Insane Or Grieving

Amelia was finding her only peace these days in the Herbology gardens. She found that she could tell plants everything while people were a different story. She wondered if the plants could talk what they would say. All the insane dark stuff she has been telling them she’d be in St. Mungo’s in two hours. She knew she should talk to someone but people were so unpredictable. Maybe she should start medication.

“Hello plants. I’m back again. I saw them in my dreams again. They are taunted me. Everywhere I go I see them standing there staring at me with judging eyes like they know it’s my fault they are dead. I could have stopped it if I hadn’t played games thinking it was just a nightmare. If only I had told them about the visions then my mum wouldn’t be crying every night because she believes its happening all over. The whole family is in danger and my mum knows it and it is killing her. She loves me so much but I don’t deserve it. If only she knew that it’s my fault they are dead,” she told the plants. They never responded of course but she just wanted to get it out.

Jessica walked to the Herbology Greenhouses, looking for a friend. Her flaxen hair, was now curly going down in front of her shoulders, her blue eyes gleamed in the sunlight, and she let out a cough, as a gust of cold air entered her lungs. She hated Hogwarts weather, it had just been sunny, now it was windy, it was crap!

She entered the Greenhouse, and heard a voice, she hid behind one of the doors, and listened to it, her ears wide open.

“Hello plants. I’m back again. I saw them in my dreams again. They are taunted me. Everywhere I go I see them standing there staring at me with judging eyes like they know it’s my fault they are dead. I could have stopped it if I hadn’t played games thinking it was just a nightmare. If only I had told them about the visions then my mum wouldn’t be crying every night because she believes its happening all over. The whole family is in danger and my mum knows it and it is killing her. She loves me so much but I don’t deserve it. If only she knew that it’s my fault they are dead,”

She then realised it was Amelia's voice, and a tear dripped down her eye, she had to be strong for her, but normally she couldn't, her depression was slowly taking over. She wiped her eyes, and her mascara, dripped down her eyes. "Be strong," she said, her voice just below a whisper. She walked in, from behind Amelia, and laid her fingers on her shoulders. "It's not your fault, and don't blame Susan either," she wouldn't usually call her mother by her first name, but she was pissed. She had walked passed and saw children sending OWL's to their parents, and Jess didn't have that.

She seemed like it was her mother's fault her parents were divorced, maybe she could've stopped it. "Don't blame yourself, you couldn't've saved him, no-one could've."

Amelia instantly tensed. She knew by the voice is Jessica. She knew she shouldn’t act like this towards her but she did. She didn’t need anyone trying to help her. Wasn’t her life screwed up enough as it is and whenever someone tries to help it only gets worst? Why hadn’t she whispered? She knew that she was only bitter because that’s how she felt. It hadn’t even occurred to her she was doing the same thing Alex and sister had done with her only sister. Drew was an different story, he was so sweet and innocent like most thirteen year olds.

“I don’t blame mum. I never had. If anyone has anything against mum it’s you,” she snapped her blue eyes ice cold. After the whole shock from coming home from Australia to find her parents in a ‘very pleasant’ custody battle she understood why her mum left. After years of her father paying more attention to the farm and pretending his kids didn’t even exist most of the time. She guessed that was the difference between herself and Jessica. She was more like her mother than anyone else. She understood her mother. And since the broom accident it had only got stronger besides the time she snuck off to that party and got caught.

"If you ever paid any attention to all the fine details you'd understand a lot of things you don't," she muttered under her breath. She instantly regretted saying it put it was too late to lake it back. She swore she could fell Alex glaring at her for this but he wasn't here right now so how would he know. She sighed, everything was screwed up right now. Maybe it was just because the funeral was coming up in a few days. She didn't even know if she was going to go. She knew mum would understand. Only her mum and a her Aurors knew that she had seen Edgar die before her eyes.

"I don't blame mum, I tell the truth, and don't ever tell me what to do Amelia, I'm only here to help you," she sighed a deep breath, and looked at Amelia intensely, not losing her stare. "Amelia, you need to trust me, I'm your sister, and I'll always be here for you." She didn't care if Amelia was annoyed, it was her job to protect and keep her sane, talking to plants, was only the first sign of insanity.

"Amelia, be quiet, you don't know what you're talking about," she had a secret no-one knew. Edgar had invited her to the Shrieking Shack that night, and she decline the offer, staying at Hogwarts to study, if she had accepted, maybe she could've stop the death.

Her glare was of the utmost in-pleasance, and she wasn't letting go of it. She could've screamed at her sibling, but held it in. "Amelia.. Amelia," she said, "Accio Chocolate Frog," she whispered, and a frog, randomly zoomed at her, she caught it, and offered it to Amelia, not saying anything, until now, "Listen when I tell you things, I know what you're going through, I was his sister too."

