An Attempt At Saying Goodbye

[Everly Bardugo]

This was it. The walls of the castle were closing in around her and she wasn't sure she could breathe. It didn't feel like she was. Her chance at taking her N.E.W.T.S. was gone, and all she really wanted was to see Kaiden before she had to get on the train. Where was he? Was he not leaving? He didn't have to, of course. But she did. And she wouldn't be able to come back. So much for their escaping - at least minimally - the pains of the marriage law. If this was really happening he would be here and she would be at home or goodness knew where.

Teachers had been sacked, and some had resigned after the new educational decrees. One of her favorite classes now lacked a Professor, and the Slytherins no longer had a Head of House. It was all so broken. Sure, they replaced teachers now and then. But would they even need that many, with a good majority of the students gone? What was supposed to happen to Muggleborns, eh? Were they included in the list of those who would end up banned?

Kaiden wasn't.

Why was she always early to things? It made her feel like everyone else was late, or that they weren't going to show up.  

So she sat there, on her trunk, against a column in the Entrance Hall and begged for him to show up. She refused to just leave. They'd have to drag her out if she was told to leave without seeing him. It had become so important, over the hours she'd spent packing, for her to see him. To explain, if he didn't know. To ask what was supposed to happen next. To ask if he wanted..

She couldn't even form the words. She took a deep breath, knowing she would have to offer it in the end. She would feel the need to. To offer ... to ask if he wanted an out on their engagement if he changed his mind.

Where on earth was he?

[Kaiden Poliakoff]

This couldn't be happening. Not with everything that had just happened, with what he and Addie had just accomplished. He couldn't, wouldn't believe that it seemed to be for nothing. They wouldn't be able to see each other and no doubt he would be paired with someone else, if not by the Ministry, by his father who still wanted him to marry another pureblood.

This just couldn't be happening. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. But first things first, he had to find Addie. Maybe she had some kind of solution and even if she didn't, he'd still be able to see her and she might be able to give him an idea as to what they could do. He would do anything, as long as it didn't involve him being separated from her. At least not for a long time.

But he wondered where she could be. He doubted she was still in the Ravenclaw Tower, or anywhere on the upper floors. He doubted anyone was still up there, unless they were staying in the school for the break. Which he doubted Addie was doing, she was probably going home to her family for the holidays, no doubt. Instead of wandering around, looking for her, the Slytherin decided to start heading outside in case she was already going out. It was the best option he had. Since he was leaving the castle for the break anyways.

He sighed. What if things couldn't be fixed? What if they were going to be separated and he wouldn't see her again? He shuddered at the thought of losing the girl that had become so important to him. He caught a glimpse of the familiar brown hair that he'd grown accustomed to and he smiled. She was still there after all. "Addie." he called to her, placing his hand on her shoulder as he approached.

[Everly Bardugo]

Footsteps. Her name, and a hand on her shoulder.

Adrienne looked up in barely concealable surprise and took to wrap her arms around his neck. "Kaiden." His name came out more like a gasp or a whisper than a word. Her forehead came to rest on his shoulder, feeling quite a lot more dramatic than she usually was. "What's happening in the world?"

Everything was wrong. She didn't want to leave, but moreover she didn't want to leave without him coming with her. "My train leaves in a few minutes. Kai.. I won't be able to come back. My family-.." She could hardly form a thought in her mind, nonetheless a sentence. They had only admitted how they felt about a week before, and she couldn't bring herself to look ahead and see that he might not be there.

The words didn't want to come out. They felt like they were burning her lips as they were spoken. She leaned back, hands coming to rest on either side of his face and watching him for any sign that she was right about what she was going to say.

"Listen, with all this going on.. I understand if you don't want this anymore. I understand. I can't hold you to it if I'm gone." Addie shook her head and stepped away. She didn't want to be touching him when he said that it would be for the best, or that they could remain friends. Her eyes fell to the floor, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

[Kaiden Poliakoff]

"I... I know."

That was all he could say to her. No other words would form in his mouth, or his mind, to say. This wasn't something he had been prepared for, not that he had been prepared for the marriage law when it had first been placed. All of this was happening so fast that he didn't know how to react to it all. It was like his life was slowly falling apart because of the Ministry and their stupid laws and rules.

But it wasn't only his life this affected. He had to remember that. It affected Addie, Maura, Ryo and everyone else who was eligible to get married and who was a halfblood. But he didn't want Addie to leave. He knew she wouldn't be coming back and he didn't want to lose her, not when he had just finally gotten her.

"I'm not going to back out if that's what you're trying to say Addie." he told her. "I know you're scared and you don't know what's going to happen next but I'm not going to back out. That much I'm sure of." he wasn't going to lose her, he just wasn't. "You aren't leaving alone. I'm going with you and I don't care if you can't come back because if you don't I won't." he told her.

"And one other thing. I already said I wasn't going to back out and I'm not.. but instead of waiting too long, why don't we.. I don't know, sort of speed it up?" he asked. "Addie, I'd get married to you today if I could, but it all depends on if you'd want to."

[Everly Bardugo]

He knew. Well, that was a relief, she supposed. He understood what she was going on about, then. Wait, how could he know? Had she mentioned it? Sure, word about her leaving had probably gotten around. But with everyone else and the new decree, the school seemed to be losing everyone.

”I mean, you know this isn't about the decree, right? My parents want to look for Asher and I can't just not go. Sure, I'll hate missing my N.E.W.T.S. But maybe I can just sit them later... I don't know. We may not be gone past break but I can't promise anything.”

