You do need to make a few edits, Jack.
1. do you have any house preference? I know where I want to put her, but if you have a preference I'd like to know.
2. her wand isn't adept at offensive magic. Please remove that part. What a wand is "good at" seems to be a matter of folklore rather than fact. She's perfectly entitled to have been told her wand is likely to be adept at offensive magic by the wandmaker, however.
3. Please change Traits back to whatever it was.
4. Her personality needs to be modified the most. I know what you're aiming for, but I need you to rewrite it so that rather than saying "she has the ability and will power to get what she wants" which is very godmoddy/powerplay-ey you write what ability that is.
For example, from reading her history, I can see that she's good at manipulating people's emotions, so write that in, but leave out the stuff that makes it sound like it always works. You've been here long enough to know there will be some characters that she won't be able to pull the wool over the eyes of even if it's just because their players are in a bad mood or something.
Also, in that last paragraph of the personality (which I love, you could be describing me as a teen) you mean penchant, not pendant. A pendant is a piece of jewellery.
Get that done and you're good to go!