I Let Jealousy Blind Me Today

Alice sat at a table in the library, reaching up to adjust her monocle, before she flipped the page. She sighed and leaned back in her chair, pushing it onto the back two legs. She ran a hand through her hair- well, actually, over her hair, as it was too short to really run a hand through. She rubbed her head vigorously for a second, as though trying to get her brain to start working, earning her more than her fair share of strnage looks.

With a sigh, she closed the giant book in front of her and picked it up, setting it on a stack of books she did not find anything useful in. She pushed that useless stack out of her way and reached for another book. She was trying to find more information on the Wolfsbane potion- Frank mentioned Rise had noticed some discomfort and Rise wanted to know if it was her fault or the potion's. She was sure she would be in charge of providing the girl with the potion as she had at her home, so she wanted to get started soon.

She was not sure Rise even knew that Alice was the one that worked on the potion for her, and she sort of wanted to keep it that way. Alice would have liked Rise.. had Rise not swept in and took her family from her. Frank hardly hung out with her this summer, which really hurt, and though her parents always forgot her, the added insult was they had never, not once, forgotten Rise.

Alice tried not to let it bother her.

But she did not quite suceed all the time.

*

Rise stared around the room, she looked nervous and she kept watching people as they looked at her. The last time she had been at school, was the day they had gone home from winter break, last year. Now she kept watching people, watching them to see if they looked at her funny, watching her to see what she looked like now. She hugged her books to her chest and made her way through the library. She headed straight towards the Werewolf section, knowing she needed to do some personal research, something was scaring her, and she was losing control under the wolfsbane potion, and she knew she needed to do something about it, she had no idea who made her potion, but she knew something needed fixed, it needed to be stronger, or it needed to be something, she needed to do something and even if that meant making it herself.

As she turned into the aisle she needed, she saw someone familiar. It was Alice, and Rise found herself shrinking back. Alice had never been exactly nice to her, and Rise felt so bad for her.. but she never let her near, and she couldn't do anything about it.. just as she was turning away, she stopped herself. So what? Alice had never talked to her.. so why not talk first? She had tried before sure.. but then, Alice had had a door to shut in her face, so this time, there was no door to shut. Rise puffed up her chest and walked back down the aisle. "Hey Alice." She said and set her books down. As she did so, the scar peeked up over the top of her shirt, and she didn't notice it. The scar was there, and painful sometimes, and the school uniform didn't quite cover it, one reason she kept her books up to her chest, but she slowly sat down next to Alice. "What are you doing in this section?" She asked softly, hoping not to get the cold shoulder.

Alice had never exactly been lucky. How could she be lucky? She had been unlucky sicne birth. One might argue she was the lucky one, she had survived, but how would you feel to know that if you had died your sister might have lived...? The answer was pretty damn shitty. And with her parents forgetting her existence and whatnot, and irony being a real b!tch today.. yes. She was rather unlucky.

She saw Rise before she heard her and with a sigh and a small groan, Alice tried to crane her neck downward and stare at the page before her, hoping that no interaction would be forced between the two. Frank had told Alice before she left to watch over Rise, but what had Frank done to earn asking her a favor besides replace her? Nothing.

Alice was sort of a hippy... but she had a dark side, and Rise really knew how to incite it.

But Rise joined her and Alice sighed, pulling the monocle from her eye. She was tempted to open her mouth and say something along the lines of 'saving your fleabitten tail from eating all of us' but she managed to control herself. "You've gotten me curious, that's all."

Rise smiled at Alice and gently pulled down a couple of books from the shelf, before sitting back down and turning towards Alice. "That's cool..." She said and then let an awkward silence settle between them as she opened her book and went to the index, looking for any mention of wolfsbane. "Listen... I'm sorry..." She said suddenly, her eyes turning towards Alice, before she turned her entire body towards her. "I didn't mean... I never wanted to make you angry.. "She said softly. "That was never my intention..." She looked down at her hands and studied her nails carefully.