What Addie didn't expect was his seemingly un-prepared speech. How could she expect something like that? Divination had never been her strong suit. She was fairly certain that her mouth was open, allowing her to bear an impressive resemblance to a fish. She didn't understand why he was so set on this.

He loves you.

Oh. Right. That was a thing now. It felt far too new, and she sometimes had to remind herself, regardless of how strange it felt to do so. Who just sat around thinking, “Well my day is bad. Oh, wait, he loves me”? Honestly. How very assuming of her. He could very well up and change his mind one day and all of her thinking about it would be useless. Addie sort of wanted to reprimand herself, but he was continuing and she was blindsided again.

“All you seem to do lately is surprise me.” Adrienne pointed out, unable to find words to reply right away. She needed a breath to think through his words, to actually understand them and make sense of his questions. “You're just..” She wanted to say he was crazy or confused, but neither word seemed true. He was choosing this impossible task of following her to who knows where in search of a brother who probably wasn't even-

Addie sucked in a breath, unable to even think it.

“Kaiden, you know I would if it meant fixing this. But my parents.. they need to know first. We can't just show up and throw it on them. You know?” Her hand found it's way into one of his, feeling a need to be grounded for a moment.

[Kaiden Poliakoff]

It was evident that he was beginning to become flusteded. Patience had never been a strong trait that Kaiden possessed. He was hotheaded and tended to act without much thought to things. That had been proven during his meeting, and it made him wonder why he'd even been placed in Slytherin rather than in Gryffindor. He sighed, trying to calm himself down.

It was obvious that he wasn't going to stay, not if Addie wasn't going to. He didn't want to risk a chance of her never coming back to him something similar. He was going with her, that was just happening. Even if she or her family opposed, he was going to find a way to tag along. It would make things easier if her family allowed him to go along though. "I'm not letting you leave alone though." he said softly.

"If you don't want them to know yet, I'll just go as your friend or whatever you'd want me to be." he added. "I just want to be near you, and just so you know. If you say no, I'll still go. I'll find a way to tag along. You know how I am." he said.

"Even if we don't find your brother, there might be something to lead us to him. Maybe I can help with that. I have connections that could help in finding him." He was starting to just rattle on about things that he thought would help his case for no reason. He just seemed to feel like she would tell him that she didn't want him going or something and he knew that he wouldn't listen to her.

[Everly Bardugo]

Something was very wrong. Had he not understood her? He was rambling off anything that seemed to come to mind and it was scaring her a little. She didn't like seeing him like that. It reminded her of when they'd met – which, granted, was a big day all around but definitely hadn't been a high point for either of them. “Kaiden-” she started, trying to stick in words between his own.

He wasn't listening. The frenzied part of his brain was painfully obvious and Addie couldn't figure how to help him. Her hands rubbed up and down his arms until finally his words started slowing to the point where she could reply.

“You're not hearing me, Kaiden. Not really,” she said quietly, trying to calm him as much as her own now-rapidly beating heart. “They wouldn't turn you away. I wouldn't. Never. I just think we should, you know, tell them before showing up married! Mum and Dad wouldn't know what to do with themselves, and Wyatt would be furious that we hadn't invited him.” Addie laughed a little at the thought.

“I would love it if you came. But I couldn't have asked you to give up school and your life for me.” Her arms snaked around his middle to hug him to her. “We should tell them, though. About the law, about what we are to each other... We just have to find the words.”

[Kaiden Poliakoff]

"I - " Kaiden tried to protest what she was saying without really thinking about the words coming out of her mouth. This was the one thing that he hated that Addie did to him. She made him unable to think straight sometimes and that caused him to freak out a little. That was why he started almost ranting, trying to find things to say quickly.

"I.. I'm sorry." he said softly after she wrapped her arms around his waist. He had finally been able to calm down and think things through a little bit. "I didn't meant to sound the way I did. I just.. panicked. I don't want to lose you.." he looked away from her for a moment.

"But I meant what I said, about going with her. I don't care if it means 'giving up my education'." he told her. "I mean, my father will probably just end up getting me a tutor if something happens." he added.

"And I get it.. We'll just have to slowly ease them into news and everything that's going on." he sighed. "How do you think they'll react?" he asked her softly.

[Everly Bardugo]

She couldn't seem to stop shaking her head around him these days. Neither one appeared to have the ability to understand what the other wanted or was getting at, exactly. Today would be no different, Addie mused with a quiet sigh.

“Don't apologize,” she murmured into his shoulder. “I just wish we had another option. Another place to go if this search works out. Or- or if it doesn't.” She felt her shoulders shake at the very idea of it. “Regardless, Kai. I won't be coming back here. Not with the laws and decrees and everything else going wrong.”

She was glad, she supposed, to hear that his father could get him a tutor if something went wrong. She, for one, certainly couldn't. Her family wasn't poor, per se, but it was enough that Wyatt hadn't gone to school at all. Adrienne would have to make do with what she'd picked up. She couldn't bring herself to say anything about it, though. He was already having trouble with everything going on – she was loathe to make him feel guilty about it.

She pulled back to look at him after his question. “Well... I don't know.” She admitted, blushing, “I haven't exactly brought anyone home before or anything. With the law, I daresay they'll go along with it, though. Father will have read about it I would guess. Mum might be a little harder to convince,” she added with a pout. “But it can be done. It has to be, now. We won't have that long to petition before the Ministry decides they need to check in.”