“Maybe you don’t blame her but you haven’t tried to understand her. I never asked for your help,” Amelia said coldly. She couldn’t really stop the words from coming out everything she had felt over the years just came out these days. It was like everything negative she had ever thought about herself, her friends and family just came out at once with no holding it back, but then again so had the positive thoughts Maybe she was wrong, maybe it wasn’t even her own free will anymore. But she’d never admit that to anyone.

Amelia rolled her eyes. She wouldn’t be coward into a corner. She was going to hold her ground. If Jessica wanted the truth she’d give it but she knew Jessica didn’t want to know the truth. The fact is Amelia isn’t sure if she was sane anymore, she knew one thing in the Shrieking Shack she was definitely not sane. Maybe she wasn’t sane now but she did know that she still had enough sanity to know right from wrong and to know what happened and that she could have stopped it.

She starred at the Chocolate Frog but didn’t do a thing about it. She wasn’t sure she wanted it. She didn’t collect the cards and anything the remotely smelled like food revolted her. This hit her as odd. She had been eating fine a few days ago, maybe she was sick. She shook her head, she couldn’t be thinking of what’s wrong with her when she isn’t sure she could handle the answer.

“You weren’t there were you? You were the only who had just managed to get up that last step to see Edgar losing a duel he never stood a chance in. You didn’t look his killer straight in the eyes. You weren’t the one who had seen his death for three months in dreams,” she snarled. She didn’t want help. No one understood. No had ever asked. No one knew that her stupid astral projection could have saved her brother but she ignored the warning so now he is dead. There was no way to bring him back from the dead.

"Amelia!" she screamed, her frustration taking over her. She stared at the blonde haired sibling, and turned away, "You don't understand," she said, trying to not overwhelm herself with tears, she knew Amelia was probably rolling her eyes in disgust as her weeping sister, but she didn't care. "Amelia," she said, stuttering, "Edgar, our brother, invited me to the Shrieking Shack that night, and I decline the offer, staying at Hogwarts to study, if I'd accepted, maybe I could've stop the death." said, her mascara now covering her face.

"Do you know what that feels like? I could've saved him, could've killed the killer, but I didn't, my education apparently meant more. I sleep every night, thinking if I hadn't been so self-centred, I would probably be in his place, and he'd be here talking to you right now."

She knew she had probably made Amelia feel guilty, but she didn't care, "Amelia, don't you ever tell me what to do, and don't you ever say I don't know how it feels to lose siblings." She glared at Amelia, but the guilt flooded over her, she hugged Amelia, and wiped her own eyes, "Why do we do this to each other?"

Amelia starred emotionless and unmoving while her sister yelled at her. She couldn’t feel insulted or frustration. All she felt was anger, sadness, remorse, jealous, pity or lost. She didn’t know what it felt like to be frustrated anymore. She couldn’t really understand other people who had all these feelings but she didn’t, how could she when she felt so little herself.

“Trust me no student could win against her. You’d just be dead too. Plus your destiny wasn’t to die that night because if it was I would have known,” sighed Amelia, why she sighed she didn’t really know. Maybe it was to make a point. She didn’t really care.

“I never said you didn’t know what it like is to lose siblings! You’ve never seen someone die right before your eyes! She could have killed me right then and there if she wanted to but she didn’t!” yelled Amelia hitting her breaking point. She didn’t like how Jessica was changing her words around.

Amelia just stood there when she suddenly hugged her. She didn’t know what to do besides stand there trapped. She could tell Jessica meant the hug but Amelia wasn’t sure she meant it. “Because we are too opposite from each other. Opposites attract but too opposite will destroy,” she said plainly.

"We're sisters, sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other, we need to be there for each other, I'm guessing you've been invited to the funeral, I expect to see you there," this was a time when she had to be strict, "if you don't come, I'll turn you into a toad," she said, she didn't know if Amelia was laughing or not, but she wasn't joking, "I'm serious Sis."

SHe wiped her eyes once more, and sat down, on the cold floor, her white dress, going a light dirty-brown by the second. "I love you," was the only thing she said, before closing her eyes, and casting Diffindo, at a Venus Flytrap.

Amelia heard her sister talk to her mind was back into its dream state. She rolled her eyes at the mention of turning her into a toad; she’d like to see her try. Who can turn each other into a toad first? She huffed.

Amelia glared at Jessica when she decided to hit a curse at the Venus Flytrap, it was just a plant. She gave it a few dead flies from the container of flies on the table set up for a class and tied a stake to it to keep it standing up straight. “It’s alright, she didn’t mean it,” said Amelia stroking the plant. She had never once gotten bitten by a plant and this was no different. She honestly believed that if you respected the plant it respected you. Someone plants did have a certain level of intelligence.

"It's a plant, stop talking to it!" she said her voice raised but calm, she could get frustrated very easily, especially when people in her family did supernatural things, just being able to Astral Project freaked her out. "When Father comes to the wake, be nice, it's both of their faults we don't have two parents," she said making sure her blonde-haired sister understood, "Got it?"