"I erm.. made that tea.. that you liked... in the mornings, before you woke up..." She frowned and played with the hem of her skirt. "I don't know if you ever saw it though... but.. I made it.. the herbal tea.. with honey..." she said glancing at Alice, before scanning through her book again. "It's just.. I like your family so much.. and for the first time I felt like someone liked me.. and I got so caught up in it... and... I let myself get carried away, and forgot that there were other people who might need people too.. you were so unhappy all the time.. I just wanted to make it up to you..." She said softly, turning a page in the book, and scanning through the W's (Which were REALLY long seeing as the entire book was about werewolves). "And then I got all scared, because for some reason, at night I was losing my grip.. and.. and... I thought maybe it was the potion, maybe I was growing immune to it.. and so I told Frank, he's told me he doesn't make the potion.. but... I knew he would help me.. and I guess I'm just afraid.. now that I'm at school.. that I'll hurt someone.." She said softly, looking at the next page, she had gotten faster and faster until her lame ending, and she sat there, staring at the page, unsure of what to say next.. just sad that she had never gotten to know Alice as much as she wanted too.

Alice really did not want Rise to join her, simply because that was adding a lot of insult to injury. It would be so much easier if Rise was a total jerk, not this helpless soul who just wanted love and respect and treated everyone with decency... Alice swore she could not stand that the most about Rise. She was the perfect tragic heroine. Ugh.

There was a long awkward silence and she flipped the page, reading some theories about ways to improve the wolfsbane potion, none of which were actually proved, but some claimed to work. She pulled a piece of parchment towards her and scribbled a few things. Finally, Rise began to speak, timidly, kindly... Displaying more of her perfection.

Naturally Rise felt bad for her. Naturally she noticed her pain. Her unhappiness. So many would have thought- how sweet, offering tea. Yes, because tea would solve everything, would make her parents more aware of her. Herbal tea with honey made up for everything that Rise had done to Alice. Alice sighed and looked up at the girl.

"That's nice and all, but I'm just not a buddy-buddy person with people who live with us. Sorry." She shrugged. Rise continued on, talking about the potion, and Alice dropped her head, scanning the page for more information. Casually she said, "Well the potion's not perfect."

Rise felt horrible, and she scratched at the desk awkwardly. "I'm sorry... can I help you any?" She asked, frowning at her and quickly looking away from her, staring at her book and flipping a page, before turning towards her again. "Do you hate me Alice? I never meant to make you unhappy... I just want to.. help.." She said frowning and running a hand through her hair uneasily. When Alice stated that the potion wasn't perfect, Rise's eyebrows flew into her hair, and she found herself staring at her in shock. "Wait.. Alice.. do YOU make my potions?" She asked, lowering her voice and staring at Alice. "Alice.... I'm.. I'm sorry.. thank you so much! I mean.. I've asked, and they would never tell me who made them!" She said staring at Alice and looking aghast.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean.. when I said it might be the potion.. I mean.." She frowned and huffed in pain, letting out a shaky breath. "I mean... I think I'm going crazy, and somehow I'm losing control.. and... I'm so sorry Alice.. I never knew.. and you must REALLY hate me.. I mean... I walk into your house, and demand you make me potions, even though I never meant that to happen... and... and... I steal your parents and brother away... and.. I'm so sorry Alice! Can I make it up to you? Can I? Please say yes... I really.. I can't stand... I wish.." She stammered and then huffed again and looked at Alice, clearing her throat before she managed to make a real sentence. "I never meant to hurt you Alice, please believe me, and I really would like to be your friend."

Alice ignored Rise as she began to ask if she could help, if Alice hated her, if she, did she... Alice could not help but notice how many times the girl used 'I' in her sentences. She knew how to phrase things to make them sound like they were about Alice, but they did not seem to be about Alice at all. If she wanted to be nice to Alice, she would let herself be the bad guy.

