proof of that rounding stomach. “I don’t know if it’s necessarily a case of believing…” Claire said. Realizing that this might not be so diplomatic, she amended, “I’ve never been one for story-telling. The facts are there – that’s enough.”

Good, good, conduct it like a business meeting. That was certainly going to work in her favor.

Claire blinked at Avery’s sudden accusation, staring at her sister. That was when it hit her – the real crime Avery had committed had not been in explaining divorce, or finding her own life, or marrying her school sweetheart and getting knocked up by him. It had been being so wrapped up in her own life that she had never bothered to learn a thing about Claire. Claire knew enough about Avery to think she could reasonably guess how her sister might react in this situation or that. She had looked up to her as a child, after all, as all younger siblings did to the elder until the elder inevitable pushed them away, denying their affection. But to think that all of this pain was eclipsed by a simple assumption that was so off base it was insulting… That was dismantled Claire’s businesswoman approach.

“Is that what you thought I’d ask?” Claire said, sounding hollow. She blinked and then pulled on a face, simpering, “So is it absolutely perfect between you two?” The act melted off of her faster than an ice cube in a sauna. “Does that sound anything like me? The plan was to stiffly congratulate you on breaking the sacred bonds of sisterhood and girl code in the hopes that we could pretend that this wasn’t a soap-opera-worthy plot twist and create some semblance of family unity. If you would rather assume I would respond like that, we can remain cold and distant. It comes to us pretty naturally, it seems.” Her low voice remained level and clear, unapologetic in her honesty. Claire was tired of feeling like she had they key to fix everything. Some things were just broken – and maybe they were better off that way.

Avery’s face fell in disbelief, not expecting Claire to take her words that way. In hindsight – as hindsight was always twenty-twenty – she should have realized how the words would sound. “That’s not – Um.” She paused, stumbling over her words. “That’s not what I meant. I meant how we found out.”

Deciding that her words hardly explained anything, Avery decided to drop a short version of her story without going into detail. If Claire chose not to believe it, it really wasn’t Avery’s fault. She could go back to not talking to her sister, even if she felt guiltier than ever, provided her little sister took it badly. “See,” she started, biting the inside of her cheek for a moment before continuing, “I caused a massive fight between Robin, myself, our closest friend, and that man’s wife. It was… stupid, and entirely my fault, no matter who tries to take my blame. Robin and I didn’t speak for at least a week or two. On New Year’s Eve, I went out with a friend, and a couple Muggles tried to.. steal from us, I guess.” Swallowing hard, Avery turned to look out the window, hoping to deflect some of Claire’s anger in any way she could. “It wasn’t until we were taken to St. Mungo’s that the nurse told me.”

Forcing herself to turn back and look at Claire, she hardened her gaze. “I’m not ready, but he’s actually excited. Didn’t quite expect that, honestly. So I have to pretend like it’s okay, and eventually it will be. I mean... Probably.” She blinked slowly, taking a sip from her cup before responding to Claire’s other comments.

“No, I didn’t think you’d ask it that way. I thought you’d want to know if he was happy… I mean, he told me his story after I told him mine, because we needed to work through things. I… I don’t know if he’s happy, Claire. I don't. But I wanted to just… Well, I was trying to get the questions out of the way but I didn’t mean it to sound like I expected you to think life is brilliant for me. I do not, however, want to think that any of your reaction is directed at Robin. Everything I’ve said is my opinion, my reaction to a bad past. I’m asking you as a sister who doesn’t deserve it: Please don’t think badly of him because of me. I’ve never been good with phrasing things. You know that better than anyone.”

Elsie had this phrase she always used to use, especially in their New York clubbing days. Claire had never really understood it, only getting a grasp of what it was supposed to mean, rather than its literal meaning. Claire had absolutely hated the phrase, and Elsie had used it at the most inappropriate times, much too frequently, and sometimes in lieu of a much cleverer comeback. But now, as her sister spouted more information than Claire ever wanted to hear on this particular subject, the phrase floated into her mind, ringing in Elsie’s airy voice, egging her on. Claire would never say it, because it was a stupid phrase, but some manifestation of the sentiment made its way onto her face.

She’s on crack.

