Motherhood was the ultimate sacrifice. You would never have a moment to yourself and Athena was unlucky - or perhaps lucky depending on your point of view - in the point of fact that the birth of her sons coincided with the death of the Rookwood matriarch and in filling that position, she inherited much more than her twins; try three motherless girls and two brooding Rookwood men, one her father-in-law, the other her husband who was more a boy than her infant sons.
Needless to say, Athena had lost her patience, her desire and her edge. She’d become soft, she told herself with frightening frankness. She didn’t hate it, of course, but she missed the wilful version of herself she’d cultivated as a teenager. She felt trapped, oppressed, even, and while she couldn’t find it in herself to hate her husband or her father-in-law for the position they’d put her in, she still couldn’t find a source, a reason - or someone to blame; when all the blame was on her, really.
That morning, Augustus and Archibald had slept in. Kendall had disappeared some time after six o’clock to go somewhere to do something and after her boys let out their first wails, Athena went to fetch them from the nursery, bleary eyed and unwilling to wake up fully in the wee hours of the morning. She ended back in bed with them cuddled to her chest, allowing them to feed before falling asleep - and after a while, having sated their hunger, they too joined their mother in dreamland.
At just over six months old, the boys already had their personalities sorted out. Despite being younger, Archie was the more wilful and, seemingly, stronger of the two. He was the leader, the one in all the control and while Gus was strong as well, he was much more reserved and tempered, plotting his acts cunningly while his brother bashed and groped about, exploring with wild abandon and usually running amuck for his troubles.
They also had their favourites. Favourite foods to eat - Archie preferred sweet potato mash while Gus liked normal mash with carrots and other things he liked to bite at, his teeth starting to cut and hurt him.
They were little creatures to behold and Athena felt as though she was learning something new about them every day. It made her heart hurt to think that Kendall, wherever he was, was missing out. He was far too much like his father in that respect. No amount of love could make him stick around for his children. Of course he’d be affectionate when it suited but business always called.
It was bittersweet, in that respect, all of the simple joys.
Kieran was going to meet her later that morning and for the first time in a long time, Athena found she had butterflies in her stomach. She’d dressed the boys but their attire was simple - warm baby-grows; it wasn’t difficult. Dressing herself was the hard part and she left the boys sat on the bed as she rifled through the wardrobe. Occasionally she’d return and hold up something but regardless of what it was, the pair would coo and grab at their feet, sucking their fists into their mouths as they did so. They didn’t care much for what she wore.
In the end, Athena settled on pink and white - something her step-mother would have applauded her, after all, she was a girl who favoured black.
Then, after tucking her boys into the Silvercross pram she so adored, leaving them to coo and clumsy about in the pram that really needed enlarging sometime soon, as she made her way into the fireplace to Floo to the nearest magical public place - an old second hand bookshop near a park North of the Rookwood estate that was split in the middle by a winding, twisting and turning river the ploughed seemingly motionlessly through the earth it had burrowed into.
Kieran was nowhere to be found when Athena arrived and despite a little twinge of disappointment, she didn’t mind too much. It gave her a chance to settle herself.
The young woman picked a spot near the river beneath the shade of a stooping tree whose roots jutted out through the green plains of grass. She set down a purple patchwork picnic blanket and after smoothing it out, brushing off any lint, she took out her baby bag and littered a few toys across it for the boys to play with. Then, once that was done she lifted them out and set them down on the blanket, joining them after slipping off her shoes and leaving them in the grass.
“Ma!” Gus squeaked out his call to her as he tipped himself into her arms and Athena smiled despite herself before reaching for a bear dressed in pyjamas and offering it to the boy who took it quickly into his grasp. He cooed over it, just as she had done when she was his age, and wondered whether she’d told Kendall.
Whether she’d told him that his son had said his first word.
With horror, she realised she hadn’t. She’d told him nothing, nothing at all.