And suddenly, Rise made the connection. Alice stopped her work and shook her head, "No." Yet Rise continued on and Alice kept repeating, "No! No, I don't" but Rise was off on her own train of thought, apologizing for this and for that. Alice felt her anger rising up and she kept saying. "Stop it. Rise, shut up." She closed her book and finally slammed her hand on her book, standing up.

She minded her voice, dropping it to a low tone and leaning towards her. "I don't do your potion, alright? I'm researching it so we can think of something better, stock you with it, and send you off somewhere so you can stop burdening my family, alright? We're not going to be friends- you sound desperate. Go make friends with the Huffers who like you for who you are and leave me alone."

She scooped up her books and stalked away.

Rise winced when Alice spoke in a low tone at her, and then walked away. She didn't know what to do! She was so lost... she had felt so much at home with the Longbottoms... they were her friends, her family, and Alice hated her. She knew it wouldn't be progressive to try and talk to Alice, and it appeared that Alice really did just hate her. She knew she shouldn't say anything to Frank, or Neville, she knew it would only cause grief for Alice, so Rise sat there, staring at her book and biting her lower lip. She thought hard about what she could have done, or what she could do in the future about the problem with Alice. If she didn't make friends with her, her mind wouldn't be able to let her be happy with the Longbottoms.

Rise put her head down on her book, and sighed. She wanted to talk to Alice again, try and get her to understand her position, and how much she liked the Longbottoms. Finally though, Rise stood up and half ran after Alice. When she came within ear shot, she stopped. "What do you want me to do? What can I do to help you?" She asked staring at Alice. "I just want to help you... Please? Tell me why you don't like me!" She said hands at her sides, ignoring the stares that a few people were giving her as she strode forward and came up to Alice, staring at the girl she had sort of come to known, and at the same time didn't know anything about.

Alice felt her emotions rise and spill over, a shot of anger electrified her entire body, running through every nerve and igniting the worst in her. Alice could be sweet and gentle and understanding. But she had an imbalance somewhere, and she could not leave things unvoiced, she had to explode, if not she would fall in on herself like a house of cards. She had to say something.

She wheeled around, and bellowed, "LEAVE ME ALONE! THAT'S WHAT I WANT!" It was an honest response. By now, the library had gotten quiet as people stared. "Are you soooo selfish that everybody has to like you?! You wronged me! Let me be upset about it, okay! I would not come into your house, expect care, take away your family, and be mad when you did not think I was perfect, okay!"

People were muttering, mostly that Alice was a lot more of a b!tch than they had assumed. "I don't like you, because you wronged me, and you think you're so much better than me and that I need you to help me. I don't!" The librarian had found Alice by now and was asking her to leave. "So buzz off, alright?" The librarian tried to grab her arm but Alice wrenched it from her grip and stormed off again.

Rise couldn't help but wince as Alice yelled at her. She had not done what Alice thought she had done. In fact, Rise hadn't even wanted to go to the Longbottom's house at first. She had been taken care of, and made to feel loved, and when you were beaten, and lost, and made into a slave for months, feeling a little bit of love felt nice, so Alice had no reason to be yelling at her for that, no reason at all, but Rise knew she did. Rise was being selfish, and she just wanted to help. As Alice rushed out of the library, the entire room stared at Rise, who had small tears in her eyes. She spun around and grabbed her bag again, waved her wand to send the books she had pulled out back to their shelves, and rushed out of the room.

Alice had made a good point, and Rise didn't know what to do about it. But one thing she did know, she couldn't stay there anymore.. she couldn't stay in a place where she was hurting someone like the way she was hurting Alice. She couldn't stay with the Longbottom's if she didn't belong there anymore. It wasn't her home, and she was only kidding herself if thinking she could make her home there, and it was obvious no one else wanted her. Rise couldn't help the tears that came to her eyes, just when she had started to feel liked, and maybe a bit special, the fragile feeling of safety had been shattered, and she didn't know where else to go, she was afraid of running into Alice and seeing that angry stare, wishing she could just understand, wishing she could understand Alice's position in life better or make it somehow better. She just wished she knew what to do.