Because of her estrangement from her sister, she had never considered ranking them. She had never considered which sister was more attractive, more fashionable, more sassy, smarter, etcetera. She simply did not have enough data to make a comparison she could be happy with. But as her older sister spoke, Claire could not help but begin to arrange them into their slots. Avery : the happier, more oblivious, more idealistic sister. Claire : the more cynical, the more realistic, the one who picked up social cues. It seemed their roles had reversed since childhood.

Claire had no idea what gave Avery the idea that she wanted to hear anything more about the conception of the spawn of Robin and herself. If Claire had bolted at the wedding, she could not understand why Avery would think she could stomach this baby surprise. Either Avery was far ditsier than she remembered, or she was rubbing salt into the wound. Claire’s eyebrows danced as she held back her anger, her hands twitching ever so slightly as she smoothed her hands over each other, thinning her lips tighter than they had ever tightened before.

And still, Avery persisted in a way that either revealed total ignorance or practiced cruelty. Surely, if Robin had told everything, then Avery knew the pain she was inflicting. Claire had made it clear to Robin that, though she had to make the choice she made, it had not been an easy decision at all. The fact that Claire had become overcome with emotion when she decided to head to New York should have been clue enough to anyone who knew her – she was the least likely to show any emotion, ever. She had made it so they could all be happy.

And yes, she supposed that was what very was trying to convince her of. But natural feminine competitiveness kept her from taking the high road. It did not seem possible that her sister, so different from her, could just happen to marry her first, her only, love. Everyone had that One – the one that had changed everything, and that had been Robin. She found it hard to believe that she and her opposite could both fall for the same man.

Either Avery was getting back at her or... she truly did care. And if she truly did care… somehow that made what Claire had with Robin so much more juvenile. Now that he was married to Avery Bishop, the other Bishop girl was a funny anecdote, a joke cracked at cocktail parties. Well, be that as it may, Claire’s pride would not welcome the opportunity.

Her lips were white, they were pressed so tightly. Avery had stopped talking so Claire swallowed, before reaching up and brushing her falling bangs behind her hair. Her hair fluttered as she looked at her sister, the very picture of composure. She blinked. “It’s not the way you phrase things, Avery, it’s what you choose to say.” She shook her head, scoffing. “I mean… What, in Merlin’s great name, makes you think that I want to hear the story about you and Robin finding out you’re going to be parents. Didn’t you get the clue when I didn’t stick around to hear the wedding story?” She shook her head in utter disbelief, before putting a hand up. “And, thanks for informing me that he’s happy, or whatever, but that’s no longer my concern, is it? It’s yours. So… Thanks, but I don’t need to hear about how perfect or imperfect it is. It’s not my business and, honestly, I’m not sure I want it to be. It’s just… too weird for me, okay?” She stood. “I’m gonna… I’m gonna go.” She cleared her throat and nodded. “Yeah, I’m gonna go.”

Avery couldn’t help it when she blanched. She really couldn’t. She knew, even as she spoke the words, that the idea of her sister having any semblance of sympathy for her would be near impossible. Not that she had really expected any hint of it no matter the circumstances of their meeting again. Even if they had decided to have a chat while in school together, Avery couldn’t have seen it going any other way: her attempting to explain and theoretically right some wrongs, while Claire simply didn’t understand.

The older of the two sisters did not believe herself more intelligent than the other; in fact, Avery currently felt exceedingly dim-witted to not quite know how she was meant to respond. In truth, the elder blonde often searched for footholds and was denied them, sending her falling off of the rock wall she had attempted to ascend.

Another thing that Avery didn’t understand was why Claire seemed to believe that the wedding was something either of them planned on or worked up to – or, in Robin’s case – had ever wanted. Claire might not have believed it, but Avery knew well that the man had never intended to get anywhere near settling down. The Ministry, as ever, had just intervened and caused a mess. Any desire she had felt to make Claire understand had been tossed, and now the accidental Mrs. Ivanov was as ready to leave as her sister was.

“I’m sorry,” She drawled sarcastically. “What makes you think he ever wanted me? He damn sure didn’t propose to this Bishop sister. So I hope you sleep well at night knowing that I was forced upon him, and that at least he was actually willing to put aside his life for you. It’s a comforting thought for me, that’s for damn certain.”

