Daily Prophet: New Age Edition

This is a very special edition of the Daily Prophet. As an experiment to test out new waters with the Daily Prophet we have taken a route recently seen in the American Wizarding Newspaper. Many of our readers aren’t focused on pest control, parenting (who wants to listen to someone telling them how to raise their kids), recipes and small-talk. Those are the days of old, we are now in a new age and it is about time the Daily Prophet fallowed suit. For the very first time the Daily Prophet has announced that that all articles will be based on celebrities, world-wide events and new media forms. We hope all you readers will enjoy our new goals.
 
FORMER WAR HERO VERBAL ATTACKS THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC, ST. MUNGO’S AND HOGWARTS:
 
Former war hero, Neville Longbottom, has official came out with a statement addressing the Ministry of Magic. “The Ministry of Magic is falling apart it is a mere shadow of what it once had been. It is shame that it had to be the Lupins that had to be in power during the fall of the Ministry. The family itself is not a bad family it’s everyone else in the Ministry. I know for a fact they do fear what a few of the war heroes could do if they were to unite together. I also know for some reason they have been keeping my son away a lot more than his colleagues. In the past year I’ve seen him maybe three times. I don’t know what happened to the Ministry but all I can really see anymore is corruption and lies. I really do pity Robert Lupin, he’s a good man in a bad place.” This statement was caught after his wife, Hannah, had an attempt on her life. We choose to press on.
 
What is your reason to come out against the Ministry? “A few months ago my close friend, Susan Bones, was attacked in a muggle street the attacker still unknown. Not that long ago she left for Berlin hoping that it would be safer but she was attacked a second time. According to her father the place was trashed, it had been quite a nasty duel with clear signs of dark magic used but Susan cannot recall with whom but knows she was in a duel. Now there has been an attempt on my wife’s life and not a single Auror has tried to contact me.” How is your wife? “She’s in critical condition but since she nearly had died in my arms while waiting for bloody healers she’s doing fine. I still don’t believe the Healer I had found was a real Healer. Someone poisoned my wife and when I find out who I will kill them with or without magic.” After being shut down when talking about his wife we decided to go deeper into the St. Mungo’s. So we said: So you are saying that your experience with St. Mungo’s was less the satisfactory. “Less than satisfactory! There was no bloody experience! There was no healers to even man the basic hospital area! If it wasn’t for Jack Dyllan my wife would be dead!” Your opinion has nothing to do with your parents’ death at St. Mungo’s a few years ago. This reporter has a wand resting on his neck. “What happened to my parents was natural. If you ever make a claim like that I will personally end your career.”
 
What is your standing with Hogwarts? “If you must know I am not very happy with Hogwarts. My goddaughter and my daughter had a run in with a troll in the Forbidden Forest. Given they shouldn’t have been their but there she could be better management of creatures in the forest and if you don’t want kids in the Forbidden Forest then watch them. If wasn’t called ‘Forbidden’ than maybe students would be in there.” What is your opinion on parents taken their kids out of Hogwarts? “It’s their choice. I’d like to keep my Alice in Hogwarts but sometimes I question if she is learning anything. I know Susan is thinking about talking out her older two daughters. Her two youngest are going to stay but that could chance. I know form talking to my goddaughter she isn’t happy at Hogwarts.” What do you think the problem is at Hogwarts? “They can’t keep teachers, there isn’t enough discipline, their teaching styles are becoming a thing for the past, students are bored so they act out and nothing has changed since I went there. All of that is adding up to a giant issue. I really hope things will improve next year or I might consider changing schools but I doubt I actually would. Hogwarts is a great school, it just needs some improvements.”
 
QUIDDITCH SECTION:
 
 Fans!
 
Quidditch season is fast approaching and as fans begin to get ready to head out to support their teams, our analysts have been crunching the numbers and rallying the facts. Here are the basics every Quidditch follower should know.
 
This year, two up and coming teams are quickly growing in popularity. The first is the all female team the Holyhead Harpies. The girls have found a strong team at the peak of their training and are sure to be considered a threat. Their coach, Elise Haltmen, has been working them nonstop and a favorite of the team is beater Charlotte Topez, who is also well known for her sultry looks and beating record. (Ms Topez, by the by, is appearing this coming week in Quality Quidditch Supplies. Be sure to be there.
 
The other team is a bit of an underdog who, just six years ago, was near the bottom the league. Under new coachship, the Falmouth Falcons are quickly becoming a team to beat. Their team captain, Jack Dyllan, is relatively new to the professional sports team, but has been scout's pick for the past three years. It is also rumored that the Falcons may be signing on three Hogwarts alumni this coming season.
 
This year is a year to watch Quidditch. I hope all you fans are ready to lose some money on the betting tables, because it is going to be an unpredictable thrill ride for everyone.
 
This is Ernie Smash, and happy flying!
 
WORLDWIDE NEWS:

Today, Russia has announced that they are to be conducting tests into what makes a wizard a wizard and into blood purity. Rumor has it Pureblood fanatics are on the raise in Russia and are the founding force behind these research. Only time will tell.
 
Barcelona’s Quidditch Youth Academy has been interested in several young Quidditch stars throughout Europe, names let to be released.
 
American National Magic Academy is to create is first Quidditch Program. Possible to challenge their traditional rivals Salem Witches Institute and The Military Wizarding Academy.
 
In the UK there is talk of creating a more intensive homeschooling system as created in America. This being born form unhappy parents whom believe that Hogwarts is falling apart.
 
Political tension is rising in America between wizarding and muggle worlds after a muggleborn child was bullied by muggle students, later this child was found dead in a creak. This is a current investigation that is believed to be foul play, bullying gone way too far. Wizarding America is claiming Muggle America is letting their children become unruly and creating new violence in the younger generations. Over the past three months a peaceful solution between the two societies seem impossible. Will the Ministry of Magic get involved? Is there still hatred over the Salem Witch Trials and many other which trails?  
 
The American Wizarding community has forced several leaders into resignation after several organizations had been found to break several constitutional laws. Word has it that this may be feeding from political tension in the United Kingdom.
 
DOMESTIC NEWS:
 
Susan Bones and an unnamed German Official butted heads in Diagon Alley. Rumor has it there were a lot of bad words called out.
 

Reports of missing children are on the rise. Most children are found but it’s still a concerning issue that no one is pressing on.