Rolling her eyes, Avery shoved back her own chair, snatched up her drink and bag, and brushed past Claire to push the door open and step out onto the street. Bristling as she was, apparition would not be an intelligent idea, so Avery huffed audibly and started back towards the Ministry. Robin could deal with her coming home late, and she could certainly use time to cool off. At the very least, she would be done with her paperwork a day early.

And Claire? Well Avery couldn't find it in her to care too much what the other Bishop did. After all, Avery hadn't really been a Bishop since she was ten.

Claire was standing, gathering her things, tugging at her blazer, pushing back her hair, when Avery’s words caught her.  Claire shifted her weight onto one hip and stared at her sister, still not certain she understood how the woman could continue to angle herself into the right. It had always been Avery’s problem. Even when they were kids, Avery had always been so quick to explain why she should be forgiven and trusted and believed in. Claire had never wanted that, nor needed that. She wanted the truth. She did not think being forgiven or in the right was more important.

Claire looked up at Avery snappishly. “Is that what’s going to make me feel better, Avery?” She leaned in, palms on the table. “Do you think that is going to make me feel better. I can give a damn if you guys are together. I can give a damn if you guys are perfectly happy, or if you’re just hunkering down and waiting for this whole thing to blow over. What I cared about, Avery, is moving on, and right now you are making that very, very difficult for me.”

Avery stormed out and Claire watched after her for a moment. No. She still had more to say. Her long legs carried her quickly out the door, past Avery, and she grabbed her arm, rounding around her. “Wait.”

She looked at her sister and sighed, straightening up as she did so. Her fists came behind her bracing her back as she leaned backwards. She could not believe she was having this conversation. She brushed her hair back again, running her tongue over her teeth, looking around the little shop. “Look, Avery. Be right. Be blameless. I’ll give you that, because honestly I don’t give a damn about who is right or who is wrong. Let’s say it’s always been me. I had never been sympathetic, never sacrificing enough, always to whatever it was that made us not act like sisters. I’m sincere in this – put the blame on me.” She finally looked at her sister. “I think that’s what has kept us apart. Blame was never assigned. Fine, that’s done. We don’t have that between us now.”

She paused. “But, look. The truth is more important to me than… whatever motivations or intentions are behind it. Okay? And truth is… I know plenty of couples forced together in this marriage law who have not slept together. Even more of them that have slept together have been extra careful not to drag a baby into the mix. And those who did that certainly aren’t preparing for it like a family.” She shook her head, forcing on a smile that was completely ungenuine, numb with the truth she was about to deliver. “Besides, when has Robin Ivanov ever followed the rules?” She shook her head, looking down the street. “Robin only does what society tells him when there’s something really good in it for him?” She looked Avery up and down once, trying out another smile. It didn’t reach her eyes, but the effort was there. “So, I’m sorry, but as in the right as you are about how this happened, it still happened. And that’s gonna be a bit weird for me for…” She wanted to say forever. But Claire Bishop was too realistic for that. “For a long time.”

Avery had only just turned her mind to the files she had yet to fill out for the week when she returned to her office. But as soon as she did so, Claire appeared in front of her, the younger sister’s hand making contact with Avery’s arm. A darker frown etched itself on her face, but she paused, regarding Claire coldly.

Even if Avery had wanted to get a word in, she couldn’t, because Claire had suddenly become set on saying what she wanted to say. Even though the older sister had half expected it, she wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of comments and not-so-subtle chiding from the younger. Avery was, unfortunately, still on the defensive, and the words directed at her only made her stiffen with the realization that they did not have a similar thought pattern. Not at all. Nothing she said would sound right, because she didn’t know how Claire saw things or considered things in her mind. How was she meant to make anything better if she couldn’t even properly explain her situation?

“I don’t get it, Claire. Apparently I don’t follow your logic, for whatever reason, but you’re not making sense. The stuff from when we were kids – I accept that it’s my fault. I’ve known that since I was ten. Why else do you think I stopped speaking? It wasn’t because you did something wrong or someone hurt my feelings; it was what I’d done, and what I wanted to keep from doing to anyone else.” Unfortunately, that hadn’t worked out. Three times, Avery felt she could pin the blame on herself. Three times she had broken family ties and damaged relationships. Claire couldn’t ever take the blame for that.

Shaking her head, Avery looked up at the buildings across the street as she continued. “It won’t help you, I know, but I won’t deny the fact that I love him. You should know how hard it is not to. All I wanted to do was make it less… less like a betrayal. The Ministry did this. It wasn’t my idea, and if I’d known about you two before being assigned, I would’ve asked for someone else – regardless of the fact that I already cared for him. At least the blow wouldn’t have been as harsh, if it were someone else.”

Her frown had gone, leaving a sort of downtrodden expression on Avery’s face. She knew that guilt was the proper feeling for something like this, though usually she would have hidden it. As much as she wanted to take back the claim that she would have given Robin up, Avery couldn’t. She owed her family a lot more than she could ever say, and turning away from him would have only hurt herself if she had done it before. A question of whether or not he would react badly now flashed through her mind but she ignored it. They were getting on well, considering their history, and Avery wasn’t interested in messing it up, now.

“Maybe it would be better if we just didn’t do this again. The pair of us, I mean. You undoubtedly know Robin and his family better than I do, so I won’t be that girl that pulls some power trip on you. I don’t care if you still chat with him or any of them. But the two of us can’t seem to have a normal conversation, so perhaps we should just… go our separate ways once more.” Avery gave an almost apologetic smile before adding hesitantly, “Just, um, tell mum and dad I’m sorry, yeah? Haven’t seen them in… what? Ten years? More? I can’t even remember now.”

Claire let her sister speak, because it was something that neither of them had ever let the other do. Claire could not place if they were too similar or too different to get along – she would have to have a basic understanding of her sister to venture out about that. It was horrifying to think about how Robin Ivanov was now probably the most knowledgeable expert on Bishop sisters. Oh, it made her want to heave. She was a rational woman but wasn’t there something just intrinsically wrong about the man you lost your virginity to becoming your brother in law? Especially when that man was your first love? She wanted to be more evolved than that but… she could not shake this.

Avery responded to blame and Claire dropped her head onto her shoulders, staring straight up into the sky. She brought her head back up to its upright position, a straight countenance smoothing out all of the curves on her face, swallowing the expressions down her throat. Her left hand heaved her bag up onto her right shoulder and she tilted her head to the left, stretching out the small strain that had been gathering on the right side of her neck.

There was no easy way of handling this. It was just the way it was. The situation, by nature, was completely messed up.

There Avery went, saying the things that would not help as though they were a consolation. Of course she loved Robin. Everyone loved Robin. Claire had tried so hard not to love Robin and she had. In fact, as far as she knew, Elsie had been the only person to spend an extended amount of time with Robin and feeling nothing for him. Then again, Elsie was honorable to girl code. Still, girl code required a bond, and that was definitely something that she did not have with Avery.

So she swallowed it down. It was fine. She would get over it. She always got over it. She would be fine.

She let Avery go. Again. Because she had not been the one to want this. It had been Elsie’s scheme, never her own intention. It would be easier to let Avery go again. The Bishop family had not been family in so long that it was just… better this way.

Claire blinked. Max and Jack accidentally kicking each other under the table, as Sunny Dyllan glared at her and squashed her peas with extra force, Charlie making comments to rile the whole family up. That was better. She had only glimpsed into that household and she knew… something really horrible had happened to her, and it had nothing to do with men or moving. It had to do with the fact that she never had a family the way people were meant to.

Avery had begun to walk away when Claire called out, taking a step forward to ensure she was heard. “That’s just It, Avery. You were the only one who ever cared about who was to blame.” Claire looked at her, heaving a shrug. “I never cared. I just… missed you.” She swallowed, some real regret etched in her smooth features. She straightened her shoulders and took in a breath. On the exhale, she spoke again. “But you’re not supposed to miss people who don’t miss you. So I stopped.” She blinked. “Well… I tried... to stop.”   She shook her head. "I don't think Mom or Dad can stop either." She turned and headed down the street, her bravery exhausted for the day.

((That crazy moment when your polyset predicts stuff from the thread.))